Finally, Sam got up the nerve to actually speak to the object of her infatuation. As far as Sam was concerned, any subject was interesting if she could discuss it while watching Roberta’s flashing green eyes and sexy smile.
Roberta. Just the name sent shivers through Sam, involuntary shivers that distracted her thoughts and scared her to death. After a couple of weeks of brief encounters at the gym, things started to move in a new direction. They had some flirtatious moments in the dressing room and the hot tub; Sam actually ended up touching Roberta’s shoulder, tattooed with a large spider web complete with bloody spider.
After that, Sam and Roberta started leaving the gym at the same time. Sam hoped it was intentional. Once, in the parking lot, Roberta started talking about a past relationship she had with a woman, which was almost too much for Sam. Okay, now the subject was opened up—it was “out there”—and Sam felt like it was in the realm of possibility to see Roberta outside of the gym. It was Roberta who suggested lunch, which somehow turned into a picnic. Sam grew dizzy with the possibilities implied.
Bless Barry—he was full of ideas and encouragement. On the appointed day, Sam prepared a lunch—fruit, cheese, crackers, and wine. After some investigation, she had found a park that would offer at least a pretense of privacy, right around the corner from the gym.
In spite of Sam’s nervous stomach and sweaty hands, the lunch was close to perfect. Roberta was different, a little strange, hard to read…but so sexy. It had been more than twenty years since Sam had kissed a woman. When the last grape had been eaten and the lunch was coming to a close, Sam turned to face her new friend on the bench of the picnic table.
“Well, thanks for the picnic lunch,” offered Roberta.
“Of course,” replied Sam, taking the chance of touching Roberta’s hand. “My pleasure.”
A silence fell. While Sam sat still waiting for Roberta’s next move, it came. Only a quick “first date kiss,” as she described it to Barry that night, but an earthshaking development for Sam. And, yes, there was to be a second date.
Chapter 3: Date Night
After several cell phone calls between the two women, it turned out Sam and Barry were invited to Roberta’s house for a Saturday night meal with Roberta and Doug, her husband. Yes, Roberta was married…but Sam told herself this was actually a good thing; after all, Sam was part of a couple, too. She wasn’t looking for a girlfriend, although she had no idea what she was looking for. All she knew was she wanted to touch Roberta in the most desperate way, and she was willing to go to a great deal of planning and effort to make that happen.
First, she had to make arrangements for Emily and Dax for Saturday night. Sam’s mom wasn’t available, and neither was the neighbor who sometimes served as babysitter. Of course, Emily would protest she and her brother were fine by themselves, but Sam didn’t feel comfortable with it—Roberta’s place was almost thirty miles away, and they would probably be out late. Sam was starting to panic a little, thinking the entire plan would fall through, when a friend of Emily’s called and invited her to a sleepover. Feeling a little uncomfortable and guilty, Sam asked if Dax could come, too—he was vaguely friends with Emily’s friend’s brother. To Sam’s relief, the woman on the other end of the phone assured Dax’s mom he would be quite welcome. So…the kids were all set, and Sam could concentrate on looking as fabulously alluring as possible for her upcoming adventure.
* * * *
After driving around in what Barry referred to as “the boondocks” for at least forty-five minutes, Sam had to admit her new friend wasn’t the best of mapmakers. There was a tense moment when Sam felt sure Barry’s old Volvo was stuck in a patch of soft sand on the dirt road. A cell phone call brought both Roberta and Doug out to the road to rescue their guests and direct them into the driveway of their home. Home, which turned out to be a trailer, surrounded by a campfire area, a veggie garden, and other trailers in various states of disrepair belonging to the neighbors. Barry shot Sam a questioning look, but all Sam could see was Roberta’s curvy figure walking ahead of them. It was getting dark, and Doug led them to a covered picnic area obviously set up for a casual meal, where he offered them both a beer. Sam took one, but never took her eyes off Roberta’s face. As Barry later admonished her, if she had, she might have seen the sign draped across the back of Doug’s truck—the sign that read “Our Imperial Wizard for President.”
