by Rye Hart
Tommy laughed again and nodded. I smiled and started doing the dishes. Sometimes, it felt impossible to go up against Sarah. She was so much like her mother, strong-willed and full of fire. I couldn’t look at her without seeing Telissa staring back at me. Most days, it was a comfort, but others, it was a real obstacle. Telissa was always great with the children. She knew how to handle the tantrums better than I ever did. I was always the busy career focused father. Admittedly, I put more time than I should have on my career. I was paying for those sins now. Inside, I knew it was a shortfall in my relationship with Telissa. She didn’t get the attention she deserved and sought it elsewhere. I was a damned fool not to see it coming. It was my fault.
As the day drug on, the kids continued to fight nonstop. Sarah finally ate at lunchtime, but she decided to do so while kicking her brother’s chair under the table. By the time they were finished, Tommy was so angry he was almost in tears.
He marched upstairs and threw Sarah’s favorite teddy bear out the window. The bloodcurdling scream she unleashed made me think she was dying. I flew upstairs, only to find her and Tommy standing in front of the open window, glaring at each other.
I knew then that I wasn’t going to survive the summer without help. I had planned our move for the week after school let out. It was barely June now. I had three months left before I could ship the kids off to school and get a little peace and quiet. Just the idea of being locked in the house with them for three full months was enough to drive me insane.
After I finally got them both calmed down, there was a knock on the front door. I groaned and hurried to answer it, hoping it wasn’t some nosey neighbor coming to try and drum up a conversation. I wasn’t in the mood. When I opened the door, I was almost relieved to see it was just Mrs. Johnston.
“I brought you some brownies,” she said with a smile.
Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t help but smile back. “Thank you. Please, come on in.”
She stepped over the threshold and made her way back to the kitchen. Mrs. Johnston had already stopped by twice since we moved in, and each time, she brought over a different baked good. I was really starting to warm to her, as much as it wasn’t in my nature.
“Kids!” I yelled. “Mrs. Johnston’s here!”
Tommy and Sarah came bounding down the stairs and into the kitchen. They each hugged Mrs. Johnston and quickly helped themselves to a brownie. It was amazing how quickly they could go from absolute terrors to perfectly behaved in a matter of minutes. I knew it was only because Mrs. Johnston was here, but I didn’t care. I welcomed the silence, either way.
“Would you like one?” Mrs. Johnston asked, already pulling one out of the pan for me.
“Thank you.” I said. “You didn’t have to do this.”
“Baking is my hobby.” She shrugged. “It keeps me young.”
I nodded and ate my brownie in silence. Mrs. Johnston stood in the kitchen with me, just watching over me and the kids. Ever since we met her, I got the sense that she needed a family to look after.
“How are things going?” she asked, her eyes locked on my face.
“Fine.” It was a lie, and she knew it. Her eyes narrowed, and she waited for me to correct my answer. I sighed and said, “I’m going insane. I’ve been thinking that I need to get some help in here, at least for the summer.”
“That’s a good idea.” She nodded and glanced at the kids.
“I don’t know,” I said, my voice rough. “Part of me thinks I should be able to handle it. They are my kids, after all.”
“They are,” she said, nodding again. “But everyone needs help from time to time. There’s no shame in that.”
Her words and her eyes were too understanding. I looked away, suddenly uncomfortable by how much I’d opened up to someone I’d only just met. One year of shutting myself away from the world could do that.
“I know a girl,” she said. “Emily Ward. She lives in town, and she’s a darling with children. I could give you her number, if you’d like?”
She looked around the house and then slowly back at me. She had a warm look on her face, but I could tell she had something brewing in her mind. “It would be nice to have a woman around the home – I mean for the children of course.”
“Sure.” I shrugged, not quite sure what she meant. I didn’t want to seem too eager, but was secretly relieved at the prospect of getting some help with the kids.
