by Nancy Gideon
Her posture snapped erect. Her huge eyes demanded to know.
“They’re fine. Chaney’s with them.”
Just as she started to relax, he delivered his next quietly presented question.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
She didn’t look surprised or alarmed. She seemed relieved. Her soft gray eyes glazed over with unshed tears. It took her a moment to speak, and when she was finally able to, her voice was thready with emotion.
“I did. I sent you a letter. And I waited and waited to hear from you, for you to come home. But I didn’t. And you didn’t.” There was no accusation, only a sad resignation underlined by the quicksilver trace of moisture trickling down her cheeks. He could see in the brief contortion of her features the devastating heartbreak of the girl he’d left behind to face an uncertain future alone. She thought he hadn’t cared. And all his anger fell away.
“This letter?” He produced it and gave her a second to recognize it before adding, “Chaney found it in Rob’s things. I never got to read it, Barb. I never had any idea until I saw Tessa.”
She gulped down a sob and closed her eyes, sending a flood of dampness coursing down her face. “I never heard from you. I thought…I believed what he told me.”
“What who told you?”
“Robert.” She forced his name past the clog of anguish in her throat. “He told me you didn’t want the responsibility.”
He couldn’t keep the hurt from his tone when demanding, “How could you think that? Even for a minute?”
She shook her head, looking up at him through eyes dazed by guilt and grief. “I was seventeen. I was still in high school. I never got your letters. My father intercepted them. Burned them. When Robert came home on leave and told me that—that my news had scared you away, what else could I believe? I hadn’t heard from you at all. I was three months pregnant. I didn’t know what else to do. Then Robert offered to marry me instead, to give my baby a name.”
“So you wouldn’t disappoint your family.”
She winced at that harsh summary but didn’t deny it. “The scandal would have destroyed them.”
“Better I take the fall, right? Disappointment was nothing new to me.”
She stared him straight in the eye with a directness that unnerved him as she spoke. “They wouldn’t have let me keep the baby. Your baby. And I couldn’t stand losing that part of you. I would have done anything. I let Robert go to my parents and tell them the baby was his. They were angry but he told them a quick marriage to a man about to go overseas in the service of his country wouldn’t be too terrible a mark on their careers.”
“Not the way marriage to me would have been.”
“No,” she all but whispered. “Robert promised to provide for me and the baby, to give us both a secure and respectable future, as long as I never told my child. As long as I never let anyone know that we weren’t a happy family. I kept my promise and he kept his. I was seventeen. I believed him.”
“You believed his lies,” Tag corrected, the razor edge of his frustration and fury slicing across his words. She bowed her head in repentant misery, so he added more softly, “We both did. And we let him steal whatever happiness we might have had together.”
She looked up then, blinking away the tears, saying, “Not yet. Not now that we know the truth.”
“It’s too late.”
His pronouncement was crushing. She didn’t know how to resist its weight. Her body sagged beneath it as Tag continued.
“We can’t go back, Barb, not with all this baggage between us. We come from different worlds. All those things that stood between us as kids still stand between us now. You’ve lived the life you wanted with no regrets. I don’t even have a past to remember. I don’t know what kind of man I became while I was over there. Maybe just what your father predicted. A man just like Chet. I won’t let you ruin your future with a man like that.”
Before she could argue, before he could weaken to anything she might say, he walked away from the pleading look in her eyes, from the offer of a life he’d always dreamed of, with her.
He stalked the woods, not straying too far from the station but not ready to go back inside. News of Robert’s treachery cut him like the slash of an enemy’s bayonet to the gut. How could he have done such a thing, knowing what Barbara meant to him? Knowing the plans and hopes they’d held? But then Rob had made no secret of how he felt about Barbara, that if he thought he’d had a chance, he would have tried to win her away. But he hadn’t been able to compete with the passion, with the soul-deep connection his best friend found with the girl of all their dreams. Even though Rob was her parents’ pick, she’d chosen Taggert McGee with his quiet strength and troubled past. And Tag thought Rob had gotten over it.
