“I think you are fun all by yourself and I don’t really care what we do if we do it together.” He took a deep breath and smiled at her, waiting.
“I’m just not…ready, I think.” She said. Her voice was soft and she hoped that Adam couldn’t hear, but she knew he could.
“Take a chance on me, Luna. No pressure. Just a night out. Please.” He looked so hopeful and he was such a nice guy. It was going to break her heart to tell him no. But she opened her mouth to say just that. Instead of her own words she heard Adam’s voice.
“You really should, boss. You need some fun.”
Fucker.
And of course Kenneth looked overjoyed because he had no idea the whole situation was being mocked. Or that Luna was being baited. Or that the woman he was currently trying to woo was ready to turn and cold-cock her own wait staff.
“Well, be that as it may, Adam—“
“Listen to Adam,” Kenneth said.
“Yeah, listen to good old Adam,” Adam chimed in.
Luna bit her lip. The hands she had planted in her pockets were fists. She took a deep breath and said, as kindly as possible, “I don’t think so.”
“Please,” Kenneth said.
Behind him Adam made puppy dog eyes. He batted his lashes. He did his dead best to be a frickin’ anime character.
So Luna cleared her throat and said, “Okay, sure. How about tonight?” When Adam’s face went from amused to startled, it was worth it. Even if she was going to have to spend the whole date explaining to Kenneth how it was a mistake.
She gave Kenneth her cell number and then headed back toward the kitchen. She was in the room ready to reload her tray when her phone went off. Nick. Luna ducked into the small office attached to the kitchen and accepted the call.
“Hey, Nicky-poo,” she teased. An old childhood nickname she always chose to razz him.
“Don’t, Ma,” he said. “You know I hate that.”
And just like that she could hear the change in him. The mood swings that came with being distressed over the tics or frustrated. But most likely from the new meds. She chewed the inside of her cheek to keep from springing immediately into twenty questions. He was a teenager now. Best to just try and piece it together.
“What’s up, bud? Sorry about that. I was just joking with you, you know that.” There was a pause so she added. “How are you? What’ve you been up to? Do you miss your old mom?” Already her heartbeat had taken on a sickening fast rhythm that made her feel dizzy and out of control. It was just a panic attack. Nothing more, nothing less.
The door to the office was flung open an instant later and Adam stalked in like he owned the place. But Luna ignored him, her focus on her son, her heart in her throat. “Nicky? Did you hear me?”
“Just hanging out with Joshua,” he muttered.
“Are you okay, honey?”
Adam opened his mouth but then must have caught her words and the look on her face, because as stubborn and oafish as he was, he clamped his mouth shut and stayed silent.
“I’m fine.”
Luna leaned against the desk because her knees felt weak and shaky. Adam turned and walked out. Bastard. Just like a guy, turn and walk out when things were bad.
“Are you taking your meds?”
“I am.”
“Do you want me to come get you?” Luna asked, hoping he said yes because she wanted to hug him. Hoping he said no because that was what he’d say if he were okay.
She was surprised to see Adam reappear with a cold glass of soda. He handed it over and mouthed, “sugar”. When she looked at him, confused and dumbstruck, he pantomimed her face.
“Pale,” he whispered.
She sipped the soda, sweet and cold and cloying, but somehow comforting. Like flat cola when you’re sick.
“Nah, ma. I’m fine. I just wanted to say hi.”
“Nick, if it’s because I wouldn’t talk to Pop…I know it was juvenile. I will if you want me to. Pop hurt my feelings is all. I think we all get upset when our parents hurt our feelings.” She forced a laugh and watched Adam watch her.
She shooed him and he shook his head. Her cheeks heated with irritation. Who the fuck was he to linger when she asked him to go?
“It’s fine, Ma,” Nick laughed. It wasn’t his normal laugh, but it was something.
“Are you down, honey?” she finally asked, completely undone by worry. No time to be strong or stoic. She just needed him to tell her.
“A bit. But I will be fine, Mom. You need to not worry so much. You need to not get all worked up.” This time when he laughed, it sounded more like his normal laugh.
“Okay. I’ll try not to get all worked up.” She sighed.
“Good. Now go back to work. I can hear all the clinking and banging in the background.
That means you are on a job and I’m bothering you.”
“You are not bothering me, Nick.” She almost made it, but at the last, her voice hitched and she almost sobbed.
“Don’t go getting all girly on me, Ma,” he said.
Luna snorted and then wiped her eyes. “I won’t. Now you call me again if you need me.” He agreed, told her he loved her, hung up. Luna put her hands in her head and rubbed her eyes hard.
“Is he okay?”
“He’s fine.”
“Are you okay?”
“I am fine,” Luna said.
“You sound fine,” Adam said.
She looked up, staring at him. What was his game here? What was he doing? “What do you want?” she asked with a voice harder than she anticipated. Almost mean. Not her intention.
His face went from open to blank. “Nothing. Drink your soda. You need your energy.
You have a big date tonight,” he ground out. And then he walked out, and this time he didn’t come back.
Chapter Seventeen
“I’m so glad you decided to come out.” Kenneth pulled the stool out for her. She’d agreed to drinks at The Opal Inn. Nothing more, nothing less.
