by Selena Blake
With Teo, she had. Her hopes were sky high. Somewhere in the last three weeks she'd started wishing for him for Christmas. Forget snow.
She sank down onto her second-hand sofa and stared out the window at the cozy town. No snow, just sweet little brick buildings, shivering trees, and an abundance of Christmas decor.
She scurried for the phone when it rang, her heart beating triple time. Her best friend's name flashed across the top of the screen and she sighed, half thankful and half disappointed that it wasn't Teo.
“Hey Bridge,” she greeted.
“How's paradise?” Bridget asked.
Even though they were a thousand miles apart, they kept in touch.
“Not very blissful I'm afraid. I've fallen for him.”
“What's wrong with that? It's about time you found someone. And you know I mean that in the nicest way possible.”
Jill did. They'd known each other for almost twenty years and their fifteen-year-old selves had had everything worked out. How they'd marry, have kids, Jill would open her coffee shop, they'd have cookouts on the weekends, their children would eventually grow up and fall in love. Then she and Bridget would be planning weddings together.
But it hadn't worked out that way. After JackAss had stolen her savings, it'd taken her another six years to save up money for her shop. Jill hadn’t stored a password on her computer since.
Bridget had married, had kids, and moved to San Antonio whereas Jill was still single, had moved to Georgia after high school and was childless.
“I don't see it working out,” she said, even though a future without Teo seemed more bleak. But what did they have in common? “I was so tired from our conversation two nights ago that I was half an hour late opening the shop. I've been a mess all day. Love doesn't agree with me.”
“I don't think that's it,” Bridget said, ever patient.
“Don't get me wrong, he's an amazing guy. But is he going to stick around? No one sticks around.” The Atlantic Ocean hadn’t been the only distance between them this last week. more than once she’d thought that the fling had fizzed and she should just let it be. But then that call two nights ago had made her hope for more.
“I stuck around,” Bridget reminded.
“True. But you're one of a kind.”
Kind of like Teo, Jill’s heart whispered.
“What do you like about him?” Bridget asked.
“We get along so well. We complement each other. He surprises me. He’s so thoughtful and helpful.” He turns me on like a light switch and sends me off like a rocket. He knows my secrets and he doesn’t bat an eye at them.
“And what don't you like?”
Jill frowned. “I—” No one was perfect. “I don't like that he said he'd call me today and he hasn't.”
The silence was glaring. “That's it? Honey, Jamie leaves his socks everywhere. It took me five years to train him to put the toilet seat down. He can't budget worth a damn. And he's too easy on the kids. I hate being bad cop. We all forget to call from time to time.”
“Yeah.”
“Maybe his flight was delayed.”
“I, ugh, I sorta stalked his flight. That's how sad I am. Pathetic, really. I tracked a flight on my phone. They have this app and—”
“I bet his cell battery is dead.”
“You're probably right.”
“What do you think is going on, J? He found a hot French girl and now he's cheating on you?”
“Belgian,” Jill corrected. “And, no.” But now that she mentioned it...
“You don't sound very convincing.”
Jill strode into the bathroom and grabbed a makeup removal wipe and swiped it across her forehead. She was tired of waiting around. She'd turned down a party with a great group of friends and if she wasn't going out, she'd rather be comfortable in bed or on the couch. There had to be a movie playing tonight, right? Twenty-five days of Christmas and all that.
“I don't want to feel like this, Bridge. Anxious, waiting, unsure where we stand. Worried about him. How do you stop worrying about Jamie?”
“He's a grown man. He can take care of himself. It helps that I have a tracker on his cell phone.” Her friend laughed.
Jill sighed and went to work removing her lipstick.
“So if you're not worried about him cheating, what are you worried about?”
“His health?” Jill said with a shrug. “That he's safe and just... all the stuff you normally worry about someone—” you love. She left the words dangling because saying it out loud made it too real.
“I never knew you were such a worry wart.”
“I don't like it,” Jill insisted. She'd been worried all week and she knew she didn't have a reason to. It was silly and irrational and as Bridget had reminded her, Teo was a grown-assed man. A Navy SEAL for goodness sakes. He could probably swim half the Atlantic and live on a deserted island and be perfectly content.
Oh, what was the point of denying the obvious? She, Jillian Moore, was in love. A crazy, reckless emotion, one that she'd craved more than anything and now that she’d found it, it'd totally blindsided her, leaving her weak and helpless.
That was the problem. She hated feeling unsure and helpless. All the memories from when JackAss had stolen her money came swarming back like a hive of angry bees. She had trouble breathing as she remembered the moment her world had come crashing down. The moment she’d realized all her savings was gone.
Gone.
She’d hyperventilated. The world had spun before her eyes. Then she’d puked.
“It'll get better,” Bridget promised. “As soon as you hear his voice you’ll feel better.”
But that was just the beginning. The week-long separation had given her time and distance to think, not just miss him. As much as she worried about him, she worried equally about her heart. Last time she’d become embroiled so quickly, fallen hook line and sinker for a con artist. But this time…
What she felt for Teo was so much more. It’d destroy her if he walked away. She had no idea how she’d come to feel so strongly so quickly. A part of her thought she’d lost her mind.
