by Rhonda James
“Honestly? I don’t know, Shelbo. I guess maybe I needed a dose of reality.” I shrugged and drained the rest of my beer.
“Sounds like things are going well for the band. That’s great. I mean, isn’t that what you wanted? You’re getting paid to do what you love. You just recorded a freaking EP. Soon, you might even go on the road. Life is good, right? I’m curious. Why would you leave all that and come back here?” She punched me in the arm and laughed when I rubbed at it as if she’d done damage. “This is about a girl, isn’t it?” The look on my face answered her question.
Sometimes it freaked me out how in tune she was to what I had going on inside my head. To be honest, a woman had been the catalyst for me getting on that plane. Watching my best friend fall in love should have made me happy—and it had—but I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t envy the fucker. I loved Tori. Loved how happy she made him. Lord knows Dylan had had a shitty life, and knowing she was the reason for his newfound happiness—his reason for being—gave me mad respect for her. I knew firsthand that life with Dylan—or ‘Sin’ as I’d affectionately dubbed him years ago—could be a little rocky. But I also knew Tori would be there riding those waves with him. That being said, seeing them together made me happy, but it was also a big, fat reminder of everything missing in my own life. I was a healthy twenty-six-year-old who’d had a lot of women, but I’d reached a point in life where I’d grown tired of meaningless sex.
Tori once asked if I believed in love, and I’d answered yes. I might believe in love, but I’d never experienced it. But I had seen it. I saw it four years ago back when Tori had been dating Sin’s dickhead of a brother. God rest his soul. And it was evident again the day Sin had walked into the bar and saw her on stage. I knew they were in love long before they’d been willing to admit it. Despite knowing that, I’d found myself watching them together. A lot. After weeks of self-reflection, I’d come to the conclusion I was jealous. What kind of friend was jealous of their best friend’s happiness?
An asshole. That’s who.
“Does she know you’re in town?” The ‘she’ Shelby was referring to was one of my oldest friends and happened to be the same girl whose bed I’d frequented more often than not over the last few years. I didn’t bother correcting her. I figured it was better she didn’t know all the twisted shit going on inside my head.
After years of failed relationships, Melody and I had long ago come to an agreement over a round of tequila shots. We’d be each other’s casual fuck until one of us met someone. For years, Sin had given me shit about it, told me I should finally admit she was my girlfriend, but as much as I’d wanted to take the easy route, I didn’t hold romantic feelings for Melody, and I was pretty sure she felt the same way. We were merely friends who’d seen each other naked. On multiple occasions. Was it horrible I couldn’t tell you the exact color of her nipples? Or that I had no idea whether she had any distinguishing marks on her body? Just thinking those things answered my own question. I really was an asshole. Melody deserved more. We both did.
“Nope,” I answered, popping the ‘p’ as our gazes connected over my bottle of beer. “It’s not what you’re thinking.”
“Oh, really?” She snorted. “Why don’t you tell me what I’m thinking?”
“You think I’m here because I’m in love with Melody, but nothing could be further from the truth.”
Shelby’s jaw dropped, and she arched a perfectly plucked brow. “Very interesting considering how committed you two have been these last few years.”
“We’re not committed,” I seethed.
“So, you’ve just been committed to fucking each other’s brains out?”
That time my jaw dropped. “Damn, girl. You kiss your Mama with that filthy mouth?”
“Hey, you’ve kissed her with your skank mouth, so I’d say we’re even on that one,” she retorted with a roll of her eyes.
“Girl… I can’t even…” I shook my head and laughed. “Someone needs to wash out your mouth.”
“Well, Wooby.” A smile appeared as she tipped her head to where my car was parked. “Are you gonna go see her?”
My shoulder rose and fell, and I released a heavy sigh, knowing I’d probably end up on her doorstep tonight. “I suppose I should stop by and say hello.”
