“Don’t think I won’t put you straight back in if you don’t start talking, though,” warned Penelope.
Hiro glanced at them both and lowered his eyes. “I… wasn’t entirely honest with you. Back when we first met. And I don’t just mean about the spell thing.”
Penelope crossed her arms. “You don’t say?”
“I didn’t lie or anything. I just didn’t reveal the whole truth.”
He turned and held up his ponytail. On the back of his neck was a small tattoo in dark ink that at first glance looked like a simple circle, but upon further inspection Anne realized it was actually a depiction of a serpent swallowing its own tail.
Hiro let his ponytail drop. “My parents work for a secret branch of the Wizards’ Council,” he continued. “They have powerful connections, but also many powerful enemies, groups who would like nothing better than to cause harm to them and their family. So you see, my arrival at Death Mountain wasn’t just about my magick abilities. Jocelyn agreed to hide me, to keep me safe. Because who would search for a star pupil at some backwater academy, right? The position in the council is hereditary, so in a few years, once I’m old enough and fully trained, I’m supposed to join them and my other siblings in the family business.”
“But won’t using your influence now expose you?” asked Anne.
Hiro shrugged. “Possibly. But if it helps you finish the quest, it’s a risk I’m willing to take. Besides, if I can’t get my magick under control, I’m not going to make much of a secret agent, so I figure I might as well make myself useful as best I can.”
Penelope flopped back onto the bed. “Aw, I can’t pound on him now. He’s being all heroic and stuff.”
“Believe me, if there was any other way, I would gladly take it,” said Hiro. “But we’re out of time. Consider it my thanks, for believing in me, and for being my—well, you know, for both of you being…” Hiro blushed.
Anne took Hiro’s hand and placed hers on top of it. She motioned to Penelope, who placed her hand on top of both of theirs.
Anne smiled. “Yeah, we know. And we’re all in this together, to the end, no matter what. Now tell us the rest of your plan.”
They released their hands, and Hiro cleared his throat and continued. “When the sergeant of the guard comes, I’m going to demand an immediate tribunal so that I can hear the charges against me. I will also demand that you two be allowed to accompany me as witnesses. That might prove slightly more difficult, but I think I can get them to agree.”
Penelope frowned. “But how—”
“Let him finish,” said Anne.
Hiro pressed on. “I’ve been inside the building on the Wizards’ Council tier where they hold the tribunals. The witness room has a large window overlooking a river. I’ll be sure to put on a good show, ensuring all eyes are on me and not on a couple of underage witnesses. The river is a bit of a drop—”
“Er, how much is a bit?” asked Anne.
“—but it will take them time to get down there, and you might be able to get away. I can’t help you with finding a dragon, but there are plenty around, and having that gauntlet will probably convince at least one of them to help you.”
Penelope planted her hands on her hips. “Putting aside for the moment all the bizarre stuff you just said—which is all of it, in case you are wondering—you want us to go through all that in the hopes that we might be able to get away?”
“If you have a better plan…” Hiro started to say.
“If I had my sword, I’d get us out of here,” said Penelope, and she grabbed a pillow in one hand and jumped up on the bunk. “I’d hold them at bay, and we could make a run for it.” She started swinging the pillow over her head, whipping it faster and faster.
The door burst open and a stout guard with sergeant’s stripes on her helmet strode in.
“What’s this nonsense I hear about a tattoo?” she said—or at least that’s what Anne supposed she had been about to say, for somewhere between “this” and “nonsense,” Penelope, surprised by the sergeant’s entrance, lost her grip on the pillow. The pillow struck the sergeant in the face, and she stumbled back into the corridor, shouting as though she’d been attacked by a wild animal. The three adventurers heard a thump and a crash followed by a distinct THUNK, and they peered out the door to find an unconscious sergeant of the guard slumped on the floor. Apparently, she had stumbled into the opposite wall and been knocked out by a falling unlit torch, which had smacked her in the helmet and rolled away.
“Wow,” said Anne. “I never thought of using a pillow as a weapon.”
