“Are you scared?” he asked softly.
“Yes,” I whispered. And that was probably the most honest thing I’d said in days. I tried to be tough. I tried to act like all of this was no big deal, and that I could easily handle it. But I was so fucking scared.
“I’m scared, too,” Ollie said. Tears brimmed in his pretty brown eyes. He touched my knee. “I promise I’ll be out there waiting the whole time. I’ll be here when you wake, if you’re okay with me being here.”
I breathed in. “Will you stay tonight? I have to stay in the hospital. Will you stay here with me? Will you stay tomorrow?”
“Yes, of course.”
He didn’t get what I meant. He said it too easily. “But will you be here next week? And the week after that?” I sat up, pulling my leg away from his hand, pulling my knees up to my chest. I didn’t worry about the IV in my arm. It didn’t matter if it stung when I moved. “Will you still be here in a couple months? I know that’s a long time to think about, especially when I might not wake up from this surgery.”
“Please, don’t say that.”
“I only mean I know I should only be thinking short-term. But I can’t help that I keep thinking about you long-term. I should put on a smile and say nothing, while I secretly hope for the best outcome on the inside, like probably every girl who has ever been in your bed, who has ever been disappointed when you walked away the next morning. But I’m hoping for so much more than a few nights in your bed. I’m hoping for everything. Every fucking thing. Tonight. Tomorrow. Forever.”
I couldn’t believe I just said that to him, just put all of that out there. Nothing like turning all needy and desperate two minutes before going under the knife. I wished immediately I could take back all those words.
I felt vulnerable as hell, and I hated feeling that way.
The nurse that was helping me came back in through the door from the hallway. Shit. That meant they were ready for me.
“Okay, Luce,” she said to me in her chipper, optimistic voice. “It’s time for your visitor to go. We’re ready to start.”
I wiped at my eyes, suddenly very sober. “Okay,” I told the nurse. “I’m ready.”
Ollie did not look sober at all. Or ready to be told he had to leave. “Hey,” he said to me, not moving off the end of my bed. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here when you wake up. If you need me to fucking prove that every day of my life, I will. I’m yours. I meant that. For the first time in my life, I’m not afraid of more time with a woman. More time with you is all I want. Tonight. Tomorrow. Forever. I’ll be here when you wake up. If you want me, I’m going to be there every time you wake up.”
This ‘holy shit’ feeling rushed over me. This handsome, talented man liked me. Loved me. Something fierce, too. That hadn’t fully sunk in until right this moment.
“Okay,” I said lamely.
He gave me a small smile. “I guess I have to go.” He stood up from the foot of my bed. My heart was racing right out of my chest. I didn’t want to leave him. I didn’t want this surgery to start. But I knew I had to say goodbye and so I did.
“Bye, Ollie.”
“Bye,” he returned.
“You can hug her goodbye if you want,” the nurse added.
It was like we both needed permission. Her small comment somehow made it okay. Ollie moved closer, bending to me, and he wrapped his arms tightly around my shoulders. He pressed his lips against my cheek, then my ear. He felt so warm. He smelled so good, so right, so familiar. Something inside me melted.
“Forever,” he breathed against my ear. Just that one word. Then louder he said as he pulled back, all cocky and charismatic, “Baby, call me Oliver more. It’s so damn sexy when you do.” He smiled and winked. “I’ll see you in a few hours then. I’ll be waiting.”
I knew he would.
~ CHAPTER 49 ~
OLIVER
I left Luce and it felt like something inside me was breaking. I put a smile on as we parted, but it was the most forced smile I’d ever worn in my life. In the waiting room, I picked a seat away from her family. Even well away from Caleb and Emma, whom were now here, too.
I sat down like a heavy bag of sand falling into my chair. I was worried and freaking out. This wasn’t good for my anxiety issues, not in the least. I started googling everything I possibly could about breast cancer surgeries and double mastectomies.
