You’ve invited him home to meet your stepmother and stepsisters for Sunday lunch. Does he … Reluctantly say he’ll be there, then ring you at the last minute claiming he had a work emergency and couldn’t make it. On a Sunday afternoon.
Arrive late, then ask if anyone would mind if he watched the big match on Sky Sports live.
Ask for a guided tour of the house then mentally calculate how much it’ll sell for on the open market and consequently, how much your inheritance from it would be.
Be the perfect house guest, arriving with flowers and champagne for all your family, then even offer to help with the washing up.
You’ve been dating for a while now and you’ve decided that his best quality is … None of your friends like him, so at least you never have to worry about a girlfriend running off with him.
He does at least have a hobby, albeit one that involves screaming at the referee during Match of the Day and explaining to you, yet again, the finer points of the offside rule.
He’s got plenty of money. Too bad none of it gets spent on you, that’s all.
Where to start? He’s funny, kind, sensitive, strong and adores the ground you walk on … so much so that you find yourself wondering if he’s really too good to be true.
And his worst quality has to be … Being brutally honest with yourself it’s this: you’re only dating him till someone better comes along. And at this stage, you’d consider anyone.
His obsession. Too bad it’s not with you, but with Wayne Rooney and Manchester United.
Ahem, there’s no polite way to put this, but his very, very short arms and his very, very long pockets. Honestly, at this stage it wouldn’t surprise you if he opened his wallet and a moth flew out.
Worst quality? That he can’t pass a homeless person on the street without buying them food, giving them cash for a hostel, chatting away to them like old pals, then calling the Simon Community and demanding to know what exactly they’re doing about this. And that’s his worst quality.
You’ve decided to take the ultimate couples test: going on holiday together. Does he … Let you do all the booking and organising, then the day before you’re due to travel, just when you’re getting a spray tan, he calls to cancel, claiming he has a work project that he just can’t get out of.
Suggest that you go to Paris, but not for any romantic reason; it’s because there’s a Six Nations match in the Stade de France that weekend. Might as well kill two birds with one stone.
Insist on booking a last minute, cheap and horrible package on a charter flight that leaves at 2 a.m. and leaves you about sixty miles from your hotel. Because it’s such good value.
Secretly discover that you’ve always wanted to visit Thailand, so he books the most fabulous hotel you both can afford and then pulls every string he can to get you both an upgrade on the flight out.
You take him out to meet your old childhood friend, a guy you’ve been pals with since you were in primary school and who’s almost like Buttons to your Cinderella. Does he … Feel threatened that you have such a close male friend and do everything he possibly can to be rude to him.
When he discovers that your pal isn’t really a sports nut, he immediately tries to convince you that he’s gay.
Get jealous then spend the night questioning him closely and when you go to the ladies, asks him straight out if you and he ever had a drunken fling.
Insist on taking you both to dinner and make a point of really getting to know your old friend. Because any mate of yours is automatically a mate of his too.
THE RESULTS
Mostly A’s: Cinderella says … oh dear. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you but this guy is such a slimy frog that it’s a wonder he doesn’t catch passing flies with his tongue. Nothing to be done here but avoid, avoid, avoid and if you see him on the street, run in the opposite direction. Very fast.
Mostly B’s: Cinderella says … hmmm. He’s fanatical all right, but about Sky Sports and not you. Could possibly be worked on and sanded down over time, but is that what you really want? To invest all that time and energy into changing a guy?
You, the hot stuff reading this, can do so, so much better.
Mostly C’s’: Cinderella says … he’s passable, there’s no doubt about that, but being brutally honest, you’re not really dating Mr Right, are you? You’re dating Mr Ah Sure He’ll Do. Which is an interesting way to pass the time, but supposing you miss The One in the meantime?
Mostly D’s: Cinderella says … congratulations! You’ve hit the jackpot and have arrived at the dating world’s Holy Grail … Prince Charming. Enjoy every minute of this, babe, you deserve it!
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Acknowledgements
Huge thanks, as always, to my agent and dear friend Marianne Gunn O’Connor. What would any of us do without you? And to Pat Lynch … you are amazing!
This is my first book for HarperCollins and I can’t thank the team at Avon enough for the warmth of their welcome; from day one it’s been a pure joy to work with every one of you. Joining Avon feels like joining a family and believe me, I know how privileged I am to be a part of it. A very special thank you to the wonderful Kate Bradley, for all her terrific thoughts, ideas and suggestions for this book. Massive thanks also to Sammia Rafique, surely the most patient woman on the planet! And to Caroline Ridding, Claire Power, Keshini Naidoo and Charlotte Wheeler … somehow chatting with you ladies never, ever feels like work!
Moira Reilly, you are incredible and it’s a delight to be on ‘Team Moira’. Thanks also to Tony Perdue who works so hard. And a very special thank you to a very special lady who first brought me to Avon, Maxine Hitchcock.
Thanks also to my wonderful family and friends for their continued support; you know how much you mean to me and I apologise here and now for driving you all mental when I’m in the middle of writing … I know, I know, I’m a complete scourge and bless you all for putting up with me!
Finally, thank you to all my readers who’ve been kind enough to write and say nice things about my books; it means the world to me that you’re enjoying them.
I’m ridiculously proud of this book and I hope you enjoy it too.
About Claudia Carroll
CLAUDIA CARROL is a number one bestselling author in Ireland and a top ten bestseller in the UK, selling over 700,000 copies of her paperbacks alone. She was born in Dublin where she still lives and where she has worked extensively both as a theatre and stage actress. She now writes full-time.
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Addictive Fiction
First published in 2010 as Personally I blame My fairy Godmother…,by Avon, a division of HarperCollinsPublishers
This eBook edition first published in the United Kingdom in 2019 by Aria, an imprint of Head of Zeus Ltd
Copyright © Claudia Carroll, 2010
The moral right of Claudia Carroll to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act of 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
This is a work of fiction. All characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
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A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ISBN (E) 9781788548557
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