Mrs. Johnston smiled knowingly and grabbed the pad of paper from the kitchen counter. She scrawled Emily’s number on the top page and then turned back to me. She patted me on the shoulder and went to say goodbye to the kids. They both hugged her and thanked her for the brownies. She beamed at them and then left.
I watched her disappear through the front door with an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Mrs. Johnston was kind and generous, but she was already too comfortable around us. Since Telissa’s death I’d kept everyone at arm’s length, and I liked it that way. If no one got too close, then no one could hurt me or my kids again. It wasn’t a realistic plan, but it was one that had worked for me so far.
The kids finished their brownies and then immediately started fighting over which movie to watch. I groaned and ran my hand over my face. Whatever I felt about Mrs. Johnston didn’t matter. I needed help before I lost my ever-loving shit on my kids. That was the last thing I wanted. I’d managed to keep myself together so far. I wasn’t going to screw it up now.
Before I could change my mind, I picked up the phone. I dialed Emily’s number and put the phone to my ear. It rang three times before she picked up.
“Hello?” she said, her voice older than I expected.
“Hi,” I said. “My name is Sean Evans, and I’m new in town. My neighbor, Mrs. Johnston, thought you might be able to help me out with child care?”
“Oh!” she said. “What exactly do you need?”
“A nanny,” I said quickly. “At least for the summer.”
“How many kids?” she asked, her voice falling into a professional rhythm.
“Two,” I said. “My son is seven and my daughter is five.”
“I see,” she said. “When are you looking for someone to start?”
“Yesterday,” I said seriously.
She laughed, and my stomach clenched. Her laugh, along with her voice, sounded nice. When Mrs. Johnston said she knew “a girl,” I thought she meant a teenager, maybe someone in college. Emily sounded like an adult. I was immediately uneasy.
“Well I’ll have some more questions, if that’s all right.” she asked. “I can bring in my résumé and references. I have a degree in child development from—”
“That sounds great,” I said quickly. “I’m sure you’re more than qualified.”
“Wonderful,” she said, and I could hear the smile in her voice. “What’s your address?”
I gave her the address, and she promised to be over by eight the next morning. I thanked her and we hung up. My heart beat slightly faster than normal. Her voice had been sure and sexy.
I shook my head and forced the thoughts away. Even if she was hot, she was going to be my kids’ nanny. Nothing could happen between us, I wouldn’t allow it. The rest of the day dragged on endlessly. I fed the kids dinner and put them in front of a movie, which they bickered their way through. By the time bedtime rolled around, I was more than ready to be alone for a few hours.
I tucked Tommy in, then went across the hall to do the same for Sarah, but she wasn’t in bed. With a frown, I searched the house for her. Just when I was beginning to worry, I found her asleep in my bed. She was clutching the picture of Telissa I kept on my nightstand.
I sighed and made my way over to her. The last thing I wanted to do was disturb her sleep, but I couldn’t let her get in the habit of sleeping in my bed. When she was a toddler, she would only sleep sandwiched between Telissa and me. When Telissa was in the hospital, it was impossible to get Sarah down without hours of tears. I didn’t want to start that process all over ag
ain.
Carefully, I lifted her out of the bed and carried her to her room. She was still holding tight to the picture of her mom. My heart felt heavy at the sight of her precious little fingers holding the photo. I thought about pulling it from her grasp, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. She needed it more than I did.
I kissed her forehead and then tiptoed out of the room, grateful to finally be alone in a quiet house. As I made my way downstairs, my mind turned once again to thoughts of Emily. Her voice was so enticing. I could have sat on the phone with her for hours, just listening to the rise and fall of her words. As I remembered our conversation, I felt that same tug in my stomach from before, and I quickly pushed it away.
Sinking down on the couch, I sighed and shook my head. There was no use daydreaming about Emily or her voice. No matter how sexy she sounded or even how sexy she might look, I couldn’t date again. I had thought that Telissa was the love of my life, but then she broke my heart and left us. All of it fucked me up on so many levels.
