Saddled On The Cowboy

by Amanda Heartley

  “Okay, so a middle-aged guy with eyebrows is a pervert, and an old guy with a beard is okay?” I interrupted. I glanced sideways for a second and saw her looking at me intently, her eyes narrowing like she was about to kill me.

  “You’re not getting it, are ya, country boy?” she said with a small smile. “I had a live bee down my bra, dude! Imagine for a minute you had a bee down your shorts. In a situation like that, there is no time for too much thinking. What was I supposed to do? Run background checks on everyone around me before I asked them to help? Hmm?”

  She paused, as if waiting for my answer, but all I could do was open my mouth and try to form a sentence. It seemed like I’d pressed her buttons and she was turning out to be quite the feisty lady. A side of her I hadn’t seen before, but I had to admit, I really liked it.

  “I… uh… I…” I was lost for words and just shrugged my shoulders, not wanting to rile her up anymore.

  “No,” she continued without waiting for my reply. She seemed to be on a roll and I didn’t want to get in her way. “I used my woman’s intuition and chose the closest person who I thought was the least likely to molest me. Now, get with the program and my predicament,” she said, half-exasperated, but still smiling… thank God.

  “Okay, okay. Sorry I asked,” I said in a conciliatory tone, taking my hands off the wheel for a second and holding them up in surrender.

  She pulled herself back into me and gave my arm a tight squeeze. “I’m only playing with you, Calvin. I’m not the kind of girl to be hollering at her man. Now, do you want to hear how the story panned out, or are you going to keep flapping your lips all day?” she said, then burst out laughing at her irony. God, I loved to hear her laugh… and I loved being around her.

  “Um, sure. I’ll keep quiet, ma’am,” I said, tipping my hat.

  “Oh, don’t you ever keep quiet,” she whispered. “I love hearing you speak with that sexy southern drawl of yours… especially in the bedroom,” she winked, squeezing my thigh.

  “No, ma’am,” I tipped my hat again in mock deference. “Now, about the ending to the story?”

  “Oh, right. Yeah, well I sidled nervously over to the news stand, petrified I’d get stung at any minute. Luckily, there were no other customers there and all I could do was point furiously at my cleavage, totally wide-eyed, and whisper, ‘Bee!’ The guy raised his head and looked at me like I was insane, so I had to repeat myself with a little more detail. I said a little louder, ‘There’s a bee in my bra, can you help me get it out?’”

  Well, the guys eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, then he looked nervously up and down the street before he guided me away from public stare and under cover inside his stand. There, he put on his glasses that had the thickest lenses I’d ever seen in my life and said, ‘May I look?’ I just nodded, wanting that sucker out of there, then he slowly pulled the neck of my blouse toward him and peered inside, looking left and right. Then he let it go and pulled my sweater the same way. I remember rolling my eyes, staring at his ceiling and thinking I’d die of embarrassment. Lord knows what anyone would’ve thought if they’d poked their head around the corner at that moment. It was like Professor Frink meets high school cheerleader. Very weird and definitely not erotic.”

  “The dirty, lucky bastard,” I chuckled.

  “No, he was the perfect gentleman, actually. He didn’t look overly long or feel me up at all. He asked me to stay perfectly still then carefully slid his hand inside my sweater and pulled it out with the bee crawling on his finger. It spread its wings, flew out the door and the drama was over. So anyway, to cut a long story short, because of that frightening incident, me and bees—well, bugs in general—we don’t get along.”

  “That was cutting a long story short?” I looked at her quizzically for a moment. “If that was a guy telling it, it would probably go something like, ‘A bee flew down my shirt. Someone got it out. The End.” She slapped my arm again, and we both laughed. “So, getting back to you and your dad’s plans for crops and those pesky bees, does he know about any of that stuff?”

  “He knows some. He’s done a lot of research about running ranches and farms, and he knows how most people rely on imported food, but he thinks there’s a market for local farms to provide healthy, organic food as well. Some folks will only buy organic, anyway, and you never know what could happen. Foreign crop failures, global warming or, forbid the thought, wars could mean these local ranches supplying their communities. Dad’s decided he wants to make fresh honey and either sell or rent bees to farmers for natural pollination of their crops. He’s set on the idea and I think it would be a great learning opportunity for the kids as well, so they can understand sustainability and the importance of bees to the eco system,” she explained.