Barry sure noticed it, and almost turned around to leave. But then, as he later confessed to Sam, he noticed Sam’s almost hypnotic attachment to Roberta, and didn’t have the heart to ruin her night. He took a deep breath and steeled himself to spend the evening in “Neo-Nazi land.”
As each hour passed, Sam was a little more infatuated with Roberta—and a little more inebriated. Fueled by several beers and a couple shots of tequila, it was easy to make the decision to sit out by the campfire, “just the girls,” while Doug and Barry cleaned up after the meal. The glowing campfire and starry night reminded Sam of long ago Girl Scout camp-outs. Except, of course, for the fact that this time she was preparing to seduce her fellow camper.
Roberta talked on about nothing in particular. Sam laughed and attempted to respond through the alcoholic haze she was now feeling. Sam didn’t want to talk. She wanted to kiss Roberta and find out what her porcelain skin felt like under the old plaid shirt she wore. So what if she had a picture of Hitler on the wall in the hallway of her trailer? (Sam had glanced at it on the way to the restroom.) So what if…whatever! She would worry about it tomorrow. She was drunk, uninhibited, anxious…and she trusted Barry to get her home safely.
Then Roberta got quiet. She looked at Sam. Sam quickly decided to seize the moment and leaned forward to kiss her. The next thing she knew, her hand was under Roberta’s shirt. Sam felt the silky-smooth skin of the other woman’s breast…she was unaware of anything else in the world at that moment.
Then footsteps sounded softly on the approach to the campfire.
“Hey, girl!”
The spell was broken by the presence of Roberta’s neighbor, a fifty-something bleached blond with a cigarette and a beer in hand. Later, Sam could not remember her name…Belinda, Brenda…something like that. All she knew at the moment was this bitch had just interrupted the exact thing Sam had come here for.
At this point, the passage of time meant very little to Sam—the entire evening was a blur of firelight, beer, sexual excitement, and intense emotion. Time dragged on for what seemed like forever while Roberta talked to her neighbor, who pulled up a chair next to Roberta and cozied up to her in a disturbingly intimate way. At some point, Barry and Doug joined them around the fire.
“Hey, let’s move this party down the road to The Corral,” someone said.
“Sure, let’s go.” It may have been Sam herself who said this; she couldn’t tell. But she knew what she wanted was to be alone with Roberta.
Barry, who had sensibly appointed himself “designated driver,” pulled his car around with Brenda/Belinda in the front seat. He talked to Roberta while Sam listened in silent expectation, “You two could stay here if you want. It seems Doug and I have a pool match to play, which could take a while.”
Sam’s heart dropped through her stomach. Bless Barry! He’s the best friend in the world. She started to turn around toward the house, expecting Roberta to follow.
“No, that’s okay,” she heard Roberta say. “We’ll go with.”
The rest of Sam’s once magical evening went downhill from there. The Corral was like every hick-town, redneck bar in the world. Only worse for Sam, because she saw now Roberta had no intention of following through on whatever flirtation Sam thought they’d started. For some strange and unknown reason, she must’ve just been toying with Sam’s emotions, and her obvious desire for a female connection. And Sam was far too exhausted and too drunk to handle the situation with any degree of dignity.
Finally, she got in Barry’s car, unable to watch another minute while Roberta hung on her husband’s arm and kiss
ed his neck.
Barry got in the driver’s seat and started to say something. “Stop, please,” whispered a tearful Sam, “Please take me home. And don’t try to tell me everything’s okay.”
They drove home in silence.
The next day, Sam felt rejected, and foolish, and something close to desperate. Although Barry told her it was ridiculous to place that much importance on one incident, she couldn’t help but feel like this was her one chance to be with a woman, and somehow it had eluded her. Never mind Roberta was married, and lived in a trailer in “redneck land,” and was a blatant racist. At that moment, to Sam, connecting with this woman represented the remote possibility of actually living as a lesbian. Actually being herself for once in her life.
