Your passionate mistress,
Simone
WEDNESDAY MORNING
My loved one,
I had to wait until five o’clock yesterday before your longed-for letter arrived, and it felt as if the wretched day never wanted to end.
Imagine my impatience as I ripped open the two envelopes holding those passionate pages that I read with such profound joy. Yes, your letter is very much what I wanted, and I cannot stop rereading it.
So you do still think of me just as much as in the past, and the memory of my touch arouses you and maddens you when we are apart. I am so happy, my dear love. I was so afraid you had tired of my embraces and no longer loved me. Now I know, and it is an immeasurable pleasure thinking of the wonderful moments we shall spend together again.
You may be breathless with craving for my body, but, my loved one, you should know that when we are apart I am haunted relentlessly by your kisses. Like you, I want to press myself up against your body. I want to feel the extraordinary tingle of your skin against mine, and to make my own indelible imprint on you. I can think of nothing more wonderful, more blissful than the fusion of our two bodies. Before we engage in that ultimate furious embrace that leaves us exhausted, let us stay a while like this, lying against each other, close together, so close. Come to my arms, my loved one, I want to hold you to me, I want to breathe in the smell of your male flesh. I want to fondle every inch of your glorious nudity with my lips. Oh my beloved god, let me adore you, let me gaze on this wondrously beautiful body and hold it to my heart. We must not be too hasty today, we must savor that heavenly moment, the moment we are reunited, and then we can gradually feel desire accumulating inside us, desire for our more brutal and perverted embraces, for the abnormal couplings that our depravity has revealed to us.
My darling Lottie, I am picturing you in your room in Narbonne. You are lying naked on your bed rereading passionate letters from your mistress. Your beautiful body is calm and restful but slowly, gradually your hand ventures down between your splayed thighs. It reaches for and finds your twitching member and grasps it tightly between tense fingers. Your pink head swells with desire, your hand goes up, and down, goes up more quickly and tightens its grip, and you cannot tear your eyes away from the tantalizing lines I wrote in one last desperate appeal to your flesh from mine. Think of my shameless buttocks, think of my tightening cunt and all the different ways I touch you, and then tug yourself, my loved one, tug yourself. I can just see the way your hand jerks, the way you close your eyes in ecstasy. Your lips open slightly to utter my name. And your huge prick bursting full of sperm. Tug yourself, darling Lottie, and when you come I shall be there to harvest the sap.
I want you passionately, my sweet darling, and I have a fierce longing to take you.
When you return I shall give you every inch of my body. And you will make me come with your ardent attentions. My loved one, I want to belong to you still more wildly. But is it possible to imagine more than we do together already? As I write to you now, I wish you were beside me. I wish I could feel your skin thrill to my touch, and feel your beautiful prick. I wish I could swallow it into my cunt, yes, I wish you would fuck me. I love you so much that I find myself wanting that most ordinary of couplings. Oh, how intoxicating to feel your stiffened member probing slowly inside my flesh. And I am no longer sure which I prefer.
Yes, Charles, we shall have some wild exploits on your return. Our bodies will be irresistibly joined together by our supernatural ramrods and we shall never be able to forget each other, no, never. You are my mistress, are you not? You are my lover, are you not? Do the two of us not comprise four bodies? Why would we look elsewhere for other pleasures that could never possibly match our mutual perversion? Couplings like ours are rare things. Don’t you think? And what a miracle it is that we have managed to provide all these unsuspected ecstasies for each other! Would you ever dare ask another woman for such unusual and perverse attentions? Would you dare ask her to be your indefatigable male lover? And could you now give up such pleasures? And what about me? Do you believe I could ever experience such couplings in any other arms but yours? As you can see, my beloved Charles, we are inexorably bound to each other by our perversion and our love, and so long as we enjoy taking our pleasure in this way, we shall take our pleasure together.