“I don’t know how much of a night I have in me,” she said. “Kenneth, everything is kind of up in the air right now.”
“It’s fine. I understand. Divorce is hard. I remember.” He held up his hand to the bartender and when he had his attention, Kenneth pointed to the Lager tap and then flashed two fingers. “Beer okay?”
“It’s fine,” she said.
“I’m more than willing to be an ear if you want.”
“An ear would make you a friend.”
His dark eyes regarded her somberly. “There are worse things than being friends.”
“True,” she said. “But I thought you were looking to date.” Kenneth winked, paid the bartender, and slid her drink to her. “Ah, but as I see it, the first step to something more is friendship. Understanding. Maybe I’m wrong but…” She sipped the cold, foamy beer and waited a beat. “So that is your great plan? Be my friend and show me what a stellar guy you are?” She smiled because he was a stellar guy.
He chuckled and buffed his nails on his shirt. “I wouldn’t say stellar,” he said.
Her phone burbled and Luna shoved her hand in her purse to find it. “Sorry. I have to take it. My son…” Her throat started to close up remembering earlier with Nick, and she finished weakly. “He’s away.”
Kenneth nodded. “Go on, please. I’ll grab us some appetizers.” Luna didn’t even look at the readout, just pushed the button to answer. It was only when she heard a deeper voice say her name that she realized it wasn’t Nick. And then she feared it was about Nick and her stomach bottomed out.
“Yes? Hello?”
“I’m sorry.” He cleared his throat and then laughed softly. It was the laugh that made her realize it was Adam. And something in that laugh was unsettling.
“Hello? Are you okay?” she asked, turning her back to a now vigilant Kenneth.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know who…” He trailed off.
In the background she heard, “Orderlies to 3-A please. Orderlies. Code
in 3-A.” Her heart clenched up for him. “Are you at work, Adam?” He’d said that he worked at the facility his mother stayed in. He’d said that was to help pay her fees. Luna prayed he was just at work and nothing more.
“No. I mean yes, but no. She had an episode,” he said. His voice was as she’d never heard it before and Luna felt her heart break for him a little. He sounded almost fragile. “I’m sorry,” he said again.
“It’s okay. It’s fine. Do you need me to come get y—”
“Everything okay?” Kenneth whispered a bit too close to the phone.
She felt the shift even over the phone line. He’d heard it, remembered Kenneth, and put two and two together. This time when he laughed it had a severe and barking quality to it.
“Jesus,” Adam said. “I forgot. I really am sorry. I fucked up.”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not. Let me come help—“
“I have to go. I don’t know what I was thinking. I just kind of went mental I guess.”
“Is she…” She didn’t know how to ask if his mother was alive. Luna just chewed her lip.
Finally, “Just tell me where you are and I’ll—“
“She’s fine. Alive if not well. As well as people in her situation are. She had an episode and we’ll get through it. I guess…I guess I broke our rules for a second,” he said. He sounded more weary than angry now. “I’m sorry.”
He hung up. The crawling frustration under her skin was almost unbearable, and Luna took an exaggerated deep breath to still it. She swallowed three big gulps of beer and then faced Kenneth. “I’m really sorry. Truly. But I have to go. I have to help a friend and—”
“Do you need a ride?” He looked eager to help. Too eager. And Luna realized what a huge mistake this had been. Enormous.
“No, I’m fine. I have my car and I’ll…” Without thinking she slammed a ten dollar bill on the bar and stood. “Thank you, so much, Kenneth, for inviting me out. But I’m sorry. This was a mistake. I’m not ready for dating and—”
He opened his mouth and she put up a hand to hush him. “Or even friendship. I’m just not. I’m too…” Her hands swirled around in the air as she searched for a word, feeling rather manic and crazed. “Damaged,” she sighed. “I’m too damned damaged.” She grabbed her purse and hurried out, dialing Savannah while she walked. The call was answered on the third ring. “Savannah’s house of unspeakable pleasures…” Luna heard the dark rich laughter of a man in the background.
“Hey, it’s me. Sorry to interrupt. I just need to know if you know the facility Adam’s mother’s staying in.”
It took Savannah one phone call to the person who’d recommended Adam to find out.
Luna was on the interstate in ten minutes time, headed out toward one of the main hospitals.
Beyond that hospital was a private establishment for people with neurological disorders including Alzheimer’s, dementia, and beyond. She passed the hospital where Nick’s initial testing had been done, felt her face go numb, and her hands go cold.
He’s fine. The tics are not harmful in nature. We medicate for various social reasons…
This was information from Doctor Roman she regurgitated to herself on a regular basis when she mulled it over a bit too much.
“He’s fine, Luna. He might have a harder time. He might hit more bumps. He might have some anger. But he’s a good kid, a happy kid, a talented kid. Stop making his issue the end of the world.”
She followed the windy road and finally made a left off the main section onto the lengthy access road of the facility. When she got to the guard gate, she took a deep breath and addressed the tired looking older man inside.
“Hi there. I’m here to see Mrs. Singleton. Adam Singleton just called me and forgot to tell me which building I should look for.”
