“Are you okay?” I asked, startled by her reaction.
“Oh, I’m so sorry Jon. I didn’t mean–” a scream escaped her mouth again as another flash of lightning illuminated the shed. This time, she jumped into my arms.
I wrapped my arms around her, mostly out of habit—a natural reaction. It was another reaction of mine to slide my hand into her hair, pulling her head safely against my chest. It felt natural to me, like I had done this before, and it felt good to have this woman in my arms again. I kissed the top of her head. I wanted her to lift her head and kiss me. I wanted to kiss Claire one more time. I didn’t remember that this was Lena in my arms; I thought it was Claire.
Lena immediately tensed. She knew she made a mistake jumping into my arms, even if she was frightened. She didn’t know what to do, didn’t know the correct way to handle the situation.
Lena slowly pulled back from me and glanced up at my face. That was a mistake. I took that as an invite for a kiss. I leaned down and pressed my mouth against hers. She was resisting, but I took no notice. Somehow Lena managed to squirm out of my grip and stepped away.
“Jon, that’s not okay. You can’t do that,” Lena scolded me.
“You wanted this! You kissed me first! You don’t get to tell me when this ends!” I shouted at Lena. She slowly backed up, but bumped into the table. She was trapped.
All of a sudden, like a flash, I came back. I saw Lena. I saw that she wasn’t Claire. I backed away from Lena, I was confused. I was angry. I needed to hit something to get this feeling out. There was a stool to my left that I picked up and threw against the wall. I watched it snap into pieces and I ignored Lena’s scream. Then I really snapped back to reality—all anger gone.
I knew this was bad. I fucked up. I took one last glance at Lena, turned and ran back to the main hall.
I walked quickly into the main cabin, too many thoughts swimming in my head to pay attention to where I was going. I turned a corner too fast and ran directly into Julie, “Ouch! Watch it!” she exclaimed and turned to walk away from me. Before she could take another step however, I stopped her.
One thing was clear in my mind; I didn’t want her walking away from me.
Julie
I turned back towards Jon as he gently grabbed my arm and slipped his hand into mine. He interlocked our fingers and pulled me around the corner, gently pushing me against the wall.
He placed his left hand on my waist and rested the other on the wall next to my head. I reached my hand up and gently touched his neck, running my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck as his head moved in closer to mine. We paused for a moment, looking into each other’s eyes. My eyelids drifted close as Jon leaned in closer to me, lips almost touching, bodies now brushing against each other, uncertain of the next step. I breathed deep, taking in Jon’s masculine scent, mixed with a light, sweet sweat. I pulled his head closer and our lips finally met.
I opened my mouth, inviting Jon to deepen the kiss. Our tongue’s brushed and we both tensed, the kiss building in intensity. Jon pressed his body against mine, wanting more of me, his hand slid up my side under my shirt.
I felt each one of the butterflies in my stomach explode with exhilaration. And then I heard Jeff’s voice down the hall, answered by Lena’s voice.
“Come with me,” Jon whispered in my ear, taking my hand and pulling me behind him.
jeff
“Jeff. It was weird. He didn’t kiss me. I mean, he kissed me. But I swear, he didn’t know it was me. And then he shoved me. Then the stool. I don’t know…. There is something going on in that kids head that we had no idea about.”
“Let’s talk about this in my office,” I suggested, it wasn’t appropriate to talk about a student while we walked around. Lena nodded in agreement and followed me.
I knew that Jon was just a kid going through something, but the thought of someone else kissing Lena made me insanely jealous. That mixed with the heady feeling of this heat, I needed to get Lena alone and claim her mouth again.
As we entered my office, I slipped out of my shoes and moved towards her. Her back was to me and she was talking with her hands—talking about Jon. I felt the jealousy soar again.
“Baby, I’ll call him into my office tomorrow to apologize. We can only speculate so much before talking to him to find out what’s really going on.”