I will have a new “member” for your return. What madness! Tomorrow I shall tell you about the sadistic couplings we can have together. I hope to have another letter from you this evening, I shall reply to it and you will find my reply when you arrive on Monday.
Goodbye, my dear love, four more days to get through without you. But then I shall have you. I shall have you and I shall give myself to you with every ounce of my being, with all my heart.
My lips on yours in a swooning kiss.
Simone
My dear love,
I have just received your letter from Clermont. How entrancing of you to have written so often, and I shall reward you on your return. I am now counting the hours. Each one brings you a little closer to me. Each one shaves another parcel of time off our separation, and in only a few days I shall be with you again at last. This long week spent far from your embrace has been a sad time, but that is as I would want it, because our future happiness depends upon it. Had we both had only vague feelings of regret to be parting, it would have been the end. But how much more ecstatically our love will blossom again now! How much sweeter our every caress will feel after this separation, which weighs so heavily on our hearts as well as our senses!
Ah, my darling little Lottie, I too need your glorious body. I need to have you in my arms, quivering with vices and desires, and I cannot wait for the wonderful moment when my lips can at last reclaim every inch of you. How I shall love you, oh, how I shall love you! Yes, you are as truly filthy a mistress as I am, and I will ably rekindle the wildest of longings in you. You will find me more passionate than ever, for this long absence has exacerbated my desire for your body.
I close my eyes and picture you lying on the bed. There in the half-light, all your beauty lies before me. And I kneel fervently before you, trailing my burning lips over your tingling body. You are beautiful, my dear lover, and I adore you. Let me savor the smell of your skin, let me prostrate myself on this nakedness, which is mine alone for the space of an hour. At last I shall hold you in my arms without any constraints, and I shall make your whole being reach a devastating climax.
I know which ardent ministrations you expect of me. Every ounce of you longs for the unforgettable sensations that my vice alone can afford you. And you want my lips, my tongue and finger to delve shamelessly into your little brown hole. You want to drive your hard prick deep into my throat or squeeze it between my breasts. My whole body is yours. Every part of it belongs to you, and I shall do everything I can to arouse you passionately until you spill the come wherever you choose.
But there are four of us now. We shall commit every folly and we shall stop only when we are quite spent and powerless.
And I want to give you a new form of passion. I now want you to experience the bite of the whip, I want it to leave its searing mark on your skin as it has on mine. Come on, lie down, bury your head in the pillow. I settle on your rump, my powerful thighs imprisoning your buttocks. There you are, look, now it is your turn to suffer, just as you made me suffer. The leather lashes flail your skin relentlessly and your swollen prick pulses a little harder with every blow.
But you beg for mercy. Come and give me your magnificent ass so I can kiss it and you can forget the torture. Oh, how I love this delicious little hole that is just asking to be kissed! My tongue probes irresistibly inside you, and prepares the way for the formidable member clasped in my hand. Yes, darling Lottie, yes, I am going to bugger you, for I understand your crowning passion. This is the wonderful ministration you want. There, there. Oh, I am so deep inside you, my love! Can you feel my colossal prick deep in your ass? Give me your cock, I’m going to suck it. Give me your balls, I wa
nt to lick them, and you must take my cunt between your lips and suck me, suck me.*
Please be here soon, be here soon. I cannot wait to climax in your arms. I cannot wait to savor this new intoxicating delight. It must feel so good! How happy we shall be to see each other again, my dear love! It is so long since our bodies melded together, and my desire is surging up inside me, tireless and all-powerful. My little god, I am happy I have revealed my longing for this sadistic act. And I do so hope you will never tire of it so that you keep me in your arms forever. I shall be your lover for as long as you would like, my loved one.
I shall go to pick up the new “member” tomorrow, but alas, I fear it will be another week before we can try it out, for I shall have much to do this week, and I cannot be sure I can be free for an hour before the end of the week. Our next rendezvous will most likely be on Saturday. But we shall be reunited this Monday. Well, we can discuss the possibility of being alone together soon for, just like you, I am impatient to be with you so we can commit all the follies our vices have invented.