I struggled from a lot of anxiety all the time. But this worry was about a million times greater than anything I’d ever felt. To make it worse. Emma came over and sat beside me.
I couldn’t look at her.
I couldn’t speak to her.
I didn’t want to be around people right now.
“These doctors do this same surgery so many times a week. They’re good at what they do. This hospital is one of the best for breast cancer. Maybe even the best in the country. Luce is in good hands. She’ll be fine.”
I swallowed hard.
“It takes about six weeks recovery time. The first few days are the worst. I was scared to let Caleb see my chest for a while. I had the reconstruction done all at once. Luce is having expanders put in.”
I kept listening to Emma, only because I realized I knew relatively little of what was happening. “What’s that mean?”
“Just that she has this plastic thing inside her that they add liquid to little by little. She’ll have a second surgery in maybe six months where they’ll take out the expanders and put in implants. My surgery was different. I got implants right away.”
“Okay, Emma,” I said to stop her words. I decided I didn’t want to hear any more. Not when I felt sick to my stomach. One surgery was bad enough. But two? I knew I’d be a mess then, too.
Emma made a noise, irritated with me somehow. She stood up and walked back to where Caleb and the rest of her family sat. Caleb gave me a frown, disappointed in me, like usual.
I stood up. That was when I left to go to the gift shop. I’d passed it when I ran through the halls on the way in here. I needed to keep moving. I couldn’t sit; I couldn’t keep still. Not when the woman I loved was on the operating table in the other room, and I couldn’t do a damn thing to help her. I’d never felt more helpless. But at the same time, it told me this hospital, here and now, was the right place for me. Maybe, the reason I never slept with one woman past a couple of times wasn’t because I just needed more and more sex. Like some kind of addict. Maybe my problem wasn’t looking for my next ‘fix.’ It was looking for the right person.
Luce found her way under my skin without even trying, and there would never be any shaking what I felt was now part of me. I only wanted to prove to her that I could be boring, mundane boyfriend material, as good as any other guy.
Boring. Mundane. Boyfriend material.
I used to look down on people like that. Cringe at the idea of being in a relationship where we snuggled in pajamas and watched Netflix rather than fuck in whatever backstage closet or bathroom came along. But I found myself wanting something completely different.
And it felt good.
I smiled as I found something in the giftshop that I wanted to buy her.
~ CHAPTER 50 ~
LUCE
Ollie helped me step over the edge of the dock and onto his boat. I was surprised to see it again, especially in North Carolina. The Coast Guard in the Bahamas had found it, and he’d told me he’d hired someone to sail it here. He’d rented space on a dock on the bayside of Kill Devil Hills. It was strange seeing his boat in my part of the world. But it kind of fit, like it belonged.
Today, when I’d been discharged from the hospital, he’d surprised me by asking Bonnie and Dad if I could come home with him instead of them. They agreed as long as that was what I wanted. Which, after Ollie had been there when I woke up from surgery, had slept last night in the chair beside my hospital bed, and had waited on me like I was his dying grandma all day, I felt comfortable knowing I’d be in good hands with him while recovering. Plus, no part of me
wanted to be apart from him anytime soon.
“Crazy April stole half my stuff,” Ollie complained. “Or dropped it in the ocean. Probably that. All my clothes were gone from my closet. My underwear—gone from the drawers. Not my socks though. She left them. She left them and took my underwear. What a psycho?”
“I hope I never see her again.”
“Same. You okay?”
I nodded. I had the pillows propped behind my head, tucked in his cozy bed. “The bed?”
“That’s new. Not the frame. I got a new mattress and sheets.” He touched my arm, trailing his fingers across my skin. “So I’ve been shopping the last few days. Waiting on you to come back.” A small smile cracked on his lips as he said that last part.
“You knew I’d come back?”