“Yeah, nothing says hello like being nailed up against the wall.” She leaped from her chair and dashed toward the patio door. Unfortunately for her, I moved faster, and my arm circled her waist, and before she knew it, we both plunged into the deep end of our parents’ pool. When we surfaced, her arms were flailing, and she was laughing her ass off, trying unsuccessfully to untangle herself from my octopus-like grasp.
“Told you someone needed to wash out your mouth.” I gave her another shove and made my escape before she could catch me.
Later that night, after eating my weight in chicken ’n dumplings, I found myself sitting in my car outside Melody’s apartment, at war with myself. One head told me I should put the car in gear and keep driving while the other did its best to remind me of all the reasons I should get out of the car and knock on her door. The way I’d always done. A night in Melody’s bed could be exactly what I needed to knock some sense into me. Despite knowing that, I hadn’t made a move to exit the vehicle.
It wasn’t that I didn’t like Melody. I liked her just fine. Maybe a small part of me did love her; I wasn’t really sure. She was beautiful and sexy in bed, and nothing seemed to please her more than taking care of me. We’d been friends so long I’d almost forgotten how we’d met. We’d been close back in high school, and had even experimented with kissing way back then, but nothing ever came of it until one fateful night three years ago after she’d broken up with her boyfriend. Even back then I’d known what we were doing was temporary. Hell, we’d both known it, yet we continued because after a while, it became habit to turn to each other when the loneliness set in—which it always did. I’d roll into town and knock on her door, and she’d always answer. Even tonight, I knew I could walk up unannounced, and she’d welcome me into her bed with open arms. It was just the way things worked between us. In my heart I think we both knew it should have ended long before now, but it just seemed easier to ignore the obvious and continue fooling ourselves that neither of us needed more.
There was a light on in her bedroom, and I wondered if she was in there, thinking about me. Time ticked by, yet my hands never left the steering wheel. It would be so easy to go upstairs and get lost in her softness. To fall back on what was comfortable rather than finding something new. Something more meaningful.
Then a car pulled up to her building, and a man got out and went around to the passenger side. The woman got out of the car, and they walked arm in arm to the door, but they didn’t stop there. She invited him inside. I saw them pass through the stairwell, and then they entered her apartment.
It took a few minutes for my brain to fully register what had just happened, but when it finally clicked, my stomach felt as if I’d just swallowed battery acid. Melody had another man in her life. A man she hadn’t told me about. Through the window I saw him lean in for a kiss, and when she pulled away, she wore a smile that pierced through my heart. Melody was happy—maybe even in love—with someone else. I should be happy for her, right?
You’d think so, but I was an asshole. Remember?
Fuck my life.
CHAPTER 3
SOPHIE
I was in the bathroom getting ready to go out when the text from Dani came through.
Dani: Have you seen this?
A link appeared in our chat thread, and I clicked on it. There was no way I could have prepared myself for what came next.
Tears welled in my eyes, threatening to smudge my freshly applied mascara, and my grip on the dresser tightened when I stared at the photo of Gavin and his latest conquest.
It appeared the photographer had caught them leaving a popular L.A. eatery. They’d been in the middle of an embrace, and the caption beneath the loving cou
ple read Gavin Rexroth thinks Clarissa Thorne may be The One.
This wasn’t the first time I’d come across a photo of Gavin with another piece of arm candy. Since our breakup a year ago, he’d been spotted with no less than six women, three of them A-List celebrities. It wasn’t so much the image as the caption that had me reeling. When we were together, I’d given him everything. What was it this girl had that I didn’t? More importantly, why hadn’t I been enough to be The One? My heart ached thinking about the secret I’d been keeping. I hadn’t told anyone. Not even Tori. I knew what he’d said the night we broke up, but if he had known, would that have changed things between us? Why, after all this time, did it still hurt so much?
Dani: I’m so sorry. Here if you want to talk.
“Sophie, be a dear and help me in the kitchen,” Mama called from downstairs.
In a huff, I threw the phone on the counter, wishing I could erase what I’d just seen.
