by Nicole Dykes
Would she have said yes?
I ponder that as I greet my students, all filing in, excited for the day as they leave their backpacks in their cubbies.
The Vivienne I first met probably would have eagerly accepted Colt’s proposal in order to not piss off her worthless parents any further. But the woman now? I’m not so sure.
“Mr. Sterling?” I look down at the little girl in pigtails smiling up at me.
“Yes, Jacee?”
“I practiced writing my name last night. I got the ‘a’ right.”
I smile and walk with her to her desk. “Show me.”
She’s excited as she sits down at her desk and proceeds to write her name without hesitation and with precision.
“Great job! That’s perfect.”
She’s beaming with pride as she moves to the next line to do it again.
I can’t help the pride I feel as I watch.
I taught her that.
“I still can’t believe you’re a fucking teacher,” Linc exclaims, and Viv quickly covers Baz’s ears jokingly.
“Little ears, Linc,” she scolds, and he holds his hands up, laughing.
“Sorry.” He looks at Baz. “That was a ‘no no’ word.”
“I already know that,” Baz says as he goes back to his dinner.
I laugh and look across the table at Linc. “You would always be in detention if you were in my class.”
He laughs, and it’s surprisingly nice to hear. “Yeah, well I already spent most of my childhood in detention.” He points his fork at me. “But so did you.”
That’s true. I was not a star pupil by any means. “Yeah, Lols and Colt were the good ones.”
Viv seems to tense when I say that, and I wonder what that’s about, but Lola just laughs and sips her wine. “Hey, I had detention once.”
“Oh wow, you rebel,” Linc teases, and Penelope smacks him.
“Be nice to your sister.” She smiles at Lola, teasing in her eyes. “I’m sure you were quite the rebel.”
Lola playfully flips her off behind Linc’s back, shielding it from Baz, and we all laugh.
Everything feels calm tonight, but for the Sterlings, that’s usually a very bad thing.
“I’m happy for you though, Ash.” Linc turns serious, and it’s hard for me to accept his praise. “I have no doubt you’re the best teacher they have.”
I straighten my shoulders, acting overly cocky. “Of course I am.”
Lola rolls her eyes at me, but she’s smiling brightly. “Oh, I'm sure you are. You probably know all their tricks.”
“That I do.”
“Mommy, can I have a party for Halloween?”
“What?” Vivienne looks caught off by Baz’s question. Clearly, he was sick of the adult conversation.
“I want to have a party for Halloweeeeen.” He drags out the “e” to show us he’s serious.
Vivienne looks over at Lola and then back to Baz. “This is Aunt Lola’s house. You’ll have to ask her.”
Lola shrugs her shoulders, and it’s apparent she doesn’t mind at all. “I’m all for it. I love Halloween.”
So does Viv. Slasher flicks and gore are kind of her thing. Even if she looks like an angel on the outside, sin burns within her. And it’s fucking hot.
“Okay. Sure. Do you want to invite your class?”
He nods his head excitedly. “Yes! And Jacee!”
I smile at that, having seen them playing at recess quite a bit. I think my nephew has a little crush.
“Who’s Jacee?” Viv asks, clearly not privy to this information. We haven't talked that much since that night in my room.
Her admitting she can’t kiss me. Can’t fuck me. Because she’s not okay.
Yeah, that kinda made everything awkward with us yet again. And of fucking course, even though I already knew she was lying to herself if she thought she could separate her feelings from sex, now it only makes me want it more.
Because I’m a sick, twisted bastard.
“She’s in kindergarten.”
“She’s in my class,” I add, and I see the grin form on Linc’s lips as he looks across the table at our nephew.
“Aw, does Baz have a girlfriend?”
“No!” He scrunches his little nose, because you know, at their age, girls still have cooties and shit.
I laugh. “Jacee is sweet. She wouldn’t be a bad choice for a girlfriend.”
He shakes his head adamantly, and Viv gives me a look, telling me to stop, which I only find funnier. “She’s my friend.”
