said Bill, scratching his head. 'Theidea of a puddin'-thief offering a man a present dumbfounds me, as thesaying goes.'
'No harm is intended,' said the Possum, and the Wombat added: 'Harm isas far from our thoughts as from the thoughts of angels.'
'Well, well,' said Bill, at length. 'I'll just glance at it first, tosee what it's like.'
But the Possum shook his head. 'No, no, Bill,' he said, 'no glancing,'and the Wombat added: 'To prove that no deception is intended, all headsmust look in the bag together.'
'What's to be done about this astoundin' predicament?' said Bill. 'Ifthere is a present, of course we may as well have it. If there ain't apresent, of course we shall simply have to punch their snouts asusual.'
'One must confess,' said Bunyip Bluegum, 'to the prompting of a certaincuriosity as to the nature of this present'; and Sam added, 'Anyway,there's no harm in having a look at it.'
'No harm whatever,' said the Possum, and he held the bag openinvitingly. The Puddin'-owners hesitated a moment, but the temptationwas too strong, and they all looked in together. It was a fatal act. ThePossum whipped the bag over their heads, the Wombat whipped a rope roundthe bag, and there they were, helpless.
The worst of it was that the Puddin', being too short to look in, wasleft outside, and the puddin'-thieves grabbed him at once and ran offlike winking. To add to the Puddin'-owners' discomfiture there was aconsiderable amount of bran in the bag; and, as Bill said afterwards,'if there's anything worse than losing a valuable Puddin', it's bran inthe whiskers'. They bounded and plunged about, but soon had to stop thaton account of treading on each other's toes--especially Sam's, whoendured agonies, having no boots on.
'What a frightful calamity,' groaned Bill giving way to despair.
'It's worse than being chased by natives on the Limpopo River,' saidSam.
'It's worse than fighting Arabs single-handed,' croaked Bill.
'It's almost as bad as being pecked on the head by eagles,' said Sam,and in despair they sang in muffled tones--
'O what a fearful fate it is, O what a frightful fag, To have to walk about like this All tied up in a bag.
'Our noble confidence has sent Us on this fearful jag; In noble confidence we bent To look inside this bag.
'Deprived of air, in dark despair Upon our way we drag; Condemned for evermore to wear This frightful, fearsome bag.'
Bunyip Bluegum reproved this faint-heartedness, saying, 'As ourmisfortunes are due to exhibiting too great a trust in scoundrels, solet us bear them with the greater fortitude. As in innocence we fell, solet our conduct in this hour of dire extremity be guided by thecourageous endurance of men whose consciences are free from guilt.'
These fine words greatly stimulated the others, and they endured withfortitude, walking on Sam's feet for an hour and a half, when the soundof footsteps apprised them that a traveller was approaching.
This traveller was a grave, elderly dog named Benjimen Brandysnap, whowas going to market with eggs. Seeing three people walking in a bag henaturally supposed they were practising for the sports, but on hearingtheir appeals for help he very kindly undid the rope.
'Preserver,' exclaimed Bill, grasping him by the hand.
'Noble being,' said Sam.
'Guardian angel of oppressed Puddin'-owners,' said Bunyip Bluegum.
Benjimen was quite overcome by these expressions of esteem, and handedround eggs, which were eaten on the spot.
'And now,' said Bill, again shaking hands with their preserver, 'I amabout to ask you a most important question. Have you seen anypuddin'-thieves about this mornin'?'
'Puddin'-thieves,' said Benjimen. 'Let me see. Now that you mention it,I remember seeing two puddin'-thieves at nine-thirty this morning. Butthey weren't stealing puddin's. They were engaged stealing a bag out ofmy stable. I was busy at the time whistling to the carrots, or I'd havestopped them.'
'This is most important information,' said Bill. 'It proves this must bethe very bag they stole. In what direction did the scoundrels go,friend, after stealing your bag?'
