by Anirban Bose
He turned to address them. ‘I thank you all for coming to meet us,’ he said haltingly. ‘I am just an old man grieving for his son. You know, I can still remember Toshi from the day he was born. He fit in my two hands…’
He smiled, staring at his empty hands held out in front of him, holding an imaginary baby.
‘Twenty years,’ he continued. ‘Twenty years of memories, twenty years of hopes and expectations, all just suddenly seem to mean so little in actual time. Every moment is so little and yet, a lifetime in itself.’
His voice began to falter and his eyes grew moist. He stopped for a few minutes, biting his lips to hold back the tears. His wife put an arm around him and gently rubbed his back.
‘I could go on living the rest of my life thinking of how many moments I have lost forever. But now, the worst part is that the last two years of not being able to see Toshi made it feel like his life was almost as unreal as his death. You know, his casket was empty because we couldn’t find much of him…and so, sometimes, I wonder…was Toshi truly on that plane? Maybe he wasn’t on the plane that day. Maybe he never took the flight. I mean, how could he if he never went to Bombay? Maybe I was mistaken that I had seen him grow up. Did I just imagine those eighteen years with my son? What did his voice sound like…I forget. What did his touch feel like… I cannot remember. What was Toshi’s smile like… I cannot see. But everyone says he is dead… He is dead, they tell me, when I can’t even remember him alive!’
Tears started rolling down his cheeks. Steadying himself between his wife and children, he continued, ‘But you have given meaning to those two years like you give meaning to my memories. With your journey, you have filled up that hole in my heart from when Toshi wasn’t here. It comforts me to think that these two years he had such good friends so far away from home…and that he felt loved and happy there. You give meaning to Toshi’s life and you give me back two more years with my son. You make Toshi live in my memory again. You comfort my suffering. You ease my pain. You help me say goodbye. You…you help me bury Toshi.’
Then he and his wife started sobbing inconsolably.
Even in the darkness of the night, Mokukchung was a beautiful place. The town lit up the mountainside, glowing with the specks of human habitation all the way from the stream at the bottom of the valley, to their destination for the night – the bungalow at the top. It was the government guesthouse where Toshi’s parents had made arrangements for them to stay.
The guesthouse was a colonial legacy where supervisors from the British Viceroy’s office maintained a nominal presence in the area. Since Independence, the local government had been using it to put up guests and entertain visiting dignitaries. However, because not many high-profile dignitaries visited these parts, its services were available to anybody who carried any clout in the village.
The bungalow occupied the most picturesque spot in town. The top of the mountain had been flattened to accommodate this modest, single-storied, brick and limestone structure. A dusty, stone- and gravel-lined driveway arose from the solitary road on one side of the hill, and arched its way up to the portico in front of the building. The portico led into a roomy reception area, on both sides of which an array of rooms fanned out like the splayed out wings of a bird. The rooms opened out into a spacious chair-lined veranda that provided an ideal hangout to watch the beauty of the lights glowing on the dark mountainside merge with those in the pristine night sky. There was a kitchen in one of the wings and the central area was an open courtyard. An unkempt garden consisting of a few wild plants, a moth-eaten lawn and some large mossy boulders surrounded the bungalow on three sides. The perimeter was marked by the presence of a dozen half-rotten wooden posts, relics from a fence in the past. Beyond the posts, the gently sloping hill was streaked with foot trails that joined the road below.
As with most old colonial buildings, this one too shared the reputation of being haunted. The driver of their jeep was an old Naga man who managed to convey in his broken English that many people had reported seeing figures darting in and out of rooms at all times of the night. His furrowed forehead, widened eyes and retracted lips conveyed the horror better than his diction, but once Adi hit his comfortable bed after having slept on hard wooden planks the last five days, he was out like a light.
The ghosts would have to wait for another night to terrorize him.
The next afternoon they visited Toshi’s grave. It was on a piece of ancestral land, an easy trek up the gentle slope of a mountain. They walked along the narrow foot trails surrounded on all sides by miles of dense bamboo thickets. A light breeze blew through the trees, stirring the leaves soundlessly. A misty haziness floated around them, reminding Adi that they were in the midst of a cloud. The air felt pleasant on his skin, tickling it with its wet touch and leaving a million goose bumps in its wake.
