Peace settled in her heart.
This was right. They were right. She had a feeling April would approve.
She’d closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep for another few hours. And when Duke whispered her name in the wee hours of the morning, she’d taken him to the bathroom to clean up for the day and let Nate sleep.
She was staying in Harmony Valley. She’d find a position on a police force somewhere nearby—Cloverdale or Santa Rosa. She’d go back to patrol. She and Nate would test the relationship waters. Not marriage, because she didn’t want to make him bolt as he had with April. She could hope that a wedding would happen someday, but she wouldn’t push. What they had between them held the promise of something special, something worth waiting for.
The sun was shining. The coffee was strong. Duke was no longer grumpy in the morning. Her shoulder no longer hurt when she breathed. And when Nate woke up, he’d come find them.
“Juju, pay?” Duke pointed to the town square.
“We’re going for a walk after this.” To the winery where they’d be shooting.
Rutgar was providing the rifle and ammo. The event would be fun. She was competitive, but she knew Nate was a better shot than she was. She planned to enjoy the camaraderie of being with Nate and doing something they both enjoyed.
“There you are.” Doris wore a brown sweater with hundreds of small dancing Chihuahuas embroidered on it. “How good of a markswoman are you?”
“Are you deadly?” Lilac stood next to her friend wearing khaki slacks, a leopard-print blouse and a tan safari hat. The ends of her canary yellow chiffon scarf fluttered in the breeze.
“Of course, she’s deadly.” Doris had no qualms belittling her friend. “She’s on the SWAT team. Tough as they come.”
Julie’s stomach turned.
“While our sheriff has likely done nothing more than work the system to his advantage.”
It was better if they didn’t know the truth about either Julie or Nate.
“Are you feeling okay?” Lilac peered at Julie. “You don’t look well.”
“She’s been spending too much time with the sheriff.” Doris tried to stare down her nose at Julie, but she wasn’t as good at it as Leona. “That’ll upset anyone’s stomach.”
Rutgar appeared at the wrought iron fence. He had a rifle case slung over his right shoulder and a square ammo bag crosswise over his body. He stood steadily on two feet without crutches. Terrance stood next to him. Neither one of them smiled.
“Are you competing for sheriff, Rutgar?” Lilac put more flirt in her voice than a teenage girl looking for her first date.
“No.” Rutgar looked taken aback. “We brought Ms. Smith a rifle.”
“Why?” Doris slanted her gaze suspiciously. “Why would you help our candidate?”
“Nate asked us to,” Rutgar said in a growly voice. “We’re gentlemen.” And then he straightened and grinned at Terrance.
“Oh.” Lilac looked Rutgar up and down. “So you are.”
“The gun was my wife’s.” Terrance went to Duke and began cleaning his hands with a wet napkin. “It’s made specifically for a woman—lighter, more compact and with a top-of-the-line recoil pad.” He glanced at Julie’s shoulder as if he knew she’d been shot.
They knew? Her hand drifted over her bandage even as her shoulders tensed. Had Nate told them? She rolled the tension away. Clearly, they knew she’d been shot. They’d brought her a weapon.
“Now the sheriff...” Rutgar’s voice dropped to smack-talk casual. “He’s a big man. He’s bringing a big gun.”
And it would probably have a big recoil, whereas a gun made specifically for a woman wouldn’t. “That was thoughtful. Thank you.” Julie’s shoulder thanked them. And later, Julie would thank Nate personally.
Doris wasn’t convinced of the guys’ sincerity. “I smell a rat.”
“If you expect a rat, that’s what you’ll get every time.” It was Leona. She stood at the edge of the sidewalk in a blue dress and pearls, clasping her hands as she’d done the night Julie had checked in.
“What are you doing here?” Lilac asked.
“My granddaughter wants me to get out more.” Leona shrugged her shoulders, looking more untouchable than ever, until she added, “And I came to wish Julie luck.”
“You petty,” Duke called out to her.
