TABLE OF CONTENTS
TITLE PAGE
PRAISE FOR THE RYLEE ADAMSON NOVELS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4
CHAPTER 5
CHAPTER 6
CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 8
CHAPTER 9
CHAPTER 10
CHAPTER 11
CHAPTER 12
CHAPTER 13
WAITING
NEWSLETTER
ALSO BY SHANNON MAYER
AUTHORS NOTE
COPYRIGHT
PRAISE FOR THE RYLEE ADAMSON NOVELS
“Shannon Mayer’s Rylee Adamson paranormal romances keep me glued to the page. Rylee is a kick-ass character who loves with her whole heart and reminds me of my own Rose Gardner—a collector and protector of lost and broken souls. Every new book is better than the last and I always finish her latest book hungry for more.”
-Denise Grover Swank
New York Times and USA Today Bestselling Author
“The Rylee Adamson Novels are filled with a wonderfully detailed and rich paranormal world with engaging characters, a fast paced plot and lots of action. A must read for urban fantasy lovers.”
-Eve Langlais
New York Times and USA Today Bestselling Author
“If you love the early Anita Blake novels by Laurel K. Hamilton, you will fall head over heels for The Rylee Adamson Series. Rylee is a complex character with a tough, kick-ass exterior, a sassy temperament and morals which she never deviates from. She's the ultimate heroine. Mayer's books rank right up there with Kim Harrison's, Patricia Brigg's, and Ilona Andrew's. Get ready for a whole new take on Urban Fantasy and Paranormal Romance and be ready to be glued to the pages!”
-Just My Opinion Book Blog
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
This one is for Rylee herself. For a character who has enough fight in her to keep her story going even when I said it was done. Welcome back, Rylee.
Welcome back.
CHAPTER 1
I USED TO KNOW myself. I was a Tracker, a finder of missing children, a righter of wrongs. I have battled demons, monsters, and Elementals in order to keep my family and friends, and even the world, safe. I have lost those I loved, all to keep this world intact and free of the darkness.
I am feared for my fighting ability and my hair-trigger anger.
And now . . .
“Get me a fucking diaper. I’m all out!” I yelled as I held the squirming baby ogre to the change table. His light blue legs kicked playfully as he giggled and laughed. One peek was all I needed to call for backup. His diaper was full of a bright green shit that I had no idea how he’d managed. How could it possibly be neon green? Even six months into caring for three ogre babies, I was still learning the ropes as to what to expect. For all I knew, neon green shit that smelled like death in an outdated tuna can was normal.
They hadn’t eaten anything even remotely close to what I was seeing in his diaper, at least not in color. A waft of putrid fumes floated up my now extra-sensitive nose and I gagged to the side while still trying to hang onto the squealing little guy. He laughed harder with each gag, as though I were doing it on purpose. “Not funny, Kav,” I managed between dry heaves.
Damn, this was one of the downsides to having senses keyed in overdrive. I shied away from those thoughts, away from the reality of what I was now.
As long as I didn’t think about it too much, I could pretend nothing had changed. Sure, to the outside world I could say the words “I’m a daywalking vampire,” but to me, what I was really saying was “I’m officially a monster. A bad guy.” It didn’t really matter that Doran and Faris turned out to be good guys. I just couldn’t reconcile myself with the creature I was.
“Kav . . .hold still . . .please.” I had to be careful how much pressure I had on him. I was still figuring out the limits of my strength, or lack thereof. The last thing I wanted was to hurt one of the babies because I made a quick grab to stop them from doing something.
More and more, I’d been pulling back, keeping myself from helping as much even while I longed to hold them.
What if I hurt one of them? Accident or not, I would never forgive myself. Perhaps it would have been better if I died in order to close the Veil with my life rather than Alex. The pain of watching my daughter and the children I’d adopted in my heart, not touching and holding them. . . it tore at my heart, tore at my soul. They’d been everything I fought for.
I had one hand on his hip, holding the diaper closed, seeing as he’d ripped off the tabs, and the other hand on one of his shoulders to keep him from squirming. What that really meant was his hands and feet were free to flail about, grabbing at anything and everything. The diaper cream, the baby powder, clean clothes stacked to one side. His reach was long enough to touch pretty much anything he spotted on the table. His fingers grabbed at the edge of the diaper, tugging it out from under his bum. Panic wrapped around me. I did not want to wipe neon green shit off the walls. Again.
“Liam, hurry!”
Big blue eyes blinked up at me, as innocent and trusting as ever. He smiled, soft and gentle, and I saw his father’s smile, his father’s eyes. Ah, that hurt as much as anything. I so badly missed those we’d lost. Dox, Giselle, Erik, Milly, Blaz, and of course, Alex. That was only the start of the list of those who’d been snatched far too early from my life—at the time when I needed them more than ever as I navigated my new life.
A diaper was thrust into my line of vision as Kav, a cheeky grin wrapping over his lips, ripped a chunk of his diaper off.
“Here,” Liam said.
He grabbed the wipes, and pulled a few out, handing them to me as needed. More than the usual two or three as I fought to keep the worst of the shit from spreading. From the two cribs behind us the other four, yeah, four, babies gurgled and laughed. At least, they weren’t screaming.
