by Lisa Edward
Jason’s fingertips were between his teeth as he listened. “What did you say?” he asked, totally drawn into the saga of my life.
“I told him no, of course, I’m engaged to Riley.”
He sat back in his chair and studied me for the longest time. “Do you want to be engaged to Riley?” he finally asked.
And there was the million-dollar question. I took a deep breath and exhaled, puffing out my cheeks.
“I do love Riley, but I know it’s too soon to be engaged. I just couldn’t turn down his proposal when I knew he was going away. He needed to know I would be here, waiting for him. It was the least I could do. But there are still so many things we don’t know about each other. I’m scared that by the time he comes back, the short time we have had together will just be a distant memory.”
Jason was nodding.
“Cole said something the other night that I can’t stop thinking about. He said that I shouldn’t close myself off. He said I could miss out on the chance of being with someone who’s right for me, while I’m waiting for Mr Wrong to return.”
“So what are you going to do?”
Yet another good question—one that I didn’t have a clear answer to.
“I’m going to keep hanging out with Cole, as a friend.” I shrugged. “I can’t do anything with Cole while I’m engaged, no matter how tempting he is. I’ve never cheated on anyone. It’s just not in my nature.”
“So tell me this, Little Miss. If you weren’t engaged to Riley, would you be sneaking into Cole’s room at night?”
Sitting back, I thought about it for a full minute. Then I shook my head. “No, I don’t think I would. I don’t think I could just sleep with him casually, knowing that he’s still sleeping with other girls. It’s all or nothing for me.”
Jason smiled knowingly. “Well there’s your answer, then. Riley or no Riley, you need to tell Cole you can only ever just be friends—without the benefits.”
I was happy with that conclusion, until Jason threw in a curve ball. “Unless he’s willing to stop sleeping around and only be with you.”
I called Cole when I got back to work, to let him know I would cook dinner for all of us before heading into Songbirds for work that evening.
Kelli had felt nauseous for most of the day, and as much as I enjoyed Cole’s cooking, I knew she needed something a little bland. She also needed more carbohydrates to settle her stomach.
I cooked pasta, and Kelli ate her bowlful in record time, and then went back for seconds. Her appetite when she wasn’t feeling ill was ravenous. Cole watched her scrape every last morsel from her bowl with an amused look on his face.
I got up to clear the table.
“Watch your fingers, babe, she might still be hungry,” he joked as I collected Kelli’s bowl.
She scowled at him. “At least I know I wouldn’t catch any diseases from Tara’s hands, unlike someone else at this table.”
“I’d wear a full body condom before I let that acid tongue of yours near any part of me,” Cole shot back.
“As if I’d want my tongue touching you,” Kelli retorted.
“Enough you two, you’re both being ridiculous! No one’s tongue is touching anybody, so quit it.”
I was growing tired of having to break up their little digs at each other. It was only day two of a six day stay with Cole, and it was wearing me down.
I’d gotten changed, and was ready to leave for Songbirds.
“Are you coming in tonight?” I asked Cole.
He always came to the bar when I played, but he didn’t seem to be getting ready.
He looked at me, then at Kelli. “Are you going?” he asked Kelli.
She shook her head. I knew why she didn’t want to go to the bar. Besides the fact that she couldn’t drink and would have to lie to our friends about it, she was also dog-tired all the time.
Cole looked relieved. He jumped up and grabbed my hand, making sure Kelli saw that he had done so. Then, just for good measure, he laced his fingers with mine and kissed my hand. “Okay then, let’s go.”
We walked hand-in-hand to Songbirds, the easy conversation flowing as it always did. Cole then took up his usual perch on a stool at the bar, and watched with a relaxed smile as I played and sang the songs he had heard so many times before.
AFTER GETTING changed for bed, I stuck my head into Kelli’s room to say goodnight. She was laying on her back, mouth half-open, snoring her head off. Smiling, I went in and pulled the quilt up over her to tuck her in.
She had so much to deal with right now. Not only was Cooper away, but she was pregnant, and trying to work out when to get married. Ideally she wanted to be married before the baby was born. But Cooper would be gone until November, which meant she would already be seven months pregnant by the time he came home.
I knew she would work it all out, but neither scenario was ideal. She would either be very pregnant in all her wedding photos, or an unmarried mother for a short while after the baby was born. I didn’t envy her position, and wished I could tell Cole so he would back off a bit.
Going back into my room, I sat on the edge of the bed. I hadn’t heard Cole go past, and I wondered if last night was a once-off. Should I just get into bed and get some sleep?
I argued with myself, before messing up the covers to make it look like the bed had been slept in, and heading out to the living room.
Cole was already laying on the couch. “I was wondering if you were going to show up,” he said in a hushed voice, as he shuffled over to make room.
I went over to the couch, and sat perched on the edge. Nervous butterflies were going crazy in my stomach.
“So, what’s your excuse tonight?” I asked.
Even in the half-light of the lamp, I could see the green of his eyes. I could get lost in those eyes if I allowed myself. They were hypnotic.
“I wanted to hold you again, but I promised the bulldog I wouldn’t go into your room. The couch seems to be a loophole in the arrangement.”
