Tears dripped down her cheeks but she didn’t say anything. She didn’t know what to say. All her life, she’d wanted to meet her father and have some kind of relationship with him. In five minutes, he’d shot her from extreme hope to anger to despair. After so long, did she really want to get to know him, if he was going to die in a few months? A year?
“Sitting in a room with a needle pumping poison into my arm, I decided I had to get my shit together in the time I have left. And if I have a daughter, I want to at least get to know her before it’s too late.” He sighed heavily, almost a groan of pain. “Look, darlin’, I know it was a shitty thing to walk out on your mom. I didn’t know she was pregnant when I left, and when she called me, I couldn’t afford to come back. By the time I could, my willful, stupid pride insisted she was only after me for a little slice of the pie. I don’t deserve a chance to make it up to you. In fact, I know I can’t possibly make up all those years and what you went through growing up without a dad. But let me at least make some kind of difference in your life before I’m gone.”
She was silent so long he asked, “Kelsey?”
“I’m thinking.”
“Do you have a family? Are you spending Christmas with anyone?”
Pain speared her heart. She’d hoped Harvey might call, but it’d been twenty-four hours. He’d be going to his aunt’s Christmas Eve party tomorrow and executing his grand plan. He wouldn’t have any need of her. “No. But that doesn’t mean I want to see you. I’ve learned to protect myself. Had to. And I don’t want to get hurt all over again.”
“I understand. I do. I was a class-A asshole when you came to see me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I can’t even begin to say it enough. I understand if it’s too painful. If you need to say no, it’s all right. I’ve never been there for you, and it’s not my intention now to cause you more pain.”
Three or four years from now, would she look back at this decision and be glad? Would she have a few pleasant memories of the man who’d fathered her? Or would she only have gleeful spite, like Harvey’s determination to steal his company out from under his aunt’s nose? Would she beat herself up with guilt that she hadn’t done enough while she had the time?
Or would she face the pain head-on and see what pleasure she could find in it?
“Where are you?”
“I’m staying at the Saint Paul Hotel. I’ll meet anywhere you want.”
“I’ve always wanted to eat at Mickey’s Dining Car.”
“Done,” he said quickly. “Can I send a car to get you? It’s snowing like crazy.”
She laughed and something broke free inside her, a chunk of ice that slowly flowed away. “Welcome to Minnesota. It snows like crazy at least six months out of the year. A car would be great.”
She gave him a nearby corner intersection a few minutes’ walk away, not her apartment number, just in case he was a complete fraud. She hung up, startled to realize it’d gotten dark while she’d talked to him. Her tree glowed brightly in the dim room, transformed from scrawny to a tiny miracle of hope by a simple phone call.
I’m going to meet my father today.
Merry Christmas, Kelsey.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Harvey ran a finger around the tight collar of his white dress shirt but it didn’t budge. Dressed in a sharp black tuxedo, he almost felt like the old him. The fake one who’d come home from the sea to try to fit in—only to fail miserably. His bowtie could use some work, but he still wasn’t speaking to Maxwell beyond the few necessary words. Have the suit cleaned. Get the car. Time to go to Aunt Lauren’s.
Between his sweaty palms and his already damp undershirt, he’d probably catch his death of cold the first time he left the house in years for a public event. It’d serve him right.
Dressed in an old flannel robe, Maxwell waited at the door with his dressy wool coat. He’d always been a spry man despite his white hair, but now his shoulders were heavily stooped and he shuffled like an elderly man at death’s door. He’d aged ten years overnight.
Guilt and nerves churned in Harvey’s stomach, but he didn’t say anything as Maxwell helped him slip into his coat. When he’d played out the moment of his victory in his mind, Maxwell had always been by his side at the party. His shield and his protector. His hands trembled at the thought of facing the lion’s den alone, but he didn’t ask him to go. He couldn’t. Maxwell had been vehemently against this plan from the start.
“You look very nice. I’m sure Mrs. St. John will be thrilled to see you.”
Harvey smoothed the already perfect lapels of his coat. “Right up until I make my announcement.”
“I guess you’ll see whether your assumptions were correct very soon. I hope you’re not disappointed.”
“How could I be? Everything’s going according to plan.”
“Of course.”
Harvey knew that tone of voice but refused to rise to the challenge of defending his position for the thousandth time. “You’ll see.”
“Actually, I probably won’t. I’ve got a plane to catch very early in the morning. I’ll try not to wake you since I’m sure you’ll be out celebrating your victory very late.”
Harvey had to bite his tongue to keep from blurting, You’re leaving? Of course Maxwell was leaving. Harvey had told him to. The Caine trust would provide for him as long as he lived. He’d only stuck around to take care of Harvey.
I don’t need anyone to take care of me any longer.
His mind flinched away from a sudden memory of Kelsey soothing him after she’d paddled him into a sobbing mess. His left buttock chose that moment to throb, a phantom memory of the pain she’d given him.
And the release. The peace. He’d slept like the dead for another full day after she left. He had nothing better to do.
“Merry Christmas, Harvey.”