“Never thought this was how things would end up,” Liam said, his blue eyes twinkling, reminding me all too much of Faris. I drew a breath and instantly regretted it as I dry heaved and Kav giggled, reaching for a strand of my hair that dangled within his reach.
“Damn, what the hell have they been eating?” I grumbled.
“Whatever they want, you know that. It’s like they’re teenagers already.” Liam scooped Kav into his arms now that he was changed and clean, and held him on his hip. The ogre babe leaned his head on Liam’s chest, yawned and stuffed both thumbs in his mouth, sucking loudly. I wiped the last of the neon green poop from the changing table, the edge of the wall, and then washed my hands in the bathroom.
Bam and Rut, the two violet ogres and remainder of the triplets, had curled up in their crib and babbled softly to one another. Liam lowered Kav to them and the three babies wound around one another.
I took a blanket off the edge of the crib, one my grandmother made, and covered them. Each smiled up at me, but it was Kav who held my eyes the longest as he slowly fell asleep. Almost as if he couldn’t bear to not look at me, as if he wanted nothing more than to fall asleep with me there at the side of his crib. Little bugger knew how to tug at my heart strings already. No different than his father, Dox.
The thought of my friend sent another wave of sadness through me. He’d never meet his son, never hold him. My heart did a funny little twist, one of pain and gratitude all rolled into one unnamable emotion I didn’t want to overly examine.
“Look at you, all mushy, you big mean daywalker.” Liam kissed the side of my face and I leaned into him for a moment, letting my guard down. Times like this, I could hear the influence Faris had on Liam’
s thought processes. The mockery was mild, and softened by Liam’s temperament. But he never would have even thought to tease me like that before. That was Faris’s department; push my buttons ‘til I wanted to strangle him. I didn’t mind, and I certainly never said anything to Liam. I wasn’t sure he wanted to know he’d changed as much as he had.
I pulled away from him, maybe a little harder than I meant to. He frowned and opened his mouth to question me. I ignored him and stepped to the second crib. We’d tried separating all babies into their own beds, but that hadn’t gone well per the solid screaming beyond deafening. Ten minutes was all I’d been able to manage before I broke and put them together. They’d cooed up at me as if to ask how foolish I could be as to separate them.
The three ogre babies got one oversized crib my grandfather John made by hand, and Marcella and Zane got a normal sized crib to share.
I leaned over the edge of the second crib and brushed a hand over Zane’s head first. His dark brown hair had begun to curl at the bottom edges that all but begged to be touched. The silky strands were just like his mother’s. He sucked away happily on a bright green pacifier, his eyes closed as his breathing deepened into sleep. Marcella, on the other hand, reached for me.
I bit my lower lip, my fangs brushing against the skin.
“Rylee, it’s safe,” Liam said, and a spurt of anger snapped through me.
“Don’t. Just don’t. You have no idea what I’m dealing with.”
Before I could change my mind, I scooped Marcella up and held her tightly to me as she wrapped tiny arms around my neck. At fourteen months, she wasn’t the youngest of the five, but she was the smallest. That being said, she’d already learned how to keep the boys from bowling her over and taking advantage of the fact she was so much smaller.
A few well-placed bites, and hard shoves that spoke of her already growing strength had tumbled them ass over teakettles. Her defense had done the trick and the triplets all watched themselves around her, being careful not to be too rough. Zane, on the other hand, she tolerated with a degree that spoke of the tight bond they’d formed in their first year of life. From the beginning, they’d been together, a pair more like twins than mere siblings.
“Mama,” she whispered and I closed my eyes, melting more than a little, drawing the smell of her hair into me. There was a hint of lilacs and spring air under the baby powder. They’d played outside all morning tuckering themselves out as they’d rolled in the grass and dug in the dirt.
Tense as a high-strung wire, I kissed her gently, making sure my newly acquired fangs stayed well within my mouth.
“Ella, time for a nap.” Liam held his hands out and I gave her to him. He kissed her and put her down with Zane, covering them both with a soft blanket. She curled up to her adopted brother and he slung an arm around her.
We crept out of the room and shut the door behind us with a soft click.
“Good God, thank you for naptime.” Liam strode down the hall into the living room. His living room to be fair. We had set up at his house in Bismarck. This past six months after the battle had been about adjusting to life. But at the rate the triplets were growing, we wouldn’t be able to stay forever. There just wasn’t room for five small children, two adults, and one teenage witch.
I cringed thinking of Pamela’s mood swings. Some of it was her age and some was the fact she was a witch. “Is it bad I’m glad Pam is out on a job with Marco?” They were scoping the country for other supernaturals that had survived, which to me was fairly safe. Between the decimation of the supernatural population and Pamela’s strength as a witch, I wasn’t worried about her. Okay, maybe a little, but that was habit more than anything.
Liam shook his head. “You read my mind. And no, it’s not bad. She needs to be busy so she doesn’t get bogged down in her teenage angst.”
Liam flopped onto the couch, closed one eye and crooked a finger at me.
I shook my head and rubbed my hands up and down my arms. “I think not.”
