by Robin Roseau
"To spread doubt," Malora said. "To make you doubt your family, your sister, yourself."
"If it had happened, would you admit it, Maya?"
"Honey, who taught you the gift of misdirection? If I didn't want to answer, I wouldn't lie. I would misdirect. It didn't happen. The demon lied. Malora is the only person who has ever come remotely to touching me, and to the best of my knowledge, Father is the only one who has ever touched Mother. But I don't know if she had a boyfriend before meeting father."
"Or a girlfriend," Malora said. Maya and I both rolled to look at her. "What? It could happen. Both of you seem perfectly content with girlfriends. It might run in the family. Personally, I think your Grandma Alara has something going with Juna."
"Oh that's just gross," I said. "Do you have any idea how old Juna is?"
Malora chuckled.
* * * *
I spent the next two weeks trying to wean myself from my sister, at least at night. I never made it more than three hours, and usually not that much. I felt bad for it, but Maya and Malora told me not to worry about it. I was welcome until I had my own companion, if that's what it took.
On the other hand, I began riding patrol as a warrior. I missed Omie horribly, but it felt good to be one of the warriors.
It was hard seeing Omie but not being lovers anymore. We had been so close for so long, and it was really hard. Then one evening after dinner, Omie asked me to come talk to her. When I got there, she had a bottle of wine.
"I traded for it," she said. She poured me a glass and handed it to me. "Sit," she said, gesturing.
"Vorine and I have been talking," she said.
"No!"
She smiled. "Are you sure?"
She was offering to leave Queen's Town.
"I couldn't stand it if you left," I said. "This is hard, but it would be harder never seeing you at all. But if you want to go-"
"No," she said. "I don't. I like it here, and while it hurts that I can't hold you, and it hurts knowing you are just over there-" she pointed towards my hut, "and it hurts knowing that you are hurting, it would be far, far worse not seeing you."
"Maybe you wanted to be a village chief somewhere."
"Nope. Neither of us is interested."
"Please don't go," I told her. "I couldn't stand it."
She smiled. "Then we'll stay."
We talked for a while, and then Maya stopped in. She sat down on the floor next to Omie and leaned against her, then she kicked off her boots and set them in my lap.
"Oh, just like that," she said five minutes later.
Before we left, I pulled Omie into a hug. We squeezed each other tightly, then she pushed me away. "Hugs are good, but I was tempted to kiss you."
I nodded.
"Omie," I said, "I wouldn't have changed a thing of my time with you. Not one single second."
"Me, either," she said. "I love you, Beria."
"I love you too, Omie."
Then Maya hugged her, and I saw her soothing Omie, undoing any damage the hug may have caused. A moment later, Maya and I stepped away.
"Did you know what she wanted?" I asked Maya later.
"Of course," Maya said. "I know everything. I told her what your reaction would be, but she felt she should offer. Idiot."
I laughed. "Yep."
* * * *
It got easier, after a fashion. I wasn't any less dependent on Maya and the other companions, but I felt my old spirits returned. Omie and I were able to talk without too much pain. And I began playing jokes on Malora.
She caught me in one of them, and the next night after dinner, Malora had Serra dye my hair pink while the rest of the Amazons watched.
"Have you learned your lesson?" Malora asked me.
"Yes, Queen Malora," I told her. "Don't get caught."
There were chuckles from some of the Amazons, but Malora glared them into silence.
"Um. I mean. Don't pull pranks on anyone who outranks me."
"That's better," she said. Then she leaned down and whispered to me. "I love you, Beria." She stepped away and added, "It will remain this color for a month. Any more pranks, and I will add to both the punishment and the duration. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, Queen Malora," I said. "Am I allowed to pull pranks on Maya?"
"If you make her angry and she takes it out on me, I will take it out on you."
"Oh. Um." I sighed dramatically.
* * * *
I continued to try to wean myself from Maya, at least at night. I moved back to my hut. That lasted four hours, most of it spent awake and shivering, trying to ignore the demon.
Two nights later, Malora took me aside. "I need to speak with you tonight. My hut in an hour."
"Did I do something wrong?"
"Not since I dyed your hair," she said, smiling. "No, you've done nothing wrong, Beria. There will be a few other people there, too."