Lena spun around as I reached out to her, pulling her flush against my body. Her heart rate picked up; I could feel it, could sense it. I needed Lena, needed her to be mine.
Lena kissed me back, but her body was still tense. Her altercation with Jon definitely had her shaken up. I should have been more sensitive to that, knowing about her violence-filled past. I pulled back but kept my arms wrapped around her tiny waist, “you want a drink?”
“Umm,” I noticed her hesitation.
“You can drink around me, Lena. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a relapse and yes, I do have some rough days where all I want is a bottle of whiskey, but I can assure you that you having a glass of wine around me isn’t a problem. I know you’re frazzled, I want you to feel better, to relax,” I explained.
lena
“You’re sure?” I asked, trying to keep the uncertainty out of my tone. I didn’t know personally about addictions but grew up around an alcoholic father.
“Trust me. My triggers are more stress related. Seeing you relaxed and happy… or any way I see you,” he added with a wink, “could never stress me. Seeing you happy is only going to make me happy. That’s not a trigger.”
You’re definitely a trigger for me, I thought to myself. Jeff went into a closet and came out a few minutes later with a bottle of white wine.
“Sorry it’s not chilled, but I’ll get a glass of ice for you,” he said as he walked to the other end of the room to ready my drink. Watching him prepare a drink for me triggered some domestic questions that had been floating in my brain for a couple of weeks.
When we settled in, me with an iced glass of wine, Jeff with an ice water, I decided to go for it.
“I hate to ask, but… would you tell me a little more about this ex-wife?” I asked quietly into my wine glass.
“I was wondering when you’d bring it up,” Jeff said with a smirk, “there’s really nothing to tell. It wasn’t serious. I know that sounds strange but basically what you need to know about me is….
“Well, I grew up in high society. I was a trust-fund-baby with addiction issues. I was careless and wreckless in all aspects of my life despite my rehab stints throughout my high school and college years. It only got worse as I got older and cockier that I was actually in control of my life and my money and I could run circles around my parents.
“I met a girl at my second to last rehab visit. We left early, had a lot of fun, did a lot of drugs and she was just as messed up as me. When I say we were married, I mean quick and drunk in Vegas. Lasted less than three months.
“I barely knew her but I knew she was worse off than I was. My life was out of control but she was a downward spiral to a point where I finally wanted out. When I went to rehab the final time, that was also the final time I received help from my parents. They helped to get the marriage ended and then I was cut off. Financially and every other way possible.
“I haven’t talked to my parents since then. I actually never spoke to my ex-wife again if you can believe it. I never knew where she was from and during rehab I found the closure to let her go. Word has it that my parents paid her quite a bit to stay away, and clearly that was her priority since she never sought me out again either.
“It really was nothing more than a blip in my life. Another road bump in the hazy years of my twenties and I really just need you to know that I don’t really know… how to do all of this. I mean, sure, I know the right moves, I have manners, I seem put together on the outside, but….”
“You have no reason to be scared with me,” I said quietly, wanting to put Jeff at ease, “I’m interested. Your past isn’t going to sc
are me off.”
“I hope nothing scares you off,” Jeff quietly commented back. I took another gulp of wine and hoped that Jeff didn’t notice my blush or quickened breathing. I wasn’t sure if I should be bothered by his admission, but I wasn’t. I only felt closer to him. I only wanted to be with him more.
Jeff
Our dates up to this point were incredible and there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted things to be more serious with Lena. It went beyond the physical. But at that moment, I wanted the physical.
I dropped my head and claimed her mouth. Thunder sounded and a flash of lightening brightened the room, reminding me once again that she had jumped into Jon’s arms and he kissed her. This time, as she looked into my eyes, Lena wasn’t scared. She saw my possessiveness, saw my need and want for her. I saw her expression change as her own desire built to match mine.
My hands found their way to her ass, gripping it, squeezing her up my body so she could straddle me and wrap her legs around my waist.
We didn’t talk, we didn’t need to.