On top of the mountain, in a small clearing, was a recent grave, the small patch devoid of the lush green grass that bordered its perimeter. A simple stone cross sat on one end, bearing an epitaph.
The sight of the grave suddenly filled Adi with a strange sense of completion. It was as though their journey had finally ended, but with a conclusion he didn’t desire. The neat pile of earth stood telling him that the twenty-year-old who had lived just a few rooms away, would not open his door the next time Adi knocked on it, nor dash into his, trying to figure out what the next set of tutorial questions would be. He would never again come around looking for toothpaste, nor would he share Adi’s loneliness in the 2 a.m. discussion about friends and family.
Preparing to say his final goodbye, Adi closed his eyes, hung his head and took a deep breath. The crisp mountain air rushing into his lungs suddenly reminded him of Toshi singing ‘Annie’s Song’. Adi smiled to himself, then, feeling guilty about the impropriety of his smile, sobered up immediately. The image of Toshi with his eyes closed in melodious rapture while he enthusiastically strummed his guitar, returned, making it impossible for Adi to grieve. Adi wrestled with his thoughts, trying hard to muster the obligatory melancholy demanded by the moment. He tried to imagine Toshi’s broken body lying deep inside the earth. He tried to imagine his pain when the plane hit the hills. Yet, standing amidst the serene and silent mountains, all Adi could remember was how Toshi’s chipped front tooth made his grin look asymmetric; how he constantly bit the calluses on his fingertips; how his eyes twinkled as a prelude to his laughter.
Adi stood there silently, painfully aware that in his final moments with Toshi, he just couldn’t say goodbye.
TWENTY-SIX
Although it was only 9 o’clock when they returned to the bungalow after dinner that night, the inky darkness of the east made it seem like midnight. Parked on the driveway was an official-looking car with miniature Indian flags fluttering above the headlights. An array of red sirens sat like ornaments on the car’s roof. They looked at the government license plate, idly wondering about the identity of the dignitary who had decided to spend the night there. Discounting the cook and the ghosts they had yet to encounter, they had assumed they were the only other inhabitants of the bungalow.
The night sky was clear and a million stars dotted the heavens. A half-moon stayed up on the horizon, highlighting the crests of the mountains with a silvery tinge. A cool breeze whistled through the mountaintops. Surrounded by dense forest on three sides, the bungalow looked eerily beautiful in the moonlight. The only other source of illumination was a solitary bulb hanging precariously from the lamppost along the driveway, casting weak shadows that danced with every gust of wind. Millions of bugs flew frenziedly around it, crowding whatever little light the dim bulb could cast. The driveway disappeared abruptly into the darkness just beyond the reach of the lamppost’s rays. A few streetlights illuminated the roads below, while most of the houses were dark in the quiet peace of slumber. Other than the occasional howls of some street dogs in the distance, the surroundings were encased in silence.
Pheru retired to bed early. The others sat on the rocks at the
edge of the garden, silently enjoying the beauty of their surroundings.
‘I haven’t seen Toshi’s girlfriend,’ said Sam. ‘He said he was going to see her pretty soon after he landed.’
‘I think she was there yesterday,’ said Rajeev, ‘the one with the short hair and the brown dress standing next to his sister… I think that was her.’
‘How do you know?’ asked Harsha.
‘Toshi had shown me a photo a while back,’ replied Rajeev.
‘Wow…she was pretty,’ said Sam.
They smiled, remembering how Toshi had kept them entertained with descriptions of his escapades with his girlfriend. They’d sit around him, marvelling at his sexual prowess, as he’d describe positions, postures, passion and performance.
‘Lucky guy,’ said Rajeev. ‘At least he didn’t die a virgin.’
They laughed.
‘This place is so full of good-looking chicks that even we could get lucky,’ said Sam.
‘Yeah, man,’ said Rajeev. ‘We should have stayed here a few more days. Then we’d definitely get lucky.’