Nate may have had a half smile, but Leona had an almost smile. When people kept so much bottled inside, any small indication of emotion was like a flower in full bloom.
Julie thanked Leona and gathered her things, ignoring the put-out pouts of Doris and Lilac. “Do you want me to carry that over?” She gestured to the gun.
“Let Rutgar do it.” Terrance freed Duke from his high chair and set him in the stroller. “Flynn said Duke could watch the shooting match from the winery’s offices. I’d be honored if you’d allow me to take him.”
“I’m feeling spoiled now,” Julie said, meaning it. Impulsively, she stood on tiptoe and kissed Terrance’s cheek.
“Hey. Don’t forget the gun bearer.” Rutgar tapped his cheek.
Julie gave him a kiss, as well.
Terrance wheeled Duke to the sidewalk where he paused, waiting for Julie to join them.
“We were going to drive Julie over.” Lilac hadn’t stopped studying Rutgar since he’d arrived. “That’s why we tracked her down. Do you know? Doris could be a policeman. She has very good investigative skills.”
“No, thanks.” Julie tried to hide a smile. Doris knew breakfast was only served at two places in town—El Rosal and Martin’s Bakery. It hadn’t been that hard to find Julie. “I’d rather walk and loosen up my muscles.” Julie left money on the table and hurried to join the older men.
“Good idea,” Doris said as if her approval was required. “You’ll be a better shot when you’re loose.”
Rutgar led the way. Duke gripped his sippy cup and kicked his feet happily, sending an occasional smile at Terrance, who pushed him.
Terrance had long legs like Nate, but he tailored his stride to fit Julie’s. “Quite an accomplishment to earn a spot on a SWAT team.”
Julie flexed her hands, enjoying being stroller-free, looking forward to the morning’s events and the warm look in Nate’s eyes when she thanked him for the rifle. “Ah,” Julie caught on. She stopped loosening up and started paying more attention to her escorts. “You’re preparing me for losing to Nate, so I’ll appreciate the job I have back home.”
“You’re a smart one.” Rutgar adjusted the ammo bag. “The campaign ends soon. And I predict Nate will still be sheriff. And then you’ll be gone. And I might have to write you.”
“Rutgar is single and constantly on the lookout for a good woman,” Terrance teased. “He has the particular misfortune of finding women who are on the cusp of committed relationships to other men.”
“It’s a gift,” the big man muttered.
“I’m flattered to be letter worthy.” Despite their easy banter, butterflies had begun to take flight in her midsection, heralding the nerves Nate had predicted. “You aren’t providing me with a defective gun, are you?”
“So suspicious.” Terrance chuckled.
“I fired it last week,” Rutgar said, earning a growl from Terrance. “The sight is true.”
At Martin’s Bakery, Eunice sat in the window seat wearing a bright yellow tracksuit that contrasted nicely with the purple tint in her hair. “There’s Julie,” she shouted. “It’s time.”
Julie waved as the patrons of Martin’s took last sips of their coffee, gathered their jackets or purses and, in some cases, walkers. But Rutgar marched on and so did she.
“Have you ever been married, Julie?” Terrance was quite the talker.
“No.” Not even close. “I intimidate men.” Policemen treated her like on
e of the guys. And most men outside the force were put off by her.
“Maybe you’re looking at the wrong men.” Despite Nate’s kisses last night, there was something both soothing and curious about Terrance’s line of conversation. “Strong women need strong men at their side.”
“Like me,” Rutgar piped up.
“Keep walking, Rutgar,” Terrance said, giving Julie a conspiratorial glance. “Back to the topic of strong men.”
Julie took a closer look at Terrance’s expression. “Are you giving me love advice?”
“I’m trying to.” He blushed. “Am I doing it wrong? I have no experience giving advice to women. I only have sons.”
“We’ve got another ten minutes’ walk,” Rutgar said. “You might as well flap your jaws and she might as well listen.”