I couldn’t help smiling at him. “So what made you think I would want to be held again?”
“I didn’t know for sure. I just hoped.”
My heart did that little skip thing that it quite often did when I was around Cole. I could feel myself being drawn to him, just a little bit more every day. He was like a giant magnet that somehow pulled you closer and closer to him.
He was dressed in just boxer shorts again, and the dim light was reflecting off his body, accentuating the peaks and valleys of his chest and stomach.
Putting my hand on his stomach, I absentmindedly traced the muscles in his six-pack. He shivered, but remained perfectly still. He was holding his breath as I made my way back up to his chest.
My eyes were still glued to his body as my hand shifted to his arm, and the intricate tattoo. “You know we can only ever just be friends,” I finally managed to mumble. Even to my ears, it didn’t sound very convincing.
“I know that that’s all you want,” he replied softly. “But can you tell me why?”
I forced myself to close my eyes, and lift my hand from his warm skin. When I couldn’t see him or feel him, my head cleared a little.
“Because I made a promise to Riley that I would wait for him.”
He went to interrupt, but I put my finger to his lips to stop him. “Regardless of what happens between Riley and me when he gets back, we have to give it a proper chance. I’m not going to break up with him while he’s away, and I’m not going to cheat on him, either.”
Besides, you could never commit to only being with me and no one else, I thought but didn’t say. This was about me and how I felt about Riley, not about Cole’s inability to be what I would need him to be.
He nodded, and gave me a half smile. “Okay, I get it. Despite what I said to you the other day, you’re going to lock yourself away emotionally, put yourself on the shelf, and wait. Do you want me to back off, to go back to my room and leave you alone?”
No, no, no! That wasn�
�t what I wanted. Deep down, what I really wanted was for him to fight for me, to tell me he could change and be the man I wanted him to be. That he couldn’t live without me, and would never give up.
But that was just a pipe dream, and I guess, in the end, it was for the better. This way I could be confident that sticking by Riley was the right option, the only option. If Cole was to fight for me, I don’t think it would take much to sway me, and I would never be able to live with the guilt of betraying Riley.
I kept my inner struggle to myself, and instead just shook my head.
“No, I don’t want you to back off or go to your room, I love what we have. But I can’t do any more than what we’ve been doing, either. We need to set boundaries that we are both happy with. Can we do that?”
“I’d be happy with the boundary that we got naked together every night,” he said with a cheeky grin. “But I guess that would be overstepping your boundaries.”
I laughed. “Every night? Gee, knowing your rules, it would be one night, and then you would never talk to me again.”
He leaned up on one elbow so he could reach me and pulled me down beside him. “You still don’t get it, do you? You’re not a one-night stand, babe.”
He rolled me onto my side, and then cuddled up behind me. I could feel the length of his body pressing up against my back. I pushed back against him, trying to melt into him.
We got comfortable and Cole turned off the lamp, plunging the room into darkness.
“Cole?” I whispered.
“Yes, babe?” His deep gravelly voice and hot breath were in my ear, and it sent shivers down my spine. I had to stop for a moment to steady myself.
“I could never share you with other girls. You know that, don’t you?”
“I know, and you wouldn’t have to.”
What?
I rolled over to face him. Even though I couldn’t see him in the dark, I hoped I could sense his honesty.
“Would you be able to give up your lifestyle? I mean, how many girls have you slept with this month, or even this week?”
“None. I figured if you can go without, then so can I.”
That revelation shook me to my core, and I was glad I was laying down, as my knees suddenly felt weak.
“Babe, I mean, Cole.” I had to check myself. It was becoming too easy to slide into that familiarity. “I don’t want you to change for me, because I can’t give you what you want.” This was a turn around. “I’m not going to cheat on Riley with you.”
He kissed me on the forehead, holding his lips to my skin just long enough to turn a friendly peck into a longing kiss.
“Don’t worry about me, babe. I’ll be fine.”
We woke to the sound of Kelli vomiting in the bathroom. Luckily for us, she had gone straight in there, and not come out to the lounge room.
Cole was still pressed hard behind me—and when I say hard, I mean hard.
I tried to loosen the grip of his arm around me and shimmy away, but he pulled me back towards him.
“Good morning, beautiful girl,” he growled into my hair. “Is this overstepping the boundaries?” He pushed his hips forward, and chuckled.
I shot up off the couch. “Yes, it most definitely is,” I berated him good-humouredly.
He sat up lazily, and I put my hand over my eyes to block the view. “I’m sorry, but what do you expect? I haven’t had sex in over a week, and I was pressed up against you all night.”
Leaving my hand over my eyes, I cheekily opened my fingers to peek through. He leaned forward and grabbed hold of my free hand, pulling me onto his lap.
“You wouldn’t like to help a friend out would you?” he said seductively.
I slapped him on the chest, and moved off his lap to sit beside him. “Boundaries, Cole. That was definitely crossing one.”
He gave me a cheeky look. I realised then and there that he had no intention of setting any boundaries. He would continue to push, and I would have to continue to push back.
