The only reason I hadn’t told the doc to go screw himself and left already was just walking in my door.
A small smile stretched my lips and my body relaxed, her presence calming the monsters inside my head. I was ready for whatever sass she wanted to throw my way because I was so damn happy to see her.
She smiled back at me and my fucking heart skipped a beat. It was a genuine smile, reaching to her eyes and lighting up her face and my entire world. Her beauty radiated around the room and sucker punched my heart.
I nearly jumped out of the bed and pounced. My skin lit on fire, begging for her touch. She was fuel to the smoldering lust I harbored, just beneath the surface, since finding her.
My eyes lingered on her flawless face. Her plump lips invited naughty thoughts to run wild in my head, and straight to my dick.
I frowned when I noticed the dark circles under her eyes.
“Are you okay? You look like you didn't sleep at all.”
She stopped just out of my reach, a painful distance for me. Our eyes met. There was a quiet resolve to her. My hope soared, thinking maybe she found forgiveness for me. Maybe this moment would be our starting over point.
“Boy, you’re a real charmer tonight,” she teased.
I chuckled, not knowing why things between us had changed but I wasn’t about to question anything.
“You know what I mean. You are absolutely stunning, but you look tired.”
Her eyes dropped as her cheeks warmed, with that perfect shade that was only hers. She pushed her hands into the front pockets of her scrub top.
“Well, thanks. But yes, it was a little difficult sleeping, knowing you were here and we would be talking again. I’m sorry I didn't come back in last night, I just…I just couldn’t.”
I held out my hand to her. I don’t know why. Maybe it was the softness in her tone. Maybe it was Grandma Lil’s words. Maybe it was because touching her seemed like the most natural thing in the world to me.
She hesitated for only a second before placing her small hand in mine. My breathing hitched at the promise in her touch.
Possession surged out of my nerve endings and spread through my entire body. One touch from her was all it took to tilt my whole world. I knew there was nothing on Earth that could separate me from her now.
Her eyes remained on our hands as her forehead creased. The swell of her breasts raised and fell in rhythm with her quick breaths. I savored every second of contact she gave me, rubbing my thumb over the top of her hand.
She whispered, “God, Ben. Why did you have to come back? There are so many things I thought I’d put behind me. But now , here you are and nothing seems the same.”
I knew I needed to go slow with her, but I’m a selfish bastard and wanted more. I tugged softly and she came to me with little resistance. She rested her hands on my knees, her eyes cast downward.
I slipped my hand around to the small of her back, pulling her a step closer and lifted her chin.
“Let’s talk. Okay?”
Her eyes filled with tears. A desire, from deep inside of me bubbled up, wanting to absorb every hurt, every emotional scar and every fear I’d caused her.
This was my chance to prove my worth. If she would let me, I would surround her with everything I had, shielding her from all the filth in this world. Nothing would ever harm her again. I was hers and she could wield my strength as a man any way she deemed fit. I wanted to do that for her, I needed to do it for her.
I said a quick prayer to whoever was listening, asking for the right words to convince this woman I was the kind of man she’d always wanted. I only hoped it was true.
She had no idea what I’d done to get me to this point in my life and there was no sugarcoating it. I had to convince her to look past it all, and see me for who I really am even if that wasn’t a pretty picture.
I needed her to balance out all the shit. Her good for my bad, her strength for my weaknesses. Her love would be the key to my salvation.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Tight
“I’m sorry I got angry with you yesterday,” she whispered. “It was such a shock to see you. I never dreamed you would remember me.”
I slipped both hands to the sides of her face, searching her eyes. They were so conflicted, soft but laced with raw determination.
Pride warmed my chest. There was not one ounce of weakness in this woman. She was a warrior. Whatever she’d lived through had marked her soul and she had come out on the other side a stronger person. I spoke the truth to her because she deserved nothing less.
“It wasn’t a matter of remembering, you’ve always been with me. My heart would find you lost in a thousand people.”
Her forehead creased, bottom lip trembling as a single tear spilled over. “Why are you saying things like that? You don’t know me. You don’t know who I am anymore.”
I drew in a long breath. She was right, I didn’t know the woman she’d become. The harshness of life had made her guarded. She wasn't the girl who trusted me so freely years ago.
But I am the master at self-preservation and could spot it a mile away. My heart ached for her. She didn’t deserve to live everyday walking in the shadows of her past. Whatever she was hiding from held her mind captive. She may have taken a new name and built a new life but her fear kept her chained to her memories.
I vowed to myself…I would be her freedom.
“I don’t know much about who you are today or what you’ve been through to get to this point in your life. But let me tell you what I remember about you.”
Suddenly, I was nervous. With her this close, I lost all self-control. My body was drawn to her, reacting like a damn animal. I wanted her to be mine more than anything in this world. She would have to tell me when to stop because she owned every part of me right now.
I leaned in, my lips brushing lightly along the curves of her ear.
“I remember you as a young woman.” I teased my fingertips down the sides of her neck. Reacting to the sensation, she lifted her chin slightly, offering the softest part of her neck to me.
