by Lisa Edward
I unclipped the diamond and sapphire necklace, and placed it carefully on the bed. “This should go to your future wife, not your—” I paused, searching for the right word. What was I exactly? His roomy? His challenge? His sounding board?
“My what?” he asked quietly. The anxious look in his eyes was making me falter. “What do you think you are to me, Tara?”
I looked him in the eye, a sorrow sweeping from my gut up into my chest and threatening to take my voice away. “According to Prue, I’m your plaything.” I shook my head. “But I really don’t know what I am.” I shrugged. “Maybe that’s the problem. It’s not defined, which means I’m nothing.”
His eyes widened in surprise. “Do you really think you’re nothing to me, after everything we’ve been through? After everything I’ve said? I’ve asked you to stay here with me. Would I do that if you meant nothing to me? I’ve changed for you.”
He sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling me down beside him. I was too emotionally drained to resist.
“I get it now, babe, the waiting thing.” He held my hands, fiddling with my engagement ring. “I understand you made a promise, and I know that you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t fulfil that promise.”
Then he totally surprised me.
“I can wait,” he said huskily. “I will wait until you’re ready. I don’t have any choice.” He shook his head. “I think, in a sense, I’ve been waiting for you all along, for you to realise you should be with me.” He looked at me from under his lashes, trying to gauge my response. “I don’t want anyone else, so, I guess you’re stuck with me.”
“What about Prue?” I asked hoarsely. “You’re practically engaged now.”
He shook his head vigorously, and frowned. “No, we’re not.” He bit his bottom lip for a moment before releasing it. It was dark red and moist, and I wanted to have a turn of biting it. It was so tempting.
“I’m going to have a serious talk with my parents.” He squeezed my hand reassuringly. “Tonight wasn’t the right time, but I promise I’ll talk to them, and tell them there’s no way I’m marrying Prue.” He ran his hand through his hair. “It’s just … it’s complicated. I can’t tell you everything until I talk to my dad first, but I promise you we’ll work it out.”
I wanted to believe him. Oh, how I wanted to believe what he was saying, but there were family secrets I knew nothing about, and he didn’t seem to want to tell me just yet.
I dropped my eyes, and he read my trepidation. He lifted my chin with his fingertip until our eyes met. “I could never be with her.” He grimaced comically. “She’s all bony and flat-chested, and her hair’s strawberry-blonde, which is way too close to red for my liking.” He lowered his head slightly to meet my eyes again. “And she’s not you,” he added more seriously.
He lay back on the bed, his legs still hanging over the edge, feet on the floor. “Come here—please,” he said as he gently pulled me towards him.
Reluctantly, I lay down and let him engulf me in his arms. He held my hand in his. It swamped mine, but at the same time our hands fit perfectly together.
He kissed my head softly. “You’re my exception to every belief I’ve ever had as far as relationships go. I let my mum and Prue walk all over me because it was easier than fighting it every step of the way. But I have something worth fighting for now—at least I hope I do.”
He squeezed me into him until I could barely breathe. Yet I wanted to get closer too, so I nuzzled my face into his neck.
“I have never met anyone like you, Tara. You break every one of my rules, and what I find really surprising is I like the fact that you break them. I enjoy just hanging out with you. I look forward to seeing you, and miss you when you’re not around. I think about you all the time.” He kissed my head again. “I just want to be with you. I feel like a piece of me is missing when you’re not beside me. I know you’ll probably find it hard to trust me at first, but believe me when I say I don’t want anyone but you.”
I did believe him, but I wasn’t ready to move on yet. Even if I had received confirmation that Riley had been killed, which I hadn’t, I would still need time to mourn. I couldn’t jump straight into a relationship with Cole. And yet, when I was with him it felt so right, as if it were always meant to be.
“You really hurt me tonight,” I told him. I needed him to know that what had happened was not okay.
“I know.” He stroked my hair lovingly.
“But more than that, I was really disappointed in you.”
He tried to wrap himself around me even more than he already had. “You couldn’t be any more disappointed in me than I am in myself, babe.”
That was debateable, but we could argue the degrees of disappointment another time.
I let Cole pull me into his body. I snuggled into his chest, and inhaled deeply as I savoured the touch of his hand as he stroked my hair, and then my arm, lovingly. He peppered my hair and forehead with tender kisses before lifting my chin, so he could reach my cheek.
I could feel tears starting to well in my eyes, and I let them. I was so tired of this constant struggle where Cole was concerned: The temptation, the suppressed desire, the absolute feeling of not being able to breathe when I wasn’t right here in his arms. It was exhausting.
He kissed my tears away. “No tears, babe,” he whispered as his lips found my cheek again.
Lifting my head, I inched my body up until I was positioned where I wanted to be. I looked down at the most beautiful man I had ever seen. His emerald-green eyes were searching my face for my next move, the corner of his mouth slightly raised into a smile. He was simply breathtaking.
I dropped my eyes to his lips. They were moist and slightly parted, but he ran his tongue along his bottom lip subconsciously when he saw the desire that was building in me, etched all over my face.
“Babe,” he breathed.
