by Joel Skelton
“Really?” Ian belched loudly.
“Nice. Yeah, but she won’t tell me anything about it. She asked that we trust her on this one.”
“Can I go?” It appeared Tiffany had made quite an impression on Spencer.
“Back off, tiger,” Ian cautioned. “When does she want us up there? I’ve got a busy week, but I can juggle a few things around.”
“I’d like to juggle a few things around.” Spencer wasn’t giving up.
“Look at this piece of work.” Andy cocked his head toward the team captain, “His wife’s passed out, and Straight Cat’s titty hunting.”
“I’m curious is all.”
“We’ll talk when we get home.” Harper downed the last of his beer. “I told her I’d call her back in the morning. I’m hungry.”
“Whattaya say?” Andy looked around the table. “Should we grab a pizza at Luciano’s?”
“Pizza!” Ian let rip another award-winning belch.
“Let’s do it.” Harper signaled for the tab. “My turn to treat.”
“I’ll pick up the pizza,” Spencer countered. “Honey, we’re leaving. We’re going for pizza.”
“Where are we?” Allison bobbed her head when Spencer gave her a shake. “I told her it wouldn’t fucking fit. Oh….” Placing both hands on the table, she opened her eyes, surveyed the table, and vomited between her legs.
“TIFFANY, please, please tell me this place is located on top of that big rock. Ian, can you imagine the view from up there?” Harper opened his window, sticking his head out for a better look.
“Actually,”—Tiffany put on her blinker and slowed the car—“the property is located beneath the palisade.”
“I’ve been to the top of the palisade.” Ian squeezed his head between the two passengers in the front seat. “The view is amazing.”
She turned off the freeway onto a dirt road. “Don’t get all jiggy with me. The road’s in rough shape, but that’s fixable.”
Did she say jiggy or jiggly? Harper made a note to run that one past Ian when they were alone.
“It’s so pretty back in here. I love all the birch trees. Let’s see, if I remember right, we go around this curve and… voila!” The realtor gunned the car, surging it up a small hill before stopping in front of a faded tangerine-and-white building. “Gentleman, I present to you the Palisade Beach Cabins.”
Harper was speechless. Is she kidding?
“Follow me.” Tiffany stepped out of the car and waited while he and Ian joined her. “This is the office. Down, closer toward the water, step over here, you can see better from here.” He followed Ian over to the spot where she was pointing. “You can see the first couple of cabins. There are ten total stretching along the shore until the palisade begins. I know it’s not what you originally had in mind, but as I got to talking with you, I thought maybe—well, I thought this had some potential if you were willing to expand your idea.”
Ian looked at him and giggled.
What did that giggle mean?
“Let’s walk down toward the water so you can get a better view. I have a key for the office. We’ll check it out when we come back up.” Tiffany, not waiting around to see if her plan was approved, pointed her guns toward the water and was off.
A busted-up concrete walk led down toward the cabins. Harper stopped in his tracks when the lake came fully into view. “Wow!”
“Wow!” Ian echoed. “Look, Harper, the units are right on the lake.”
“That’s, that’s very cool.” The view was stunning. The best they’d seen so far.
“Okay, as you can see, these cabins need some work. Well, a lot of work. But I think the cost to renovate would be comparable to the expense you would incur remodeling one of the older Victorians we’ve looked at. Maybe less, depending on how fancy you want to get.”
“Any chance we can look inside one of these?” Harper’s mind was racing a mile a minute.
“Yes, sir, but walk with me a little further before we go inside. I came down here yesterday. This is so cool.”
Like a goose and her goslings, Tiffany led the way. The concrete walk stopped at the first unit. They walked on a combination of grass, weeds, and ferns. The cabins were spaced well apart. “I like how these things are spaced.” His comment was met with silence. “Ian, what do you think about the spacing?”
“Yeah….”
Hmm, lost in our own little world, are we?
“If we walk down here toward the shore… this is it. Isn’t it amazing?”
