by Mary Manners
Of course, it didn’t hurt to see Cody just a few steps across the aisle, dressed handsomely in a crisp black tux. Rena caught a whiff of his spicy, clean aftershave. The sight of him, tall and confident in his role as Best Man, sent Rena’s belly into a series of unsettling little flips.
Afterwards, in the reception hall, music filled the room. Cody found her in the crowd of family and friends. He took her hand.
“Dance with me?”
She nodded, and he drew her close. His lead was smooth and flawless, and she found herself pressing her cheek against his shoulder as they glided across the dance floor. His arms wrapped around her, and she was lost in the feel of him.
He leaned close, his breath warm in her ear, “You look beautiful.”
“Thank you. In your arms—in this dress—I feel beautiful.”
They whirled around the room. “That was some ceremony,” Cody murmured. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen two happier people.”
“Oh, I know.” She sighed as she watched Kyle and Kelsie mingle with their family. “Kelsie is the most beautiful bride.”
Cody pressed a hand to the small of her back and she felt protected…sheltered. “You look pretty amazing too, Rena. Kelsie wasn’t kidding when she said you are a vision of beauty in that dress. I nearly forgot I was holding the rings when I caught a glimpse of you standing across the aisle.”
“Well, I…I…” He had an endless supply of compliments. She glanced up at him. “I’m so happy for Kelsie and Kyle, yet I feel a little…”
“Sad, right?”
“How did you know?” She stopped dancing to look at him. ”It’s such an odd sense of loss, when I should feel nothing but happiness. It’s awful to feel this way.”
“Why?” The blue of his eyes was intensified by the navy cummerbund and tie. “You and Kelsie have been friends, well...forever. And now she’s married. That changes everything. It’s normal to feel a little out of sorts. I feel it as well.”
“You do?”
“Sure. Kyle and I have been friends for a long time, too.” Cody loosened the tie and stuffed it in his jacket pocket. He rubbed his neck. “Ah, I can breathe again.”
Rena wished she could slip off her pumps. The leather bit into tender flesh across the top of her foot and gnawed at her heels as Cody led her into another dance. The minutes segued into an hour, and the crowd began to thin when Kyle and Kelsie exited to catch a flight for their honeymoon.
“Do you feel like going for a ride, maybe getting something to eat?” Cody asked as the music faded. “I don’t know about you, but I’ve been so wrapped up in things today that I haven’t had time to even think about food. Right now my stomach’s screaming at me to fill it.”
Rena’s belly grumbled in a very unladylike manner. “I guess that says it all.”
“Come on then.”
The cool evening air revived Rena as they crossed the parking lot to Cody’s pickup. He opened the passenger door for her, then stepped around to the driver’s side and slid into the truck.
“What do you have a taste for?” He turned the key in the ignition and the engine roared to life.
“Nothing too heavy.” Rena placed a hand across her belly. “My stomach’s twisted like a pretzel.”
“Hmmm... I know what might sit well on that unsteady stomach of yours.” He took his cell phone from his pocket and dialed a number to place an order for food.
They turned left into light traffic and sped along the highway. Dusk settled around them, waking stars. Rena slipped her feet from the shoes that had been holding them prisoner and sighed with relief.
A few miles down the road, Cody pulled into the parking lot of a deli.
“Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
He slipped from the car and went inside. A few minutes later, he returned to hand Rena a white paper bag filled with warm foam containers.
“You’re going to love the chicken soup. It’s the best around.”
The aroma of chicken stock and vegetables made her hunger roar. “I take it you come here often?”
“With clients. It’s a convenient location and the food is good.”
“What exactly do you do for a living, Cody?” It was something she’d wanted to ask since the disturbing phone call from her mother, and now seemed a good time.
“I’m an architect.”
“Oh? What company do you work for?”
He didn’t miss a beat. “C and CJ Enterprises.”
“C and CJ…I’ve noticed your ad in the phone book. It’s quite impressive. And I’ve seen your logo on the Shelter the Homeless brochures. You’re a major supporter of the program, aren’t you?”