But it was what it was.
Except…
She could change it.
“You're right. Things will be better because I'm going to turn it off. I'm going to stop worrying about him right now. He can call me when he feels like it. It was only a little fling. I got him out of my system, right?”
“The sex maybe, but you're forgetting something.”
“That I love him? I'll get over it. I've done it before.”
“Oh, honey. You got over Je—I mean, JackAss because you didn't really love him and he certainly didn't love you.”
“Understatement of the century,” she muttered under her breath.
“Don't give up on love, now. Not when you've found it.”
“What makes you think he loves me? He agreed to the fling, remember.”
“So did you. But you fell in love with him. Why couldn't he fall in love with you?”
“I hate it when you make sense,” Jill said, tugging the zipper of her dress down. More than that, she hated being twisted up over a man.
She hated feeling raw, exposed and vulnerable. She hated the idea of getting stomped on again and this time she knew it'd be so much worse. Men didn't stick around in her life. Her father hadn't. Dates didn't like how long it took her to get ready, even if they did like the end result. They liked her for sex but not as a wife. They didn't like her single-minded determination to open her own coffee shop.
She wasn't going to change for any man, but Teo sure did tempt her to try.
11
The next morning, Jill decided it was best to ignore Teo's calls and texts. It’d make the break easier instead of essentially ripping off the bandage. She’d never been a fan of that method.
An early morning text from Teo had only served to confuse her more. He’d apologized for not calling, said he’d suffered jet lag and gone straight to bed rather th
an bother her. But he missed her and hoped to see her before she left for her mom’s house the next day.
How did he manage to sound so sincere in a text message?
Be strong, Jillian. Dad, dates, JackAss.
She repeated the new mantra a few more times and decided to leave for her mother’s house early. She needed a few more days to gather the courage to break things off with him.
Bridge and Tracy both called her a fool for wanting to sever whatever-this-was. An infatuation, definitely. Lust, absolutely. Love…on her side at least. And that’s what terrified her with a bone deep fear. What she felt for Teo was epic. Fast and furious and she wasn’t sure she’d survive if they continued on so wonderfully only to have him never return her feelings.
And she was well aware that if this were a movie or a book she’d be tossing her popcorn at the heroine. Love like this, a man like him didn’t come around every day.
Once in a lifetime if you were lucky.
So here she was, packing her bags and all the while, trying to talk herself out of being in love with Teo Canales.
It wasn’t working.
He texted twice while she was deciding on shoes and once more while she was packing her toiletries.
Deciding that she had to say something, she texted back.
Miss you too. Decided to head to my mom’s early. Talk to you when I get back.
There. That should do it. Honest. Brief.
Crossing her fingers, she prayed that being away from her loft where she saw him everywhere she looked would do the trick. How in the world had he managed to imprint on her space so completely in two short weeks?
It didn’t matter. She’d move if she had to. Whatever it took to move on, get over the paralyzing fear. Somehow she’d work up the nerve to meet him somewhere after Christmas and tell him it was over.
She snorted to herself.
And how’s that going to go? The voice in her head was full of sarcasm today.
“You’re perfection on legs and I’m terrified of losing myself again. I know. I’m batshit crazy and just think, you’re lucky you found out now,” she murmured to herself, as if practicing was going to make that conversation any less painful.
Yeah, that sounds as weak out loud as it does in your head, Jillian.
Three days later Jill realized she'd been kidding herself. She couldn’t stop thinking about him. His voice played like a broken record in her mind. She was handling the whole thing badly, letting fear get the best of her.
Thinking that she could just get away and everything would magically go back to the way it’d been pre-Teo had been silly. Her mom stuffed her with cookies, her sister, Stephanie, gave her the cold shoulder and Jill couldn’t stop wishing that she was back in her loft with Teo.
Then Reya had called to check in. She didn’t mention Teo, rather said she was worried because Jill hadn’t returned her texts.
Jillian was a shitty friend. Plus, she had zero Christmas spirit this year. Yep. She was a vintage dress wearing sack of Bah Humbug.
Her mom had not so subtly tried to set her up with a friend's son, Ralph, during the Christmas Eve party. He’d taken one look at Jill’s cleavage and seemed unable to look at anything else. There was no amount of eggnog that would make him attractive to her. He talked too much, didn’t seem to have a censor, and his hands looked soft. To make matters worse, Stephanie was shooting Jill with eye-daggers. Again. Some things never changed.
Christmas Eve was supposed to be fun, pleasant. They always opened a present before they went to bed. They’d wake up early, snuggle around the Christmas tree then Jill would drive home and spend the afternoon with friends. That was the plan.
After two awkward hours at the Christmas Eve party from hell, Jill made a radical decision.
She shot off a text to Teo.
Missing you. Headed home early. Call me when you get a chance.