Duke’s grip on his sippy cup slackened. He might be taking a little snooze.
“Ah, yes.” Terrance cleared his throat. “Strong men. They aren’t perfect.”
“I think Nate would be upset to hear you think he’s flawed,” Julie teased.
“We’re all flawed, Julie.” Terrance’s humility was endearing, even if she suspected he had an agenda. “It’s determining if those flaws add to the package or make someone unacceptable.”
Cars began passing them, going the same direction. Women waved out their windows and called, “Good luck!”
“Don’t listen to Terrance,” Rutgar said without turning back. “Perfect men exist. Take me, for example.”
“He’s perfect, all right,” Terrance grinned. “If you like loud, opinionated, rough around the edges. And old.”
“You described me to a T until that last part.” Rutgar led them over a bridge. “The problem with dating at my age is—”
“Oh, here we go.” Terrance rolled his eyes.
“—I can’t promise what I’ll be like five or ten years from now. Will I be broke? Will I look at the woman I date and remember who she is?”
“Dating is easier when you’re young,” Terrance agreed. “I’m shocked I finally agree with him.”
“We agree because we’re friends,” Rutgar said simply.
“We’re friends because of Nate. I never talked to you much before Robin died.” Terrance looked over at Julie. “And now we have a new friend, someone who cares for Nate as much as we do.”
More.
“Someone who’ll forgive him his imperfections because he has a good heart.”
Julie might have dwelled on Terrance’s words longer if they hadn’t been met at a driveway by Flynn, who led Julie to where she’d be shooting.
* * *
“SO IT COMES down to this,” Nate said to Julie as they stood off to the side on the winery property.
He’d nervously awaited her arrival, pacing. Terrance expected him to be honest. But honesty always came at a cost and the words Nate chose in the next few minutes could very well determine what his life was like over the next few years.
Flynn had set up targets fifty yards away where the land sloped gently uphill. He’d chosen a variety of targets—a spinner, a diamond pop-up, soup cans and a traditional paper target on a large tree stump. Someone had provided them with a table with ammunition, a basket of mermaid-shaped sugar cookies and bottles of water. Nate had added a first-aid kit and his rifle to the table. Spectators were about a quarter mile back, lining the road.
Julie walked up to Nate, carrying an ammo bag with what had to be Robin’s gun slung over her shoulder. She wore brown cargo pants and a tan button-down. Her blond hair was loose and lively, fluttering in the breeze. She set the ammo on the table and leaned the gun against the edge.
She walked toward Nate with that broad smile he loved so much, the one he’d miss if he messed this up. “How about a kiss for luck?” she asked.
He held her at arm’s length. “How about I get a rain check?”
Her smile faded. “A rain check for your good luck kiss?”
“A rain check on all of it—the shooting and the kiss.” Nate shook his head. “April and your mother wouldn’t want you to shoot, not with your wound so fresh.” He didn’t like the irate slant to her eyes, but he pressed on. “We can both agree to postpone or I could concede.”
“Don’t you dare.” Julie removed his hands and took a step back. “I know I’m not as good a shot as you are, but my supporters expect me to compete. I’m not going to let them down.”
“Don’t make a decision based on pride. Think of April, she never took her health for granted.” A black rain cloud formed above him, small yet ominous. “Think of Duke and how he’d feel if you had to go into the hospital again.”
“April adored you,” she said almost absently. Her arms were twined around her stomach. “And I can see why.”
“Yes. April adored me.” He emphasized the word adore.
“Are you...” Julie paused, a crinkle to her brow. “You’re saying she didn’t love you. That’s not true.” Her tone was low and unforgiving. She’d most likely thought they were past discussions of April and Nate and love.
Terrance wanted Nate to tell the truth. But Nate was botching it before he ever got that far. He was in desperate need of a conversation do-over. Or he could consider this a sign that love wasn’t meant for him. Anger numbed his heart, his fingers and his hope.
