“Call me if you need anything at all,” Gillian said, before saying her goodbyes to Mari and my mom.
Sinking deeper into the pillow, I closed my eyes and tried to relax a little more. My mom’s hand began to stroke my hair, sweeping over my forehead and back into the loose strands, just like she did when I was a little. Mari snuggled up next to me and said, “Here you go, Ma-Kristy. I think this is a better position so you can reach me with the other hand.”
Typical Mari, I laughed even while my body began to slip slowly into sleep. Barely awake, I felt my mom kiss my forehead as she whispered, “Relax and sleep, sweetheart. You’ll figure out your path tomorrow.”
And so I slept.
“What the hell do you mean I can’t go see her?” My mom just glared at me, daring me to speak to her like that again. It was tempting, but only because I didn’t want to accept it. It had been two days since she’d collapsed, and I was supposed to be back at school this morning, but I just couldn’t go. Something inside me told me that if I went back to school—if I left here—I was leaving her. Forever. I’d sent her several text messages and all of them had gone unanswered. I’d even left a voicemail. It felt necessary to get her to hear me. I had to apologize. But more than that, I had to fix this. It was suddenly the most important thing in the world. Who’d have thought there could be something more important than actually breathing, I thought with a head shake. Mom interrupted my musings.
“Jonathan, she doesn’t need the stress. You saw the poor girl collapse on the floor. Just wait for her to come to you. She will when she’s ready,” Mom said, pulling out dinner plates. She handed them to me, a silent command to set the table. I did it, but was glaring at the offending plates the whole time. Something about the way Mom said what she said kept playing around in my head. It didn’t make sense. Why didn’t Leeann need the stress? If she just had the flu or some virus, how would stress be a factor?
Setting the last plate down, I braced my hands on the back of a dining room chair and focused on Mom. “Why is stress bad for Leeann? I mean, aside from the obvious reasons, but that’s the fourth time you’ve emphasized her need to avoid stress.” Then I had another thought. “And why do you say it like that … ‘when she’s ready’? It’s like you know something, and that’s all kinds of fucked up because I have a right to know.”
Madison had silently been moving about the kitchen as I talked with Mom, but she apparently had something to say because she jumped in before Mom could respond, “You’re such an asshole, Jonathan. What gives you that right, huh? You walked away from her and didn’t even try to fix things. Then when she called and texted for almost three weeks, you didn’t bother to answer a single one.” She set the utensils down on the table with more force than necessary, emphasizing her growing irritation. “I’m pretty sure you also gave up that right when you told her to get out of here.”
Crossing my arms and glaring at my little sister, I responded, “What the hell do you know about her calling and texting me for three weeks?”
It was none of her business, and I resented the intrusion into my problems. They were mine to have, and mine to solve, even if I had screwed up on this one. Big time. She matched my stance and glared at me. “I know a lot more than you do, big brother. I know that she came to the house needing to talk to you, and you talked to her like she was trash!”
“I did not talk to her like she was trash!” I growled back at Madison. We hadn’t fought about anything like this in years, and it felt weird doing it now. But I couldn’t stand the fact that both she and my mom seemed to know things that I wanted to know. “I merely repeated the words to her that she said when she kicked me out.”
“Oh, big strong man, had to get a little payback, did he? Well, that makes you an even bigger asshole!” she said, poking me in the chest. “What if she had a good enough reason to be so upset that day? Huh? It wasn’t her fault!”
Again, there was that nagging feeling. What weren’t they saying? Mom took advantage of my confusion. “All right you two. That’s enough. Madison, your brother knows he screwed up and has been beating himself up over it. Surely, you’ve noticed that.” She tacked on a bit of sarcasm at the end for emphasis. Then she turned to me. “And you, at some point you need to pull your head out of your ass. Think about it … I mean really think about it.”
She stepped up in front of me and took my face in her hands, forcing me to catch her eyes. “I want you to know so bad, kiddo. But I would never break her confidence like that; it’s not our story to tell you.”
