Gray?
[silence]
HR: Ok, well thank you for talking with me Gray. Do you think we could speak again? When you are feeling up to it?
JWG: [smirk] Sure Doc. I mean, it ain’t like I’m busy these days is it? [laughter]
[end of tape]
His last statement was strange. It was different, his voice, his speech, the humour. Almost as if I was speaking to another person entirely. It’s too early to suggest multiple-personalities or schizophrenia, but it will be a trait to watch out for as our interviews continue I think.
12 September 2009
Mrs [censored] is dead. 4 days after the attack in the lounge, she has succumbed to her injuries. I will await the morticians report on the exact cause of death. When I informed Mr Gray of her passing, he questioned who she was. When I recounted to him the events of September 9th, he claimed he had no memory of the attack taking place, and was visibly upset at the notion I was presenting; that he has attacked and in turn killed another patient. No interview today, as Gray doesn’t want to talk.
14 September 2009
I conducted a second interview with Gray this morning. He appears to be physically deteriorating, despite us providing him with sufficient food, water and exercise. I notice too that he has been chewing on his fingernails and hands again. A form of self-harm maybe, a physical manifestation of guilt he is not allowing himself to feel?
Publisher note: The transcript of this recording is quite disturbing. Please read at your own discretion.
[start of tape]
HR: Good morning Gray, how are you feeling?
JWG: Tired. Weak. What is in this crap you’re feeding me? And this bag… [referring to the saline IV we use to keep him hydrated while restrained] What’s the deal?
HR: It’s just saline, Gray. Just to keep you hydrated and awake.
JWG: Awake huh? Is that why I’ve not been sleeping?
HR: Have you not been sleeping, Gray? From our records it says you sleep each night?
JWG: No, I…. huh. I mean… I don’t feel like I sleep. I feel tired. All the time. There are gaps, I guess. I don’t… remember stuff. Like, how long have I been in this room Doc? I saw you…. saw you, a week ago?
HR: [rustle of paper] 4 days, Gray. I spoke with you 4 days ago.
[silence]
HR: So, Gray, have you thought any more about what happened with Mrs [censored] ?
JWG: No, I mean, yes, I mean… Look I told you, I have no idea what happened, ok? I don’t know who she is… was…. don’t remember being in the lounge, or what you say I did…
HR: You, did do it, Gray. There were plenty of people who saw you.
JWG: Ok, fine, but please, believe me, I really don’t remember it happening!
[At the risk of pushing Gray too hard I switch topic]
HR: Did you do what I asked you before, Gray? Did you try and remember what happened to you in June?
JWG: It… hurts, to think back… I remember, I wasn’t at home. I mean, I was, but… Someone… came, and took me away. But, Anna and Marie, they were… already gone, I mean…. dead, by then.
HR: Someone took you away? Do you know who? Or where they took you? Or even why?
JWG: [visible signs of anguish and struggling with memory] It’s all, so faint. A blur. Like, through frosted glass… there were a lot of them… they looked like, sounded like military… but I don’t think they were… more like… a private security force… I know they had guns, and… gas masks… couldn’t see faces…
HR: Try to relax, Gray. Breathe deeply, it will help you remember. Tell me, where did they take you? Try and remember, anything, about where you were after they came.
JWG: It was dark. Cold. Strange, I…. I felt, a kind of peace. There was no-one around. Just me. And… bars. I remember bars. Cold, black, iron, I think. Like, a cage. Like a cage you’d put a dog in.
HR: Someone put you in a cage? Did they ever come to you, talk to you, like I am now?
JWG: I don’t… I’m not…. All I can remember is the darkness. Feeling alone. Trying not to think of…. of, my family… the fact they were gone… taken away… dead. And I saw it happen! I… I saw it…. I felt it……
[A moment occurred, which neither the audio tape nor this document can record with the pronounced effect it had. But I saw it, with my own eyes. I saw the look on Gray’s face, and in his eyes, when he relived something he had buried deep and forgotten]
JWG: Oh god. I….….. did I….. was it me?....did I…. kill them? NO!.... NO! I…. my Anna… my love… those eyes… so blue, but so cold… not moving… and a scream… MARIE!
[Gray is now yelling and screaming, trashing in his restraints, eyes wide]
JWG: MARIE! You get in here now!... Baby, Oh look! Don’t you see? Mummy is waiting for you….