It might upset her mom, but she couldn’t stay here a minute longer. Her mom was cuddled up with her new Beau, Stephanie would obviously rather Jill was gone. No one would miss her so she went back to the room she shared with Stephanie (fun times) and packed her stuff.
“Running away? Is Ralph not to your liking?” Stephanie asked from the doorway.
Jill was supremely tired of trying to make nice with such a despondent personality. And the fact that the personality was attached to her own sister was harder to accept. But she'd put up with it since their father had left and dammit, she was a grown-assed woman. She shouldn't have to deal with it anymore.
“Actually, I'm running away from your toxic attitude.” And Ralph.
She might as well have slapped her sister, the way Stephanie's head jerked back indicated she had in a way.
“I don't know what I ever did to you, but I'm tired of being your punching bag. Ralph's all yours.” Jill slung her purse over her shoulder and made her escape, surprised that her sister remained silent.
Jill held back her tears the whole way home. It was the middle of the night when she stumbled up the rickety old stairs to her loft. The porch light illuminated the clouds made by her breath. The evergreen wreath rattled as she shut the door and flipped the lock. She stripped down, not bothering with her hair or makeup, stumbled into bed and let the tears go.
Teo hadn’t called.
And why would he? You’ve given him the cold shoulder for days.
Years’ worth of frustration over her sister's abusive attitude flushed out via her tear ducts. Years of tension over never feeling like she fit in, of struggling to make ends meet, to make her dreams come true poured out of her.
She cried for all the things, the relationships she'd denied herself, the pain over coming so close to her dream once and losing it, of being so stupid to trust a man. She cried because she loved Teo more than she thought she could love a man and she was terrified of the whole situation.
She'd known he was different from the first moment they'd met. She hadn't just been seduced by his good looks and delicious voice, she'd been intrigued by the man and the interest in his eyes.
She loved the way he watched her as she got ready, never complaining about how long it took her to do her hair. She loved the way he surprised her in the bedroom, embraced her tattoos, piercings and love of sex toys. She loved the way he could discuss almost any topic and was always thoughtful and respectful. She loved feeding him, walking with him, hanging out and making love with him. Somewhere in the four months she'd known him, she'd begun to need him, to crave his presence.
Was it any wonder she was so unhappy over being separated from him? Maybe he was the one who’d stick with her, build a life with her. And she was ruining everything!
When Jill woke, her eyelids felt like they were made of sandpaper. She heard an engine rumbling in the distance and wondered who was awake so early on Christmas morning. She squinted at her phone and found it was actually almost nine.
There was no message from Teo. Her heart sank a little deeper.
“Bah humbug,” she whispered.
Her phone beeped and vibrated. She sat up as she read Tracy's message.
Merry Christmas! Be careful when you come back this way. It's snowing!!!
Snowing? It was supposed to be cold today, but she hadn't seen any chance of snow in the forecast. Georgians weren't lucky enough to get a white Christmas.
Nevertheless, her heart beat a little faster and she hopped out of bed, slipped into her favorite robe and threw open the curtains. Sure enough, silver flakes drifted by her window. A layer of white covered the sidewalk below.
She couldn't believe her eyes.
Snow on Christmas.
What were the chances? She stood back and watched the peaceful flakes.
Well, she'd finally gotten her lifelong wish. Too bad she couldn't enjoy it like she would have a year ago. Now she sorely missed Teo. Maybe Reya'd been right and he was crazy about her. But she'd blown him off for days and he probably wouldn't trust her again. Maybe the time apart had made up his mind. Maybe h
e was over their fling.
“Ok, stop with the maybes,” she said to herself.
Jill pressed her face to the cold glass and looked up and down the street she called home.
That was weird. She'd never known snow to stop abruptly but at the corner of Main and Butler it tapered off. She glanced the other way.
“Huh.”
Frowning, she bundled up, grabbed her phone and headed out the door.
Instead of snow she found Teo standing on her staircase, hands tucked in the pockets of his leather jacket.
“Merry Christmas,” he said, his expression completely unreadable.
“Merry Christmas.”
Her heart thudded at the sight of him. He was like her ultimate fantasy come to life.
“I've missed you,” he said, moving up one step.
Had it really been over a week since she'd seen him? It felt like an eternity. Every cell in her body wept with relief. He was here.
“I—” She cut off before the words ‘missed you too’ tangled with ‘love you’ and came out sounding like gibberish.
“Would you like to play in the snow with me?”
Her brows rose.
She glanced around at the same barren landscape she saw every day. There wasn’t a flake in sight. “I don't understand.”
“Come on.” He held out a hand and she took it. He led her down the stairs, around the corner, and onto Main Street. Her boots crunched in the snow and a flake landed on her cheek.
She giggled softly, giddy.
He bent down, scooped up a handful and packed it into a snowball before handing it to her.
“Turns out that Boomer was shooting a snow scene for the movie last week. He was willing to stick around town for a good cause and he’s incredibly good at his job.”
She squeezed the snowball and watched it crumble. Her pulse thumped in her ears.
“I thought he blows stuff up.”
“He’s into all kinds of special effects. Explosions, fog, wind, rain…snow.”