“By the way.” He raked his fingers through his messy hair. “How long has Kelli been pregnant?”
“Wha … what?” I mumbled. “Pregnant?”
He half smiled, and shook his head at me. “She’s chucking her guts up as we speak. She’s not drinking alcohol, she’s eating me out of house and home, and she’s even more moody than usual. I’m no expert, but to me that spells ‘bun in the oven’.”
I leaned back against the cushions and had a sneaky look down. Thank goodness. All this talk about Kelli was having a negative effect on his morning erection.
“I’m so glad you know. I hate having to lie and make excuses.” I quickly sat back up, and turned to face him. “You can’t tell her you know, though, she hasn’t told anyone yet. I don’t even know if Cooper knows.”
Suddenly, I had a nauseating thought. I wondered how many little buns with emerald green eyes Cole had popped into someone’s oven. I looked up at him.
“Tara, I don’t have any kids, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’ve told you before I always use protection.”
I shook my head. “I wasn’t thinking that.”
How did he know?
“Really? Because your face went deathly white, and you had that look that you get when a really nasty thought has just entered your mind.”
“What look do I get?”
“You know, that look that says ‘oh, fuck’. Your eyes go all big, and you start grinding your teeth.”
I relaxed my jaw. My teeth had been clenched. I couldn’t believe he could read my facial expressions, though. It was scary to think he knew me that well.
He smirked, and patted my knee. “Don’t worry, I can’t read your mind yet—although I wish I could—just your face and body language.”
“Are you sure about not having any kids? You don’t want some bimbo you’ve slept with trying to get her claws into you or your money.”
He smiled reassuringly. “Yes, I’m sure. Now, what can I do for Kelli?”
I quickly filled him in on everything I knew. She couldn’t stomach the smell of coffee. She could only eat very plain foods, and Saltine crackers seemed to help settle her queasiness. For breakfast she liked bran flakes, without any added fruit or nuts.
But the main thing was, no stress.
He rolled his eyes at that one, but nodded in agreement.
AND SO every night was the same, with one exception. Cole curbed his acid tongue that he had been directing at Kelli, and started taking her condition into consideration when it was his turn to cook. In turn, Kelli started being less of a bulldog. She even thanked him when she saw that he had stocked up on Saltine crackers and plain bran flakes.
Each night we would have a pleasant dinner, and then sit around talking, playing music, or go to Songbirds. Cole stopped opening bottles of wine over dinner so Kelli wouldn’t have to decline all the time, and even stopped brewing coffee, which was miraculous, considering there was usually always a pot on the go.
Then we would pretend to go to bed but sneak out to the couch, where we would cuddle and talk in hushed voices into the early hours of the morning.
We seemed to do our best talking during this time. Laying in the dark with no one else around, we felt comfortable enough to open up about our demons.
One of my demons was my family, and in particular, my mother.
“So, tell me about your parents,” Cole had prompted one night.
Sighing, I struggled to find the right words. “Where do I start,” I said quietly.
He ran his fingertips up and down my arm, giving me goose bumps. “Wherever you feel comfortable. Are you close to them?”
“I’m close to my dad, although he was away a lot when I was growing up. My mother is another story.” Frowning into the darkness, I tried to gather my thoughts.
“My mother grew up being given every material possession, but I think she really just wanted some attention from my grandfather. He died when I was very young but from what I’ve been told, he was quite col
d and distant. Anyway, Grandpa was a successful lawyer and hired a promising young intern, fresh out of law school.”
“I take it the intern was your dad, he’s a lawyer, right?”
“Yep. Dad went through university on a scholarship. He comes from a working class Irish family, but he’s really smart and Grandpa saw that.”
Cole was still tickling up and down my arm and I snuggled in closer to him.
“From what I can piece together, my mother initially only dated my dad to upset my grandpa. What she didn’t realise was that Grandpa was really impressed by him. I don’t think she was expecting to fall in love with him either, but she did.”
I was absentmindedly tracing the peaks and valleys of Cole’s abs as I spoke. Every now and then I would brush past a ticklish spot and he would shiver, making me smile.
“Of course they married and had me, then not long after, Grandpa died. He had given my parents the house they live in as a wedding present, and left them equal partnership in the law firm in his will.”
“So your dad owns the law firm?”
“He does. After Grandpa died it all went to my parents and dad has worked really hard to expand into the global market. He has eight offices in four countries across Asia and hires a few hundred people.”
“That’s impressive,” Cole commented.
I smiled, yes it was. I was really proud of my dad.
“But it all started with my mother, and she has never let my dad forget it. Even to this day, she still treats my father like he owes her, and unfortunately, he lets her.”
Telling Cole about my family felt like lifting a huge weight from my shoulders. It was something I’d never really spoken about to anyone, it just wasn’t the right thing to do.
I told Cole about my trust fund, and that I would get the second half when I turned twenty-five later in the year. I also told him I had never touched a cent of it.
“That’s crazy,” he said. “It’s not selling out to access the money that is rightfully yours, to buy somewhere to live or start a business. That’s what I’ve done. I bought this place, and I financed Pump It with Mal, and a couple of other businesses.”