Hiro stared at the sergeant and said, “But… but…”
They retrieved their belongings from the hallway cabinet, pulled on their cloaks, and Penelope yanked the sword out of the sergeant’s sheath. “Let’s go,” she said, and ran down the corridor.
“You’re ruining my perfectly good escape plan, you know!” Hiro shouted after her.
As Hiro mumbled about people not being able to follow simple instructions, Anne grabbed his hand and pulled him down the corridor after Penelope. Several sleepy guards stuck their heads out of cabin doors to see what all the commotion was about, but before they could react, the three escapees had already run past. They kept running up two flight of stairs and down the long corridor that led to the deck with the rope ladder. The door opened at the end of the corridor, letting in a stream of sunlight. For a brief second, Anne thought they might actually have a chance.
A guard entered the corridor, but Penelope charged into him and bowled him over. A second guard standing just outside scrambled to draw his sword, but Anne ran through the doorway and jammed her heel into his foot, sending him hopping and cursing across the deck.
Anne pointed to the railing where the rope ladder attached.
“Hiro, go!” she shouted.
Hiro ran over to the ladder and climbed down, out of sight. Anne was about to follow, but she realized they were all of a sudden missing Penelope. She looked back. Penelope was standing in the middle of the deck, facing off against a third guard. Anne didn’t doubt Penelope’s bravery one bit. Her skill with a real sword, on the other hand, was still very much a question mark.
The guard held back.
“What’s the matter?” asked Penelope. “Afraid I’ll beat you?”
“How old are you?” asked the guard.
“Thirteen,” said Penelope.
The guard backed up. “Hey, I’m not fighting an underage kid. I’ll get a citation.”
“Come on, coward.”
Penelope twirled the sword in one hand and passed it over to the other. Then she attempted a behind-the-back maneuver—
—and suddenly Anne flew through the air and landed heavily on the deck. She tried to rise but collapsed back, unable to catch her breath. When she looked down, she was very surprised to see a sword sticking out of her chest.
THE ADVENTURER’S GUIDE TO MORTAL COMBAT SAYS THE FOLLOWING ABOUT GETTING STABBED BY A MEMBER OF YOUR OWN PARTY:
Eh, it happens.
Robot vs. Dragon
For what it was worth, Penelope had been extremely apologetic.
Lucky for Anne, she had tucked The Adventurer’s Guide back into the inner pocket of her cloak. The sword had pierced the book first, preventing the blade from penetrating farther than it would have otherwise, which was already plenty far in Anne’s opinion. The guards had pulled Penelope away from Anne and immediately summoned their purple dragon, who in turn had sent Anne via emergency fireball to the council’s main headquarters (which, due to government cutbacks, still took the standard eight hours; on the upside, the healing properties of fireballs meant that much of the damage had already been repaired by the time she arrived, and Anne was left with only a couple of bruised ribs). She’d been taken to the nearest barracks and admitted as a patient to the healing wing, which is where she was now.
The third-story treatment room contained shelves filled with various medicinal herbs and smelly ointments. After
the council healers finished wrapping her midsection in bandages, they left her alone, though two guards were posted outside the door. Anne spent most of the next several hours sitting on the bed and staring out the window watching airships arrive and depart at the nearby docks. Every few minutes she asked Jeffery to update her on the time, and she wondered what had happened to Penelope and Hiro after their failed escape attempt. At dinnertime an orderly brought Anne something to eat, but she otherwise didn’t see or speak to anyone, except for Jeffery, who mostly paced back and forth along the windowsill.
“Time?” asked Anne, as she regarded the sky now dark and filled with stars. Midnight had to be getting close.
Jeffery patiently replied, “A little over an hour remaining.”
Anne shifted on the bunk and Jeffery hopped down onto her leg. “Feeling any better?” he asked.
Anne shook her head. “I’m facing a list of charges as long as my arm and likely life in prison. Not to mention who knows what happens when I officially fail this quest. Honestly, I might be better off dead.”
“Hey now, don’t talk like that,” he said, patting her knee with his wing. “You have a lot to be proud of. Plus, if my Keeper dies, I don’t think I receive my end-of-year bonus.”