'As I was engaged at the moment feeding the parsnips, I didn't happen tonotice,' said Benjimen. 'But at this season puddin'-thieves generally gosouth-east, owing to the price of onions.'
'In that case,' said Bill, 'we shall take a course north-west, for it'smy belief that havin' stolen our Puddin' they'll make back to winterquarters.'
'We will pursue to the north-west with the utmost vigour,' said Bunyip.
'Swearin' never to give in till revenge has been inflicted and ourPuddin' restored to us,' said Bill.
'In order to exacerbate our just anger,' said Bunyip Bluegum, 'let ussing as we go--
THE PUDDIN'-OWNERS' QUEST
'On a terrible quest we run north-west, In a terrible rage we run; With never a rest we run north-west Till our terrible work is done. Without delay Away, away, In a terrible rage we run all day.
'By our terrible zest you've doubtless guessed That vengeance is our work; For we seek the nest with terrible zest Where the puddin'-snatchers lurk. With rage, with gloom, With fret and fume, We seek the puddin'-snatchers' doom.'
They ran north-west for two hours without seeing a sign of thepuddin'-thieves. Benjimen ran with them to exact revenge for the theftof his bag. It was hot work running, and having no Puddin' they couldn'thave lunch, but Benjimen very generously handed eggs all round again.
'Eggs is all very well,' said Bill, eating them in despair, 'but theydon't come up to Puddin' as a regular diet, and all I can say is, thatif that Puddin' ain't restored soon I shall go mad with grief.'
'I shall go mad with rage,' said Sam, and they both sang loudly--
'Go mad with grief or mad with rage, It doesn't matter whether; Our Puddin's left this earthly stage, So in despair we must engage To both go mad together.'
'I have a suggestion to make,' said Bunyip Bluegum, 'which will at oncerestore your wonted good-humour. Observe me.'
He looked about till he found a piece of board, and wrote this notice onit with his fountain pen--
A GRAND PROCESSION OF THE AMALGAMATED SOCIETY OF PUDDINGS WILL PASS HERE AT 2.30 TO-DAY
This he hung on a tree. 'Now,' said he, 'all that remains to be done isto hide behind this bush. The news of the procession will spread likewildfire through the district, and the puddin'-thieves, unable to resistsuch a spectacle, will come hurrying to view the procession. The restwill be simply a matter of springing out on them like lions.'
'Superbly reasoned,' said Bill, grasping Bunyip by the hand.
They all hid behind the bush and a crow, who happened to be passing,read the sign and flew off at once to spread the news through thedistrict.
In fifteen minutes, by Bill's watch, the puddin'-thieves came runningdown the road, and took up a position on a stump to watch theprocession. They had evidently been disturbed in the very act of eatingPuddin', for the Possum was still masticating a mouthful; and the Wombathad stuck the Puddin' in his hat, and put his hat on his head, whichclearly proved him to be a very ill-bred fellow, for in good societywearing puddin's on the head is hardly ever done.
Bill and Sam, who were like bloodhounds straining at the leash, sprangout and confronted the scoundrels, while Bunyip and Ben got behind inorder to cut off their retreat.
'We've got you at last,' said Bill, sparring up at the Possum with thefiercest activity. 'Out with our Puddin', or prepare for a punch on thesnout.'
The Possum turned pale and the Wombat hastily got behind him.
'Puddin',' said the Possum, acting amazement. 'What strange request isthis?'
'What means this strange request?' asked the Wombat.
'No bungfoodlin',' said Bill sternly. 'Produce the Puddin' or preparefor death.'
'Before bringing accusations,' said the Possum, 'prove where the Puddin'is.'
'It's under that feller's hat,' roared Bill, pointing at the Wombat.
'Prove it,' said the Wombat.
'You can't wear hats that high, without there's puddin's under them,'said Bill.
'That's not puddin's,' said the Possum; 'that's ventilation. He wearshis hat like that to keep
The Magic Pudding Page 9