Finding My Pack

by Lane Whitt

  Last night, when she came down those steps, looking like she did....I had nearly feinted. She could have rivaled any princess in my day. It wasn't just the dress, it was also how she blushed so prettily when my brothers complimented her and told them to thank Logan. I chuckle at the thought. She has no idea how beautiful she is, that only endears me to her more. It saddened my heart when the rest of them surrounded her, touching her and showing her their affections. My wolf had begged me to join in, the need for closeness and touch from my pack almost unbearable. But I couldn't, I had hurt her and I wasn't deserving.

  We had gathered outside of Reed's suite, seeing if Kitten could heal the wounds inside of him. If she couldn't, we were going to be there for him. It is what we do for each other. Kitten's tale of her friendship with that lady of the night had affected us all, but Reed took it hardest. I suppose it's because he saw her drawing and we didn't. I had nearly bit my tongue in half when he had told her he loved her. It's just like Reed to jump in head first though. But when she had started telling him about her life before she came here....what she did to survive, the people she met, and what they did to her....anger I have never seen the likes of, shot through me.

  The amount of humans that did that child wrong was astronomical. She only mentioned a few that stood out to her, but a child on the street is visible to many. Once she turned into a young woman, I know that her beauty did not go unnoticed, but she didn't mention any of that. Probably best, considering her known audience. When she explained how she forgave those people, how she all but defended them, I thought the girl might be a few crayons short of a box. That is, until she explained that each of those people and experiences made her who she is. She was so right about that, and that's true for all of us isn't it? This young woman had a rough start in life, something that can turn the strongest of men into vile creatures, and here she is.... a sweet, caring, forgiving little thing, capable of giving so much love, not hardened by her circumstances one bit. If anything, I think it made her want to save the world, not dream of its destruction like I would have had I lived like her.

  I knew then that Reed was right, no one was deserving of her. Least of all me, as hard as that thought was. I know I'm a catch. I have money, good looks, proper manners and all of the best things money can buy. Not to mention my skills at pleasing females. But with all of that...I can't hold a candle to her, a girl with a flag and a torn bear to her name. She said it was her choice who she let in and I vowed to make her see me. Not the spoiled and condescending man that I have become, but the man that deserves her, the man I want to be.

  I was just going through the motions with her gift at that point. I had thought wooing a girl with nothing was going to be a piece of cake. Her reaction to the bear had made that clear to me. Remington had made it clear to get in her good graces and I said I would, but it was more for my family than for her. After that night though, I knew I had to do something truly special, give her something she deserved, nothing but the best. Not the best in my eyes, but in hers. Putting myself in her shoes has been the hardest damn task there ever was, and I can only hope she likes it.

  "Remington, I've been thinking about what you said earlier. I need more time with her, and I'd like to start today. Is there any way that I can escort Kitten to her work?" I all but beg. I know there's a schedule for this, but it's just another thing I have been left out of.

  "I think that's an excellent idea Mr. Rotherstone, I'll inform Finn of the change in plans. Go bring your car around for her. I expect you to be on your best behavior with her Jace, another incident between the two of you could put you at odds with her permanently." Remington replies in his commanding tone. Sure, no pressure or anything buddy.

  "I will be." I state, making my way to the garage. I didn't know if he'd go for it but I'm excited at the thought of time with the enchanting Miss Kitten. The idea came to me out of nowhere and I knew I had to hurry and ask before she left. It was my idea to see her off to work each day and be in the drive when she returned. The suggestion had made my brothers happy with me and that was my goal at the time. Now however, it's the only time I get to see her, and has become what I look forward to. I need to hurry and get to breakfast, so she knows I care.

  I wonder if I am good today, if she will come to my suite and kiss me good night as well. Or maybe even spend the night with me?

  Chapter 24

  Kitten

  I rush through my breakfast, putting my eggs and a sausage patty between my toasts and forming a sandwich. I took too long in the shower and am pressed for time now. I explained to the boys that it's not my fault that the water pressure in Tristan's shower feels so good.

  Kellan laughs. "I'll add that to the list of Kitten logic's." I grunt at him, I don't have time to talk.

  "Aww... look at her, she's so cute when she stuffs her face. Isn't she cute Tristan?" Logan teases me. I open my mouth, showing him my half chewed food. See if he thinks that's cute.

  "Still adorable sweetie, nice try though." Tristan says.

  "Mouth closed Miss Kitten. I'll let you kick them later for their teasing. Young ladies should not stoop to their level." I really want to do it again, just to see what he says but he speaks again, making me lose my train of thought. "Or maybe I should just have Mr. Rotherstone, remind you of proper table manners." He adds, making me roll my eyes. I hate that he saw me watching Jace eat that time.

  "Have me do what?" Jace says, looking a little out of breath. Did he run here?

  "Oh nothing, I was just telling Miss Kitten here, of your impeccable table manners." Remy says.