“After I learned about the breast cancer gene in your family, I figured that it wasn’t really me freaking you out but your worry over the surgery pulling us apart. I knew how special our thing was. I think I knew deep down you’d come back to me. As more than a friend, you know? I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me, though. That you couldn’t trust me to handle it.” His jaw tightened and he laced his hand with mine, bending over to kiss the top of my knuckles. “I promise. I can be boring, mundane, boyfriend material. Just as good as any other guy.”
“The last thing you are is boring.”
I smiled and one equal to mine hit Ollie’s lips. He knew he wasn’t boring.
I shook my head. “Or mundane. And probably not conventional boyfriend material, either. I love you for so many other reasons, other than you trying to be ‘good’ or whatever for me. It’s not about that. I can’t stay away from you because you’re so easy to talk to. So easy to be with. Because you make me smile or laugh every other minute. Because you’re a little bit over the top sometimes. A little bit nuts. But I fucking love that about you. Don’t try to change into something you think I want because I already love you like you are. Okay?”
He nodded.
He stood up and moved around the bed. It was quiet in his bedroom on this boat. The air felt a little chilly. He came to lay on the other side of me, crawling closer, gently moving under the covers to join me. I didn’t have to tell him to be careful. He was well aware of how gentle he had to be with me because of my surgery. And he was. He slowly inched closer until our arms were touching.
For a moment we lay silent, both of us staring up at the ceiling. My mind instantly went back to our shed. Back to those quiet moments on the island. I think I wanted to collect a million more of these moments with Ollie.
He started whispering lyrics. Lyrics to a song I knew well, actually. It was ‘You’re the One that I Want’ from the movie Grease. He started to sing softly under his breath.
But I’d never heard the song sung like this. Each word he sang was slow and sultry, bittersweet, gentle perfection. I couldn’t help the way I melted to his voice. I’d heard Sunset Revival sing plenty of times. But I’d never heard Ollie sing before.
To me, his voice was better than Caleb’s. Tears formed in my eyes.
“Maybe mundane and boring were the wrong word choices,” he said. “I just meant that I want to be your guy. Tonight. Tomorrow. Forever.”
I turned my head to look at him. He had this sleepy look in his eyes. A look like we’d just crawled out of bed after a night of wonderful, rough sex, and he was half-drunk off that. But we hadn’t just had sex. He was ‘half-drunk’ off me just because. “Tonight. Tomorrow. Forever. I’m good with that.”
~ EPILOGUE ~
Six weeks later
OLLIE
Luce was on her feet, in the kitchen of my boat, making breakfast. It was good seeing her completely back to her normal self. I was going half insane wanting her lately. Technically, she wasn’t supposed to have sex until the six-week, post-surgery mark. But we’d been getting creative since about week three. Now I was ready to finally get back to all the stuff we’d been missing.
I sipped my coffee, smiling to myself, remembering how I’d made her scream my name just minutes before this. This whole ‘playing house’ thing with her was so much fun. Hell, who am I kidding, I knew you weren’t playing. Luce had fully moved into my place at this point. We’d never officially spoken about it. But each time we went over to her sister and dad’s house, I told her to grab more and more of her things and clothes.
She knew it. I knew it.
This had become our home.
“I think I should ask Rhett for my job back today.”
“What?” I dropped my coffee mug to the table, almost spilling it. Yeah, not that I didn’t trust her, but picturing her working with Rhett all day made my skin crawl.
She turned around with the spatula in her hand. “You guys are about to finish the rest of your tour soon. You already hired that new guitarist to replace Luke for a little while. What was his name? Ethan Luck or whatever? Anyway. I’m feeling better now so I probably should do something to start working to pay off my medical bills.”
I’d already paid those bills for her. But I didn’t know how to tell her I’d secretly gone and done that already. She was bound and determined to do as much as she could on her own. So when she found out, I think it would cause an argument. But she was my forever, so what did it matter if I paid them?
“You don’t want to come with me on tour?” I asked.
“And watch a million girls trying to get in your pants after every show? No, thanks.”
