Gena/Finn

by Kat Helgeson

  Disclaimer: don’t own the characters

  Author’s Note: I wrote this whole long intro and deleted it, so...here’s what I have to say. Hope you like it.

  If you’d asked Tyler what he would miss most if he ever lost Jake, he would have known the right things to say. His laugh. The shit he leaves all over Ty’s damn car. The awful singing. Push him a little harder and he would have begrudgingly mentioned some sentimental stuff: floppy cakes Jake attempted on his birthdays, the smell his shampoo left in the shower. And that fucking laugh, again.

  He’s never going to forget the laugh, but what he never thought would hit him so hard is how much he’s hurting for how fucking loud Jake was when he was sleeping.

  Because Evanson’s gone now, and it’s just the dark and this scratchy unfamiliar mattress and nothing else, and fine, FINE, if it’s his responsibility to fill the silence he’ll fucking cry, okay?

  It’s familiarity, it’s childhood, it’s security, it’s a brother.

  And it’s the end of Jake so it’s the end of part of him and what he wants to know, what he just wants to know right this fucking minute is how much of him, because if you’d asked him before, if you’d asked him how would you be if Jake died he would have said I WOULD DIE, THERE WOULD BE NOTHING THE HELL LEFT OF ME--

  but here he is.

  And he just wants it to be tomorrow so he can sit up and look at himself in the light and see what’s left of him.

  “I can’t keep going,” he says, tamping down the quiet, just for a minute.

  He breathes, accidentally, and keeps going.

  --genny goldman

  and since I promised you all some pictures:

  Me filming a scene with Jake, two days before the accident:

 

  Me and Zack on Man of the House during a break, drinking juice boxes (we had to practice drinking them SILENTLY so we could have them while other people were filming):

 

  and a gorgeous, GORGEOUS piece of fan art from last night, by my best friend in the world:

  15 Comments

  DanniRice

  goddddd gorgeous. Needed this, thank you. I hope we get to see something like this next week...Ty’s got to have some breakdown, right?

  SwingLowMySweet

  Honey. How are you?

  _EvenIf

  doing okay. I’m sorry I left you guys hanging for so long.

  SwingLowMySweet

  shh, no. Let me know if you need to talk, okay? Love you.

  _EvenIf

  Love you.

  Tumbledown

  God, sobbing. I’m so glad you’re okay.

  _EvenIf

  me too.

  MioMy

  holy shit.

  slotohes

  we’ve been SO worried about you, gena!! SO good to hear from you.

  _EvenIf

  good to be back, thank you.

  finnblueline

  you.

  _EvenIf

  you.

  Tylergirl93

  really pretty, but shouldn’t you be writing about zack, not jake?

  _EvenIf

  lol

  finnblueline

  lol

  HANNAH MOSKOWITZ

  —New Yorker

  —Cat owner

  —Author of more than a dozen works for children and young adults including Gone, Gone, Gone

  (a Stonewall Honor Book) and A History of Glitter and Blood

  —Spotted on YALSA’s list of Popular Paperbacks for Young Adults and ALA’s Rainbow Books List

  —Former Rocky Horror Picture Show performer

  —Favorite characters include: Sam Winchester, Sirius Black, Callie Torres, Shawn Hunter

  —Fangirl

  —Hannahmoskowitz.com

  KAT HELGESON

  —Chicagoan

  —Dog owner

  —Social media content creator

  —Undefeated at Trivial Pursuit: Star Wars edition, 1987 cake walk champion, scored a career total 2 points during regulation basketball, debut author

  —Former trapeze artist

  —Favorite characters include: Castiel, Luke Skywalker, Kara “Starbuck” Thrace, Ron Weasley

  —Fangirl

  —Kathelgeson.com