“Coming, Mama.” I ran to the bathroom and checked for evidence of tears. I loved Mama, but I didn’t think I could endure her barrage of questions. As far as she knew, I was over Gavin and had moved on with my life. And I had. But that notification had caught me by surprise. I wanted to be the one to find love first. A year had passed, but I had yet to find a man who made me as happy as when I was with Gavin.
Let go, fool. He’s obviously moved on, and it’s time you did the same.
I found her at the counter, up to her elbows in a bowl, and when she saw me, she lifted a meat-covered finger and pointed to the pantry.
“Can you grab another bag of breadcrumbs? And while you’re at it, I forgot the parmesan cheese in the fridge, right side in the door.”
I placed the ingredients on the counter and popped a sugared pecan into my mouth. “Why didn’t you just call a caterer?”
“Would you mind measuring out a cup of those? My hands are a mess.” She sighed and brushed her forehead with the back of her wrist. “I suppose I could have called and ordered from Guido’s, but you know cooking relaxes me.”
Setting the breadcrumbs aside, I opened the cheese and waited for the nod to pour it in. “Wait. Does this mean Daddy’s coming home?”
I’d been home for nearly a week but had yet to see my dad. Momma said he was out west at a medical convention, but I was hoping he’d come home soon because I really needed to talk to him.
From the time I was a little girl, Daddy had always encouraged me to follow my dreams of becoming an actress. He’d called after every audition. Come to the opening of every play. Supported me emotionally and financially. These past few months hadn’t been easy, and I’d started to question whether this dream was even worth pursuing. I didn’t want to give up, but I also didn’t want to look back ten years from now and wish I had done things differently.
Mama drew in a deep breath and let it out before mustering a smile. “No, sweetheart, your father probably won’t be back until next week. He’s mentoring at a hospital in San Diego.”
My heart sank, knowing I would be long gone before his return.
“If you’re not cooking for Daddy, then who’s all this for?” I waved my arm over the spread she was putting together.
“Oh, just a few friends. Thought I would take advantage of my time alone and have a girls’ night. You’re welcome to join us, if you like,” Mama offered, though the look on her face clearly indicated she hoped I would decline.
Feigning disappointment, I shook my head. “Sorry, Mama. I was thinking I would head out and see if I can run into some old friends. I’ll grab something while I’m out.”
I was secretly hoping I wouldn’t run into anyone, but I wasn’t about to open that old wound because Mama would want to therapize me about how I needed to get over old hurts and move forward. Easier said than done when you hadn’t had meaningful sex since the guy you screwed on national television dumped you and broke your heart.
“Aw, honey. I know it’s hard coming back here and not having Tori to run around with. You two were always thick as thieves. Why, just last month, Priscilla was going on about Tori’s new beau. Sounds like this boy could be the one, though I find it a bit disturbing that he was Michael’s brother.”
“Half-brother,” I corrected. “And that ended up not being true, so…”
“Still, it was juicy enough to make the ladies at church gossip like a pack of wolves. Poor Priscilla’s nerves were so shot she spent a week on the sofa, strung out on Valium after Mary Marshall got through running her damn mouth.” Mama shook her head as she placed the first tray of meatballs in the oven.
“Seriously? Those women need to pull their snotty noses out of everyone else’s lives and focus on keeping their husbands happy. I have it on good authority Mary Marshall’s husband spends his lunch hour with a blonde riding his dick. In case you haven’t noticed, Mary is a redhead.” My arched brow nearly touched my hairline, thus validating my statement.
“Sophie Rose! Watch your mouth, young lady,” Mama scolded.
“What?” I feigned innocence.
“I think you’ve been in New York far too long.” Mama sighed and swatted at my hand when I tried stealing a handful of pecans. “I need those for my dessert.”
“I’m heading out. Don’t wait up.” I waggled my brows and gave her a peck on the cheek.