“That’s great, sweetie.” Viv eyes me again and then looks at Baz. “I’m all for you having friends.”
He shrugs his shoulders. “I kind of hate her too.” My eyebrow raises as he lifts his shoulders again. “But she gave me her pudding at lunch.”
I can’t fight my laugh. He’s totally serious. “Careful, little man, that’s how it always starts. The sweeter the pudding, the crazier the girl.”
Linc snickers, and Penelope, Lola, and Viv all glare at me. I’m pretty sure Hayden would be on my side if he were here, but he had a meeting.
“Can you please not make him a commitment-phobe?” Vivienne’s tone has a bite to it, and I know, without a doubt, that’s directed toward our situation and not Baz.
“I’m just giving him all the information.”
I mock innocence, and she shakes her head, focusing back on Baz. “Since we’re talking about Halloween, what do you want to dress up as?”
Baz puts a finger on his chin, thinking it over with careful consideration. “We’re all going to be superheroes!”
“All?” Viv asks nervously.
He nods his head, utterly serious as he looks around the table. “All. And Hayden and Swearer.”
My eyes meet Viv’s, and I see hesitance there. Sawyer hasn’t been around much since they put an end to having sex added to their friendship, but when it comes to Baz, I know without a doubt, we’ll all be showing up at this party in whatever costume he chooses.
And here comes the storm.
I feel Asher before I see him. It’s always that way with him. I’m transferring clothes from the washer to the dryer when he sneaks up behind me. Dinner was lovely until Baz mentioned Sawyer coming to his Halloween party.
Things have been peaceful, and I've tried to keep my distance from Asher. Realizing that I still have some type of feelings for him has been too much. I don’t want my heart to get me into trouble again.
I turn around to face him, seeing his heated gaze and knowing he’s here for a fight. Lola is at Hayden’s, and I just put Baz down for sleep. It’s not a good idea for us to be alone with each other and angry.
“Baz brought up Sawyer, not me. Take it up with your nephew.”
His face remains stoic, and I hate it.
“Asher . . .” He hasn’t moved. He’s just staring at me, and now I’m wishing for a fight with actual words because seeing how angry he is may actually kill me. “I’m not going to keep Sawyer away from Baz. He loves Baz and vice versa.”
“You’ve said that before.”
“And it’s true.” I want to cross my arms over my stomach to stop the ache I feel there. Being this close to him. Alone. It’s difficult, and I am barely holding it together. I wish I could just let him be Sebastian’s uncle. Colt’s brother.
But he’s so much more than that, and when he’s standing here right in front of me, angry and vulnerable, it’s impossible to ignore.
“I’m not going to a fucking Halloween party with Sawyer. I’m not watching you two flirt and then retreat to your room after because we both know it’s not over with you two.”
“That’s where you’re completely wrong. Asher,” I implore him to look directly at me, but he’s not. He’s looking past me, over my shoulder, “we never began. It was nothing.”
“Nothing?” He laughs, and it’s cruel as he moves closer to me, leaning down and looking into my eyes. “So, you didn’t spread your legs for him over and over? You didn�
��t lay naked with him in your bed and talk after he fucked you? None of that happened?”
He seemed so happy tonight at dinner, joking with Lincoln about detention. Everything seemed almost normal. Calm even. But with Asher, there’s always a storm brewing under the surface. He’s afraid to be too happy.
“You need to let that go.”
He looks shocked as he stares at me incredulously. “What?”
“You heard me.” I straighten my shoulders. “You need to let all of that go with Sawyer. You told us both you didn’t care about me that way. You said it was just sex with me, and you didn’t want a commitment. He didn’t believe you at first, but you convinced him and me when we stopped sleeping together.” I think about that time, about the ache inside me when I wanted so badly to try with him, but he told me he couldn’t do it. Wouldn’t do it. I was alone and broken. I wanted him so badly. “You moved on. You were going out and staying out overnight, and I was there. Alone. Afraid I was always going to feel that lonely, shattered and trying to keep it together on the surface.”