Ian gasped.
Standing in front of the last unit, the palisade towered majestically above them. Billowy white puffs of cloud floated overhead, contrasted by one of the bluest skies he’d ever seen. The slow-roaming clouds made it feel like they were moving. “This is one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen. I’m just amazed. Isn’t this great, Ian?”
“Yeah….”
“I have a key for the first unit and the office,” Tiffany announced. “Let’s go have a look. In their heyday, each of these cabins would have had its own grill,” she explained as they worked their way back.
Harper reached for Ian’s hand, holding him back. “Tiffany, we’ll meet you up ahead in a minute.”
“Sounds good.”
“So, how’s this going over? I can see some possibilities. Where are you at?”
“I feel like crying.” Ian looked away.
“Hon, what’s wrong? Don’t worry about me. If this isn’t working, we’ll just tell her. We don’t have to stick—”
“It’s working on every level for me. Harper, this place is magical.” Ian turned and gestured back toward the palisade. “I’m…. I don’t know what else to say. I see gardens. I see a walking path down by the water outlined with plants. Flower boxes on the cabins and pockets of formal gardens, each having its own theme.”
“You don’t see dead people, do you?” He couldn’t resist the jest. Ian was so serious, so overwhelmed by the property. “Come on, sport. Let’s rejoin the tour.”
“Hey there.” Tiffany was all smiles. “It’s musty in here but not as bad as it was yesterday. I opened the windows while I toured the property.” She held open the screen door as they entered the first cabin. “These aren’t laid out that much differently than a standard motel room.”
The inside was roomier than he’d expected. A small table with two chairs occupied the spot in front of the main window. Behind it was a frame for a double bed. Someone had made the wise decision to remove the mattresses when the place was closed down. The bright orange shag carpeting was garish and painful to look at.
“Behind the bed is the bathroom. Take a look. They’re small. A stool, sink, and a shower unit. Nothing fancy. By the way, you like the carpet?” She made a sweeping gesture at the floor.
“I love the carpet. Not!” Harper rolled his eyes. “Who wants shag carpet in a cabin?”
“Tell anyone this and you die,”—Tiffany chuckled—“but I had the same crap in my bedroom when I was in high school. It matches the rust in the bathroom.”
“Yeah, what’s up with that?” The dark patches of stain disgusted him.
“It’s the water. There’s so much iron in it. It’s a constant battle up here. You can control it if you use the right cleaning product. I have to be honest, I’m not really up on my stain control methods. But I’m sure there’s a remedy. Anyway, the units are kind of cute, don’t you think?”
“Yeah.”
“Don’t mind Ian. He’s kind of… verklempt.” Harper reached over and fluffed Ian’s hair.
“I hope that’s a positive.” Tiffany held the door while they exited. “You haven’t asked about the price yet.”
“I’m too scared.” He reached over for Ian’s hand. “There’s a lot of land here. I wonder what a developer could get if they cleared this place out and put up new homes. I’m sure the seller has thought that one through.”
“Yes, they have. Sorry, no price details until we’ve finished the tour.” The
realtor locked the door, and together they walked back to the office.
She knows what we want to spend. Something’s up here.
“I found out yesterday, talking to the guy who represents the seller, that there are two reasons this place closed. What might be the obvious reason, the one that first came to my mind, was the road construction that occurred a few years ago. When they put in the tunnels, the tourists avoided the area like the plague. Unfortunately, access to this place during that period was so difficult nobody wanted to bother with it. But that’s not the biggest reason. During the same time, the owner lost his wife. With her gone, he just gave up.”
“That’s so sad.” Ian shook his head.
“Okay, here we are. The office is in front, and surprise, there is a complete living quarters in back. Check it out.” Once again Tiffany held the door while they entered.
The front of the building was exactly what he had expected. Like the cabins, there was a small seating area in front of the windows. Across from it was a wooden counter that stretched almost the width of the room—the front desk. At the far end was an opening to allow a person to move out from behind it. An archway behind the desk hinted there was more.