Our faces were only inches apart. I flicked my eyes up briefly to meet his. I will never forget, as long as I live, the look of absolute raw lust in them. I knew he wanted me at that moment, but he was holding back. I could feel his body trembling under my hand that lay resting on his chest over his galloping heart.
I lowered my lips down to his, just barely brushing against them. He exhaled loudly, and then wrapped his hand in my hair to hold me in place. He pulled back for a split second, just long enough to show me that the veil was finally down.
This was the real Cole. This was the man I was hopelessly, desperately in love with. Despite everything we had been through, and how heavy my heart was over Riley, this was the man who could heal me.
He pulled my lips back to his, our bodies entwined, our hearts beating against our chests in unison.
He kissed me like I had never been kissed before. Every hair, every nerve in my body was alive for what felt like the first time. His tongue searched out mine, and I willingly let it. I wanted to taste him, I wanted to melt into him, and never let him go.
He rolled me over until the weight of his body was on top of me, our lips never parting for a moment. I tugged on his bottom lip with my teeth before mashing our lips together again.
I could feel the effect this kiss was having on him. He was pressed against my thigh, his arousal hard against me. I couldn’t catch my breath. I fisted his hair, pulling him even closer to me.
“Oh fuck, babe,” he growled.
He moved his lips from mine, repositioning them on my neck. His tongue flicked along my collarbone, and travelled down to my chest.
I dropped my head back to afford him access, and he took full advantage, licking up my throat before taking my earlobe in his mouth and rolling it between his lips.
I needed to feel his warm, smooth skin against mine. I started pulling on his shirt buttons, and following my lead he sat up for a moment and roughly tore his jacket, bow tie and shirt off, before discarding them on the floor.
Now it was my turn. This gown was beautiful, but it was too much, and needed to go. Cole obviously felt the same a
s he sat me up, and reached around behind me to unzip it. I shimmied out of the gown and kicked it off the bed impatiently then lay back down, pulling Cole with me.
He positioned himself between my legs.
His pants were in the way.
Clumsily, I yanked at his belt, giving him the message that I wanted them off, too. He quickly obliged before reclaiming his position.
I could feel how hard he was as he subtly moved back and forth, the little balls of his piercing rubbing against me.
“We can just do this if you want,” he said breathlessly as he adjusted his position above me. “Like last time.” He lifted his head, waiting for me to decide how far to go.
I shook my head, and reached my hand down between us, taking him in my grasp and running my hand firmly up the length of him. It was the first time I had actually touched him, and the feel of him rock-hard in my hand took my breath away.
It took his breath away, too. He dropped his forehead to mine and sighed heavily, taking a moment to savour finally being touched.
“Can we …?” he asked, leaving the sentence hanging.
I didn’t want to have sex, not yet, but we both desperately needed something.
“Maybe we could …” I tugged on his earlobe lightly, and whispered, “…. Suck.” I licked the outer shell of his ear. “And lick.”
He got the message.
Cole stood up, and dropped his boxers. I’d seen him naked before, many times, in fact—he certainly wasn’t shy. But the sight of his chiselled chest and washboard abs always made my heart race. Add to the picture the fact that he was rock-hard, and it had me panting.
He lowered himself back down beside me, propped up on one elbow, while the other hand ran through my hair, loosening it from its formal up-style.
“That’s better,” he said with a smile. “I love your hair, the way it falls over your shoulders. It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful, Tara. From the first time I saw you at the gym, I haven’t wanted anyone but you.” He dropped his forehead to mine. “You’re all I think about. We can be in a room full of people, and all I see is you.”
I raised my hand to cup his cheek. I’d had no idea he felt that way, how difficult it must have been for him to watch me with Riley. I knew I hated seeing him with his random bimbos, but it would have been worse for him, knowing I was in love with someone else.
“I didn’t know,” I whispered, searching his face.
A small smile curved his mouth. “It doesn’t matter now. You’re here with me.”
He kissed my lips gently as his hand ran from my hair down my neck to my chest. The kiss deepened, his tongue flicking between my lips until it found my own. His hand pressure increased, too, as it found my breast, and kneaded it through my lace bra. He slipped the cup of my bra down, exposing my erect nipple before tweaking it between finger and thumb.
I moaned softly at his touch. He trailed firm kisses down my throat and chest until his mouth took over the onslaught of his hand, flicking and sucking first one nipple and then the other.
His lips continued down, covering every inch of my stomach with gentle kisses until they reached my hip bone. He raised his eyes to me questioningly, and I gave him a slight nod. A slow sexy smile spread across his face as I raised my hips, and he slipped my panties off, and discarded them on the floor.
“Tell me what you like, what you want me to do.” He was sitting back on his haunches in between my legs. He ran his hands up my thighs, then pushing gently, opened my legs wider.
I could see the rise and fall of his chest increase as he took in the sight before him.
He pulled his gaze away, and raised his eyes to meet mine. “I’ve never done this before,” he said nervously. “I want it … I want it to be good … for you.”
I sat up, and kissed him deeply on the mouth. “Do what you think. I just want to feel your mouth on me.”
I lay back down, nervous anticipation coursing through me.
