by Rhonda James
By the time we made it home, the silence between us had stretched on for so long I began to think he’d changed his mind about taking things to the next step. In the hall outside our bedrooms, I whispered good night and placed a hand on my door, fully prepared to go inside and spend the rest of the night tossing and turning, wondering exactly what I’d done wrong.
Then he came up behind me, resting his forehead on the door and caging me in with his long arms and muscular chest. I could smell his cologne and outdoorsy fragrance mixed with a hint of sweat. The length of his erection molded against the crack of my ass, removing any doubt I had about whether he still wanted me.
“I’m not entirely sure what just happened, but I’m sorry about giving you the silent treatment. It wasn’t because I’ve suddenly changed my mind about us. I still want this. I still want you. I was just… I was thinking about your first day here. The look I saw in your eyes when you thought I was capable of hurting you that way. I’ve had a little trouble shaking that memory from my mind.”
I heard the sound of his throat working as he swallowed.
The ragged sounds of his breath against my ear.
The need in his voice.
My behavior had been awful that day, and I wished for everything I could take those words back.
“I need you to know that no matter what happens, I will never intentionally do anything to hurt or harm you. Christ, aggressive women are usually a huge turnoff for me, but there’s something about you that I find endearing. Captivating even. Maybe it’s your vulnerability that gets to me. Maybe it scares the shit out of me. I don’t know. All I know is from the moment I wake up till the time I lay my head on my pillow, you’re all I think about. When we’re apart, I wonder what you’re doing. When I see you across the room, I wonder what you’re thinking. I wonder what you dream of at night. Wonder if you dream of me as much as I dream of you. ’Cause I do dream about you. Every. Single. Fucking. Night.”
My heart was in my throat as I listened to him pour out his heart. A man I barely knew baring his soul to me. I wanted to turn around and shout at the top of my lungs. Tell him how much he consumed me. How badly I longed for him. How I dreamed of falling asleep in the comfort of his strong arms. That it was his lips I wanted to kiss before I closed my eyes at night and his face to be the first thing I saw when I opened them the next morning. That for better or worse was something I’d be willing to brave so long as he was by my side facing it with me.
But I was frozen. Terrified to speak the words he wanted to hear. Knowing if I did, they had the potential of shattering us both.
“Please,” he rasped in my ear. “Say something. Tell me I’m not crazy. Tell me I’m not imagining whatever this is that’s happening between us.”
The desperation in his voice was what finally broke me.
“You’re not imagining it. I’ve always wanted you, but now I don’t think ‘want’ is a strong enough word. I need you, Hawk. I need to feel the warmth of your body pressed against me. I crave your touch and your kiss. I want to know everything there is to know about you, but I also need you to promise me that I won’t lose your friendship if we go through with this. I need that promise because as much as I need you… I need your friendship more.”
“That’s just it, Sophie, it’s not just about the sex. I want to be your lover and your friend. But if a promise is what you need, then I can give you that.”
I turned and clawed at the front of his shirt with my hands, confessing, “I want that, too,” a second before his mouth descended upon mine.
I allowed myself to get lost in the slow glide of his tongue as he carried me to his room, placed me in the center of his bed, and then slowly began to peel away my clothes until I was spread before him wearing only my bra and panties.
He took in my full measure, smiling as he knelt between my legs and eased the panties down my thighs. “So goddamn beautiful.”
My toes curled, and my fingers grasped at the sheets in anticipation of what was to come.
One swipe of his tongue, and I knew we could never go back to the way we were before.
Hawk was prepared to give all of himself to me.
I knew I’d be crazy not to offer myself in return.
Once he’d finished pleasuring me, he slowly crawled his way up my boneless and sated body and placed a timid kiss on my lips.
“Is this okay?” he asked before attempting a second kiss.
“I love kissing you, so it’s very okay.”