All the bluster I was feeling moments ago began to fade when I saw the sincere look in her eyes. I understood not wanting to break someone’s trust, and I knew my mom wouldn’t, but it didn’t stop me from asking, “Mom, please, tell me … is she sick? I mean, is she dying or something?” She shook her head quickly, reassuring me that wasn’t the case. My eyes began to burn in relief as the words poured from me, “Because it was scary as hell seeing her like that, and I miss her so damn much it feels like I can’t breathe sometimes. I just want to hold her and know she’s okay. I don’t want to stress her out, I want to make everything better for her. For us. It can’t be over between us.”
I quickly dashed away the tears that managed to slip over. I felt lost, like she was slowly slipping away from me with every moment that passed, and I was becoming desperate to stop that from happening. “God, Mom, I love her so damn much. If she doesn’t want us, I have to prove that we’re worth the chance. And I’m so damn scared that the longer it takes for her to come to me, the easier it’ll be for her to keep me away. I can’t let that happen.”
My mom now had tears rolling down her cheeks as she smiled up at me. “There’s my boy.” Her thumbs wiped away the tracks of my tears, and she gave me a considering look. Then she nodded. “You should go to her. Now. Tell her everything you just told me. Tell her what’s in your heart, and she won’t be able to tell you no.”
My shoulders slumped. I wasn’t sure if it was in relief at my mom’s confidence in the matter, or because I was so scared she’d refuse me. “Do you really think so?”
She nodded enthusiastically. “Oh yeah, how can a woman refuse the man she loves when he says stuff like that.”
“I hope you’re right,” I whispered. Almost like it I hadn’t meant to say it. Mom pulled me into a hug and then quickly set me away from her.
“But you have to promise that if she looks like she’s getting too upset, you’ll back off.” I was about to tell her she was contradicting her declaration from a few moments ago when she cut me off with a finger to my lips. She looked me dead in the eye and said, “We don’t want her blood pressure to go up, so she needs to be calm and resting. Remember when I came home from the hospital and you so gallantly watched a whole season of Sex in the City with me?”
I nodded, again confused by her words. “Mom, you were on bed rest because you were shot. Leeann wasn’t shot. And she wasn’t at risk of losing…”
My words trailed off, and Mom’s eyebrows went up in question as everything clicked into place. “Oh my God…” I whispered as my hand went in search of a stable surface to support me. “Is she … is that what you’ve been tiptoeing around?”
Mom didn’t respond, but she didn’t deny it. Jake had joined us at some point because when he slipped his arm around her waist and kissed the top of her head, he laughed. “That was awfully sneaky, baby.”
She grinned like a Cheshire cat. “I didn’t tell him anything at all. Just reminded him of a time when he was there for me.”
“She’s pregnant…” Again my words were whispered. It wasn’t a question, but rather a declaration of knowledge. All the pieces of the puzzle that had been floating around me suddenly fit. Everyone telling me she couldn’t be stressed. She wasn’t sick, but she wasn’t feeling good. I’d thought it strange since she was so good about taking care of herself, which led me to fear something permanent and serious was wrong. Her stomach was upset that week at my apartment, but she
’d dismissed it as worry over what was going on at work. Hell, she’d even thrown up at work and dismissed it. All the damn signs were there, but I didn’t think anything like this.
Looking over to my mom, I inquired, “That day she came up to my apartment, that’s why, isn’t it? She was coming to tell me, and then she saw Madison. That’s why she freaked out and assumed so wrongly.”
Madison was the one who answered, “Yes! It’s about damn time you figured it out. It’s been so hard being your sister when you’ve been acting like such a dumbass.” She shook her head at me.
My gaze jumped from her, to Mom, then to Jake. “Does everyone know I’m going to be a father, but me?”
“No kiddo. Just us here in this room … and your father,” Mom said. I silently wondered if this was one of the reasons Dad was so disappointed in me. Because I had to admit, I was disappointed in myself too. But that was something for another time. I needed to see Leeann, and I wasn’t going to wait another minute longer.
“Whose car can I borrow?” I asked as I moved toward the front door.