After everything I’d been through, I didn’t have it in me to let someone else in. I wasn’t sure I ever would or could.
My back slowly relaxed into the couch, and my eyes began to droop. I thought about dragging myself upstairs, but I was too comfortable to move. My mind was still racing as I flashed between what I imagined Emily to look like and my memoires of Telissa. Just picturing my wife’s face was enough to make me forget about Emily completely. Emily’s voice had piqued my interest, but one thing would always be true: she wasn’t Telissa.
I finally fell asleep, with thoughts of my wife floating through my mind. I didn’t know if I would ever move on or let go of her memory, but I did know that dating just wasn’t in the cards. Not for me. Not yet. Not for a very long time.
CHAPTER FOUR - EMILY
Tuesday morning arrived, and I found myself parked outside the Evans’s house. Given my current financial situation, I was relieved in the prospect of locating a stable job that involved children. I was also a little shocked that the very man Janie and I were joking about called me to offer me a job in his home. In any other part of the country, it would be a farfetched scenario, but in my tiny town, it was actually plausible.
The house was a beautiful, large colonial. It was evident that whoever this man was, he had good taste and was loaded. I still had ten minutes before Sean was expecting me, so I waited in my car for the time to pass.
The garage door opened so hard it slammed against the house’s exterior. The sound of it made me jump, leaving me to feel a little foolish. I was just glad no one else had seen my reaction.
An incredibly handsome guy with thick shoulders and a well-trimmed beard emerged from the doorway with trash bags gripped in both fists. The garbage must have been heavy because I could see his muscles flexing beneath his thin white T-shirt. He threw the bags easily into the garbage bins.
He must have been finishing up some last-minute tidying up around the house before my arrival. He pulled his arms behind him like he was stretching his back, and it had the pleasant effect of making his shirt cling to him like a second skin. His broad, masculine chest lit a warmth inside me.
Fuck. How long had it been since I’d been close to a hot guy? Shit, any guy for that matter? I sure as hell hadn’t ever been with a guy that hot, or ripped. Only in my dreams.
My eyes followed the hard lines of his torso down to where the hem of his shirt had risen above his stomach. His jeans hung low on his hips, exposing the V-shaped muscles of his abdomen.
My mouth watered at the sight of him and I couldn’t help but wonder how he looked with the jeans thrown in the corner and his undies pooled on the floor beneath him.
Get ahold of yourself, Emily.
I giggled to myself at my train of thought. Clearly, I needed a boyfriend if the mere sight of a good-looking guy got me all hot and bothered.
The man turned his face in my direction. “Hello?” he called out.
Oh God.
I hoped he hadn’t noticed me eye-banging him from my car like some pervert.
He walked toward me.
“You must be Sean,” I said when he arrived to my car door.
“Right,” he said gruffly. “Emily?”
“Yes.” I nodded but my voice faltered slightly. Janie’s description of him didn’t do him justice. Sean was incredibly handsome. His dark hair was cut casually, and his eyes were a deep, probing blue. He had an air of confidence about him that I found both incredibly sexy and also a little intimidating. I didn’t quite know how to behave around someone who came from a big city, they always seemed more worldly than anyone from this tiny town.
“You brought your resume I assume?”
“Yes, I have it right here.” I took the sheet of paper out of the folder in my purse and handed it to him. “I typically find that the best way for you see if I’d be a good fit for your family, is just to jump in and show you what my routine with the kids would be,” I said.
He flicked his eyes briefly to my face before returning them to my resume. Jesus, this guy was a tough sell.
As he read of the paper, I sat in my car awkwardly and I couldn’t help but feel like he regarded me with some suspicion, or was I imagining it? His voice had been near desperate on the phone yesterday, but now that I stood in front of him, his tone and demeanor suggested arrogance and borderline annoyance even.
“Come in,” Sean said shortly.