Shaken, he could only nod and mumble, “Have a safe flight,” as he exited the house. The driver opened the back door for him, but he hesitated, turning to look back at his family home. Maxwell lifted a hand in farewell and then stepped inside out of the cold.
Harvey almost ran back up the steps to fling the door aside and drag him into a crushing hug. Beg him not to leave. He even took a step back, the snow seeping into his expensive leather shoes.
The plan. Remember the plan. You’ve almost made it.
He slid into the car and the driver shut the door. Staring up at the dark house, he tried to imagine what it would be like without Maxwell. And he didn’t want to come home ever again.
* * * * *
Historic Mickey’s Dining Car was lit up like a Christmas tree with bright neon lights. Kelsey sat in the car a moment, trying to gather her thoughts. She’d expected Johnny to send a taxi for her, not a luxury Town Car with leather seats. She’d never sat in such a nice vehicle before. Staring at the diner, she wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans. No, she hadn’t changed her clothes. She refused to try to impress the man who’d walked out on her mother twenty-eight years ago.
As a hungry, grubby kid, she’d dreamed about this day. How her famous father would show up in a fancy car and take her and Mama away to live in a shiny palace. As an angry teenager struggling to finish school on her own, she’d dreamed about beating him up so badly that he wouldn’t be able to sing ever again. By the time she’d actually saved up the money and gathered her courage to see him, she’d settled somewhere in between, where he’d be glad to know her, even if nothing really changed.
When he’d walked out and flippantly told his manager to give the kid some money to shut her up, her last belief in fairytales and happy endings had shriveled up and died.
So what did she expect when she saw him face to face tonight? A teary reunion? Hardly.
Taking a deep breath, she opened the car door. “Thanks for the ride.”
The driver scrambled out and shut the door for her. “I’ll be here
to take you back home when you’re ready.”
Tears burned her eyes and she nodded her thanks. Last time she’d gone to see her father, she’d been too naïve to plan for the trip home alone. She’d ended up stranded in Denver and decided she had a new hometown.
She walked into the diner and saw him right away. The long, narrow streetcar made it difficult to hide and there were only two customers. Sitting at the bar, he turned as soon as he heard the door and stood up. God, he was tall. Mama had been right about that. He had to be well over six feet and definitely lean. His coloring was a little off, his skin grayish, betraying his illness.
Even if she hadn’t seen him once before, she knew his face. She’d found him online and stared at his image for years, praying he’d rescue them and then cursing him when he didn’t. His eyes were the same pale blue, but his long ponytail was gone, replaced by a shorter buzz cut of sparse, gray hair. He looked closer to Gordon’s age than fifty.
She’d expected him to wear something sparkly like one of his show outfits, but in faded jeans and matching denim work shirt, he could have stepped off a ranch. Except for the fancy cowboy boots. She doubted anyone would actually ride a horse in boots like those.
He took a step toward her and opened his arms, like he was going to hug her.
Hug me? After twenty-plus years of nothing? Oh hell no.
Stiffly, she held out her hand. His cheeks burned, but he lowered his arms and took her hand, though he didn’t shake at all. She joined him at the bar and had to pull her hand out of his. Uncomfortable silence hung between them, but she picked up the menu to give herself something to do.
“So.” He cleared his throat. “You’ve never eaten here?”
“Nope.”
“How long have you lived in St. Paul?”
The waitress came over, so Kelsey ordered a bowl of mulligan stew and coffee with cream. “Two years.”
“What about Sarah? Where’s she at now?”
Kelsey held her breath for several long moments, fighting to keep her voice even. “Mama died when I was sixteen.”
“Oh. I… I didn’t know. I’m sorry, I had no idea. Were you able to stay with family?”
Kelsey took a sip of the coffee and winced. Gordon’s brew put this to shame. “We had no family.”
“Where did you live?”
Is this dickhead for real? She turned and searched his face, but he looked genuinely bewildered. “We’d settled in a shithole town outside of St. Louis in a one-bedroom roach-infested apartment with a huge hole in the roof. When she died, I couldn’t afford to keep even such a dump on my own. I didn’t have any friends. I had nowhere to go but foster care. It’s a miracle I managed to graduate high school.”
His hands trembled as he wrapped his fingers around his water glass. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“Gee, I don’t know. I didn’t have your number? I didn’t have any money to come find you? It took me years to save enough to make the trip to California, and then we all know how that turned out. I only had enough cash to make it back to Denver on the bus. So I even lost the crap jobs I’d been working after graduation.”
“Why didn’t you just take the money?”
She slammed her fist down on the counter, rattling their glasses. The waitress whirled around and the only other customer, an old guy at the end of the bar, shot her a dirty look. “Sorry. I guess I still have some lingering anger for you.”
Wary, the waitress plopped her bowl down in front of her, and Johnny’s strawberry milkshake. She took a bite of the thick stew and was pleasantly surprised. A few bites gave her time to settle down and gather her thoughts.
“I didn’t take your money because I wanted a dad. Not a paycheck. If you didn’t want me, then I sure as hell didn’t want your money.”
“But it would have made your life easier.”
“I learned at an early age that life wasn’t going to be easy. I would only have what I worked my hardest to get. At least then it would be mine.”