A lopsided grin rolled across his mouth and my eyes traced it, as my heart notched up more than a few beats. I wanted him, the way I’d always wanted him. But I was . . . afraid wasn’t the right word.
Ashamed. Liam was my main donor, the one I drank from. Except I hadn’t allowed myself to bite him. We had a system where he used an IV and siphoned blood into a flask for me a few times a week.
So far, I’d kept him at bay with the realities of being a new family. He was exhausted at the end of the day and I let him think I was too, even though that wasn’t the case. I could sleep, but I didn’t need much, and I didn’t get tired like I once had. I was afraid of the loss of control that came with passion. What if I hurt him? What if I lost my mind and tried to drain him dry? There was no Faris, a well-controlled vampire, living inside my head with me. Just me and all these new and terrifying urges.
I forced myself to crawl onto the couch beside him, wading through the anxiety. He tugged me close and I stretched out next to him so we were chest to chest. I couldn’t even look at him. He tucked a finger under my chin and tipped my face up. “Talk to me. You’ve been avoiding me, avoiding touching the babies and it’s getting worse day by day. What’s going on inside that head of yours?”
The words stuck in my throat because I wasn’t sure of them myself. Like they were words that weren’t really me. Weren’t mine. But they were at the same time. How . . . how did I live knowing I was a vampire, that I needed others to sustain my life? Unlike humans, it wasn’t like I could decide to become vegetarian. It was human blood, supernatural blood, or nothing at all. Not exactly a lot of options out there.
“I was there, Rylee. I was with Faris when he fed. I know the desires running through you and the conflict that goes with them.”
I jerked in his arms and he held onto me, pinning me to him. He did a quick roll so I was under him, his face right in mine. Damn him. Like always, he saw through me, saw through to the core of the problem.
“Let me go,” I bit out.
“No, not until you talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to say. I am what I am and it’s going to cost me.” There. I’d said it.
He frowned and tipped his head to one side. “What do you mean? Cost you?”
I clamped my lips shut and looked away as the fear and frustration built in my chest. How did I get him to understand it wasn’t just the feeding? It was the darkness that had begun to build around me, the anger becoming wildly unpredictable. The terror that I was becoming a creature I’d always fought in the past. That whatever made me a vampire was taking me from who I truly was.
That I was losing myself. I struggled to get away from him, but his strength matched mine. As a Guardian, he was harder to kill than I was.
“Did you decide if you are going to help that family?” His change of subject slowed my struggles.
I frowned, thinking. “I want to.”
“I hear a but.”
“I’m not a Tracker anymore. That last girl, she was an easy salvage. Her dad already knew where she’d been headed and we knew her boyfriend had been talking about the two of them running away. If the dad had picked up the phone and called a friend or two of hers, he’d have found them without me.”
I shifted and sunk unintentionally deeper into the couch. I wanted so badly to tuck my head against his shoulder, to have that comfort I’d had in the past. But what if I hurt him? “Fuck, I want to help. But what happens when I say I’ll help, only to find myself at a dead end? I’m not a cop, Liam. I’ve not been trained to find missing people, to dig out clues and follow the damn breadcrumb trail. I cheated and skipped the bread crumbs. I can’t do that now.”
He ran a hand over my head to the back of my neck where he tried to massage some of the tension away. “You haven’t slept since you were asked. And you’ve been moody as hell.”
“I’m always moody,” I snapped.
“Moodier,” he amended with a wink. “I think you have to try. I know you want to.”
I didn’t like where this was going. The conversation felt like he was trying to subtly get rid of me. That maybe he didn’t want me around the babies either. Did he think I would hurt them? My heart pounded. I didn’t want to leave them. But what if that was best?
“And the babies? You think you can handle five on your own?” I was stalling. We both knew it.
“I can get Daisy to help. She loves Marcella and Zane as if they were her own.” He was right. She was half human, half troll, and had been Marcella’s wet nurse while I’d gone into battle with Orion and his demon army. It had been sheer luck we’d found her after everything had settled, and of course, we’d brought her to Bismarck to be close. Just in case. Liam pressed his head to mine so our noses brushed one another. “Am I wrong? Do you not want to go?”
I closed my eyes, listening to my gut. My instincts had never turned me the wrong direction and this time, they were all but screaming at me.
Run the fuck away, Rylee. Run away so you don’t hurt them. Use the salvage as a way out. As a way to protect those I loved the most from the danger closest to me.
Which was why I’d been doing my best to ignore my instincts in the vain hope they’d shut the fuck up and leave me alone for once. I lied to him, for the first time in a long time, I kept the truth to myself.
“This kid is calling to me. The others,” and there had been other requests for Rylee Adamson, rescuer of children, to help, “they didn’t need me. This one does.”
He kissed me, and I tensed at first. But if I was truly leaving . . . and this was my last kiss with him . . .I let myself fall into his love, the one place I’d always been safe. The one place I’d always belonged. He broke it off, grunting as he put a tongue to his lip . . . where I’d pierced him with a fang. A drop of blood beaded and I fought not to lean forward and lick it off. My jaw tightened and I wriggled out from under him.
RYLEE (The Rylee Adamson Epilogues, Book 1) Page 1