  It seemed well thought out to fill a niche, and the plan sounded a good one. There weren’t a lot of beekeepers in the area and it would be a sustainable business if he didn’t commercialize. I was very impressed with what they’d come up with.

  “That’s a really good idea, and I’d be glad to help in any way I can. Now, are you going to be okay in New York all on your own?” I asked sincerely.

  She looked up at me and laughed.

  “Well, I only left New York about two weeks ago, so I’m pretty sure my friends will still remember me and, hopefully, still like me. I don’t think I’ve lost any of my street savvy… yet,” she said with a snide little smile.

  “You never know. New York’s a big city, and then there’s King Kong and Godzilla to worry about,” I teased, trying to hide the fact I was really going to miss her.

  “I’m not staying at the Biltmore Hotel. King Kong wouldn’t think of going there again anyway since it turned out so badly for his last time and um… it was gutted. It’s a Bank of America now,” she joked.

  “Where are you staying?” Somehow, I needed to know where she was going to be.

  “I’m staying at the Wythe Hotel near Brooklyn. It’s a cool place.”

  “I’ve heard of it,” I let slip.

  “You have?” She seemed too shocked to say any more.

  “I… have.” I decided not to go deeper, so I changed the subject. “I’m gonna miss you.” I was being stupid crazy, but I needed her to know she meant something to me—something more than just a casual fling.

  “It’s only been less than a week,” she said. “You’re not going to miss me when you get back to your ranch.”

  Truthfully, I was kind of expecting her to dismiss my heartfelt comment and brush off what the last few days had been for us. Maybe she felt something, too, and it was just her way of coping with our impending separation.

  “It feels like longer,” I confessed. “In a good way.”

  “It does,” she said, looking down as if she was deep in thought then suddenly, she sat bolt upright in her seat and leaned back against the passenger door. “Well, why don’t you join me in New York and I can show you around my town,” she said, excitedly. “God knows, I need to visit Victoria’s Secret and buy their entire stock of panties before I come back to Texas,” she said with a huge grin on her face.

  While on the face of it, it seemed a reckless idea, it was also an exciting one. I felt her watching me intently while I drove as if she could see me seriously considering the idea. I found it a little unnerving that she could read my mind and push my buttons after such a short time of knowing me, but she never let up the pressure and started to hard sell the crazy concept to the emotional side of my brain.

  “You could buy a ticket. I don’t think the flight is sold out, and we could buy you some proper city clothes when we get there. We can’t have you walking around the place like Crocodile Dundee just rode into town,” she enthused.

  “Crocodile Dundee? He’s Australian,” I replied. I needed more time to think this over, so I kept the conversation going.

  “Right, but he wears a hat and boots just like yours. Us city folk aren’t used to seeing cowboys in town—apart from the one in the Village People—but
everyone knows Crocodile Dundee,” she joked.

  “Well, I don’t know—” I started.

  “Oh, come on, Calvin, it’ll be fun,” she interrupted. “You took me on a wild adventure and now it’s time for me to take you on one. Say yes. Live a little, be wild and spontaneous, you’re only young once… and any other cliché that comes to mind. It’ll be expensive, but you have a whole alfalfa field… and I can help with money if you need any. Come on,” she said, her eyes sparkling with excitement. Then she leaned forward and grabbed my arm with both hands, tugging it back and forth like a petulant child having a tantrum, but all with that naughty, sexy smile on her face.

  I had to admit, it was a thrilling prospect and a totally off-the-wall crazy idea, yet, infinitely do-able. I could have my foreman handle the ranch alone for a few days, and I had more money than I could use in a lifetime, so there really was nothing to stop me.

  Lainey still didn’t know I was a multi-millionaire, and she had no idea I was a big business tycoon in a prior life. The tingle of excitement this outrageous trip gave me was way more inspiring than the idea of going back to the ranch to work as usual and wait out the time Lainey was gone from my life.