He’s looking at me intently, searching my face. “You seemed fine.”
“I’m a good actress.” I shrug. “I’m even good at fooling myself, but I was wrecked, Asher. I loved you. I hadn’t ever loved anyone.”
He shakes his head, running his fingers through his thick hair, looking pained. “You didn’t love me. It was—”
I hold up one hand, refusing to let him lessen what I felt. What I feel. “No. It was love. I loved you, and you were moving on without me. You were distant, and I was alone. And Sawyer —”
“Was a replacement,” he finishes coldly.
“No.” I shake my head adamantly because I’m not letting him off this easy. “He was constant. You were distant. He came around to help and saw the sadness in me.”
“So, he took advantage of you.”
“No,” I argue yet again. “He comforted me. He was a true friend. And it just happened. We thought maybe it could work. Maybe, since the people we loved didn’t love us back, we were the perfect match. But we weren’t.”
He shakes his head, scoffing like I’m a naïve child. “You were a thrill for him. You don’t know him like I do.”
Now I cross my arms, but not to hide, to show triumph. “Then he got bored and moved on.”
“Didn’t look so bored with you when he was fucking you in the pool.”
My cheeks initially heat with humiliation, but I quickly recover, thinking about him telling me to own my shit. And he’s right. I did it. I wanted to do it. “He didn’t fuck me in the pool. He fucked me in my bed. He fingered me in the pool.”
His eyes register shock, but I stand tall. “Wow.”
“Don’t act so innocent. I remember your eyes on me, Asher. You were turned-on.” I drop my crossed arms and lean into him, placing my hands on his broad shoulders. “You wanted me just as badly as I wanted you.”
He almost smiles but catches himself. “You’ve gotten bold.”
“You made me that way.”
“I’m not going to become friends with Sawyer again.”
I shrug. “That’s up to you, but if you blame us, then you have to blame yourself too. Because we all messed up. And we all need to find a way to move forward.”
“Bring on the party, then.”
I smile and turn around, moving back to laundry.
Laundry, although annoying and ever rising, is safe and boring.
Asher is not.
Halloween.
It’s Viv’s favorite. It’s not my favorite, but I always think about Vivienne dressed up like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. I think about fucking her. I just plain think about her.
I bring Baz home after school, and we’re both already in our costumes from the class parties today. He wanted to be Batman. I’m Superman, tights and all. When we walk through the front door, I see Viv is already in her costume, making my throat dry and my dick stir to life.
Not a good thing in tights.
Fuck. Me.
She’s the hottest Wonder Woman I've ever fucking seen. Her tits can’t be contained by the red tank with a golden W. The blue skirt is short and goes above mid-thigh. The red boots she’s wearing have high heels and almost reach her knees. And it’s topped off with a red cape that covers nothing important.
“Damn, Viv.”
“You said a ‘no no’ word,” Baz singsongs as he runs to his mom, his own cape flowing in the wind.
“I look ridiculous, I know.” She smiles, looking into the mirror adjusting her golden headband.
I shake my head, sliding in behind her, unable to stop myself from growling quietly into her ear, “You look fucking hot.”
I feel her shudder before she takes a deep breath, her eyes locking on mine in the mirror.
There’s a knock on the door that saves us from ourselves, and I move away so she can answer it. I roll my eyes instantly when I hear Sawyer’s voice. Baz runs to him excitedly when he sees Sawyer has also dressed up for him.
I’m not sure whose idea it was, but he’s dressed as The Joker, and it couldn’t be more fitting.
“Damn, Viv. You look good.” I grunt, and Viv laughs nervously.
“Thanks.” He hands her the store-bought cupcakes he brought, and she sets them down on the table just as Linc and Penelope come in from the back door, dressed as Cat Woman and a grown-up version of Batman.
Baz runs to them squealing. “You guys really dressed up too!”