Apparently not.
They were from the same mold, sharing the same ambitions. That’s what Rob had told him when he returned with a wedding ring on his finger. Once there was some breathing distance between them, Barbara had realized that what she felt for Tag was just raging hormones that had calmed down over the two-month separation. That’s what Rob had told him.
He’d said Barbara welcomed his attention and was willing to build upon the bond they’d begun when they’d first dated. Before she and Tag struck like flint on steel. Before she’d gotten sidetracked by lust and left common sense behind.
Robert had seen her first, dated her first and despite the fling she’d had with his best friend, he’d married her in a quick civil ceremony before rejoining his unit to be shipped out overseas.
That’s what Rob had told him and he’d believed every damn word without question. Because he’d been young, too. And because he knew Rob was the better bargain where Barbara Calvin was concerned.
He slumped back against the trunk of a fragrant pine and drew the crumpled letter out once more. It was addressed to him but the hands that had opened it weren’t his own. Robert had read the words meant for him and had stepped in to claim the future he was supposed to have had. Wasn’t it about time he found out what Barbara had had to say?
The envelope contained two handwritten pages that would have changed his life if he’d read them three decades earlier.
“My love,” it began. The ghost of a bittersweet smile touched his lips. “I miss you so much. I think of you every minute of every day and the thought of you going into danger makes me cry myself to sleep each night. I guess I won’t get much rest until you return to share my bed and our dreams.”
He let the pages drop for a moment, having to blink hard to focus enough to see her neatly penned sentiments.
“I have some news,” the letter continued. Her penmanship was not quite as perfect. “I hope you’ll think it’s as fabulous as I do. I know we had talked about starting a family much later. Unfortunately, little Kyle or Tessa (names I’ve picked, but we can talk about that) isn’t going to wait.”
He read on, his heart swelling, his eyes filling with every optimistic word. Their baby. And she couldn’t wait to share every detail with him so he wouldn’t feel he’d missed out on the magical experience.
“Please don’t be too upset. I know the timing could be better, but now I’ll have a piece of you to hold on to and I won’t be so alone. I love you enough to wait forever but I can’t wait to see you when you come home on leave. We’ll have to tell my parents and your family, which won’t be pretty, but we can face it together and it won’t be so bad. We’d talked about marriage when you got out, but under the circumstances I’m ready to say I do the minute you get here. I can’t wait to start our life together. We’ll make it work. I love you. I love you. I love you.”
He squeezed his eyes shut, hearing her sweet voice stating that over and over in his head. Seeing the tears on her brave face at the bus station. It shouldn’t have been so easy to cast that claim aside to believe the worst his betraying friend had to say.
And Barbara, waiting to hear from him, waiting to learn how he received the news. Then, thinking his love was so sh
allow he could desert her and their child. How hurt and frightened she must have been, facing that emptiness and pain with just good old Rob and his offer of security to bail her out.
And how hurt she would be now if he walked away from what he was feeling for her and their daughter now that he knew the truth.
That wasn’t the kind of man he was. And he would tell her so.
Folding the letter with care, he returned it to his pocket. Time to face that part of the past he remembered.
And that’s when the cold muzzle of a Glock touched his temple.
“Hey, buddy. Time we had us a little talk.”
Chapter 12
Careful not to react with any surprise, Tag murmured, “I’ve been expecting you.”
Slowly he turned so that the bore of the pistol centered right between his eyes. He stared past it into the gloating stare of Chet Allen.
“Want to tell me what this is all about, Chet? I’ve never been as good at games as you and Rob.”
“And Barbie. Don’t forget sweet little Barbara. She’s the one who played us all from the beginning.”
Tag took a risk and spoke with a curt annoyance. “No she didn’t, Chet. There was never any question about who she preferred.”