He was silent for so long that she glanced at him, and froze when she saw the tears on his cheeks.
Self-conscious, he swiped at his cheeks. “The damned chemotherapy ruined my appetite and wreaked havoc on my mental state. Every time I see a damned Christmas commercial they put me in tears.”
She had to laugh a little. “You’re starting to sound like Harvey.”
“Boyfriend?”
She tipped her head side to side. “Sort of. Maybe. Though the last time I saw him, he kicked me out of his house.”
“Need a long-lost dad to pick up a shotgun and go see this guy to ensure he treats his daughter right?”
“Nah, I got that covered.” Though the idea of Johnny Dalton showing up at the Caine mansion with a shotgun made her smile.
“You got a job? Are you doing okay financially?”
“I have a job, but you might not approve of it.”
He arched one eyebrow. “Oh really? Now we’re getting to the good stuff.”
Lying awake at night, she’d imagined having all sorts of conversations with her dad. But never quite like this. “I’m a camgirl.”
His other eyebrow rose up to form a high-rise line of surprise across his forehead. “An online sex worker?”
“Yep.” She turned her attention to her bowl and ate steadily. She didn’t really care about his opinion. He could voice it, but his approval—or disapproval—wouldn’t affect her one way or the other.
“That’s fascinating. Is it good money?”
“In the past year, I’ve managed to save nearly a hundred thousand dollars.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you must be pretty good at it then.”
She choked on a lump of meat and he pounded her on the back. “Yeah, I guess. Once I figured out my niche, my income went way up.”
“And what’s that? If you can tell me.”
“I’m a Dominatrix, though when the money’s right, I’ll do about anything.”
She must have winced a little, because he probed a little deeper. “Something that’s bothering you?”
She blew out a sigh. “I was hired for Harvey. He didn’t like it when he found out.”
“That’s why he kicked you out.”
“Yeah.”
“When we talked on the phone earlier, I admitted I was a bit of a hound dog. It’s such an ego boost to walk off a stage and have a hundred of the prettiest girls in town throwing their panties at you. So yeah, I did sleep with a lot of girls in a lot of cities, but as I got older, I learned something very important. Eventually, the faces blur together. There’s only a few encounters over the years that were real. That I could remember. Faces that I would dream about. Sarah was the only one who really haunted me.”
Now it was her turn for her eyes to burn, but she’d be damned if she’d cry in front of him.
“I’m assuming you see a lot of guys online. Most of them don’t mean a thing to you. Was this Harvey guy real?”
“Yeah.” Just thinking about him made her heart ache. His grouchy complaints and arrogant demands, mixed with his wide-eyed shock when she’d paddled him. His passion once she’d released his anger. “He was the realest I’ve ever known.”
“Then don’t make my mistake. Don’t let him walk out on you, and don’t you walk out on him.”
She’d been thinking about what to do about Harvey. It wasn’t like she could call him. Even if she had his number, he’d probably refuse to hear her out. “I know where he lives and he doesn’t get out much. Assuming I can get in the door, I think I can make him hear me out.”
She ordered a piece of pie and Johnny had another milkshake, claiming it was about the only thing he could stand to eat. Chocolate this time.
“So I was thinking…” He turned in his seat and faced her, elbows braced on his knees. “I quit the music business when I got
the diagnosis. I couldn’t do the crazy tour schedules any longer and I don’t have the strength to get through a two- or three-hour performance, though I still putter around with my guitar. I already bought a house. Well, a condo, here in downtown St. Paul. It’ll be ready after the first of the year. I’m set up with new doctors up here, though I might fly out to California on occasion to see my old doc.
“I’d like to see you more. If you’re open to that. No expectations or anything like that. I’d just like to get to know you.”
Her throat tightened but she managed to get the words out. “I’d like that.”
“I don’t have any idea what I’ll do with myself. I’m starting to get some of my strength back and the boredom is killing me. I can’t do anything physical, but I was thinking about starting some kind of business, or at least making some investments. Now here’s where you can tell me it’s none of my damned business if you want, but what are you saving all that money for?”
She hesitated a moment, unsure if she wanted to share her hopes and dreams with him. He might laugh. Or he might tell her a thousand reasons it was a stupid idea. He had no right to know her dreams. He’d crushed so many of them without even knowing it.
But staring into his thin, wan face and his watery eyes still damp in the corners, she couldn’t punish him that way. It might make her feel better to deny him any piece of her heart, but it wouldn’t cost her anything to let him have a little of her true self. He might walk away again and leave her high and dry…
Or she might actually start to have a father for the first time in her life.
“I’ve always dreamed about opening my own bar. I found the perfect building just a few blocks away, but it needs some work. I’ve got enough for the down payment and most of the renovations, but I’m not quite ready to make the jump. I want to have plenty of capital to set myself up right to make it a success.”
“I sure would like to help you with this,” he said slowly, dropping his gaze to his hands. “I know I ain’t got the right, but it would do me proud to help you make this dream come true. I’ve got more money than I rightfully know what to do with, and I need something to occupy my brain before I drive myself nuts. Could you use a business partner?”
The Billionaire's Christmas Bargain: Billionaires in Bondage, Book 3 Page 18