He slid his hands higher up my thighs, then ran his thumb along my wet centre. My body shuddered. I could feel my heart pounding.
He lay down, and lifted my legs over his shoulders, then proceeded to lick and kiss gently.
“Harder,” I sighed after a few moments.
He did it harder, circling his tongue lazily and driving me crazy. I moaned appreciatively as I ran my hand through his hair.
He soon worked out what I was responding to the most, pressing harder, then more gently. He pulled back and blew lightly before devouring me again.
I was getting so close. “Use your fingers, too,” I murmured.
He didn’t need to be told twice as he inserted first one, then a second finger inside me.
“Oh, God,” I gasped. My hips were lifting off the bed, pushing into him, but he kept going, his own groans of pleasure heightening my arousal.
I could feel my body tensing. “Don’t stop,” I breathed. “Please, don’t stop.” I gripped his hair, holding his head in place. He increased the pressure of his mouth, his hand moving more quickly.
“Ah … oh, fuck!” I was gone, the wave of adrenalin rushing through my body, but he kept going until I was totally spent.
He raised his head, and I opened my eyes to meet his.
He was grinning at me. “That was fucking awesome,” he said in disbelief. He kissed lightly around my thighs. “Could you do it again?”
I bit my bottom lip, and then nodded.
He went back down for seconds.
When I had come for a second time, he sat back on his heels and ran his hands up his thighs. I watched as his hand gripped around his length, and started moving slowly.
“What are you doing? That’s my job,” I told him, as I forced my muscles to obey and sit up.
“I didn’t like to assume,” he responded with a wicked grin, and he let go, watching me eagerly as I knelt up in front of him.
I kissed him lightly on the lips, pulling away for a second before crushing our lips back together. He grabbed the back of my head with one hand, while the other snaked around my waist pulling me hard against his body. I ran my hands into his hair, intensifying the kiss further.
He pulled away. “That’s so fucking hot, kissing you after I’ve just gone down on you.” He was getting so worked up, and I had to remind myself that this was all new to him.
There was something else that would be a first tonight.
I kissed his face, lightly flicking the side of his mouth with my tongue. I kissed down his chest, stopping briefly to suck his nipple. He moaned and ran his hand back through my hair, pushing it off my face.
I kissed each of the peaks and valleys of his abs, then along one hip bone. He was barely breathing, his body trembling as I continued down to my destination of choice.
He was so worked up.
“How long as it been?” I asked as I licked along the other hip bone.
“A couple of months,” he replied breathlessly. “But it’s not the time, it has nothing to do with time, it’s you.” He groaned as I lightly kissed around his abdomen. “You touching me.” He gently pushed my head down. “I’ve wanted so long for you to touch me, anywhere, everywhere.”
I took one final moment to look up into his eyes. They were wild with passion, every nerve ending buzzing through his body.
“Like here?” I cooed.
I ran my hand up the length of him, then followed my hand with my tongue, swirling it around the head and over his piercing.
He exhaled heavily, and pulled my hair back further so he could see. “Yeah, right there.”
I slowly took him in my mouth, moving up and down, making sure to flick the little balls of the piercing with my tongue.
“God Tara … that feels … oh, fuck …” Was all he could manage in between ragged breaths.
I increased the intensity, and he started moving his hips in unison with me. It didn’t take long. He tried to tell me when he was close, but I kept going, and he didn’t hold back, letting me know just how much he was enjoyi
ng it with the guttural noises he made.
I kissed him gently on the stomach and back up to his chest. I could feel his heart thumping. When I looked up at his face, he was still watching me, his lips slightly parted as he tried to steady his breathing.
He pulled me up to meet his lips, tasting himself on me. “That was …” He kissed my forehead. “… unbelievable.”
We lay down, cuddled together. Cole tried to stay awake but sleep overtook him, his breathing becoming peaceful.
But I couldn’t sleep. We had crossed boundaries tonight, and I couldn’t stay living with Cole any longer. I couldn’t start a relationship with Cole built on gut-churning guilt. I knew I wanted to be with him, but not like this. We needed to do it the right way if we had any chance of making it.
So I lay awake, praying for time to stand still. I didn’t want the night to end, because I knew in the morning I was going to have to leave.
Rolling over, I cuddled up to Cole’s back. In the moonlight through the window, I could see the beautiful wings on his back. I couldn’t see the individual words. It was too dark, but I didn’t need to. I knew where each and every one was positioned.
I kissed Strength, Beauty, Courage. I ran my fingers over Faith and Patience. I knew exactly where Dream and Hope were.
He stirred. “Can’t you sleep, babe?” he asked in his deep, rich sleepy voice.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” I answered softly, kissing him one last time on the shoulder.
He rolled over, pulling me into his chest. “I wasn’t really sleeping,” he sighed dreamily. “I was just thinking how this night went from me being worried that you may never talk to me again to the best night of my life.”
I squeezed him tight. “Best night of your life? Really?”
He ran his hand through my hair lazily. “Yep. I finally got the girl.” He rubbed his cheek on my head. “And what a girl.”
I closed my eyes as I felt tears start to well. I wanted him to sleep; I wanted him to be happy. So I wept silently, huddled up in the arms of the man I loved.