She waited for him to point and shout. Maybe something like Imposter! or Liar! Instead he picked up the phone on the wall, dialed a number, spoke quietly. He hung up and leaned out to point the way. “That tallest building is The King Building. If you follow this service road up to that stop sign, take that left. It will put you out at King. You can park in any of the blue marked parking slots. Otherwise, you’ll come out to a ticket. There’s a desk inside the main door, they’ll get you to Mrs. Singleton.”
Luna let out a huge gust of air. Relief was sweet in her chest. “Thank you.” He nodded, tipped his cap. “No problem. I wish her well,” he said and then turned back to his crossword puzzle.
Luna piloted herself to the King building as instructed. She felt sort of spacey and sluggish—it all felt surreal. She had a moment where she wondered if she’d gone insane. If she was overstepping her bounds. If she was completely fucking mental for butting in.
But then she remembered his voice—the hitch, the catch, the very subtle pain…and need for comfort. She knew the need for comfort. It had lived in her for quite a while now.
She parked in a blue spot, locked her car, and walked through the almost silent whooshing doors to find a smiling woman waiting to direct her to where Adam was.
* * * * *
“I think we’ve got it settled, Mr. Singleton.”
Luna lingered in the doorway of room 411 as Adam spoke to the nurse. She hung back, feeling the overwhelming urge to turn tale and go. He wouldn’t even know she’d been here. It would be fine.
But she could see the fragile figure lying in the bed, and she was concerned for him. He seemed to have no one—no family he’s spoken of—no father or siblings. And the thought of dealing with something like this without support was distressing to Luna. To say the least.
“Anything else I can do?” Adam’s voice was full of exhaustion.
“No, Adam. She’s settled. My suggestion would be you go home and get some rest. You look beat and she’s just going to get worked up if she wakes up and you’re here and upset. She doesn’t always know who you are, but somewhere in her she usually reacts to your emotions. I firmly believe that they know instinctively the people they should concern themselves with.” The young black woman touched Adam’s hand. Luna waited to see if she got jealous, but no. It was a motherly gesture. One filled with concern and kindness. A good person to be working at an emotionally charged place like this.
Luna stepped back as he turned. She saw him second guess himself and walk to the bed.
The nurse slipped out and upon seeing Luna gave her a small smile. “Waiting on Adam?” Luna could only nod.
“He’ll just be a moment. Make sure he gets some rest,” the nurse said, leveling a good-natured finger at Luna. But then the overhead pinged and a code was called, and she tossed Luna a small wave and hurried off.
When they came face to face, Luna forgot all she wanted to say. He simply demanded,
“What are you doing here?”
“I—” She lost her words. She simply took a step toward him and touched his arm.
His eyes narrowed, his lips pressed tight. “You didn’t need to track me down, Luna,” he said. “You could have stayed on your date.” The word date was spit out like an oath.
“No. You…were alone. I couldn’t…I can’t…” She took a deep breath to stabilize herself, and then she spoke as slowly and calmly as she could. “I wouldn’t want to be alone in this situation. So I came. I’m sorry if I overstepped my bounds.” He walked past her, but she felt him pause a beat when they were side by side. As if he maybe wanted to touch her, hug her…have some kind of contact. But then he hurried past, saying over his shoulder. “Well, I’m done here. I can go. Thanks for coming in, but…I can go.” He grabbed his coat and started down the hall, leaving her no choice but to follow him or stand there alone in a strange building.
“Wait, Adam,” she said softly. She didn’t want to disturb any of the residents. She hurried after him.
He hit the hallway, moving so fast he was nearly running. He barreled into the stairwell to walk down the flights of pristine white steps to the main lobby. Luna was on his heels, feeling loud
and clumsy in the echoing space. “Adam!”
“I said I was fine. I don’t know why I called you. I had a…” He waved his hand around in short angry jerks. “Moment of weakness.”
She stopped so suddenly that the lack of noise from her footsteps was almost as deafening as the cacophony created by them. And when she stopped, something startled him into stopping. They faced each other in the stairwell, which was filled with the crushing sound of silence. “I was your moment of weakness. Okay. So why are you punishing me? Why is that so bad?”
She was panting from the exertion and her heart felt fit to pound right out of her chest.
“I don’t like weakness.” He narrowed his eyes at her, his fingers gripping the banister tight. It was painted a soothing green, though it did nothing to soothe her.
“Who does? But so what?”
He shook his head and started walking again, though it was slower. She stayed with him.
“Is it because it’s me?” she asked.
“Just sex, right?” he said.
“Right.” The word tasted like sawdust on her tongue.
“So you don’t call your fuck buddy when your mommy’s sick.” His voice was venom.
“You do if you need someone and that’s your option.” She felt like a heel describing it that way. She felt horrid.
“I’m fine.”
“Is she okay?”
“She’s fine.”
“What happened?” Luna asked. Her voice soft, her hand on his arm, forcing him to stop.
“She woke up and…didn’t know where she was. What was going on. Who anyone was…” They had hit the ground floor and he turned to face her. His eyes were shiny, slightly wet. And that explained him walking so very fast to get away from her.
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