Chet’s gaze narrowed, then he smiled good-naturedly. “You won, hands down. At least until Robby decided to cheat to steal the prize.”
“You knew? You knew what he did?” Just when he thought the sense of betrayal couldn’t go any deeper.
“How do you think I got Robby to drop his holy war investigation over there in ’Nam? I couldn’t have him pulling the plug when I was having so much fun. Told him if he ever said a word, I’d tell you the little bun Barbie had in the oven was all yours. He knew what you would have done. Probably deserted just to get back to her. I tried the same threat a few months ago, but he wasn’t buying into it then. He figured it was water under the bridge after thirty or so years. But he was wrong, wasn’t he? She’s still the only one, isn’t she? I was counting on that. My contacts are good, but I just couldn’t flush you out. Until I mentioned Barb and you came popping out of that hole you’d been hiding in, just like I knew you would.”
He shook his head and gave a mystified little laugh. “Same old Mac. Remember the three of us? The planner, the doer and the dreamer. Nothing’s changed. Except we have to make our own plans now.”
“What do you want, Chet? If you wanted to take me out, you could have done that any number of times. I haven’t been exactly low-profile. Why play all the games? Just finish the job you were hired to do. Or is that job over now that Frye is dead? Were those your fingerprints on that?”
“I wouldn’t have wasted a bullet on that mind-twisting pig. But I didn’t stop it, either.” He lowered the gun. “The game hasn’t been the same without you to play it with me, Mac.”
“Sorry, but I’m going to sit this one out, too.”
Chet chuckled. “I don’t think so. Not after Kelly went to so much trouble to get the three of us here. You kill me, I kill you, doesn’t matter. It’s a win-win situation for him.”
“Kelly? What’s he got to do with this?”
“Only…everything. Did you really think Frye was smart enough to pull off such a sweet deal in ’Nam? He was just a tool. Kelly was the man. He set up the targets and had Frye point us in the right direction. He had to work on you, you with your honor and nobility. Hell, I would have done it if they’d just asked.”
His laugh was chilling. Looking at him, McGee could no longer envision the pal he’d sneaked into horror movies with, the companion who’d shared his tent at night where they read comic books and pretended they weren’t hiding out from having to go home, where the violence was horrible. The fearless friend who’d enlisted in a war he cared nothing about because he couldn’t stand to see his only two buddies leave without him. Where had that man gone? What stood here in his place was a…monster.
“Yes, sir, we did the dirty work so Kelly got what he wanted—more than his cut of the drug trade—and Frye made sure he never told anyone what he’d discovered about the black market flesh trafficking he was doing.”
“What did Kelly want?”
“What does any man want? Power, money and a babe. Only his babe belonged to someone else, to someone who thought he was his friend. See an uncomfortable parallel there?”
Tag gaped at him. “Kelly had us kill Tam Quan so he could have his wife? Is that what this is all about?”
“She saw us on the news and she demanded Kelly do something about us. Of course, she didn’t know her new hubby was behind her becoming a widow. So Kelly arranged for me to get out on bail so he could erase the little problem of your questionable memory. He knew I wasn’t going to say anything. No percentage in it for me. But you, he wasn’t so sure about.”
Chet scowled, displaying a rare bit of true emotion. “Why didn’t you just see Frye before you checked out of ’Nam? He would have wiped your slate clean and you would have been out of it for good. Now, you’ve put me in a position I really didn’t want to be in. Dammit, Mac. I don’t want to kill you.”
“But you will.”
Chet paused, then shrugged, his nonchalance back in place. “You know I will. Nothing personal when the job’s involved.”
“And Barbara and Tessa, you’re going to kill them, too?”
“That’s up to me. I like that girl. She’s got your grit and integrity. If Robby had spawned her, I wouldn’t have hesitated.”
“If you’re looking for a way out, let me help you find it.”
Allen gave him a crooked smile. “Too late for that, buddy. I’m damaged goods. No amount of psych time in the VA is going to change anything for me. I like what I do. It’s the only thing I’ve ever been better at than the two of you.”