“I was just checking.” We kissed again and this time, I slipped my tongue inside, seeking the warmth of his mouth. “I know some women aren’t into tasting their own arousal.”
“Clearly, I’m not one of those women,” I answered before going back for another taste. “I need to tell you something.” Sadness gnawed at the pit of my stomach as he waited for me to continue. I reached between us and buried my hands in the softness of his hair, knowing the act would calm me. “I have to fly to L.A. for an audition.”
“When?”
“Two days.”
He sighed and rested his forehead between my breasts, lips delicately grazing my sternum. “How long will you be gone?” The heat of his breath warmed my already sensitive skin.
“A day, three tops.”
“Need a ride to the airport?” he murmured before closing his lips around one pebbled nipple. I shivered, feeling the brush of his tongue through the lace of my best Victoria’s Secret bra.
I squirmed under his lavish strokes, finding it hard to focus. “Y-yeah, that would be great. Is it okay to tell you that I’ll miss you?”
“You’re allowed to miss me, baby. Actually, I was kinda hoping you would because that means you’ll hurry back to me.”
“That’s true. I can’t run the risk of leaving my husband alone with all those crazy groupies,” I teased playfully, which made him chuckle against my prickled flesh.
As quickly as he’d started laughing, he lifted his head, bracing himself on his forearms as he gazed down with absolute tenderness in his eyes.
“Stay with me.” His command was guttural. Needy. Then his brow knotted, wrinkling his forehead in a way that made me think he regretted saying that. Then he backpedaled, “This doesn’t have to be about sex; in fact, I don’t think we’re ready.”
“We’re not?”
He chuckled softly and cupped my face in his right hand. “No, sweetheart, not yet. I haven’t finished my wooing.”
“Ah, yes, I do love the way you woo,” I answered with a kiss.
“I just want to be reminded of how good it feels to fall asleep with you in my arms.”
What surprised me most was not what he said but rather how his words made me feel. Before now, I hadn’t been able to stop wondering when we would finally give in and have sex. Tonight, he’d given me a glimpse of the way it could be between us. His actions made it clear that when we finally took that step, it wouldn’t be just a casual fuck for either of us. In a few short weeks, Hawk had shown me the kind of man I deserved. The kind of man he was.
The kind of man I could fall in love with.
“Hawk.” His name was a whisper on my lips, soft but equally full of need. I raised up on one elbow and pressed my lips to his. “I’d love nothing more.”
With that done, he settled behind me, my back to his front, and wrapped one arm protectively around me.
“Tiny?”
“Yeah?”
“I’ll miss you, too,” he admitted quietly.
My heart melted, and I gave his hand a squeeze, not to convey how much his admission meant to me but out of fear if I didn’t hold on to something, I might float away.
Dear God, please don’t let my heart get broken again.
CHAPTER 19
HAWK
The house was unusually quiet for a Tuesday afternoon. Since Sophie had taken off for L.A. yesterday morning, and I had no idea where the guys were, I decided to take advantage of the quiet and call my mom to bring her up to speed on e
verything happening with Sophie. Of course, Shelby had already heard about it a few weeks ago, but I hadn’t spoken with her since. Since she followed me on social media, I was pretty sure she’d already put two and two together and assumed Sophie and I had reconnected. What surprised me was that she hadn’t called to give me shit about it.
“Well, well, a little bird told me that congratulations are in order,” Mama teased in greeting.
“Hi, Mama, I see Shelby’s been running her mouth again,” I grimaced.
“At least one of my children sees fit to keep me up on family gossip. Really, Jared, if you’re going to go out and get yourself married, the least you could do was call your poor mama. Do you have any idea how mortified I was to hear about it from that busybody Mary Marshall? She showed me pictures and everything!”
“Now, Mama, I’m sure Shelby told you I’m not actually married. This was all a staged event. I’m just helping out a friend,” I clarified.
“A pretty friend at that,” Mama harrumphed, and I couldn’t help laughing. “So?”