“Be careful! And for heaven’s sake, use protection. I’m too young to be a grandmother!” Her sigh traveled all the way into the living room, reaching my ears before I made my exit.
Shaking my head, I called out, “Yes, Mama,” before closing the door.
Growing up, I had always been close to Mama. I knew I could go to her with anything, and she would listen without passing judgment. But no matter how close we were, sex had always been a topic we’d skirted around. She’d made sure I was on the pill by the time I was sixteen—though at the time I didn’t have the heart to admit I’d already lost my virginity—and she’d made it a habit to check in with me monthly, just to be sure I was ‘being safe’. Things had changed after the ‘Gavin incident.’ My being older might have had something to do with it, but watching your daughter get busy on national television had opened a giant door for conversation. Needless to say, things were very open between us these days. Daddy, however, claimed if he ever laid eyes on Gavin, he’d knock his damn head off.
____________________________
Denny’s Corvette Lounge was a bar located outside the county line. Far enough out of the way that you might run into someone you knew, but more than likely you could step inside and be anonymous. After high school, this bar had become a favorite of mine. With my fake ID, I would come and dance the night away. Guys would buy me drinks, and for a night, I would get wasted and pretend I was someone else. Then again, I’d been pretending my entire life.
Pretending I didn’t care what others thought.
Pretending I wasn’t terrified I’d never make it as an actress.
Pretending I hadn’t been hurt every time I saw Gavin posing with a new girlfriend on TMZ.
It was safe to say with the week I’d had, a night of pretending sounded pretty damn appealing.
The twang of country music filled my ears the moment I stepped through the familiar doors, and right away I felt relaxed. I might live in the city, but I was a country girl at heart, and country music was my jam. I wound my way through the crowd, surveying the many faces around me as I went, but thankfully I didn’t see anyone I recognized. While part of me liked the idea of seeing a familiar face, another enjoyed the idea of anonymity. I’d grown weary of meeting people only to look in their eyes and catch the flicker of recognition. Their eyes would narrow, and their mouths would gape. What followed would inevitably be a string of questions I’d grown tired of answering—especially the one where they asked why things hadn’t worked out with Gavin.
I hated that one most.
It took a minute, but the bartender finally came to take my order. “What’ll it be?”
Falling back on old habits, I ordered a seven
and seven, but when he reached for the glass, I remembered that’s what Sophie had ordered when she’d been with Gavin. This was the new and improved Sophie, and that Sophie felt like getting wasted. “On second thought, make that a double shot of whiskey with a lime twist.”
The first shot went down surprisingly easily. So easily I motioned for another, placed a twenty on the bar, and told him to keep the change. There was a woman seated at the opposite end of the bar who looked an awful lot like Gavin’s new honey. Just thinking about her pissed me off, and I hated that it bothered me so damn much.
“Fuck you and your stupid arm candy.”
“Are you talking to me?” asked the sultry, southern voice seated beside me.
Umm. Had I said that out loud?
“Oops.” Embarrassed, I covered my mouth and giggled. Refusing to make eye contact, I spoke into my hand. “You weren’t supposed to hear that.”
Laughter rumbled to my right, prickling the hair on my forearms and neck. “Too late, darlin’.”
Gah! His voice, deep and rich like honey, was one I could listen to all day, every day, and never grow tired of. I was born and raised in the South. A country boy with a southern twang was something I’d been accustomed to my whole life. But I’d been living in New York the last four years, and country boys were few and far between. I hadn’t realized how much I’d loved coming home until the sound of his voice reminded me what I’d been missing.
I hung my head and covered my face entirely with both hands. “God, I’m so embarrassed.”
“Don’t be. Although, I must say, you’re awfully cute when you’re embarrassed. At least from what I can see of you.” He leaned forward, trying to catch a peek of my now scarlet face, and chuckled when I refused to lower my hands. “Tell me something, Tiny. Whose ass do I need to beat for making that pretty mouth utter such filthy words?”