Chapter 4: Polyamory
Sam was willing to go along with it—at least for the moment. The two of them were in Barry’s car, on their way to attend the monthly meeting of a group whose website claimed to promote “polyamory as a way of life.” Although Sam was still a bit uncomfortable with the idea of “multiple partners” (as it said on the website), Barry had suggested to Sam over and over that having an open relationship was the path to making sense of their future. And Sam did have to admit it would be totally cool if she could find a female lover and still have Barry, living together as partners and friends, but allowing (even encouraging) a third or fourth partner or a “secondary” lover. Sam acknowledged to Barry she believed in the concept philosophically, but couldn’t quite picture how it would work in an emotional sense. Barry’s rationale was this was the way she could have a female lover and still be with him. With this idea in mind, Sam was about to attend her first meeting of “the poly group.”
The meeting was held in a Chinese buffet restaurant, in the private dining area set aside for club meetings and large parties. Sam and Barry were among the last to arrive, which only added to the apprehension Sam already felt. Crowds were not Sam’s thing. Her mouth was dry and her stomach unsettled.
“You know how I feel about meeting new people,” she whispered to Barry. “And this is a whole room full!”
“It’s okay, lady,” replied Barry, using the pet name he always called Sam. “Just stick with me.”
Sam held onto Barry’s hand like a lifeline. As they entered the meeting room, an attractive woman in her mid-twenties approached them, hand extended in greeting.
“Hey, guys. I’m Erin. You’re new here.”
Sam said nothing and left the introductions to Barry.
“Yep,” said Barry. “I’m Barry, and this is my partner, Samantha. We’ve been watching the website…sounds interesting.”
He took Erin’s hand and shook it. “Where do we sit?” Sam attempted what she hoped was a friendly smile.
“Just grab a spot anywhere,” said Erin. “I need to go to the head table and sit with my family. Make yourself at home…enjoy the meeting.”
Barry and Sam found two empty seats and sat across from a middle-aged couple who smiled as the newcomers joined them. Next to the man was a younger woman obviously infatuated with him, clinging to his hand and leaning on his shoulder. Barry introduced himself and Sam the same way he had with Erin a few minutes earlier.
The man answered for all three of them, “I’m Claude…on my right is my wife and soul mate, Joanna, and on my left is my new love, Alexa. Welcome!”
Barry smiled and picked up the menu. Sam tried her best to appear nonchalant and looked at her menu as well. She didn’t know exactly what she had expected, but the reality of the situation did not feel comfortable. Sam had a brief flash of a thought that all of them, herself included, were probably headed straight to hell.
Barry and Sam both ordered the buffet, as did the trio across from them. They headed toward the serving area, along with the other poly group folks. Sam discovered the buffet was huge and included her favorite hot shredded pork; she headed back to the table to enjoy her meal. The server came to take drink orders, and Sam got a glass of wine, which helped to ease her anxious state of mind somewhat.
After the meal, Erin stood at her place and called the meeting to order.
“Welcome to both the ‘old-timers’ and new folks—we’re glad you’re here. I’m Erin and this is my partner Doug.” She gestured toward the man at her right. “Next to him are our partner Diane and her new lover Sean.”
Sam felt her anxiety level rise, in spite of the wine. This wasn’t at all what she wanted. Deep inside, she knew what she did want was a woman as her partner and Barry as her best friend. The multiple thing just didn’t feel right, and Sam had a twinge of inner warning she was now adding more layers of self-deception to the mess she had already made of her identity.
She glanced over at Barry. He seemed relaxed and interested in the conversations around him. But Sam had come to realize Barry was pretty much always relaxed and seemed to fit into any situation. Not Sam. She couldn’t wait for the meeting to be over; if it weren’t for Barry’s presence, she would have escaped right then in the middle of the meeting.
At last, the business part of the meeting came to a close. Erin and Doug included Sam and Barry in a general invitation to “after-meeting party” at their house. Sam gave Barry a look that said in no uncertain terms, “No!” He got the message.
On the way home in the car, Sam asked Barry what he thought about the group.
“They seem like cool people, for the most part. I like Claude and Joanna. What about you?”
“I don’t know. They seem okay…but I don’t know if I’m comfortable with the whole poly concept. I guess I still believe in ‘true love’—silly, huh?”
“Not silly…just limiting,” replied Barry. “I think it would be great to have you in my life, and let you have what you need, too. Why not?”