And do tell me by letter whether you are prepared to experience the ordeal of the whip. Tell me whether you are ready to suffer as I have suffered for you.
As I have said, the sensation is certainly unforgettable. It is impossible to distinguish the pain from the pleasure, and this combination of cruelty and happiness is astonishing and intoxicating. But, darling, it truly is an ordeal. Just remember how my body quailed to your blows! Think on it, I shall comply meekly with your wishes.
You may still dream of making me suffer, it may please you to bruise my flesh, but at least I know that when I take you from behind I give you an ardent climax you had long dreamed of experiencing but did not dare request. Your vice serves you well, my dear love, and you have at last been able to give it free rein. You wanted a male member in your ass, delving your flesh in every direction. You wanted to experience this ultimate intoxication and I gave it to you. Like you, my dear love, I feel that “nothing can equal this perverse coupling.” What more delicious pleasure than feeling one’s flesh being so furiously violated, and feeling faint with delight in a lover’s arms!
Oh, how desperately I long to be in your arms again, to be quite naked and to offer you my ass, my cunt, and my lips, and to take you with a great irresistible thrust of my ramrod into the innermost depths of your being. Think it over, tell me whether you want to savor the cruel spanking I have in store for you at our next assignation, or whether you should like to wait longer. I shall want you so very much, my loved one, that I fear I shall not have the heart to make you suffer. My longing for your flesh is a longing for tenderness and passion, but I shall do your bidding. Command and I shall blindly obey. And yet the thought of it is profoundly arousing. To give you pleasure through pain, how delicious! Oh, come back quickly, darling Lottie, quickly. I cannot wait to hold you to my beating heart, to feel your soft skin again, to have your mouth, your eyes, your hair, your hands, oh, all of you.
I am waiting for your last letter with terrible impatience. Will it arrive tomorrow? I shall put my three replies into the same envelope and you will find them on your return. Will they satisfy you?
Goodbye, my dear love. Only three more days…I am haunted by a demented impatience for your every attention. How we shall love each other, my Charles! Make sure your pretty little ass is good and ready. It will suffer brutal assaults after this long absence. How happy I shall be to probe your flesh. I feel I can see you already and my ramrod is hard for you, furiously hard. There, look, I have you now, I am taking you, buggering you, oh, I’m buggering you, my adorable darling, and I’m coming between your buttocks. Ah, it feels too good! Come back quickly.
Simone
* * *
* Simone is becoming increasingly dominating and wants to take revenge on Charles and make him suffer—however, this is only in her imagination, and the reality is that she offers Charles the choice of whether he wants to experience this pain. She comments later in the letter that she will “meekly comply” with his decision. This indicates that while they may have playfully swapped gender roles, and Simone is making suggestions, it is obviously Charles who makes the decisions. She gives us the impression that she is the one proposing every single new fantasy, but, in fact, she is just trying to guess what would please her lover, and when she realizes, as seems to be the case in this letter, that he has no masochistic propensity, she promptly drops her suggestion and abandons herself to his desires. Although this does not prevent her from continuing to inspire her lover with wild scenarios.
My darling doll,
Tell me why I feel sad this morning. My heart is weighed down by boundless sorrow and I have come to pour my feelings into yours to dispel this burden. I shall see you later, my sweet darling, you will keep me close to you. You will let your tender gaze linger on my eyes, and your beloved mouth will halt the bitter words on my lips.
If you only knew how blissful it is taking refuge in your arms. If you only knew how precious it is having your longed-for self beside me. For nearly a year now, thanks to you, I have experienced profound happiness, ardent embraces, and sometimes even sweet tenderness. How I love you, my darling Charles, when you wrap me in all your kindness, when you are more loving and gentle. If you only knew how I long for the way you sometimes gaze at me with a happy lover’s eye. Apart from you, I have nothing, nothing in life that appeals to me.