“It’s your basic front office like you see in so many of the strip motels. Let’s go behind the desk, and I’ll show you the living quarters.”
They followed Tiffany through the arched doorway.
“Okay, this is basically a small home. We’re in the living room. The fireplace is a plus.”
“I’d miss not having one.” He hadn’t thought about it, but not having a fireplace would really suck.
“It basically just keeps flowing back. The next room is the kitchen. I was surprised. It’s been updated. At least in the last ten years. You wouldn’t have to do anything with it unless it really bothered you the way it is.”
“It bothers me, but only because I’m spoiled.”
“There’s no pasta faucet.” Ian was coming around.
“That’s strange, because I would have expected one,” Tiffany joked. “And finally, the bathroom which has… ta-da! A built-in sauna.”
“Wow, a sauna. Let’s have a look.” Harper opened the cedar door. “Wow! Ian, look! There are top and bottom benches.” Raising his eyebrows, he flashed Ian what he knew to be his naughty smile.
“I’m not touching that one.” Tiffany giggled. “Any questions, boys?”
“Now can we talk price?” Harper was starting to get excited. The last thing he wanted was for him and Ian to get all charged up and then have the whole thing quashed because of the price. The Palisade Beach Cabins could definitely work.
“Yes, we can. Here’s the deal. Do you guys mind if we step back outside? The smell in here, it’s not something I’m dealing well with.” Tiffany must have expected the answer was yes, because before either of them could answer, she was on her way out.
“Thanks,” she said when they had rejoined her. “I’m really sensitive to smells.”
Not as sensitive as you are to naked jumping jacks, I bet. Harper giggled at the image he’d just created.
“There’s a contingency to purchasing this place. For ten years after the purchase date, it has to remain rental cabins. The owner will not budge on this. He’s hoping someone will step in and refurbish it to its original splendor, or better. He knows he could make a boatload of money if he allowed the land to be split up for homes, but he doesn’t want that. He wants to do this in memory of his late wife. The asking price is $350,000, a little but not much over your budget.”
IAN waved as Tiffany sped out of the parking lot of the little diner. She dropped them off so they could have some time to privately chat about the cabins.
“The Lip Smacker, that’s a cute name, don’t you think?” Harper followed Ian inside.
“This place is a lot like the restaurants we have where I grew up.” He walked past the cashier’s stand and into the dining room. “Is this okay?” He gestured to a booth along the window side.
“Sure. I didn’t realize it, but I’m starving.” Harper plopped down on the green leather upholstered booth. “How about you? Hungry?”
“Famished. Do you see a menu anywhere?”
“Hello.” A woman greeted them from behind the cash register. “Your server will be right with you.”
He looked around. There was only a handful of patrons. Checking his watch, he wasn’t surprised. It was after one. The lunch rush for a weekday was over.
“Hi, I’m Alex.” A young man approached carrying two waters and menus. “Welcome to the Lip Smacker.”
“Hey, Alex. Any specials today?” He knew from back home the specials in these little dives were usually the route to go.
“Yes. Today we have a chicken potpie, and the soup is beef barley. Can I get you anything to drink?”
“A diet cola for me.” Harper’s nose was buried in the menu.
“The same for me.”
“Got it. Be right back.” Alex smiled and left the table.
“Anything look good?” Ian had already made up his mind to try the potpie and a cup of the soup.
“Lots of things look good. What are you having?” Harper looked up.
“Both specials.”
“Hmm… okay. Me too. I can have a burger anywhere.” Harper closed the menu and sat back. “Interesting morning, wasn’t it?”
“Very.” Please, oh please, can we buy it?
“I think there’s potential there. But I have to be honest, part of the reason I think that is I know what your skills as a landscaper are capable of. There’s little doubt in my mind you’d have that place looking like Covington Garden if you were cut loose.”
Ian felt Harper’s foot lift his pants leg.