“Well, I guess…”
Sam was silent the rest of the way home. She couldn’t keep her thoughts from straying back to Erin’s long legs and silky red hair.
Chapter 5: Lisa
Sam had been dating Barry for almost a year. She had come to rely on him to be there for her, they had fun together, and her kids were crazy about him. And Barry seemed totally comfortable with the growing seriousness of their relationship. He was there for family events, the kids’ soccer games—whatever Sam wanted.
And this weekend, what she wanted was his presence at a dance competition in a coastal town about two hours away. Although she worked in marketing to pay the bills, dance was Sam’s real calling—her passion. She had managed to put together a group of young dancers who rehearsed at the local community college. Doing the choreography for the group and directing their performances did a lot to satisfy Sam’s need to stay in touch with the dance world. This weekend’s competition was an important one, and most of the parents would be there, too. Barry seemed perfectly willing to go.
The weekend event, held at a well-known resort hotel on the beach, included classes for both students and teachers. Sam always looked forward to the teachers’ classes and made sure not to miss her favorite tap class that first morning. As she walked in the door and sat on the floor to change her shoes, an attractive woman with sparkling blue eyes and an infectious smile sat beside her.
“I just love these ‘old folks’ classes…makes me feel like I can still get out there and really dance.”
“Me, too,” replied Sam. “The teachers seem to appreciate the fact that we even try to keep dancing.”
“I’m Lisa…and you are…?”
“Samantha. Sam to my friends.”
“Well, we can always use more friends…Sam.”
Sam was speechless and mesmerized by Lisa’s blue eyes. She took her place on the dance floor and attempted to listen to the instructor. The routine was relatively easy, and the song was upbeat and fun to dance to. Lisa seemed to be having as much fun as Sam. They grinned at each other, and Sam’s heart skipped a beat.
After class, Sam and Lisa walked out together. Lisa touched Sam’s hand briefly as she said good-bye. Sam’s stomach flipped over.
That night, at the competition, Lisa had on a short denim skirt and camisole top. Her long hair, braided for dance class, hung loose and full down her back. Sam couldn’t keep her eyes away.
As Sam chatted with one of the parents in her dance group, she noticed Lisa talking to Barry at one side of the auditorium. She caught his eye, and Barry motioned for her to come over.
“Samantha, right?” said Lisa, “Sam to her friends.”
“Right.” Sam grinned. “And you’re Lisa…a most excellent tapper, if I remember.”
Lisa grinned back. “Have your kids performed yet?”
“Only one of their pieces,” replied Sam, “the character piece. From ‘The Wiz’…you know…scarecrows…they were on boxes like scarecrow poles…” Sam’s voice trailed off, unable to focus on anything but Lisa’s smile.
“I saw it…was too cute! Clever choreography, Sam..” Lisa seemed oblivious to Sam’s agitated state, and chatted on about her dancers, her studio, and the competition in general. Sam struggled to stay on topic and make sensible replies. Barry was obviously aware of Sam’s frame of mind and stepped in to keep the conversation from deteriorating.
“I know Sam and I could both use a drink when this thing is over. Maybe you could join us.”
Once again, Sam thanked God, or the Great Spirit, or whoever was up there, for her best friend Barry. She quickly added her invitation to his.
“Maybe,” said Lisa. “It depends on what my sister wants to do—we might go have dinner or something. But I’d like to…”
“Great,” said Sam, and flashed her most flirtatious smile. It certainly felt like a flirtation to her, and Lisa seemed on the same wave length. But Sam was still a little shaken by the experience with Roberta and didn’t quite trust her own instincts. Thank God she had Barry to help her sort things through.
As it turned out, Lisa did go out to dinner with her sister, leaving Sam feeling a bit let down. Barry fixed that, though, with a fabulous seafood dinner, and a few drinks at a local club. The conversation was oddly divided between Sam’s attraction to Lisa, and Barry and Sam’s marriage plans. They had decided getting together was a good idea all the way around and would be great for both sets of kids. Sam knew she would never find anyone else who would accept who she was and stand by her without question. And Dax absolutely adored Barry—Dax needed a man in his life who would encourage him to be his own unique self.
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