“Twenty hours,” Harvey replied in a flat, cold voice. “Mom made us quit and stumble off to bed. It was the only draw we ever had.”
“Never again.” Gordon shook his head. “One of them had Boardwalk, and the other Park Place, and the rest of the properties on the table were balanced. Without owning both properties, neither could sound the death knell and put the other out of his misery. And of course neither was willing to make a deal, because he knew it’d be the game.”
“Sounds fun.” Kelsey kept her voice light, trying not to let envy twist her words. She’d never played games like that. It’d only been her and Mama, and Mama had either been working herself to death, or trying to get a few hours of sleep. That’s the way it was and there wasn’t anything either of them could have done about it. “The only game like that I can remember playing is at McDonald’s.”
Gordon gasped with mock horror. “Oh, honey, we’ll have to do something about that. You’ve never lived until you’ve lost your shirt to Harvey because he owns half the board.”
She opened her mouth but couldn’t think of anything to say, not with losing her shirt to Harvey playing in her mind. It was dangerously close to the fantasy she’d given him yesterday. She made the mistake of glancing over at him and collided with his dark, intent gaze. By the heat burning in his eyes, he was remembering too. “Maybe he’ll lose his shirt to me.”
“Hardly,” Harvey retorted.
“Challenge accepted.” Holding his gaze, she quirked her lips with amusement heavily laced with promise. “Problem is, I always win.”
His mouth fell open, his eyes going wide, and the grumpy billionaire playboy image he tried so hard to portray wavered in her mind to something much more dangerous. An attractive man who had just realized there might be a fledgling submissive inside of him. The knowledge shone in his eyes, open and vulnerable and very much surprised.
She pulled her gaze away, giving him a chance to recover. It’d only been a minor power demonstration, and certainly not deliberate, but sometimes she found herself playing with the power dynamics before she realized it. Harmless flirtation, or in this case, a little teasing, had suddenly slipped into deep, dark water, catching them both unawares.
“Have you ever played gin rummy?” Gordon asked. “I can teach you the basics and it’s perfect for two.”
“Sure, sounds good.”
They sat down at the table and Kelsey deliberately gave her back to Harvey so he wouldn’t accidentally catch his gaze again. Gordon shuffled the cards and dealt, explaining the rules, but she only half heard.
She loved all aspects of a BDSM scene, even the discussion up front about the setup and gaining consent. Especially the play itself. But the chase before the scene was her favorite part. The flirtations, him dropping his gaze and blushing a little, or stammering, or his hand shaking when he brought her a drink. The first whispered, “Yes, Mistress.” She’d never had a full-time committed submissive of her own, and she’d dreamed of the moment when she’d know. She’d see the one submissive who would rock her world and lead her on the best chase of her life. It was the hunt she’d looked forward to, as much as the ultimate cornering and collaring.
I can’t think of him that way. She moved the cards around in her hand, trying to concentrate on the suits, but it was a losing battle. He’s not mine. He’s too…
Emotional, damaged, grouchy, arrogant, bullheaded, gorgeous, complicated…
She sighed heavily.
In short, perfect.
Harvey slipped away while they were bent over their cards. He couldn’t stay in that room. With her. Not feeling this way.
With such clammy skin, he ought to feel chilled, but his body burned, every inch of him lighting up like a million volts raced through his nerves. The last thing he wanted to do was put on a coat, but he needed some space, and to prove something to himself at the same time. He’d made it outside to make sure she was okay today. Had it been her? Or could he really go out on his own? Had it only been the back door, the protected yard of his childhood? Or could he sit on the front steps and watch the street in front of the house? What if he saw someone, a neighbor? Would he be able to speak to them…or flee back to the house with his tail between his legs?
Aunt Lauren’s party was in four days.
I have to know.
Of course the coat rack at the front door was practically bare. He hadn’t been out in years, so Maxwell had put his coat away. Harvey tugged on the other man’s long wool coat without bothering to button it up. He didn’t intend to be out for long. If he made it that far.
The rich scent of tobacco made him tug the collar up around his nose so he could breathe deeply. Maxwell didn’t have many vices: a glass or two of Scotch on Friday night, and his favorite pipe. Mom had constantly nagged him to give up smoking altogether, and it’d surprised Harvey when Maxwell refused. He’d never seen anyone refuse his mother anything. She had a way about her that…
He froze with his hand on the doorknob. She had the same calm confidence about her that Kelsey had. The same ability to take a simple look and give it weight and iron that made a man sit up and take notice. Mom hadn’t used it often on him, but he’d known when to wheedle his way out of something, and when to shut his mouth and do exactly as he’d been told. No one else had been able to do that. Was Mom a Domme? Like Kelsey?
He couldn’t wrap his mind around it.
Holding his breath, he twisted the doorknob and waited for the floor to fall out from beneath him. Frigid air stung his face. His heart did pound, but not with terror. Even as he took a single step outside.
I’m out. I’m free.
He quietly shut the door behind him and sat down on the front steps of his family home. A few cars drove up and down the street. Christmas lights still colored the snow a multitude of colors, but no carolers or dog walkers, thank God. Just him and the chilly night air.