“I’m just giving back what I can.”
“It’s obvious that the CJ stands for Cody Jamison, but who’s the second C for?”
Cody’s eyes took on a wounded look and hesitation stunted his voice.
“It...it stands for Caden, my older brother. We went into business together eight years ago.”
“But I’ve never seen Caden at the building site with you. Where is he?”
“He—he died last May.”
“Oh, Cody…I’m so sorry.” She pressed a hand to his shoulder. “What happened?”
His gaze pierced the road and his voice came slow and strained. “Leukemia happened. It came out of the blue; hit him hard. One day he felt fine, and the next he was tired and run-down. It went on for a few weeks, and I finally convinced him to see a doctor. The next thing we know he’s going from specialist to specialist and being pumped with cocktails of powerful drugs in a futile attempt to annihilate the cancer cells ravaging his body like an out-of-control wildfire.” He paused so long Rena thought he wouldn’t continue. But he cleared his throat and went on. “Caden was tough--and stubborn. He gave it a good fight, but the cancer took him anyway.”
“I’m so sorry, Cody.” Rena’s heart tore as he swiped a hand across his eyes. “Oh, so sorry.”
Quietly, he slid into a parking space near the river walk entrance and eased the truck to a stop. When he turned to face her, his eyes danced in a pool of tears.
“You know, I’d always thought leukemia was a kids’ disease, but since Caden died I’ve learned a lot more about it. Did you know it affects more adults than children?”
Rena shook her head. “I—I didn’t know that.” She unlatched her seatbelt and turned to him, the warm food sandwiched between them. “I’m so sorry, Cody. I know how heartbreaking it is to lose someone you love.” She felt his pain and tears gathered in her eyes.
“He left a wife and three boys—my nephews. Jeanne’s struggled to make ends meet. I guess that’s why I got involved in the Shelter the Homeless Program. I see Jeanne and the boys in the faces of the people we build for.”
“Oh, Cody.” She watched the lean line of his jaw and saw his mouth tremble. She knew the cost of his control. It tore at him, the same way memories ravaged her. “I had no idea.”
“Caden was great at architecture…amazing, actually. But he wasn’t the world’s best financial planner. He didn’t have any life insurance, and he left Jeanne with a pretty big mountain of debt. It’s been a rough road for her. I help out as much as I can, but…”
“How old are they?”
“My nephews? Let’s see…Jackson is six and in the first grade. Seth just turned four and Tommy will be one in a few weeks.”
“Three boys?”
“Yeah. Caden always wanted a lot of kids. I’m sure he and Jeanne would have had more if the cancer hadn’t taken him.”
“Three boys…I’d like to meet your sister-in-law. She must be a tower of strength.”
“She’s pretty amazing. She and Caden dated through high school and married during college. I’ve known her all my life. I guess having me tag along whenever the mood struck was good practice for raising a small army of boys. Caden is…was five years older than me, and I was an annoying kid brother, let me tell you. If the prank could be imagined, I pulled it. I lived to yank his cha
in.”
“How did Jeanne take it…you know, when Caden…”
“Died?” Cody said it with the conviction of a man who’d come to terms with such a horrific loss. “She was a lot stronger than me through the whole thing, that’s for sure. Jeanne has faith that surpasses my understanding. I did some serious questioning at first. You know, how could this happen? How could God take someone so good, so giving? How could He allow three little boys to go through life fatherless? What had they done to deserve that? What had Jeanne done to deserve the nearly-impossible task of raising a trio of boys alone?”
“She’s not alone, Cody. It sounds like she has you to help and support her.”
“Yeah, for what it’s worth.”
“It’s worth more than you can imagine, I’m sure.”
“You just never know what life’s gonna throw at you.”
She touched his hand, offered what little comfort she could. “I wish I could help...take the pain away.”
“You have...you are.” He shrugged out of the tuxedo jacket and tossed it over the seat. “I’m sorry. I guess the wedding’s got me feeling a little nostalgic. Kyle and I have drawn closer since Caden died. I’m happy for him, but this is going to be a big change.”