[Gray cocks his head violently to the left, an audible crack is heard even over the sounds of his creaking restraints]
JWG: She was…. So small… and fragile… like a little, porcelain doll… she felt warm, her neck… was so smooth, as it… broke between my hands. Such a quick, fleeting moment, that. ‘Anna and Marie, here they be, lying together for eternity!’ [maniacal laughter] Do you like my poem, Doc?....
[silence]
JWG: [whisper] Would you like me to write one about you?
[tape ends]
At this point I left the room, and ordered Mr Gray to be sedated immediately. He is clearly insane. But moreover, it appears his periods of insanity are hidden even from his own consciousness. I would bet, that if I speak with him again [and I stress the if, because I am not sure I care to at this time] he would not recall our last conversation. We shall see.
14 September 2009 (addendum]
I have decided that I must speak with Gray again. We will leave him sedated for a few days, let him sleep, rest, clear his head. Hopefully he will forget our last encounter, and I can get some more answers about what happened to him.
18 September 2009
A few hours after taking him off the sedation, Gray is awake and moving around his room. He seems normal, at least for now. I will speak with him tomorrow; for now I need a little more time to figure out what to ask.
19 September 2009
Following this morning’s interview, D H. Renholm is unavailable to write this report. Interview was transcripted by [censored] at Dr Renholm’s request.
HR: So, Gray. Here we are again. Tell me – did you enjoy your rest?
[silence]
HR: Okay… how about we go back to the cage. Remember? The cage where you said you were kept.
[silence]
HR: [sigh]. Come on Gray. You need to help me to help you here. Think. What were you doing inside the ca….
JWG: [interrupts HR] There was a man. He kept saying phrases like… “the subject”… “the experiment” … “the agent”… “the contaminant”… talking about me like I was, like I was a, a, an experiment or something…. I’m not a subject! I’m a fucking person! I have rights! I’m not some god-damned lab rat! NO! NO NO NO!
[sounds of violent trashing, restraint chains rattling]
JWG: GRRRARGH you won’t DO this to me! Not again! NO! I’LL KILL YOU! I swear I’ll kill you! You won’t experiment on me anymore!
[sounds of restraints creaking and breaking, Dr Renholm screaming, alarms going off]
[a window smashes, cutting (chewing? biting?) noises]
HR: Get in here! Security! For the love of God! Help me! HEEEELLLLP!..... [loud thud]
[door bursts open, sounds of JWG being restrained by several men, Dr Renholm crying for medical aid]
[tape cuts off]
20 September 2009
No entry
21 September 2009
No entry
22 September 2009
I feel….. strange. Since my last… encounter, with Gray. My wounds are healing, but… not in a manner I could consider normal. And the bite marks. They are, oozing, something. The report came back from the mortician regarding Mrs [
censored]. According to the experts, in all their medial wisdom, her biology shows every indication that she died the day that she was attacked. But that can’t be. Can it? I know she was alive, for 4 days, I saw her. Others saw her! Spoke with her. Or at least, spoke to her… I have ordered re-tests. I’m not expecting rush job though.
I hear that the mortician has been out sick for a few days now.
23 September 2009
After suffering from insomnia again last night, I am beginning to wonder if we made a mistake. If, I, made a mistake. Gray said he is in Hell. In our first interview, almost first thing he said to me, in fact. Does he think he is dead somehow? He is clearly alive. We give him food, water, but….. his body is still wasting… but he moves… speaks! Dead people don’t pace their rooms, or… or get interviewed!
No, no no no this is my imagination running away and divulging into nonsense. I must be delirious from fever, or.. something, something from Gray’s bites, an infection from one of my cuts. It will be fine. I just wish this headache would go away… I must ask for more next mealtime… my appetite isn’t being satisfied with this crap food.
I wish I could get some sleep….
Publisher note: this entry was highly censored, and partially destroyed. We have done our best to decipher what it may have said – this can be found on the next page.
[Classified Entry]
[25 September 2009]
Entry made by [censored].
[censored] was declared [censored] this morning at 9.32am.
He was found [censored] at the hospital. It is believed that [censored] several days ago.
CCTV footage shows him [censored] with Mr Gray in his room and [censored] out of the Hospital before returning to
Within the Walls of Westfield - A Diary of Madness Page 2