Anne watched a distant tier pass in front of the moon.
“I don’t suppose they grade quests on a curve, do they?” she asked.
“Sorry. It’s pretty much pass or fail.”
Anne saw all her hopes and dreams scatter like stars in the night, never to return. She would never find out where she had really come from. She would never discover the true nature of the gauntlet or of the medallion. As if that didn’t make her heart feel heavy enough, even worse was the knowledge that she had let Penelope and Hiro down and would probably never see either of them again.
Someone inserted a key into the lock, and Jeffery disappeared in a flash of light. A moment later the door opened and Captain Copperhelm entered. The same Copperhelm whose valuable trading card collection had been destroyed when Anne and her party blew up the academy and then crushed it with a mountain. He didn’t exactly look happy.
Anne stood up, wincing slightly at her still-tender ribs. “Captain Copperhelm, what are you doing here?”
He crossed his arms. “I hear you got stabbed while trying to escape custody.”
Anne felt her checks flush. “Er.”
“It was the redhead, wasn’t it,” he said. It wasn’t a question.
Anne nodded.
Copperhelm grunted and shook his head. “That one’s got talent, no question. One of the best raw recruits I’ve seen in a long time. And once she gets some solid training under her belt, she’ll be a force to be reckoned with. But until then, she’s a menace to society.” He pointed to Anne’s side. “How are the ribs?”
“Not too bad now. My guidebook got the worst of it.” She picked the book up from a nearby nightstand. There was a deep gash through the center of the cover, but the title was still legible. It read: The Adventurist’s Guilt for Pink Assassin Hedgehog Volcano Pants Blah blaH blargh. Inside, the pages kept flickering from one text to another at random.
“I keep telling them they should give adventuring books iron covers.” He studied her, as though he were trying to make up his mind about something. “Well, you’re definitely not one to back down from a challenge, I’ll give you that much,” he said finally.
Anne wasn’t sure how to respond. Was he praising her or practicing his eulogy?
“Come with me,” he said. “And don’t say a word.”
“But—”
“I mean it. Not a single word.”
“If—”
“That’s a word.”
“Can I—”
“That’s two words.”
“But I just wanted to say—”
Captain Copperhelm rounded on her and held up a finger for silence. “You’ve gotten yourself in quite enough trouble for one quest, wouldn’t you agree? Not another word until I tell you.”
His eyes brooked no nonsense. Anne closed her mouth and kept it closed. Copperhelm led her past the two guards stationed outside her door and down the corridor to a little waiting area at the end. He signed a form and motioned for her to follow. They continued along another corridor, down three flights of stairs, and finally into the front lobby of the building. Copperhelm walked up to the front desk.
“I’m signing this one out,” he said, jabbing a thumb in Anne’s direction.
The guard at the desk glanced up. “I thought she was being held pending charges at tomorrow’s tribunal.”
“She’s carrying a high-level prophecy medallion that’s about to fail.” Copperhelm leaned in close to the counter, as though he were sharing something he shouldn’t. “They’re going to isolate her on an airship well away from any tiers, just as a safety precaution.” He slid a small piece of paper across the desk.
The guard read the paper and nodded. He stamped it and slid it back. Copperhelm took the paper with a word of thanks and motioned for Anne to follow.
“Shouldn’t there be more guards escorting us?” asked Anne.
Copperhelm adjusted one of his sword hilts. “Pretty sure I can handle one untrained thirteen-year-old.”
Anne felt uneasy. Copperhelm led her out the front doors, down the wide stone steps, and across a small plaza, where, even this late at night, squadrons of council soldiers marched in formation, each led by a wizard in dark robes. The pair followed a wide avenue to an intersection and turned left.
“Isn’t the dock the other way?” asked Anne.
“I said no talking,” Copperhelm snapped.
They walked on, encountering fewer and fewer soldiers until eventually there were none at all. They cut left into what Anne thought was a narrow street between buildings but which turned out to be a dark alleyway. She could barely make out the shape of the short man ahead of her. Then all of a sudden she was alone.