  Jace looks confused as he grabs an apple from the fruit bowl. "Oh, well yes. In my day, proper etiquette was part of the curriculum. More important to the Ton than even arithmetic and literature." Jace states proudly.

  I swallow my food down. "That's kind of sad Jace. I'd rather be able to count than to know how to eat soup without slurping." The guys all laugh, including Jace but his face does tint a nice shade of pink.

  "I agree with you there, Kitten. It's just the way things were back then." He says. I nod, I know that. "So...are you about ready to go? I wouldn't want you to be late on my day as your escort."

  I blink at him. Seriously? I turn my attention to Remy. "You're not forcing him are you? If everyone else is busy, I can just go by myself." I hear Jace wince, but Remy's gruff voice keeps my focus on him.

  "Everyone else is not busy. Mr. Rotherstone asked to go with you, I would not force anyone to do something they did not want to do." Remy face is as hard as stone and I realize I said something wrong.

  "Okay, I'm sorry." I say to him. Turning my head to look at Jace, I ask. "Why would you ask to come with me?" His face falls, but he recovers quickly.

  "Why don't we discuss this on the ride in, hmm?" He walks to the doorway, waiting on me. I wipe my mouth with a napkin, then go around the room, kissing my boys on the cheeks goodbye, and telling Tristan thank you.

  When I reach Jace, he takes my hand and places it at the crook of his arm, his hand covering mine. When we get to the front door, he has me pause as he opens it with flourish. He holds my hand down the steps and opens the flashy yellow car door with the same flourish. He's acting so weird.

  I watch as he moves with grace and poise around the hood of the car to hop in the driver’s seat. Once in, he reaches over and straps me in. Seriously, something is going on and I don't know what it is. Did he get in trouble with the other guys or something? Is that why he volunteered to take me to work?

  "You can just drop me off when we get there. I'm sure you have other things you'd rather do then hang out with me all day." I tell him.

  He makes a face. "Is that what you think, Kitten?" He asks.

  "Well, it's pretty obvious that you don't like me. I know you got the gifts because the others wanted you to show you were sorry." Does he think I don't the real reason behind those things?

  Jace sighs. "It's true. I did get those things for you because the others wanted me to make it up to y
ou. I also thought it was sad that you never had a candy bar. Chocolate is God's gift to humanity and everyone should have access to it." I nod again. I feel the same.

  "But that doesn't mean I don't like you. I saw you as a threat to my family at first. I see now that you're not, isn't a man allowed to change his opinion when new facts are brought to light?" He asks.

  That sounds reasonable so I nod again. "So what does that mean exactly?"

  "What it means Dearest Kitten, is that I'm sorry. More than I could ever tell you. I would like to start over, you and me. I would like for you to get to know me, and for I, you. Do think that's a possibility?" He sounds sincere, but is he sorry he hurt me, or sorry because of the fallout?

  I take a deep breath. "Honestly, Jace, even if I got to know you, and you, me...I'm not sure how well we could understand each other. I've met people like you before, people so wrapped up in their world that they can't see past it. I don't know what I could possibly offer someone like you. Or what you could offer someone like me either. We don't care about the same things. Not at all. I get that you need to be somewhat close to me because of your brothers, but you don't have to try to be as close to me as they are. We can be....whatever we are, and everyone can still be happy."

  Jace's whole body is stiff, his face a hard mask. "So that's it then? I make one mistake and you can't see to forgive me?"

  "I've already forgiven you Jace, I don't hold on to ill feelings. I just don't want you to pretend to care about me if you don't mean it. If I let you in like I've let the others in...and you..." I trail off. It would devastate me. If I come to find out later it was all a lie, it could affect my relationships with the rest of them. I don't know if I could handle that kind of hurt.

  Jace relaxes into his seat, a small smile lifting his lips. "So you're saying that you're scared." It's a statement, not a question.

  "Yeah, I guess that's what I'm saying."

  "Well, it seems we finally found common ground then, Kitten. I'm scared too. In my entire lifetime, I've never had to put myself out there, I've never wanted to. For you....I'm willing to do that. Not because of my brothers, but because I think you're worth it."

  Huh, and here I thought he thought of me as worthless. He runs a hand through his hair, messing up his perfectly placed locks. "All I'm asking for Kitten, is a second chance. I don't expect you to trust me at my word, I'll show you that I mean it, that I care for you. I'll earn your trust. I'll prove to you that I'm deserving."

  It looks like he's getting frustrated. I am too. I hate the space that's between us, I just don't know how to close the gap without getting hurt in the process. "Alright." I finally say.

  Jace's head snaps around, his golden eyes sparkling. "Alright what?"

  I roll my eyes at him. He needs me to say it? "Alright, I agree to give you a chance. We can get to know each other. I'm not making any promises on what the outcome will be, I just agree that we should try to be friends."

  His perfect smile is a thing to behold. "That's all I ask. So...where do we start?"

  I laugh out loud. "How am I supposed to know?"