Desire surged without restraint at her invitation. I shifted closer to her, my body refusing to be held back anymore.
Leaning in, hungry for the taste of her, I licked the tip of my tongue along her pulsing vein.
Her body began to tremble against me. I was breathless, my body a slave to her every move.
“I could never forget the feel of your skin on mine.”
She sunk into me, exhaling and bringing her arms around my waist. I slid my hands to her lower back, spreading out my fingers and pulling her in.
“The look in your eyes as you gave me everything that night. It’s what I dream about.”
A small breath escaped from between her perfect lips and my dick throbbed.
I needed to be inside this woman. My heart pounded in my chest and every single cell in my body shook with the anticipation of sinking into her as deeply as I could, making every part of her body mine. It took everything in me not to rock against her, show her exactly why we needed to be together again.
“Do you remember, Sash?”
I rubbed my jaw along hers, stopping just before our lips touched. I stilled, relishing in the intoxication of her closeness. My head spun as our quick breaths tangled together. Her hooded eyes fluttered from the lust drowning both of us.
“I remember your face as I pushed through you but your eyes, they pleaded with me. Your body, it moved with mine. And you whispered something to me, do you remember what you said?”
She nodded her head slowly, drawing in her bottom lip between her teeth, sending me over the fucking edge. The need to possess her burned painfully through my veins. I growled as I pulled her against my arousal. She gasped, her eyes suddenly alive and blazing with desire.
“Tell me what you said, Sasha. Say the words, baby.”
She pulled me tight against her body and my hand slipped under her top, squeezing her breast as I devoured her neck. Licking, sucking and marking h
er skin as mine.
Her voice was strained, “Don’t stop. I said don’t stop,”
“That’s right. You wanted more of me, didn't you?” I buried my face in her hair, inhaling her scent.
She threaded her fingers through my hair.
“Yes. God, yes,” she moaned.
“Why did you say that to me?” I needed to hear it and she needed to remember it. I pulled back, locking my eyes on hers.
The whole fucking world changed in a heartbeat. She ignited something inside of me that easily transitioned my heart from desire to obsession. I longed to hear this woman scream my name as I sinfully took her in every way possible.
A confident smirk stretched her lips and her eyes sparked with excitement. Her voice was sexy and bold when she spoke. “Because I wanted all of you. Every. Fucking. Inch.”
I grabbed the back of her hair, pulling her mouth toward mine. “And what do you want now? Damn it Sasha, fucking take what you want.”
She crushed her lips to mine and it was brutally perfect. Our mouths punished each other over and over. Frantically we devoured the delicious taste that was only the two of us together. I opened for her and she took no time thrusting against and teasing my tongue with her own.
I moaned, my dick painfully aware of the layers between us. She pressed her breasts against me and I reached in, pulling her bra down and finding her nipples erect and ready for me. I rubbed my thumb in circles around one and she whimpered, breaking our kiss.
“Tight,” she whispered, reaching up and grabbing my wrists. “Oh my God, I’m sorry. I can’t.”
I dropped my hands down as she tried to step away.
“Please, Sasha. Let me show you how much I want you to be mine.” I wrapped my arms around her lower back, pressing my forehead against her shoulder.
I felt the heavy beating of her heart. My gut turned knowing I’d taken it too far too fast.
Maybe we were in a hopeless place. We’d taken a step in the right direction but I could tell she was scared, and her instinct would be to run. There had to be something I could do to turn this around. I tightened my hold on her waist, trying to stop time.
“I can’t do this again.” She reached between us, pressing lightly against me.
“Don’t do this,” I whispered. She pushed a little harder against me.
I watched as she swallowed hard. Her fears were winning even though I knew she fought against her desire for me.
“The things you destroyed last time are still broken. I won’t ever be whole again. I can’t risk it. Not with you, not with anyone.”
I moved back, giving her a little more room but making sure to keep my hands locked behind her back. If this was going to be the last time she would let me be this close, I wanted her to know exactly how I felt. Maybe it was a last ditch effort, a Hail Mary of huge proportions. I was not ready to give up. Not even close.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen between us, but you need to know how you changed me that night. How you have always and will always represent the good part of my life. I’ve had days where the darkness took a hold of me and threatened to pull me under. You know the place I mean, where men like me go and never come back the same.”
She dropped her eyes to where her hands, still on my chest, trembled against me.
“The memory of you…that’s what kept me moving forward, kept me alive. I don’t know how to repay you for that. You think you gave me just your body, but you gave so much more than you realize. I know I’m a fucking asshole because I just took and didn't give you anything in return.”
She closed her eyes and tears streamed down her face.
I continued, wanting her to hear everything. “You gave me hope. You proved there is so much more to life and I hold onto that even today. I need to believe it’s true.”
She shook her head, panic flashing in her brown eyes. “I’m not who you think I am. I can’t save you. There are things, Tight. Things that if you knew…”
“We are both different. Life changes people.”