“I know. When we were little, giggling at sleepovers, Kelsie and I used to daydream about our wedding days.” That seemed like another lifetime. The days were so innocent, endlessly happy. Oh, to have those days back again. “Now her wedding day has come, and everything’s changed. I’m happy for her, too, but I’m going to miss hanging out with her, doing girl-stuff.”
Cody grinned through his tears. “Ah, girl-stuff. It’s a complete mystery to us guys.”
“No more than guy-stuff is a mystery to us girls.”
“Point taken.” He swiped at his eyes, and then brushed a tear from her cheek. “That’s enough bawling for one night…no more tears, OK?”
“OK.” Rena smiled. “No more tears.”
“Do you feel like walking? I know a quiet spot down the path a little. We could eat under the stars.”
“I’d love to walk. It’s a beautiful night.” The air was unseasonably warm, breathless with the kiss of spring. Stars glimmered in the velvet canvas of sky.
“Let’s go, then.” Cody took the bag of food and as an afterthought reached behind the seat for his guitar case. He wrestled the food and the case into one hand and grasped Rena’s with the other while they walked down a cobblestone path illuminated by old-fashioned street lanterns that mimicked gaslights.
“He would be thirty-four next week—Caden.” Cody broke the silence with that bit of information.
Rena nearly added, “And Allie would be two.” But she held her tongue. Was it a sign of some sort? She and Cody both losing loved ones who shared such close birthdays?
“Here.” Cody paused at a wrought-iron bench overlooking the water. “How’s this?”
“Perfect.” Rena sighed. Ripples of lake water shimmered beneath the moonlight as cicadas serenaded them on a breath of warm breeze. “Let’s have our meal here.”
“OK.” Cody propped his guitar case against the side of the bench and settled into the seat with Rena. He opened the white bag containing their food and removed two foam bowls. He handed one to Rena along with a plastic spoon and a napkin, and then reached into the bag once more. The aroma of yeasty buttered rolls filled the air and Rena’s mouth watered in anticipation. Hunger exploded in her belly.
“Do you mind if I say grace?” Cody balanced containers on his lap. “Unless you’d like to, that is.”
“You go ahead.” Rena bowed her head automatically, encouraged by Cody’s gentle touch as he sheltered her hand in his.
His voice was just as gentle. “Dear Lord, thank you for the food we’re about to share and for Rena’s friendship on this beautiful evening. Please be with Kyle and Kelsie as they begin their new life together. Help their marriage to strengthen and grow with each day.” He drew a deep breath, and then continued. “And, Lord, comfort those who are hurting. Bring them hope and…guidance. For it’s in Your name we pray. Amen.”
“Amen,” Rena echoed, touched by his humble, heartfelt words. “I think I feel a bit hungry now, since the ache in my belly has eased.” She reached for a foam cup and removed the lid. “Oh, this soup smells wonderful.” The broth steamed. Creamy chicken broth spiced the air.
“It tastes even better than it smells.” Cody wasted no time devouring his. “Go ahead; you’re in for a treat.”
Rena dipped and nibbled. One delicious spoonful led to another and soon her bowl was empty and her stomach pleasantly full. She settled back and sighed, rubbing her belly. “Mmmm...delicious. Thank you. That really hit the spot.”
“Here, I’ll take those.” Cody gathered the empty containers and tossed them into a nearby trash can. He took his guitar from its case and strummed a few chords. “Do you mind?”
“Not at all. I love to hear you play.”
He looked pleased. “You do?”
“Yes. Play the song you did last week at Bible study.”
“Which one? Hum a few bars for me.”
Rena quietly obliged. Cody followed her lead, his fingers coaxing the strings. He gazed over the water as he sang, as if searching for answers to all the mysteries of life. Rena listened, surprised to find she remembered the words. It seemed lifetimes had passed since she’d felt the urge to make music part of her world, especially worship music.
“Why don’t you sing with me, Rena?” Cody’s fingers stilled on the strings. “By the sound of your humming, I’ll bet your voice is pretty amazing.”