JONATHAN
The moment I touched Julie’s skin, felt her lips and her tongue against mine, everything ignited in me. But hearing Lena’s voice around the corner was like getting doused in an ice bath after a game. I knew she was about to tell Jeff about me.
I was relieved when Julie didn’t ask questions. She simply followed me out the back door to the building and into the rain.
We entered my cabin, dripping wet and quickly took off our jackets and wet shoes. I looked over at Julie as she shook her hair out. The rain curled it into soft waves. I had always thought she was hot, but sometimes it struck me just how stunning she really was.
I thought about her warm lips against mine, I wanted to feel them again. I needed to feel her skin under my fingertips. I started to move towards her, but Julie walked further into the cabin, unaware of my advance.
“Which one’s yours?” she asked, oblivious to my hunger for her as she moved deeper into the cabin.
“Second one, right there,” I said pointing, trying to pull my thoughts away from her skin and her mouth and back into the moment.
Julie walked up to the bed and saw a book siting on the nightstand. She picked it up, tilting it towards the faint light from the window to read the cover.
“I’m impressed, leisurely reading A Prayer for Owen Meany I see.”
“Yeah,” I said, scratching my head. We shared a moment, discussing the book I just finished and I explained how my mom sent them out to me. I admitted that I liked to read not knowing that Julie had already paid note to the constant book in my hand. I didn’t realize how closely Julie paid attention to me. I always thought it was me studying details about her.
Then there was an awkward silence. Neither of us knew what to say, which was admittedly weird for us. I looked at Julie and hesitated for a moment before I moved in closer. Two seconds later my lips were on hers.
At first, the kiss was unsure and tender. I was soft and careful as I moved my lips against Julie’s. She opened her mouth again, allowing me to deepen our kiss. A groan escaped my throat as Julie’s tongue brushed against mine. I ran my hands through her hair and kissed her harder. I ran my hands slowly down her back, to her waist and pulled her closer to me.
I had wanted this moment for a long time, even if I didn’t want to admit it. I couldn’t believe I finally had Julie in my arms.
We had gotten close to this moment, imagined what it would be like, and now, the only thought in my mind was Julie. I could feel the electricity between us; every sense was heightened. I could almost feel her heart beating in her chest, beating at the same pace as mine. I couldn’t stop touching Julie, her skin made my fingertips tingle, and I imagined her skin felt the same way where I touched her.
Julie suddenly pulled away from me, panting.
Julie
I sat back from Jon, not wanting to look at him. My mind flashed to me and Chris earlier that evening. A strong sense of guilt that I had never felt before settled over me.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Jon asked, panting too. If he noticed the endearment leaving his lips or my eyes widen from hearing it, I couldn’t tell.
Question unanswered, I just moved to straddle him. I made my mind stop thinking about Jon and it all became mechanical. Two guys in a night was unfortunately not a new concept for me.
JONATHAN
All I wanted was to keep touching her; I wanted her warmth on my fingertips, the wet heat from her mouth on mine. I didn’t want to ever stop kissing this girl. My hands worked their way up Julie’s back, back into her hair, wrapping her long blonde mane around my hands.
I slowly unwrapped my right hand from Julie’s hair, and touched her face, caressing her cheek before cupping it and pulling her tighter. It took a moment for my senses to snap on high alert.
My fingertips were wet. It seemed like she was having difficulty breathing. This time, I pulled back and looked at Julie, immediately regretting it. Tears streaked her face, her eyes were closed and she wouldn’t look at me. She wasn’t having a hard time breathing, she was trying to hold back her tears.
“Julie…” I stammered, I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what happened.
“I’m… sorry,” Julie choked out. She opened her eyes, but she wouldn’t look at me, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Julie kept choking out.
I didn’t know what else to do, so I wrapped my arms around her and rocked her back and forth as she cried, “Don’t apologize. It’s okay.” When her breathing returned to normal, I pulled back and looked at her again. She looked weak, vulnerable, and scared, but she was still the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.