A fog was moving in from the distance, and the few lights in the valley below them began to slowly disappear under its blanket.
Suddenly, the sound of footsteps caught their attention. The clinking of anklets accompanied each footfall and appeared to get stronger as if headed straight for them. Intrigued, they shared nervous glances and stiffened in anticipation, straining their ears to discern the source of the sound. Soon they could make out the hazy figure of a woman walking up the hill along the narrow foot-trails. They watched with a mixture of fear and fascination as her form took shape gradually, emerging from the fog like a phantom. The bungalow’s spooky reputation crossed their minds and, for an instant, the thought that she was a ghost frightened them. But nothing about her seemed ghostly as she approached them and stopped a few feet away.
She was a young woman, barely out of her teens. A dark shawl covered her torso under-neath which, a thin white gown outlined the silhouette of her slender hips and shapely legs. In the soft glow of the moonlight she stared at them, said something that they didn’t understand and smiled at them expectantly.
She was the sexiest ghost they had ever seen.
Suddenly rendered speechless, they stared at her, afraid of making any move that might make this beautiful apparition disappear. Then, as they looked on, she took off her shawl and let it fall around her legs.
All of them gasped in unison.
Her breasts showed underneath the thin gown that was hanging from her shoulders by two flimsy straps. Her nipples cast faint shadows on the fabric above. Her skin looked taut and unblemished. It was obvious she wasn’t wearing anything underneath.
Her move to get them to talk rendered them speechless. Something about what she said clearly involved sex, but nobody could figure out what. In this anonymous place, far away from home, just after their discussion about Toshi’s sexual escapades, they stared at this sexy beauty propositioning them, living that moment straight out of an adolescent’s handbook of sexual fantasies by doing absolutely nothing.
Suddenly, the cook came running out of the bungalow and said something to the girl. They exchanged a few rapid words as she quickly rearranged her shawl around her shoulders. The cook wrapped his arms around her and smiled apologetically at the five of them. Mumbling explanations that they didn’t understand, he began to walk her towards the bungalow. She turned one last time to smile at the five of them before following the cook. They watched as he ushered her into a room and rendered a few comically apologetic bows to its invisible occupants, then carefully closed the door behind him and rushed off towards the kitchen.
None of them said a word. They stared at each other, feeling brutally let down by their expectations, trying hard to rein in their imagination.
Finally Rajeev blurted, ‘Wow! Man…was I dreaming? Tell me I was…I wish we had taken her into our rooms before the cook came out.’
Sam shook his head with disbelief. ‘God! She has the most beautiful boobs I’ve ever seen. She was so close… I can almost feel them, man!’ he sighed, squeezing the air in front of him ardently. He grimaced when the sensation didn’t satisfy, and said, ‘I’ll bet Toshi sent her for us from heaven.’
Everyone laughed.
Rajeev had a glint in his eyes. ‘We could still get her, you know’, he said.
The others stared at him uncertainly.
‘She doesn’t live here,’ he said. ‘She has to come out of the room some time…’
They looked at one another, letting the suggestion soak in.
Adi turned to Rajeev and said, ‘Forget it, man… It’s not right. We are here for Toshi’s funeral.’
‘Fuck you, Adi!’ retorted Rajeev. ‘You stay out of this!’
Rajeev’s belligerence surprised Adi.
‘What the hell?’ he began.
Rajeev cut him off. ‘Listen, you two-timing son of a bitch, stay out of this! Don’t come and lecture us about right and wrong!’
‘I was not…’
‘Shut the fuck up, Adi! You are the biggest hypocrite I’ve seen. You talk about right and wrong and then turn around and screw everybody!’
Adi was dumbfounded. ‘What do you mean?’ he said. ‘I’ve not screwed anyone.’
‘Yeah?’ said Rajeev. ‘What about Harsha? Huh? You knew he liked Isha, didn’t you? What about Renuka? Huh? You got her all excited and then dumped her for Isha… What about Pheru? You lied about joining the strike when he asked you to, just so that you could impress Isha. You have screwed so many people over Isha that I hope she is worth it. You wonder why you have no friends now… How could you, when all you have done is stab them in the back whenever it suited you! So don’t come around here like some authority on morality: you are the last person who should be giving a sermon about stuff like that!’