“This isn’t a competition, Chet.”
“Isn’t it? Think again. Only I was never supposed to win the game. You should have seen how surprised Robby was. Priceless. He deserved what he got, the sanctimonious bastard. He only had a conscience when it was convenient. Not like you. Yours beat you up daily, and I hated to see you suffer for it. But what could I do? Who the hell would believe anything I had to say?”
“I would. And I bet we could convince a lot of influential people.”
“Why would I want to do that, Mac? Just so they can throw me in some funny farm and let me turn into a turnip? I’d rather go out in style.”
“And you want me to do that little favor for you. Is that why you brought Barb into this?”
Chet grinned. “I didn’t think you’d oblige me if I just asked. And then again, what fun would that be? You and me, we’ve always been simpatico. We’re evenly matched in skills, if not in morals. What do you say? Wanna play the most dangerous game with me?”
The man was clearly insane.
“No. I’m not going to play.”
“Even to save pretty little Barbie’s life? Oh, I bet you will. See, the thing is, the only way I’m going to get out of this is if one of us is dead. If I take you out, their rogue is gone and they’ll tuck me undercover and let me work for a long, long time in some foreign dung heap. My threats against Kelly will make that happen. But if you take me down, then you go public with what you now know is the truth. You’re the hero, get the girl, and Kelly gets his just deserts. I’m okay with that, too. You play the game and you play it hard, Babs and her family are safe. What do you say?”
“I say we stick together and blow this thing wide open, the two of us. That’s the last thing any of them would expect.”
Chet smiled, the gesture sad and jaded. “That’s not going to happen. I’d still go to jail. I can’t do that, Mac. Not even for you.”
“You think they’ll believe me? They’ve got me classified me as a Grade A nutball with a gun.”
“Barbie’s folks will make believers of them. And she and that tough little daughter and her hard-ass husband will stand right beside you at your press conference. Plus, I have this.” He held up a key. “Robb
y wasn’t the only one who kept a locker at the gym in Roseville. Remember how little Barbie used to go there in her daddy’s convertible to watch us spar? She’d sit there in that tease of a miniskirt getting off on the sweat and the blood. I’ve always had a fondness for that place and those times. They were good times, weren’t they, Mac?” He looked far away for a moment, then focused back on the key. “There are some interesting things in there. Tapes Frye kept of our sessions when he’d clean our memories of the things we’d done so we could live with ourselves afterwards. Robby was the only one of us who never remembered anything. Lucky him.”
“Chet, you don’t have to do this.”
“But I want to.”
That summed it up for Chet Allen.
“Then just shoot me now and go back to Kelly a hero.” He braced himself mentally and physically as Allen weighed the gun at his side.
“That wouldn’t be fair, now would it? And you’re the only one who’s always played fair with me, Mac. Always. We’ll start our game at dawn. I like the symbolism of that. Then I’ll come after you to finish things, ready or not. I’ll be watching. Don’t think of calling for help, either. I took out your radio antenna and we both know there are no cell towers for a relay. It’s just the three of us now. And if I were you, I’d be using those hours between now and then to be making up for lost time with Barbie girl. Ticktock, Mac. Get busy.”
So this was his world?
Barbara moved about the station and the sparse rooms in the back, trying to get a feel for the man Taggert McGee had become. It was all about business. Maps, memos, some gorgeous wilderness photography, but nothing personal. No pictures or mementos. No television or newspaper to connect him to the outside. He probably wouldn’t have heard about Robert’s death while existing in this self-imposed isolation. The loneliness of it made her melancholy. The only thing linking him back to the boy she’d loved was the books. Stacks and stacks of literature and poetry. Deeply intellectual reads that he’d loved to sink his wisdom teeth into. He might have become a college professor had his number not come up in the draft. He might have become her husband and the father of her child. And they might have been so happy.