Why hadn’t he been able to do this before?
His head ached. Wind cut through the night, making him gather the open edges of the coat and tug it up around his nose. Tobacco smoke and wool enfolded him, almost as good as a hug, and he fought himself. He made himself look where he didn’t want to see the truth.
I didn’t go out. Because I was punishing myself. I was afraid…
He sucked in a breath and held the cold air in his lungs, hoping it’d frost his tissues and he’d freeze into a statue, unfeeling and unseeing.
The door creaked and he stiffened, hurriedly wiping the tears from his cheeks. Huddled in the coat, he pretended he didn’t hear the soft footsteps. Or feel the hand on his shoulder.
“Are you all right?” Kelsey asked. Not the challenging voice of the Mistress he’d glimpsed in the library, only the soft, sweet-smelling woman.
He didn’t say anything, but shrugged his shoulder under her hand. Maybe she’d go away.
No such luck, because she sat down beside him on the step. “You had to see if you could do it again. Have you figured out why you couldn’t leave the house yet?”
His shoulders shook and he tried to make himself smaller. Arms tight around his knees, head down, huddled in Maxwell’s coat, he could be a kid again. A kid with his parents still alive and not so many fucking mistakes. Stupid mistakes. Careless, selfish—
“You’re punishing yourself. You’re denying yourself. I’m surprised you haven’t cut Gordon out of your life too.” She paused a moment, not touching him, but sharing that step, his space, his mind. Because she was right, not that he’d admit it. “Or have you? I’m guessing you’ve got some grand scheme to get him away from you too.”
He didn’t move or speak, but his breath caught in his throat and she made a low hum.
“I see. You were going to send him away. The only person left in this world who loves you. Why, Harvey?”
“He deserves it,” he finally answered, his throat raw. “He shouldn’t
be here taking care of me.”
“But he loves you. He’s always taken care of you. But you don’t feel like you deserve it, do you?”
His throat squeezed shut on his inhale, choking him. He couldn’t breathe. Shuddering. He tried to shake it loose, but maybe his wish had come true. Everything inside him felt iced over.
She wrapped her arm around his shoulders and drew him close. She didn’t say anything, but hummed something under her breath, a song he didn’t recognize. The tune was simple, but even without words, it carried bittersweet melancholy. The comfort of her body and her song cracked the ice threatening to destroy him, enough to find his voice again.
“I planned to send him to Holly Park. It’s a cottage my family’s owned in England for years. My parents honeymooned there, and I spent many holidays walking on the cliffs overlooking the beach. At least until I went to prep school.”
“It sounds nice,” she murmured, her lips brushing his hair. Such a small touch, but it rang through his body like a sledgehammer.
“My aunt…” His voice cracked, making him pause to swallow the rage and frustration that flared to life. “She refused to sell it to me. I guess that shouldn’t surprise me since she stole Caine Enterprises out from under me while I was unconscious in a hospital bed.”
“It hurts,” Kelsey said softly, “when family betrays you.”
The pain in her voice drew his head up out of the coat and he turned slightly toward her so he could see her face. “Who betrayed you?”
“My father. He knocked my mom up and then left us. When she died, I tried to track him down, but he wouldn’t even see me. Said he didn’t think I was really his.” She sighed and gave herself a little shake, as if she could make all the heartache and disappointment simply fall off like dust. “That’s all right. I didn’t need him anyway.”
Her voice rang with surety, as if she didn’t need anything or anyone. Certainly a man.
“I know loss, Harvey. My mom died when I was sixteen and she was all I had. They put me in a foster home until I could graduate from high school, and then I was on my own. That pain never completely goes away. It fades over time, but then it can stab you in the heart unexpectedly, killing you all over again with the slightest memory of the ones who’re gone. I get it.”
“But?” His voice rang in the night louder than he intended. He gripped the coat tighter, because what he really wanted to do was punch something. “Don’t tell me it was better to have loved and lost them than to have never known how great I had it, because I’ve heard that a thousand times. It doesn’t make getting over their deaths any easier.”
“I know,” she said evenly, refusing to be moved by his anger. “Some punk told me that at school and I got in-school suspension for punching him in the face. If anything, it sucks more because you only know how much you need that love and support once it’s gone. But they wouldn’t want you to live like this. You know that, right?”
He averted his face and started to draw back.
“No,” she whispered, but that single word carried all her will behind it. It struck him like a whip and he sucked in a surprised breath. “Don’t withdraw. Face this. As you’ve faced coming outside for the first time in years. They wouldn’t want you to live like this. Right?”
He closed his eyes and nodded. If they could see him like this, locked up in the house and miserable…
It’d be the same look on their faces as the night they’d come to pick him up, falling-down drunk and abandoned on the street by his friends.
“So what are you going to do about it?”
“Sit on the front step until I freeze my balls off?”
A startled laugh escaped her lips. “I don’t think they’d want that for you either.”
“No, probably not.”
“So what are you going to do about it?”
He breathed in deeply, enjoying the ache from the cold air burning in his lungs. “I’m going to get my company back. I’m going to take care of Maxwell. They’d want that.”