Sam tried to intervene. ‘Come on, Rajeev…that is not true…Stop it, man…’
Rajeev didn’t stop. ‘What is not true, huh? Do you know, Sam…he knew that Isha was going to dump Harsha if he gave her the roses for Rose Day…yet he never warned Harsha about it! He knew it…ask him…he told me himself!’
Harsha and Sam looked at Adi questioningly. Adi remained silent.
Rajeev continued, ‘He walks around like he is some kind of a do-gooder, always trying to do what is right and trying to be popular. But behind their backs he screws everyone! Everyone thought of him as this great guy who would make this great CR in class, till finally the strike showed him for what he is! Look at him…even now he wants to fuck that girl, but is advising us on morality.’
Adi struggled with the barrage of accusations, his initial instinct preparing a fight back. But something in Rajeev’s tirade struck him as unerringly true. He suddenly felt a weight lift off his shoulders. He looked around at the others and smiled.
‘You know, Rajeev, for the first time I think you are absolutely right,’ he said. He turned to address Harsha. ‘Harsha, I don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry, I’m really sorry to have hurt you. I can only hope that someday you will forgive me.’
Then, as the others stared in surprise, he turned towards the bungalow and headed back towards their common room. He looked at Pheru, sleeping peacefully in his bed, before slipping into his own. He thought of Isha and felt a burning desire to see her right then and there, before quickly being overcome by sleep.
Adi woke up briefly in the middle of the night, disturbed by hushed voices and hurried footsteps.
‘Close the door…close the door!’
‘Just shut up, man, and go to sleep…’
He recognized Rajeev’s voice. He looked at his watch before pulling the blanket over himself snugly, happy, that at two in the morning he had six hours of sleep left.
The next thing he knew, someone was shaking his shoulder vigorously and shouting, ‘Get up…get up now!’
Adi awoke with a start to see Toshi’s uncle staring at him. Adi smiled and stretched lazily, ho
ping to steal a few more minutes of the cozy bed’s comfort.
‘Come on…get up! Now!’ shouted Toshi’s uncle.
Surprised, Adi looked around to see Jagdeep, Pheru and Sam in various stages of getting dressed. He looked at his watch; it was five in the morning. Adi wondered about the reason for such haste, but the look on Toshi’s uncle’s face made him decide to save the questions for later. He began to get dressed hurriedly.
As Jagdeep started putting toothpaste on his toothbrush, Toshi’s uncle snatched it from him and yelled, ‘No time now! Let’s get out of here now! Right now!’
They stared at each other, unsure of the reason for this urgency. Except for the fact that Rajeev and Harsha were not in the room, nothing looked amiss.
Seeing their indecision, Toshi’s uncle barked, ‘Listen, do you want to go to jail?’
Dumbfounded, they shook their heads.
‘Then get your stuff and put it in the jeep! We have to leave in five minutes. Now, let’s go!’
That got them moving at top speed. As they loaded the jeep, Adi saw Rajeev and Harsha sitting quietly in the front, avoiding everyone’s eyes.
‘Remember,’ instructed Toshi’s uncle. ‘Make sure you have everything! Leave nothing behind!’
He ran into the main reception area and reemerged with a sheet of paper in his hands. Adi noticed him crumple it and shove it into his pocket.
The official-looking car they had seen the previous night was gone. They clambered hurriedly into the jeep as it started to roll out of the driveway of the bungalow. Adi turned to look back one last time, only to see the cook staring at them with hatred in his eyes.
The jeep flew along the mountainous paths. After a few minutes of driving, they passed a police car heading up the hill towards the guesthouse.
Adi found the suspense unbearable. Unable to control himself, he asked Toshi’s uncle, ‘What’s…wrong? Why do you think we’ll be arrested?’
Toshi’s uncle turned around to take a quick look at Adi and said, ‘For murder!’