  What piqued my interest most was the idea of sharing Lainey’s New York with her. I’d shown her my ranch and the land I loved, but it would be amazing to see New York through her eyes. I’d lived there on and off with my ex-wife, but her version of the city was empty and self-absorbed with her love of the most expensive restaurants and the most influential people. Despite all that was wrong with the idea, the more I considered it, the more my heart said I should do it—and that’s what I said.

  “Yes, okay.” I looked at her intently, unsure of the consequences my decision might bring.

  “Are you serious?” she asked, disbelieving what she’d just heard, her eyes as big as saucers.

  “I think so. It’s totally insane and completely irresponsible, but I can’t think of a solid reason not to go,” I confessed.

  “Oh my god, this is amazing,” she squealed, an eardrum-shattering squeak that left my ears ringing for a moment. She put her hands to her face and bounced up and down in her seat like a kid. It made my heart melt to see her so happy.

  “I don’t know, but if you do that again, I may be too deaf to join you,” I said, playfully rubbing my ears.

  “Oh, sorry. It’s just that I’m so excited you’re actually coming with me, I could pee myself, but I’ll be okay in a minute,” she whispered, the big smile never leaving her face.

  “Do you think your dad will be okay? I’ll have my foreman check in on him every day,” I suggested.

  “Dad’s gonna be fine, and I forgot to tell you, I think your friend, Lindsay, has stopped over a couple of times while we’ve been out riding. Dad mentioned it casually this morning, and I know the two of them are going to have lunch together tomorrow.”

  “Oh, really?” I said, raising my eyebrows in genuine surprise. I never saw that one coming, but secretly, I was glad that the two of them were hitting it off. I didn’t want to be called over for any more plumbing jobs. “Well, I hope she’ll be gentle with him,” I chuckled. God, does the poor man know what he’s letting himself in for? She’ll literally eat him alive.

  “What do you mean?” she quizzed.

  “Oh, nothin’. She’s a good friend… and a good woman too. Just hope he can handle her,” I replied with a smile.

  “You don’t mean… yes, you do, don’t you?” she said.

  “I’m not saying anything. I think it’s great your father is making friends,” I said with a wry smile.

  “Lindsay? And my dad? You’re not serious? Oh my god! I hadn’t thought about them in that way. Thanks for grossing me out, Calvin!” she said, holding her head in her hands. “Things a daughter shouldn’t know… or even think about… ever!”

  “Maybe they’re just going to have lunch and get to know each other,” I suggested to try to calm things down, but I figured it was too late. I’d said too much already.

  “Like we got to know each other better?” she said, her hands still covering her face.

  Oh, shit. That’s when I realized I should have stopped talking minutes before. It was time to back-pedal... fast. “No, I’m sure it’s nothing like that. C’mon, stop thinking about it and think about where you’re going to take me in New York instead or you’ll give yourself nightmares. I’m sure he’ll be missing you already.”

  She sat upright in her seat again and looked at the road ahead. “Well, he does seem pretty excited about everything he has planned. His beekeeping stuff, making new… friends,” she said, turning to me with those darn air quotes again, just to remind me what an idiot I’d just been. “I don’t think he’ll miss me at all. In fact, this morning he was like ‘Bye, honey, have fun. I’ll Skype you in a few days.’ which kind of had a ‘Bye, honey. Now, get out of here so I can live my new life.’ sort of vibe to it,” she laughed. Phew, I was out of the woods now she had that beautiful smile going on again.

  “Great, well we should call him and let him know what we’re planning to do.” Lainey was old enough to make her own decisions, but the old school gentleman in me still felt the need to get her father’s permission. I didn’t want him thinking either of us were disrespecting him by doing anything underhand. I valued his trust, and I wanted to make sure there were no surprises.

  “Sure, he’ll be thrilled. But I’m thrilled more,” she said, leaning over and kissing me on the cheek. She grabbed her cell phone and called him. As she predicted, he was excited and happy that she had someone to accompany her on her trip. He didn’t like the idea of her being alone. Surprisingly, he didn’t think our unplanned trip was strange at all and recalled a story to both of us when Lainey put him on speakerphone...