“Quit.” He sensed Harper was onto him. It took everything he had not to beg Harper for the cabins.
“Here’s your sodas.” Alex placed tall, thick plastic glasses and straws on the table. “Do you need more time with the menu?”
“I think we’re both going to have your special, the potpie, and Harper? You want a bowl or a cup of soup?”
“Cup is fine.”
“Make that two cups of soup.”
“Great. The potpies take a few minutes. Do you want your soup out first?” Alex collected the menus from the table.
“Please, we’re starving.” Harper removed the paper from his straw and inserted it into his glass.
“Thanks.” Alex dashed off.
“He’s a cutie. Can’t be much older than eighteen, you think?”
“That sounds about right.” Ian surveyed the room, adding, “I hate saying this, but I just have to. I think he plays on our team.”
“I got that sense too. Yeah, the whole gaydar thing, I don’t like to go there. But sometimes, there’s that little special, I don’t know, something you connect with.”
He felt Harper’s foot lift his pants leg again. “I think it would be a special challenge to be gay up here, don’t you?”
“He reminds me so much of myself.” In hopes of finding a successful pestering maneuver of his own, Ian placed his foot up against Harper’s crotch and then smiled.
“Why would you want to hurt Binky?” Harper looked down at his lap.
“I’m,” he laughed, “I’m not going to hurt Binky. Binky is my friend. But if Binky doesn’t keep his foot off my pants leg, he’s going to get the squeeze.”
“Huh?” Harper bent closer to his lap. “Binky says he loves you. Isn’t that sweet?”
“Here you go.”
Saved by food, he thought as Alex placed steaming cups of soup in front of them. “The potpies will be out in a minute. Do you need anything else right now?”
“I don’t think so. Binky?” Ian chuckled.
“I’m good.” Harper laughed.
“Great. Back in a minute.”
“Maybe he has an Andy for a friend?” He blew on his soup spoon.
“Come again?” Harper ripped open a cracker packet and emptied it into his cup.
>
“Andy. If it hadn’t been for Andy, I don’t know how I’d have survived. Knowing we were both queer somehow gave us power. We felt more special than we did immoral. This soup is awesome.”
“I wonder if he knows we are? Yum, this is good.” Harper toasted with his spoon.
“I think there’s a good chance he does, Bink!” They both laughed.
The beef barley soup kept them busy until Alex returned. “How’s it taste?” From his tray, he hoisted two golden brown potpies onto the table.
“Very good. Thank you.” Harper slurped another spoonful into his mouth.
“Careful, these are super hot. I’ll stop back to see if you need anything else.”
“Thanks.” Ian rearranged the dishes in front of him. “I like this place.” He felt like he was going to burst. Say it! It’s fine. “Harper, I’m notorious for making decisions before thinking them through. You need to know that about me. But….” Say it, you imbecile!
“I think Brent will rent the house. I put out some feelers without letting him know what we were thinking about.” Harper used his fork to tear the crust off his potpie. He mixed it in with the hot, creamy filling. “Ian, watching you this morning was amazing. Admit it, you were a goner the minute you stepped out of the car, right?” Harper blew on his fork. “Damn, he wasn’t kidding. This is like molten lava. Be careful.”
“Everywhere I looked I saw potential. I’ve seen dozens of these little cabin cluster outfits. They’re all around up here. But I think we could bring something new to the table. I think we could make that piece of property… magical.” Ian giggled, amazed at how passionate he sounded.
“I can’t see what you can see. I sensed you envisioning it like you just described, but I can’t see things like you do. I saw a geographically beautiful piece of property. That in itself set it apart.” Harper savored his first bite now that it had cooled. “Oh man, this is tasty. I had an idea I could make it work just on that. Add to the mix your vision, and I don’t know how we could go wrong. I really don’t.”
Ian sampled his own bite. The crust was light and rich with a buttery taste, the filling velvety smooth and savory. “What about the price? I feel bad I don’t have more to contribute.”