Jake called out, “The Jeep has a full tank and keys are by the door. Good luck!”
“Thanks,” I returned, knowing I was going to need more than luck on my side for this. Jumping in the Jeep, I threw it in drive and took off.
Leeann was pregnant. Holy shit. I was going to be a father. Punching the gas a little harder than necessary as I drove, I solidified my plans to win her back. She had to take me back. Not just because we were having a baby, but because there was no other option. She was mine, and I was hers, bottom line.
Of course she wasn’t there when I arrived. So there I sat, leaned against the wall outside Leeann’s apartment. I shifted my legs a little to relieve the tingling sensation that began spreading from my thighs downward. The tile floor beneath my ass provided minimal comfort, but since I wasn’t about to give up, I needed to suck it the hell up. After waiting an hour, I caved and texted Mari. My gut told me she’d be supportive of this. Hell, the sheer fact that she hadn’t come after my manhood proved it.
She told me Lee had spent the day at her mother’s house and that they’d be home after dinner. Of course when I asked her for a timeframe for their arrival, she only responded with ‘We get there, when we get there and not a second sooner.’ So clearly she didn’t want to be harassed, which was fine, because having her as an ally was a great thing. That girl was someone I didn’t want to fuck with.
The elevator dinged and on pure reflex, I leaned forward to look down the hall. When the little old lady, Mrs. Lesh, from two doors down came out, my disappointment must’ve shown because she gave me a look dripping with pity. “No sign of her yet?” she asked as she got closer.
Shaking my head, I stood to help her with her bags. Since I was there when she’d left an hour or so earlier, she knew all about how I was there to win Leeann back. Well, maybe not all about—more like the Reader’s Digest version. Emptying her hands of her burden, I followed her to her door as I voiced my determination, “No, but I’ll wait as long as she makes me.”
“That’s the spirit,” she stated cheerfully.
After opening her door, I set the bags down on the counter. The layout of her apartment was the same as Leeann’s, and I pathetically looked around as if just the similarity would appease me. It didn’t. Besides, there was no cherry smell. The fragrance of cherries felt like home now, because wherever Leeann was, so was that cherry smell.
The tingling in my ass began to alter my walk a little as I walked toward the door. “If you need anything, I’ll be right out in the hall.”
With her sympathetic smile still in place, she replied, “Would you like a chair, my dear? That hard tile can’t be comfortable in the least.”
“Appreciate the offer, but I’ll be fine. The discomfort keeps me awake,” I admitted. It was true. I was running on minimal amounts of sleep, and my adrenaline rush was coming down, so passing out was a real possibility. It’d be a hell of an impression for Leeann to come home and find me with drool running down my chin.
“Well, okay, but if you need to use the bathroom, you just come knocking. I’ll even watch the hall for you so she doesn’t sneak past us.” Mrs. Lesh said it like Leeann was lying-in-wait to sprint past me when I looked the other way. I had to laugh.
“Should the need arise, I’ll be sure to take you up on that offer.”
She gave me a firm nod with a wink, and I took my leave. Sliding down the wall, I found my spot on the floor and settled in.
My bed, oh how I missed it. All I could think about was sleeping in my bed, with my pillow, in my favorite sleep shirt. A shirt I didn’t want to tell Mari to grab for me because then I’d have to explain why I was wearing one of Jonathan’s shirts. More precisely, I’d have to explain to myself why I was wearing it. Yeah, avoiding the subject was much easier.
So when the elevator doors opened, and I saw Jonathan camped out in front of my door, I knew my time of avoidance was over. His eyes found me quickly and stopped me in my tracks. Mari had to gently nudge me to get me out of the elevator. Shuffling my feet only as far as necessary to be out, I stopped. Slowly, he stood, unfolding his long, toned body as he went. His movements were stiff, probably from sitting on the floor, but no less determined than I would’ve expected from him.
He stood there, between me and my apartment door, a silent standoff of wills that reminded me of a familiar scene. Jonathan took the first step toward me, then the next. Slow and precise, his eyes never left mine as I stood there clinging to my pillow. It was the only thing I could cling to, and I did. Like a shield. I snort-laughed at my own thought. Jonathan’s lips quirked up on one side for a moment before the smile spread all the way across, unleashing its full power. It was beautiful.