Forgive me, my little one, for giving free rein to my sadness but, you see, there are times in life when the heart feels too full, too heavy, and it breaks. Welcome me into your arms, my dear darling, open them wide to me and wrap them around my poor body, lull my unhappiness to sleep. You alone can cure it.*
I need all your love, my Lottie, you know that. Look, it is not long now until we reach a whole year. The thought that I have managed to keep you so long makes me very happy. You could have slipped away from me after our first embrace. I too could have tired of loving you. But not at all. We are still passionate lovers, and we fully savor the joys of our frenetic couplings.
Soon we shall spend another wonderful hour together, just like the last. Goodness, what fire we put into loving each other, did we not, my Lottie? Oh, your body, your adorable body, I do so love it! Oh, the passion with which I still clasp it to me and the joy I experience when I truly possess your innermost flesh! You give yourself to me with no reservations or shame. You long for my most outrageous ministrations, and you savor them with the same ardor I feel for yours to me. We have the same sensations. There is nothing we have not discovered now and, if this is what you want, we shall continue to have such unforgettable moments for which we both still long. Keep me as your mistress, keep me as your lover for as long as you like. All of me is yours, with no need to share me and no restrictions. I am yours in my heart and my flesh, and my whole body belongs to you. I want your extravagant caresses and your arousing kisses, I want you to take me. And give me your body too. I adore it and I have not yet conquered it completely. I want to cover your body with my own excited body. I want to force my perverse couplings onto you as you force your vices onto me. I am a prisoner to your desires, but I want you in turn to be a slave. I pin you down with my arms, between my thighs, and you cannot resist my demented exploits, which make you die of pleasure. I penetrate you gently but irrefutably, and you can feel me deep inside you, my ramrod that never falters and never tires. Oh, the madness of that moment when you finally belong to me! Nothing could tear you from my arms and I collapse onto your shuddering body, kissing it passionately. I love you, I love you, darling Lottie. Till later. I cannot wait to be tightly in your arms. I want to feel your mouth on mine. And until I can feel your beloved prick straining frantically in my hand, I suck on you wildly, darling love. Go on, let it go, I shall swallow it all.
Your Simone
* * *
* We are now aware that Simone experiences frequent ups and downs. The lovers have big arguments before passionate reconciliations, and Simone frequently falls into dep
ression without being able to say why. She would have made an ideal patient for Dr. Freud, but she does not seem to have any interest in self-analysis, or even to be conscious of her problems, despite her neurosis becoming obvious to the reader. We do not know whether she was aware of Sigmund Freud, but it is doubtful. His work was beginning to appear in translation at this time, but few people in France were interested in psychoanalysis.
THURSDAY, NINE IN THE EVENING
My dear darling,
Everyone has left. I am alone, all alone in this vast, silent house until midnight. The street is dark, with just a small light over there breaking through the darkness. A small light I know so well, one that makes my heart leap in my breast. It is perched right up on high and I cannot take my eyes off it. You cannot imagine the full extent of the joy—and the sadness too—to be had from staring at that little light. Joy, yes of course, because of this thought: “He is there, beneath that light, there so close by. If I cried his name wildly into the steady darkness, he would hear me.” But an appalling, cruel sadness immediately constricts my heart: “Yes, he is there but he is not alone. What words are being said to him right now? How does he look at the woman saying them? And later, later when this little light goes out, what will he do with her?”
Oh, Charles, my one and only, my great love, can you ever know how obsessed I am by such thoughts? Can you ever know what torments I endure and how much I suffer because of Her?! Oh, please don’t get that harsh look in your eye, understand me. You know how much I love you, you know the ardent caresses I want to bestow on your whole body. So you must realize that every inch of me rebels and suffers at the very thought of your adored body quivering with pleasure to another woman’s kisses. It is such a horrible image and it haunts me, it haunts me, it hurts me!
The Passion of Mademoiselle S. Page 8