“Yeah,” she said softly. “They would.”
Something in her tone made him look back into her face, searching for a hint. “He was practically part of the family.”
Her head tipped to the side and she searched his face as carefully. “You don’t know?”
A whooshing sound buzzed in his ears and his pulse quickened. “Know what?”
“Oh boy.” She shook her head, pulling back. “I don’t think—”
“Please.” He seized her hand tightly. “What are you saying?”
“I like hearing that word from your lips.” It took him a moment to track back, and when he realized what she meant, he could feel his cheeks burning. And it wasn’t from the brisk wind. “I don’t know that I’m the right person to tell you this. You ought to ask him.”
“I want to hear it from you.”
She adjusted her fingers in his hand so that she held his hand, not the other way around. It was a subtle movement, a simple twist of her hand, a position change, but he had that strange feeling deep inside again, as if something moved inside him to adjust to her too. “Gordon wasn’t only your parents’ employee or friend. He was their lover.”
Harvey held himself very still as her words replayed in his head over and over. Not his mother’s lover. But their lover. Theirs.
“You never knew?”
Wordlessly, he shook his head and tightened his grip on her hand. Everything was slipping away, crumbling and falling apart. The only solid thing was her fingers wrapped around his.
“He loved them,” she said gently. “I’m pretty sure the feeling was mutual.”
“Not—” His voice cracked again but he didn’t care. “An affair? But—”
“They were in a committed ménage.”
He blinked rapidly, trying to make sense of it. On one hand, the idea of Maxwell and his parents squicked him out and seemed laughable. But on the other… He replayed his favorite childhood memories, and always, Maxwell was there. He wasn’t with them as an employee, a butler or personal assistant or nanny. He was in the kitchen, but then sitting down with them at the table. Playing games, all four of them. Going on vacation together. Maxwell was as solidly in his childhood as his parents, if not more so, because they were busy with their jobs and social work, while Maxwell…
Maxwell had always been dedicated to him and their home. Their family.
“Shit.”
She squeezed his hand and laughed. “Yeah. I’m surprised you never knew, but he said they were very discreet, and that you left home early.”
“Why the fuck didn’t they ever tell me? Why…?” He shook his head, rage bubbling back up, mostly at himself. Typical. On a good day, he’d treated Maxwell as a family friend. On a bad day…as an employee. A lowly employee. Spoiled brat playboy Harvey had lots of bad days. Scarred shut-in Harvey…
“Fuck.” He pushed up to his feet and tried to let go of her hand, but she kept a firm grip, even when he tried to shake her hand off. “I’ve got to talk to him. How could he not tell me? All these years? And after the accident… Fuck!”
“Harvey,” she said in that low, vibrating voice that cut through his rage and self-loathing enough that he could stop and look at her. “Think about it. Your parents never told you. What if they asked him not to tell you too? You can’t be mad at him for keeping a promise to them, can you?”
“Yes, yes, I can.”
Uh-oh. She hadn’t come out here intending to give up Gordon’s secret. She’d only wanted to make sure Harvey was okay. Gordon said they’d been discreet, but deep down, she’d thought that surely Harvey had at least suspected something. Even if he’d been away at school for months at a time. Gordon had lived with his family his entire life. No, been his family, especially through the healing process after the accident. How could Harvey not know?
He whirled toward th
e door so he could no doubt go and berate the poor man. She had to distract him. Fast.
“So when are you going to admit to being submissive?”
He jerked to a halt but didn’t turn around. “Excuse me?”
“Earlier tonight, when we were trying to decide on a game to play. You looked at me and you felt something. Something you’ve never felt before.” He took another hurried step to the door so she pushed a little harder with a well-aimed low blow. “Do you always run away from a challenge?”
He whirled back and charged toward her. She loved the slow, careful hunt of her chosen prey. But sometimes, an explosive standoff was the answer, even if she hadn’t planned it. Keeping her body loose with a casual smile, she didn’t rise to his level of energy. She kept hers low and calm, her eyes steady on his.
“I never run from a challenge,” he retorted, bending down into her space.
“Good.” She didn’t bother stepping up so they were more level. She didn’t need her head above his to reinforce her position. “You remember the challenge I issued in the library, don’t you?”
He faltered a moment, unsure which library scene she might mean.
“Where I said you’d lose your shirt to me?”
His lips curled into a sneer. “I never lose.”
Laughing softly, she reached up and patted his cheek. “Who said you’d be losing, cupcake?” His eyes flared, making her laughter melt into something much closer to tenderness, if she dared think about it. “This is all very new and strange for you. You don’t have to have it all figured out already. You know that, right? There’s a reason we live to be seventy something on average. We need that long to figure out why we were put on this earth.”
“You have no idea how strange this is.” His lips tightened into a firm slant. “How wrong you are.”
“Am I?” She kept her energy focused and carefully contained. Calm, steady, assertive, but not overbearing. “You didn’t suddenly wonder what it’d be like to lose to me? What it might mean when I claim the spoils of my victory?”
The Billionaire's Christmas Bargain: Billionaires in Bondage, Book 3 Page 11