Anne looked around but saw no sign of her weapons instructor. Somewhere in the distance, a horn sounded, and she heard shouts. Her heart raced. Where exactly had Copperhelm brought her? Were soldiers coming to hunt her down? Didn’t Copperhelm say he was getting her off the tier before the medallion failed?
“C-Captain Copperhelm?” she called out.
Copperhelm stuck his head out of a side alley behind her. “What are you waiting for? It’s this way.”
Anne stared down the side alley. If possible, this one was even darker. How could a ship dock here? Maybe her crimes were even more severe than she thought. Was her “punishment” to never be found again? She contemplated making a run for it, but she had no idea where she was, let alone where she might find safety.
She decided if this was the end, she would face it head on. Let them play their games. She wouldn’t run anymore. Anne took a deep breath and rounded the corner, where she immediately tripped over something. When she put out her hands, she felt something large and scaly and recoiled in shock.
“H-hello?” she called out.
A lantern flared to life.
She blinked.
Penelope, Hiro, Jocelyn, and Sassafras (with the platypus sticking out of his sleeve) were waiting in a small courtyard, along with Nana, whose tail Anne had tripped over. Having a twenty-foot-long dragon in the alley made for a tight fit. Penelope threw herself into Anne with a fierce hug.
“What’s going on?” Anne asked once they pulled apart.
“It’s called a jailbreak,” said Copperhelm. “I was under the impression you were familiar with them.”
“Professors Daisywheel and Sassafras sprang Hiro and me from the council prison while Captain Copperhelm went and got you,” said Penelope.
Anne looked at Jocelyn. “Then that whole business about you being the Official Betrayer…”
Jocelyn smiled. “I always find it handy to keep a few extra cards in my pocket, just in case. And I felt we could do with some assistance. If that nitwit from the council had had the brains to check the file, he w
ould have realized your quest doesn’t even have a registered betrayer. But that’s what you get when half the guards you hire are complete morons.”
“Actually, I think they’ve dropped back to only thirty percent morons,” said Sassafras. “Then it’s forty percent imbeciles, twenty-five percent utter fools, and five percent blockheads.”
“They’re all equally flammable,” said Nana.
Anne laughed and cried with relief at the same time. “I really thought I was in big trouble.”
“Oh, you’re definitely in big trouble, dear,” said Jocelyn. “But we can deal with the council later. First things first: You need to finish your quest.”
Anne’s heart skipped a beat. “You mean there’s still time?”
“Provided you can get past an entire battalion of battle wizards, get yourself to some hitherto unknown location in the Hierarchy, find this ‘computer’ thingy, and upload the key or whatever it is in, oh, about fifty minutes, then, yes, you should have no problem,” said Jocelyn.
“Not to mention you have a contractually obligated final Battle to the Death,” added Copperhelm. “Skip that and the paperwork is a nightmare.”
“Battle to the death!?” said Anne.
“It’s just a figure of speech, dear,” said Jocelyn. “Except for the literal parts.”
“Are you coming?” Anne asked Jocelyn.
Copperhelm shook his head. “Teachers can’t. We’ll keep the guards distracted long enough for you and your group to get away, but technically it’s against the rules for nonparty members to interfere with an active quest.”
“Um, aren’t you interfering now by helping me escape?”
Copperhelm pulled out a small slip of paper—the same paper he had given the guard at the front desk. It read:
The back had been stamped with the word USED in bold red letters.
Copperhelm grunted. “Never said we couldn’t bend the rules a little. Now, do you want to finish this thing or not? Because we’re spending an awful lot of time yakking and very little time blowing things up.”
Copperhelm and Sassafras exited the way they had entered, while Jocelyn guided Anne, Penelope, and Hiro in the other direction. Nana followed, squeezing herself along the narrow passageway. They walked quietly, and when they reached the mouth of the alley, Jocelyn doused the lantern. The alley opened onto a plaza. There was a seven-story building on the far side and a circular walled-in yard in the center. The fireball landing zone, Anne guessed.
The Adventurer's Guide to Successful Escapes Page 18