“It’s not going to be like that anymore.” I stood out of my chair. “I’m with you. People know I’m with you.” I’d shared lots of over-the-top, cute but cringe-worthy pictures of us on my Instagram, completely outing our relationship to the world. All for this very reason. “People know.”
“Not everyone is kind.”
“So? Fuck them. I don’t even want to go on tour if you’re not going with.”
“Ollie.” She turned around for a moment to get the eggs off the stove before they burned. I walked closer. I knew one way I could convince her. I pulled her body in against mine. I pressed my lips to her neck, and she leaned back into me.
“You have to come,” I said softly against her skin. “I will be miserable on the road without you. It’s just six concerts. Then we can come back home. Do you even like bartending?”
“Not really,” she whispered.
“Then don’t go back. Maybe school?”
“School?” I felt her swallow. “I’m kind of old for that.”
“No, you’re not. A person is never too old to go back to school. Seriously.” We’d talked about college once in a fleeting conversation. Just a comment about how neither of us went to college, and how we both felt a little like we’d missed out.
“I’ve been bartending and taking care of my family for so long,” she muttered. “I’ve never had a chance to think about what I really wanted to do with my life.”
Yeah, I knew what she meant. “You don’t have to decide anything today.” I wouldn’t care if Luce just lived with me and lived off my money. But I’d never suggest that. She’d probably slap me. “The tour is only six concerts. Come with. Please. You’ve never even seen me play live.” I gave her the saddest puppy eyes I could muster. “Please, baby. You know you’ll miss sleeping with me.”
“Okay.” This beautiful smile inched over her lips. I knew she didn’t want to leave me, either.
I smiled, holding onto her tighter. “Good.” I meant what I said. I’d be fucking miserable without her for any amount of time. “Instead of coming home after the tour. We should finally go to Paris,” I suggested. I’d promised her Paris a long time ago. Then her surgery happened. We hadn’t been able to do much because of that. Now I had this tour coming. But finally, after, we’d be able to do whatever the fuck we wanted. “College. Jobs. Whatever else. Maybe finding a home on land. It can wait until after the tour and after Paris.”
Mentioning Paris made her eyes light up. I knew it would. “Okay,” she said simply. “I like that idea.”
Oh, she loved it. I could tell.
Maybe I’d propose to her in Paris. The idea just kind of popped into my head. It had been trying to creep into my noggin more and more lately. I kept arguing with myself, telling myself it was too soon to think about that. But there it was again. This vision of myself down on one knee. I wanted this woman to be my wife. I wanted nothing else more in life.
“So Paris then. I can’t wait,” I told her.
I was just about to do my best to drag Luce back to bed when I heard a noise. Then I lifted my eyes to find someone suddenly standing in our kitchen.
Oh fuck. Time paused.
I stepped in front of Luce because it was April in my home. Apparently, still as crazy as a jay bird. She stood only feet away from us, and my heart started pounding like it might explode. If I were a dog, all the hair on my back would be raised. The only thing that mattered was keeping the woman behind me safe. “What are you doing?” I asked April.
“I couldn’t stay away.” April had this half-insane look in her eyes. Like a drunk teenager at prom, begging her first boyfriend not to walk away. “Ollie, I missed you so much. Baby, I love you.”
Her words were words I’d heard from fans before. Why is it people can fall in love with someone in pictures? Nothing more. This woman knew nothing about me other than what she’d read online. How could she be so sure about someone she knew nothing about?
“You are trespassing,” I commented through gritted teeth. I tried to remain calm, really I did, but this time she didn’t have a gun in her hand or her friends by her side as back up. “Get the fuck out,” I breathed.
“Ollie. Please. Don’t say that.” She started to cry. Tears ran down her cheeks, messing up the makeup on her face. “We can work this out. I don’t even care if you see other girls, too. Like whoever this girl is.”
“You need medication.”
Never Leave a Rockstar (Never Trust Book 4) Page 17