“I don’t…feel like singing.”
“Why not?”
She shrugged. “I’d rather just listen to you.”
“So shy…I’ll bet your voice is beautiful, just like you.” He leaned in and brushed his fingers through her hair. “Oh, Rena, do you mind if I…kiss you?”
“No! I mean, yes.” Rena’s spine stiffened and her blood turned to ice as she backed away from Cody. His words echoed those she’d heard not so long ago. Carl had pitched them, when he’d lured her to his studio. His tone had been smooth as honey, his stone-gray eyes sincere as the sun. But his touch had been brutal, the consequences devastating. Memories washed over her, and her stomach lurched. The soup threatened to come up, and she pressed a fist to her mouth to stifle rising bile.
“Rena, what’s wrong?” Cody reached for her. “Are you choking?”
“Don’t touch me.” She scooted away from him. “I want to go home.”
“Why? Because I asked to kiss you?”
“I just want to leave—now. I’ll walk if I have to.” Panic forced her words, even while a slight rationale hiding in the back of her mind coaxed her to remember this was Cody, and he’d never done anything to hurt her. It was just a simple kiss he wanted…nothing more.
“That’s not necessary.”
“Then take me home. Please.” Her voice was flat as she scrambled from the bench. Cody grabbed his guitar and rushed after her. His long legs ate up the distance between them.
“Rena, wait. I don’t understand.”
What was there to understand? Following Carl had ruined her. She’d been blinded by ambition, and that ambition led her to trust a liar, a swindler. He’d taken advantage of her. Hurt, and left alone and pregnant with Allie, Rena had barely survived. She wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to trust another man. Cody might seem different now, but her judgment in that regard was already proven to be faulty. She’d be foolish to trust it.
Besides, when Cody found out about her past, he’d turn tail and run. She’d be a pariah. Rena couldn’t bear the thought. She quickened her pace and heard his feet on the pavement behind her. He caught her arm and turned her to face him.
“Wait. There’s something I want to say, and then we’ll leave.” His eyes were stormy ocean-blue as they studied her. “Whatever it is, Rena, whatever’s holding you back, it’s in your past, and that’s where it’ll stay. It doe
sn’t matter to me. I only care about now, about the future. I’ve learned not to live in the past.”
If only it was that simple. He just didn’t understand. “Cody, I—”
“Shhh.” He pressed a finger to her lips. “It’s going to be OK.”
Tears sprang to her eyes. “No, it’s not. It will never be OK again. ”
****
Flames licked Rena’s skin as she ran toward the wild, writhing light. Her lungs constricted with each gasp of suffocating smoke. Like a wild animal, she clawed her way into the building.
Allie! Lord, help me! I have to get to her.
She staggered through the haze and stumbled up a flight of stairs. Flames roared overhead like a jet on takeoff. She heard a shout from behind and lurched along faster. She couldn’t stop now. Allie was upstairs, inside their apartment. Flames gyrated like frantic beasts. Again, a shout. She tried to run, but a firefighter plowed into her, knocking her forward with such power she was thrown to her knees on the concrete landing. Stunned, she gasped for breath and struggled to right herself, fighting against the pain in her knees. She clawed to the next flight of stairs before she was slammed face first into a smoldering wall. Her head exploded in pain and the world tilted on its axis. She kicked and scratched and pummeled in the arms of a firefighter who grabbed her and threw her over one shoulder. Flames danced with smoke while Rena’s world faded to black.
“No! Allie, I’m coming to get you!”
The sound of her own desperate screams woke Rena. She jerked up in the bed, panting. Moonlight flooded the room as she struggled in damp, tangled sheets, gasping for breath. Her skin glistened with sweat and she choked back bile that rose in her throat.
Tears scalded. Allie was gone forever. She’d never hold her sweet baby again. Succumbing to exhaustion, she slumped against the mattress and curled into a tight ball, weeping.
Help me, Lord. Please, help me.
Light the Fire
10
“Oh, I’m never going to get this right.” Erin tossed her script onto the bleacher. “It’s just too hard.”