It wrapped around my heart and squeezed as it replaced the anger that’d been overrunning my psyche. I was entranced, so absorbed in it, I hadn’t realized he was now in touching distance. My body felt heavy. Drugged. Like I was telling it to move away, to retreat from him, but it ignored my commands. It wanted to be close to him. We stood there in silence for a few long moments before he cleared his throat, “Hi.”
On pure reflex, I responded, “Hi.”
I watched as his one hand moved forward, like he was going to touch me, before it dropped back down. A moment later he had both of them shoved deep into the front pockets of his jeans. The move lifted his shoulders a bit, but he relaxed them, rocking on the balls of his feet and back down.
“Okay. I’m going to head inside so you two can chat,” Mari said simply. I’d forgotten she was there so I flinched and looked to her. She made a quick grab for my pillow, and it slipped right out of my grip. So much for protection, I thought as she moved swiftly down the hall with it. Traitor.
When my eyes found Jonathan again, I saw that his smile was gone, replaced by an apprehensive expression. “How are you?” he asked quietly just before his eyes dropped to my stomach, and then back up. My shoulders sank as I realized he knew.
Cocking my head to the side, I asked, “You know, don’t you?”
His smile was sincere and joyful as he nodded silently. I wasn’t sure if I was bothered that he knew, and after everything I’d done, it wasn’t me who told him. I could definitely admit I was a little sad that I missed his reaction to the news.
“Good. I’m glad. I’ve been trying to tell you for a few weeks,” I said, stepping around him, making sure not to touch him because that had disastrous possibilities.
“I know you have, and believe me when I say how sorry I am for being such a prick,” he admitted sheepishly as he fell into step next to me. I wasn’t prepared for this, for him. I walked as quickly as I could without making it look like I was trying to get away.
The door wasn’t far, but it sure felt like it was. I needed to get to it. More precisely, I needed to get onto the other side of it. I was within arm’s reach of it when Jonathan slid into the space between, effectively blocking me. I tried not to glare, but fail
ed.
Knowing when to accept my losses, I backed up, pressing myself into the wall opposite the door. I probably looked dramatic doing it, but I seriously needed the space. It was physically hard being that close to him without throwing myself into his arms. I wanted it so badly. Taking a deep breath, I looked to him, silently pleading with him to get the hell on with things so I could get inside. He put both hands up, palms forward, as if he was proving he was unarmed. If only he knew how little it helped considering he was the weapon.
“Leeann, please. I need you to listen to me,” he pleaded as he stepped forward, filling the space between us. “Please?”
“Looks like I don’t have a choice at the moment, do I?” I asked sarcastically while gesturing to the lack of space. He didn’t move.
“Yes, you do, babe. If you don’t want to hear me now, you don’t have to. But you should know that I’ll do whatever it takes to be heard. So if you’re ready for that, then you can go inside. Or you can stay out here and get it over with.” His matter-of-fact tone only validated his veiled threat. Or maybe it was a promise. Resolved to getting it over with, I motioned with my hand for him to continue.
His smile and soft expression should’ve warned me he was going in, weapons hot. “I love you, Leeann.”
Closing my eyes, I willed him to stop with a shake of my head. It was a little painful to hear those words, and I concentrated on controlling my emotions. I was so focused on them, it startled me when his knuckles touched my cheek, forcing my eyes open at the contact.
He gently swiped a tear away before continuing, “I’ve missed you so much. I never knew pain like this existed until that day we stood in this exact spot and ended things.” He paused and watched his hand as he moved it down my cheek again, caressing it. “And fear … God, I’ve never felt that kind of fear before. Just the thought of never touching you again, never feeling you touch me brought it out. I would lie in bed at night and try to remember the way it felt when your hands sifted through my hair. Hoping I’d never forget the feeling, and at the same time, praying I’d feel it again.”
Assumptions Page 27