Penelope runs her hand through his hair affectionately. “Of course, we did!”
Lola walks in from the kitchen with Hayden, and I laugh seeing Hayden dressed up like Aquaman and Lola dressed perfectly as Harley Quinn, ready to cause the chaos that Lola never did.
“You guys did too!” Baz is so fucking happy that it’s worth having to dress up like a superhero and spend time with Sawyer, the fucking traitor.
Although, I have to admit my conversation with Viv about them left me feeling even more like an asshole. She’s not totally wrong. Neither of them have been. I did my best to make it crystal clear to both of them I didn’t have feelings for her.
How many times in the past has Sawyer seen me use women for sex and toss them away because they meant nothing? How many times have I seen him do the exact same thing?
We all help set up for Baz’s party that will no doubt be the talk of kindergarten for days. He got to invite everyone in his grade because Lola has a huge house. And everyone went all-out, buying decorations, food, and party favors.
By the time his guests arrive, the house has been turned into a Halloween party fit for the coolest kindergartener.
Jacee shows up with her dad, who I can’t stand. But I know I have to play nice. He’s arrogant and older, barely paying attention to her. There’s a reason she craves so much attention during the day, and I have my eye on the fucker.
“Think any single moms will be here?”
I huff at the sound of Sawyer’s voice next to me, bringing me back to that first Halloween we all spent together. When he freaked out because I wanted to get Viv a jacket and lectured me about fucking a single mother.
Who he later fucked.
I squeeze the plastic cup in my hand, full of punch, and making a crinkling sound. “You are a sick motherfucker, you know that?”
He laughs. “Yeah. I don’t really fuck single moms anymore. What about you?”
I turn to look at him and see the fucker is actually smiling. He’s not asking me because he’s jealous. Jesus Christ, he really didn’t have any feelings for her. “No.”
He shakes his head. “That’s a shame.”
“Is it?”
His eyes narrow, and he gets serious on me real quick. “Yes.” He looks over at Viv, who’s talking to Lola and then back to me. “She loves you, and you love her. What’s the deal?”
“I told you, I'm not in love with her. And if you believed I was when you decided to date her, then you’re whole ‘I'm a good friend’ theory goes right out t
he window.”
“I didn’t until I saw how torn up you were, knowing I was fucking her because, with any other chick, you wouldn’t have cared. You don’t have a jealous bone in your body. Or at least you didn’t until it came to her.”
“Why the fuck are you here?”
He snickers and takes a drink from his cup, shaking his head. “I’m not going anywhere, so you might as well just forgive me like I have you.”
“What the fuck did you have to forgive me for?” I keep as quiet as I can, considering all of the kids around and some of them are my students.
“For lying to me.” He’s dead serious. “Because you love her, and you always did.”
A low growl seeps out of my mouth, but I don’t have it in me to argue anymore.
I’m not even sure if I want to.
Still, it changes nothing.
Asher and Sawyer talking together can’t be a good idea. And with the way they both keep looking over at me, I would say they’re talking about me.
That really can’t be good.
“Hi, you’re Baz’s mom, right?” I’m distracted by a man walking toward me with his hand held out. Taking in his handsome face and kind eyes. I would say he’s about ten, maybe even fifteen, years older than me, but definitely attractive.
I take his hand as he shakes it. “Yes. Hi, I’m Vivienne.”
He smiles again and releases my hand. “Aaron. It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about Baz.”
“You have?”
He nods his head toward a pretty little girl in pigtails, dressed up as Skye from Paw Patrol. “That’s my daughter, Jacee.”
I smile, seeing Baz entertaining her with his crazy antics and think that Lincoln and Asher may have been right about him having a crush.
“Ah yes. I’ve heard a lot about her too.”
“I believe she’s quite taken with your son.”
I watch them and am instantly happy Baz is social. Even if he’s young, it’s a good feeling. I didn’t have a social life, even in kindergarten. I wasn’t allowed to have friends over or spend very much time with other children.