“So?” I mimicked, still chuckling.
“Jared Ryan Hawkins, don’t you make me come down there and put you over my knee,” Mama threatened.
“Alright, I’ll tell you everything. Her name is Sophie, and we pretended to be married just to piss off an old boyfriend of hers.”
“Boy, you’re not too old to go over my knee,” she said in warning.
“Sorry, Mama. What do you want to know?”
“Everything. I want to know how you two met and what she’s like, and after that I want to know when I’m going to meet her.”
I spent the next thirty minutes giving her all the details. Well, some details I kept to myself, but by the time I was finished, I could hear her sniffling on the other end of the line.
“You gonna be okay?”
“Oh, don’t mind me. I just love hearing you sound so happy. I always wondered when you’d meet the girl you were going to marry. Sounds to me like this Sophie could be the one.”
“Whoa, we’re not there yet. I told you, this is all an act. I know the minute Hollywood calls, she will disappear from my life.”
Mama went quiet, and I wished for everything I could be a fly on her kitchen wall just to see the look on her face. “I see. Are you prepared for how much that’s gonna hurt?”
“Where are you going with this?” I asked hesitantly.
“The way you talk about her makes it sound like this girl is more than just a fun time. I just hope you know what you’re doing, that’s all,” she stated in her best ‘Mom’ voice. “I can’t stand the thought of my baby boy hurting.”
Do I know what I’m doing?
Do I care about getting hurt?
Guess I’d find out soon enough.
I was about to say something when I heard the slamming of their screen door, followed quickly by Shelby’s greeting. “Hey, Mama, who you on the phone with?”
“Jared.” Mama’s reply was followed by the shuffling of the phone as she handed it off to my sister.
“What’s up, Wooby? You’re still coming this Friday, right?”
I groaned at her incessant nagging. “I texted you the other day and told you I’d be there, didn’t I?”
“Sure, but that was before married life took over your life. I wasn’t sure you’d have time for us common folk what with all the snapping of photos and social media frenzy you two are caught up in.”
Frenzy?
“What the fuck are you talking about? What frenzy?”
“When was the last time you checked Facebook?”
“Two or three weeks. Why? You know I don’t keep up with that shit. I only have it because Sin insisted we build ‘presence’. Whatever the fuck that means.”
“Somehow I don’t think that’s going to be a problem. Your timeline is blown up with everyone congratulating you. Seems your name has finally been leaked,” she said in a tone that suggested maybe Sophie had gone behind my back and sold me out.
“Oh, that. No big deal. I already knew about it.”
I hadn’t been on my page to see the comments, but I’d been the one to make the call to put my name out there. What did I have to hide? The entire plan had been that the more real we made this arrangement appear, the more likely she was to get an offer. The thought of her leaving anytime soon wasn’t ideal, but the fact remained we had never talked about anything beyond this… whatever this was. If this time was all we had, I planned to ride it out and make the most of it.
“Is she coming with you this weekend?” Shelby pried.
Shit. I hadn’t even thought to ask her. Meeting my entire family? Would she be up for that? Given Sophie’s penchant for running, meeting all three of my sisters at once could be a recipe for disaster that would have her packing her bags and catching the first flight back to New York or L.A., or worse, out of the fucking country.
To say my sisters were a little protective of me would be a gross understatement, but that’s how we were raised.
“Absolutely. I wouldn’t dream of coming without her.”
Fuck.
“Excellent.” Shelby dragged out the word. “Can’t wait to meet her. Toodles,” she trilled before ending the call.
Poor Sophie. What the hell was I thinking? There was no getting around it. I would just have to warn her and pray my sisters showed some mercy.
I spent the rest of the afternoon in the garage tinkering around on the Camaro, changing the oil and detailing the interior. I went to dinner with the guys and then spent the rest of the evening in my room working on a song Sin had given me the other day. Sitting on the bed with my guitar in hand, pencil between my teeth, I stared at the lyrics he’d scrawled on a piece of paper and thought of Sophie.