“You want to shoot? Let’s shoot.” He marched behind the table to retrieve his gun case.
She followed, keeping a short distance behind him. And then she was at his side, leaning over his weapon. “You’re going to shoot with that thing? It’s too small for you and held together with duct tape.”
“My father gave me this gun.” Nate looked at the rifle he’d been given for his eighth birthday. He’d taken it out of the gun safe that was built into the floor of his apartment, giving it a brief cleaning. He’d been battling nerves while he waited for Julie, but the moment he held that gun, everything inside him calmed.
“Nate, I’m sorry.” Her arm came around his waist. She rested her head on his shoulder. “I hadn’t realized this election and me being here would bring back all the painful memories of your childhood. We don’t have to shoot.”
The cloud over Nate’s head thickened, darkened, flashed with lightning.
Maybe she meant to comfort him. Maybe he was projecting pity into her words. And maybe that wasn’t anger building in his veins. He had to stop pussyfooting around the truth.
“This has nothing to do with my father.” That came out louder than he wanted and they weren’t the words he’d planned to say. Nate set the rifle down on the table. “I mean, this election and how I feel about the circus you and I have been roped into has nothing to do with my past.”
She tilted her head and studied him. “Explain it to me, then.”
Nate drew a breath. The time had come. “I didn’t tell you the entire truth about the day April and I were going to be married.”
Quicker than a fly evaded a fly swatter, she was angry again. “You said April didn’t want to marry you. You said you loved her and that you would’ve gone through with it. What haven’t you told me?” She was staring at his mouth. Unaccountably, her voice softened. “Did you two make some kind of a deal about the marriage and you reneged? I know one of April’s last wishes was to be married.”
“There was no deal.” Nate blew out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. “She asked me a question. Totally out of the blue.”
“A question about your father? About your time overseas?” Julie took a step closer, reaching for him. “Come on, Nate. Tell me.”
He took her hands. He and Julie were positioned as if they were standing in front of a minister. Too bad they stood beneath a thick black cloud only Nate could see, one threatening a downpour. “April said I didn’t love her the way I should, not the way she deserved.” He gazed into Julie’
s eyes, imprinting the soft look of her eyes into his memory because he could tell she was never going to look at him like that again. “She said she could tell.”
“And what did you say?” Julie’s empathy was draining. He could hear it in her voice.
Nate wanted to hold on to her compassion. He wanted to build on it, preferably into something close to love. But he had to be honest. “I didn’t say anything. I knew the day would come when she changed her mind about me.” Without meaning to, Nate squeezed Julie’s hands as if he couldn’t bear to let them go. “Why wouldn’t it? I’ve been a sniper for the military. I’ve shot bank robbers. I took aim at my own father. What kind of man does that and deserves to be loved? What kind of man does that and deserves a family? A wife.” His throat clogged with failure until he had to force the words out. “A son.”
Julie thrust out her chin, a fighter to the end. She was fighting the wrong battle. “What did April say?”
“She said I loved you more than I loved her.” Nate worked his throat until he could swallow. “And for that...I had no answer.”
He’d been broadsided by the accusation. He’d met Julie first. She’d been the more outwardly beautiful of the sisters. She held values and interests closer to Nate’s. But he couldn’t love her. He didn’t know what love was. He’d cared for April, but it was a gentle, protective emotion. But because he didn’t want to hurt her, when April said she loved him, he’d always repeated the words back to her, knowing admittedly the words were hollow.
Nate felt hollow now. “I could answer her today. I could tell her—”
“Don’t.” Julie looked upon him as if he’d just told her April had died. Her knees buckled.
Nate kept her on her feet.
“Don’t,” she whispered.
He had to. He had to tell her everything. “I had no idea what love was back then. I didn’t know if April’s statement was true or not. And because I didn’t answer, April didn’t want to get married. I told her I’d go through with the wedding, but she sent me away.” He’d done as April wished and left without a word of explanation to anyone.
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