  “I remember doing a similar thing with your mom before we were married. She was going to travel to upstate New York for a conference at a big fancy hotel. I couldn’t bear the idea of her going alone, and I hated being away from her, so I tagged along. Well I met her at the hotel with a huge bouquet. She was so surprised, but overjoyed, to see me there. A year later, I bought a ring and proposed at the same hotel. She made me the happiest man alive when she said yes,” he said as he recalled the story.

  “Ahh, that’s so sweet. I remember you telling me that when I was a little girl, Dad. So spontaneous and fun. We have to see if we can get him a ticket first, and if we do, we’ll call you when we get to New York,” she said.

  “Okay, kiddo. Have a good time… and look after my princess, Calvin,” he said before he hung up.

  And that was it, I was potentially on my way to New York. We parked up at the airport and when we got to the ticket counter, I asked her if she wouldn’t mind getting us some coffee. If we were going to do this crazy thing, I wanted it to be a fun surprise. I bought a First-Class ticket for myself and had her ticket upgraded to First Class, as well. I wanted to make the trip as magical and memorable as possible.

  I then called the Wythe hotel and booked us a top floor loft with a view of Manhattan and got us reservations at an exclusive restaurant nearby. I hoped it wasn’t overkill. I didn’t want to come across as showing off, but I was so looking forward to having this short vacation with Lainey. Not only would it be sexy and exciting, but also a great way to get to know her life in the Big Apple a little better. When she returned, I tried to hide the excitement that was surely showing on my face.

  “Were you able to get us two seats together?” she asked, handing me my coffee.

  “Kinda,” I replied. “Best I could get was window and aisle. Same row, though. That ok?”

  “Oh… um… yeah, I guess. If that’s all they have.” She stuck out her bottom lip in a fake pout and looked a little disappointed. “Here’s your triple espresso, by the way” she said, handing me the coffee. “What ya planning on doing, cowboy? Staying up all night?” She looked at me with a sexy smirk, her disappointment gone.

  “I sure hope so,” I grinned back.


  We sat and drank our coffee and decided to buy me a suitcase and clothes once we got to New York. I called my overseer and arranged for him to take care of the house and ranch for a week, then I called Lindsay to give her the heads-up that Lainey and I would be out of town.

  I asked her to keep an eye on Lainey’s dad, which she said she’d already been doing, completely unknown to us. She promised to look after him and said he was a pleasure to talk to and that she really enjoyed his company.

  Everything felt great. We were ready for a fun adventure but as soon as our flight started boarding, Lainey became a little concerned when we joined the other First-Class passengers.

  “Um, I don’t think they’ve called our row yet, Calvin. Do you want to check the tickets? I thought I was in 16A.” She seemed a little nervous as she shuffled into the short line of fliers carrying their Louis Vuitton bags and toy dog breeds in designer soft-sided cages.

  “No, we’re cool.” I flashed her a playful smile.

  She threw me the side eye, and I thought I was about to catch lip from her when we started moving down the corridor to our destination and I handed the tickets to the flight attendant.

  “Good afternoon, your seats are right here. Seats 1A and 1B,” she said as she waved her arm toward the voluminous leather seats that screamed luxury. “An attendant will be with you as soon as the other passengers have boarded,” she added.

  Lainey’s mouth dropped open. She was at a loss for words and I smiled smugly as we walked to our seats at the front of the plane.

  “Are you crazy?” she whispered. “These seats have to be like, thousands of dollars each! My ticket was for coach, and I thought you said we had a window and an aisle seat,” she hissed, trying not to attract attention. She was a mixture of annoyed and elated.

  “Well, we do, don’t we? Here we are. You have the window and I have the aisle,” I said with a grin. “Don’t worry about it, I have the money,” I shared coolly as we took our seats.

  I could see she was practically on the verge of tears when she said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound angry or ungrateful or anything. Really, this is the most wonderful surprise, Calvin. Thank you so much. I… I don’t know what to say. I’ve never been in First Class before. This is so much fun,” then she took my arm in hers and kissed me.