Where was she?
Who was she with?
What was she doing?
Wishing she could be what I was holding in my bed instead of my trusty Gibson. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my guitars, but if I had to choose between them or a beautiful, warm-blooded female, I’d choose Sophie every time.
That’s how I knew I had it bad for this girl. No one had ever come between me and my music before. The music had always come first. But tonight, my head wasn’t in it.
It was on her.
Me: Hey. Not sure what you’re doing. Just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you.
Hours later, I was in bed half asleep when I heard the phone ringing. I rolled over and picked it up, figuring it was Shelby calling to give me more shit, but I was surprised to see it was Sophie.
“Hey, Tiny,” I answered groggily.
“Oh, my gosh, I woke you. I’m so sorry.”
I yawned and rubbed a hand over my face, sitting up in bed. “Don’t worry about it. I wanted to hear your voice anyway. How’d the audition go?”
“I think I nailed it. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they called to offer me the part.”
I could hear the excitement in her voice, and it was hard to not share her enthusiasm. This audition could be the catalyst for amazing things in her acting career. She should be happy.
“That’s awesome, babe. I’m really proud of you.”
I truly meant that.
“Thank you.”
“Since I’ve got you on the phone, I wanted to ask you something, but I don’t expect you to say yes, unless you want to, of course, but if you don’t, then that’s okay, too,” I rambled like a fucking idiot.
“Hawk, just ask me already.”
“How would you feel about joining me in Mount Pleasant this weekend? It’s my parents’ anniversary, and they’re throwing a party. My sisters will be there, and I just thought it would be cool if we went together.”
She hesitated to respond, “Meeting your family… That’s a little intimidating.”
“It’s okay, really—”
“But I’d be honored to go with you,” she finished.
“I should warn you. My sisters can be a little intimidating.”
She la
ughed. “I spent forty days shacked up with a house full of bitches. I think I can handle a weekend with your sisters.”
I heard a door open and close, her breathing into the phone, and then the sound of something clanging. The noise was so loud I had to pull the phone away from my ear.
“What the hell is that noise?” I grumbled.
“Oops, I was just getting some ice. One sec, and I’ll be back in my room.”
Some guy called out, “Wassup, Sophie?” and she responded with a flirty, “Hey, Brandon,” before I heard the sound of her door latching closed.
“Someone you know?” I was shooting for casual, but I was pretty sure I came across sounding jealous as fuck.
“Not really. We sat next to one another in the bar last night and came to find out his room is right across the hall from mine. Weird, right?”
“Pretty fucking convenient,” I mumbled and kicked away the comforter, feeling like a pathetic loser for being tucked in bed at one in the morning while Sophie was out meeting dudes in hotel lobbies and shacking up next to them.
“Hawk, what’s going on? Are you mad at me about something?” she asked quietly.
Yes.
“No, I’m not mad. I’m just feeling sorry for myself,” I admitted begrudgingly.
“Aww, why are you feeling sorry for yourself?”
“Let’s see… You’re in L.A. living it up, and I’m over here alone in bed. You know what, never mind. Forget I said anything,” I groaned, then put a finger to my temple and pulled the imaginary trigger.
“Uh huh, I see. Would it help if I told you I’d prefer to be there with you in your bed? Because that is exactly where I want to be right now. L.A. is cool and all, but it would be so much cooler if you were here with me.”
“So… what were you planning on doing with that bucket of ice? You got people coming over or something?”
“Nope, I was just going to make myself a drink and curl up in bed,” she purred.
“Bed? It’s still early there.”
“Maybe so, but there’s this really hot guy I know, and right now, he’s alone in his bed, so I got to thinking that if I got in mine, we would both be in bed. We’d be together but not actually together.” She started giggling, and the sound rippled off every muscle in my body, making my dick twitch. “Did any of that make sense?”