  He chews his lip in thought. "Right, why don't we start with the 'not understanding each other' part. What don't you understand about me?"

  That's a loaded question if I ever heard one. "Okay, here's a question. Do you really like this car, or do you only like it because other people want it and can't afford it?"

  He looks appalled. "What? You don't like my car?" He asks, not answering my question.

  "I didn't say that. I don't know how I feel about having at least two cars that will I die if I drive, around, but it's a very pretty car and I like yellow. Now answer my question."

  Jace's face looks a mix of shock and confusion. "I'll answer your question but first, tell me what you mean about 'two cars that if you drive, you'll die'."

  Ugh! Fine. "Logan said that if he taught me to drive his car, he'd have to kill me. Your car looks as nice as his so I assumed that it too, was a werewolf only car." I answer.

  I can see that he's struggling to hold back laughter. "That's just an expression Kitten, there is no such thing as 'werewolf only' cars. I just think he meant to stress his love of his vehicle. Logan doesn't let anyone drive his car."

  Oh, that makes way more sense. Why didn't he just say that though? "But to answer your question...” Jace continues. "..I would say both. I DO like this car, it's shapely and fast and has a smooth ride. On the other hand, I do like receiving appreciative looks from others, because of this car."

  "Okay, but why is it so important to you what other people think about what you drive?" I ask.

  "I don't know why it's important. I like standing out, I like when people assume I'm doing something better than them, or ARE better than them." He replies.

  Oh, I see the problem now. This, I can actually relate to. "Who said that you don't stand out without all the shiny stuff Jace? Who says that you need money to be 'better' than other people?"

  Jace stares out the windshield, not answering me. I turn my attention out the window, watching the scenery. When he parks the car, I unbuckle myself and go to open the door. "Everyone says that." I hear him whisper behind me.

  I shift around until I can see him again. He's slumped in his seat, his eyes cast down to the steering wheel. "Maybe that's true Jace. Maybe most people think that being rich and always getting everything you want makes you better somehow, happier even. But you tell me Jace, are they right? You have everything you've ever wanted, you can buy anything that catches your eye, but what's the most important thing you've ever had in your life? The one thing you would die to keep?" I'm making assumptions here, but I don't think I'm wrong.

  He takes no time to answer. "My family. My family is the only thing I'd die to keep."

  I want to smile but keep my face in check. "And how much did it cost you to join them? How much money did Remy charge you for him to take you in, to make you part of his pack?"

  "Not a damn cent." He answers, looking at me with a lazy smile. "You're very smart for your age, you know that Kitten?"

  I shake my head. "No, not smart, just competitive. I totally won that argument." I wink at him. Jace bursts into laughter, holding his tummy.

  "You certainly did Kitten. You certainly did." He mumbles. Getting out of the car, he strides to my door and opens it for me, helping me out. "I'm so happy I got to escort you today pretty girl, you taught me a lesson in thirty minutes that I should have learned decades ago."

  I place my hand at the crook of his arm before he can put it there himself. "I didn't teach you anything Jace, the facts were already there. I just helped you come to the correct conclusion. I think if you'd stop worrying about what everyone else thought of you, you'd see that you can be special and stand out, no matter what you did."

  "You really think so huh?" He asks.

  "I know so Jace. You just have to see it yourself before others will start believing it."

  ........

  I had a group of foster kids today. They weren't really interested in skating so I kept the lesson short and let the free skate take over early. Mikey was here with this group of mixed age kids and I was surprised, to say the least. I guess the state finally took him away from his father. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I guess I'm happy that he's not being hurt anymore, but as a girl with no parents herself, I know what it's like to feel alone in the world. Parents are supposed to look out for you and when they don't....it hurts more than any bruise or broken bone ever could.

  I had tried to hide my annoyance when Kaitlynn had walked in, mid-lesson, and I saw her do a double-take at Jace. He was dutifully stationed at the opening to the ice, leaning against the side of the glass. If I didn't know any better, he was taking mental notes on how to skate. As she approached him, she tugged her top down, nearly spilling out of it.

  When he turned his head and smiled at her, I felt my heart shatter, and my blood burn. I had turned away from the nauseating sight instantly. Of course she would be Ja
ce's type. Jace is just like Adam, willing to look past her blackened soul and mean spirit, concentrating on how her body looks in too tight clothing. To each their own, I try to tell myself. I don't know why it hurts so badly anyway, I already have seven amazing guys who want me, do I really need Jace to want me too? No, I tell myself. I definitely don't need Jace. If he could want someone like her, the complete opposite of me, then I don't want anything to do with him anyway. I could never be like her. I wonder what's wrong with me to make him not want me though.

  I shut down those useless thoughts. I don't know what's come over me, making me have such dark thoughts about myself, making me jealous of Kaitlynn. Oh! That's what this feeling is, jealousy. Damn Jace and his bastard self, making me feel things I don't want.