I smiled and exited my car, then followed him inside, my eyes roaming over his body. He was tall, much taller than me. It was obvious he took care of himself. As I looked at him, my cheeks flushed. I shook my head and tried to pull myself together. Marveling at the sexiness of my potential boss was not the best way to start my new job. His attitude was probably for the best. It would keep me focused on what I was there for, which was the kids.
“How’s your morning going so far?” I asked, keeping my voice light and casual.
Sean shrugged. “Fine. The kids only just woke up.”
Sure enough, when we walked into the living room, I saw the kids sitting at the kitchen table. They were both still in pajamas. When they turned to look at me, there was trepidation in their eyes that I wasn’t used to. Most kids either looked overjoyed to meet the new caretaker, or they had a troublemaking glint in their eyes. These kids possessed neither. Instead, they simply eyed me closely, waiting for me to speak.
“Tommy,” Sean said. “Sarah. This is Emily.”
I smiled and walked over to sit down with them at the table. I’d found that it was easiest to just make myself comfortable. If I dawdled around awkwardly, the kids became more nervous.
“It’s so nice to meet you guys,” I said brightly.
“You too,” Tommy said politely. His cheeks were red, and his eyes darted between the table and my face.
“So,” I said. “Anyone hungry? How about some breakfast?”
“You can cook?” Tommy asked, surprised.
“I can,” I said proudly. “In fact, don’t tell anyone this, okay?”
“Okay.” Tommy nodded eagerly.
“I make the best french toast in Telluride,” I said, keeping my voice low and conspiratorial.
“You do?” Tommy asked, his eyes wide.
“Why’s that a secret?” Sarah asked sharply.
I looked at her with a smile, happy that she was finally speaking.
“Because,” I said. “If anyone else found out, they would break down my door every morning just to get some. I can’t have that, can I?”
“I bet they aren’t that good,” Sarah said.
“Sarah,” Sean said, a warning in his voice.
I glanced at him with a soft smile, silently telling him I could handle it.
“Well, I guess I’ll just have to prove it to you, won’t I?” I asked her.
Sarah eyed me for a few seconds. I looked back at her impassively. She was clearly in the challenging phase of childhood that I knew so well. As I watched her, her eyes narrowed, and she fold
ed her arms across her chest.
“Are you going to be our new mommy?” she asked boldly.
Of all the things I expected her to say, this never even crossed my mind. I cleared my throat and shook my head.
“No,” I said kindly. “Of course not. I’m just here to help your daddy out. I’ll be your nanny.”
“What’s a nanny?” Tommy asked.
“It’s kind of like a babysitter,” I said. “Only I’m around more often.”
“Oh.” Tommy nodded, but I turned my attention back to Sarah.
“Is that okay with you, Sarah?” I asked.
Normally, I didn’t give kids this option. Most of them attacked the second they smelled fear, but with Sarah, I knew something was different. She wasn’t challenging me just because she could. She was challenging me because she needed to; because she needed to see me as an ally. It was obvious she missed her mother.
“That’s fine,” she said, her voice lighter now.
“Good.” I smiled and stood up. “I’ll get that french toast going. Sean, would you like some?”
“Gotta eat,” Sean said on a grunt.
When our eyes met, I smiled again and bounced into the kitchen. I couldn’t look at Sean for too long, or I lost myself in his blue eyes and naturally muscular body. They almost made up for his asshole demeanor. As I got breakfast ready, I observed Sean and his kids.
Tommy was obviously shy, and Sarah was bold and rude for her age, but I was sure that was just a defense mechanism. From what I could tell of Sean, he was much more like Sarah than Tommy. He wasn’t shy, but he also wasn’t talkative. He had a distant air about him that made me nervous and curious at the same time.
After I finished cooking, I laid the food down on the table and helped the kids get their plates ready. I cut Sarah’s toast and poured Tommy’s syrup. When they each took their first bites, their faces lit up with joy, and they quickly devoured the rest.
“More?” I asked. They both nodded, and I put another slice on each of their plates. “I’m glad you like it.”