“I can’t be who you need me to be.” She stepped back, pulling away from me, frustration clouding her beautiful face.
“Don’t do this,” I pleaded. “I just found you. Just say you’re willing to try. We can figure the rest out later.” I reached my arms out toward her, hoping she would return to me.
But instead of coming back, she wrapped her arms around herself. My stomach twisted and my mouth was suddenly dry. I was losing her again.
“I know exactly what this will be.” Turning her face away from me, her shoulders slumped. Her soft voice echoed with a fear that ran chills over my skin.
“I give you everything so you can make peace with some stupid decade old guilt. And when you’ve had your fill, it’s just like before. You’ll walk away without a second thought, taking another piece of me I will never get back.”
I raged inside, knowing that’s exactly what I’d done to her. Every fiber in my body told me I’d been created to protect her but I failed. I dug my fingernails into my palms, trying to calm myself.
I’d never wanted to kick my own ass so badly.
She lifted her eyes to mine and I froze from the honesty in her look.
“I’m not an innocent girl anymore, Tight.”
My chest tightened.
“I know when I’m a onetime conquest for a man. You are no different than any of them, full of empty promises. Get in, get what you want and move on. I end up used and alone.”
My heart shattered in my chest. I knew what it was like to live in the depths of loneliness and I never wanted that for her.
“I have no ‘one time’ intentions with you. At least not the way you are thinking.”
She rested her hands on her hips, turning her face away from me again.
“Look at me,” I said more roughly than I’d intended. She turned back toward me.
“I’m sure this is my fault because I’m so bad at this, but do you not understand? My heart…it’s been on pause since you. I’ve never felt more alive than I have in the last few days since you walked into this room. I will not stop until I have you back. Only then will my life actually begin again.”
“This is so ridiculous.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest, jutting out a hip. There was the sass I’d been expecting earlier.
“What would be ridiculous, Miss Sass, is ignoring this fucking chemistry we have. From the second you stepped into my hospital room and until the day I die, my life will be about reclaiming what I foolishly let go. I’m not a patient man. This will happen between us.”
She threw her arms in the air, frustration finally taking over.
“What am I supposed to believe? Your words or your past actions? Why me? You could have a hundred women. Acceptance? Forgiveness? Closure? Sex? What exactly is it that you think you need from me?”
“I need one chance to prove to you exactly how I feel. I need one moment of weakness from you to penetrate that stubborn exterior. I need one night to remind your body and heart that you’ve always been mine. One chance, one moment and one night. To show you my intention is ‘one lifetime’ spent loving you.”
“Do you even know how to love?”
My heart stopped like someone hit the off switch. Her words were a punch to the gut, stealing all the air from my lungs. I had no idea how to answer.
I struggled to regain my composure, drawing in a shaky breath.
“All I know is when I woke up after seeing you the first night, I knew there was no way I was leaving without you. When Nancy came back, she thought I’d lost my damn mind when I demanded that she tell me where you were.”
Her arms dropped to her sides, her entire body going rigid. She was suddenly cold and distant as her eyes scanned something in the distance, lost inside of her own mind.
“You told Nancy my real name?”
“I was all fucked up from the pain and I asked her where you were. I thought maybe you’d been a hallucination. She told me she didn’t
know a Sasha…”
Her eyes widened with fear and anger. She paced back and forth in front of me, rubbing the back of her neck. She muttered under her breath, a frightened look crossed her face.
“Its fine, Sasha. She can be trusted.”
She stopped suddenly, looking at me with hatred.
“Trusted for you. What about me? Don’t you think if I wanted Nancy to know my real name, I would have told her? What have you done, Tight?”
She spun on her heels, running from the room and away from me.
I yelled out into my empty room, punching my fists against the mattress. I knew I didn't have the endurance to chase after her. This was just one more thing that fucking Maverick had messed up for me and one more reason added to the list of why he needed to die.
I fell back onto my bed, pushing the heels of my hands against my eyes. She was in deep…and I’d just told Nancy she was hiding something.
I must be a fucking idiot. I had no idea if Nancy had the power or desire to do anything with that information.
I sat up, reaching for my cell, having the sudden urge to talk with Justin to see what he knew.
My chest tightened and I pulled my hand back. Doubt flooded my mind and I laid back against my pillow.
I didn't want to know what she was hiding, at least not yet.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Sasha
My hand trembled against the door knob. The fear of what was on the other side making me frantic. Part of me wanted to run as far away as possible, the other fighting to rush inside. Somehow, he’d already made his presence home to me. Inside those four walls was the healing for the tears my soul cried. My sad stories retreated when he was near.
But the sobering reality of this messed up life I lived…I could never have the peace he offered. Not without placing the ones I love in harm’s way. After all they had sacrificed for me, they needed to remain my priority.
When I found out Tight had given Nancy my real name, I panicked. Everything I’d worked so hard for had suddenly been dust in the wind.
Several phone calls later, a decision was made. I would disappear after this shift. My instinct had been to leave town the second I discovered my secret had been leaked, but that would make the situation even more dangerous.
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