I reached up and gently wiped the tears from her cheeks. She still wouldn’t look me in the eye. My heart twisted at the thought of her shutting me out. She was in pain. I wanted to fix it. Whatever it was.
Julie
I didn’t know what happened. Jon didn’t know what happened. He was unaware of what I did with Chris earlier and had no idea that waves of guilt were crashing over me. I wished I hadn’t had sex with Chris. Not after Jon kissed me like that. He was right earlier, I was a slut.
I was used to being coveted, lusted after, even as a prostitute. But Jon’s kiss seemed like so much more. It was a promise of so much more. The way he called me baby. It was so natural. It felt so good. Too good. I didn’t deserve that.
I moved off of Jon’s lap and sat next to him. It was easier for me not to look at him. Jon got up quickly and walked into the bathroom. I knew that was it, I screwed up my chance with Jon by acting nuts.
Jon walked back in with a glass of water and offered it to me.
I looked up at him, confused, but took the cup.
Jon sat on the bed across from me. He watched me sit on his bed, holding the cup in both hands, staring down at it.
I didn’t want to look up at Jon, “I’m sorry, I feel really silly.”
“Don’t feel silly… I just…” Jon stopped himself.
“It’s not your fault,” I said looking up, but still not looking into Jon’s eyes, which were wide with surprise that I answered his unasked question. He got up and sat next to me again. It was obvious that I didn’t want him looking at me. Not then.
“You always seem to know what I’m thinking… but somehow, you never let me in. I never know what’s going on in there,” Jon said, lightly tapping my temple.
I finally turned and looked into his eyes.
“I was thinking about… you. Your body, your hands touching me,” I felt a blush start to creep up my neck and I looked down at the cup in my hands. I had never spoken like this to anyone before, “your lips. I’ve… I’ve just never been kissed like that. It… made me feel bad.”
“Ouch… that’s a little harsh, Jules,” Jon said with a wince.
“I’m not saying that in a mean way, Jon,” despite my embarrassment, I made myself look him in the eyes again, “that was the sweetest kiss anyone has ever given me. You made
me feel… I don’t know…. Special? I don’t deserve that. And that’s what made me feel really…bad about myself.
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me. There’s a lot that I regret,” I said, looking down again, “and maybe I’m also just confused. Earlier when you said—”
“Julie, there’s a lot we all regret,” Jon cut me off as he gently lifted my chin with his fingers so I looked at him again, “and what I said to you earlier? I regret that. A lot. I wasn’t…myself earlier today. But you brought me back.
“We’ve all gone through a lot of shit. I don’t think you should punish yourself for being happy or feeling good. You feeling happy shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself,” Jon moved his hand to cup my cheek.
“I know,” I said with a nod, “I guess I have something new to talk about in my therapy sessions,” I tried to laugh.
JONATHAN
I looked into her eyes, trying to search for something. I just wanted to understand her, to help her. I wanted this girl to feel more special than anyone else in the world. I wish I hadn’t snapped at her earlier. The heat was a trigger for me but I needed to control the lingering anger and resentment about Claire.
I pushed my remaining thoughts of Claire to the back of my mind. I didn’t want her to taint these moments with Julie. All I wanted was Julie. I wanted to make her feel better and I wanted her pain to be gone. Her pain hurt my heart.
Julie’s eyes peered into mine as I leaned in close to her, wanting to taste her again. But I pulled back.
“What’s wrong?” Julie asked, a look of disappointment flashed across her face.
I smirked, “I just don’t want you to cry every time I kiss you. It may hurt my ego.”
Julie grinned and I felt my breath hitch. She was literally breathtaking.
Then she kissed me.
The intensity may not have been at the level it was earlier, but by no means was there lack of emotion behind this kiss. I knew she felt it too. That pull. I was more attracted to this girl than ever before.
Unsound (Horizons #1) Page 16