I'd gotten a few rabbits, so I went back to my hut and worked on them for a while, finally adding them to my growing pile. I had a good collection of skins, although I'd had to set my snares quite a distance from the village. We didn't want to deplete the area, after all. But the weather had warmed somewhat, so I hadn't minded going out.
When I heard voices next door, I curbed the fire in the stove then stepped next door. When I got there, I saw Malora, Maya, Nori and Rora. They had a small keg of cider, and Maya offered me a mug.
"We'll have to sit on the floor," Malora said. She gestured, and I sat down next to my sister. We got settled in, then Malora asked, "Beria, have you thought about what you want in your first companion?"
I hadn't even contemplated it. I presumed I would end up taking whomever Maya found for me. I admitted that.
"Well, let me ask some questions," Maya said. "If you were to think about the people in the village right now, do any most resemble who you would like in a companion?"
"Maya," I said, "I don't know. I still think of myself as a companion. All right, I know what I don't want. I don't want anyone too much like myself. And. Um. I'm not ready for a lover. I don't know when I'll be ready for a lover. I suppose someday."
"So you're not looking for someone like me," Rora asked. "Someone who would expect that type of relationship as part of the bargain."
"Not now," I said. "I mean, I'm sure I'll want that again someday, but it's going to take a long time for my heart to heal."
"Years?" she asked.
"Probably." I smiled. "Were you going to introduce me to a sister?"
She laughed. "I thought about it, actually."
"Really?"
"Cousin. Yes. Would you be upset if I introduced her to Omie?"
I thought about Omie being with someone this soon. I looked down and didn't say anything. They didn't rush me.
"I want Omie to be happy," I said finally. "But I'd probably be hurt if she could go from me to someone else that fast. That's selfish of me, and I'd get over it." I looked up. "Yes, I'd be upset, but if you have a cousin to introduce to Omie, then I think you should."
Rora smiled.
"We had this conversation with Omie already," Malora said. "She wants to wait. She wants a lover, but she wants to heal first. She said maybe this summer. She isn't going with us in the spring."
I nodded.
"She wants someone who won't become a warrior," Maya said. "Do you understand?"
"It hurts too much."
"Yes," said Nori. "It's why I waited." She looked over at Rora. "I'm glad I did."
"I'm glad you did, too," Rora said. "I couldn't be happier."
We sat quietly for a moment while the lovebirds cooed at each other. I thought it was endearing.
"I want that, someday," I said, once everyone turned to me. "But. I know it's going to hurt, but I think I want to train a warrior. I don't know if we'll become lovers like Omie and I did, but I know I don't want a lover now and probably not for a long time. I might train a few warriors before I'm ready for that type of love again." I turned to Rora. "Got a
younger cousin in mind?"
"Not exactly," she said. She glanced at Maya, who nodded. "I have a daughter," Rora added.
I stared at her.
"She's twelve."
"Thirteen in a month," Rora said. "A year young, but she's here. There's no warrior in Queen's Town I'd rather have train her, Beria. There's no warrior I'd trust more than you with my daughter. And she adores you."
"Is she too young?" Maya asked gently. "Do you want someone a little closer to your age?"
"I-" I really hadn't thought about any of this. "There are warriors who have waited a long time," I said. "Karena and Chalena," I said.
"My daughter does not care for either of them," Rora said. "She would, of course, do whatever Malora decides. But if she were given a choice, she would pick you."
"Omie does not want her," Maya said. "If we asked, she would take her and train her, but Omie wants someone much older."
"Rora's cousin."
"Yes. Rora's cousin perhaps, and if not her, we'll keep looking."
"Does Narsana know we're discussing her?" I asked.
"No," Rora said. "We did not know what you would say, and we did not want to present her with disappointment. But we know her heart. She wishes to be an Amazon, and she adores you. And, I think, you care for her."
"I would make her train hard," I said.
"The demon would chase her?" Rora asked. "I would expect nothing else. I saw how you helped to train Halla last summer. I would want you to make her the best Amazon she can be, Beria. It may be difficult to watch, but I understand the necessity."
"It was difficult when you came," Maya said. "When I introduced you to Omie, I knew she would drive you as hard as Malora drove me, and it was difficult."
"But I'm a sister. Narsana is a daughter."
"Do you really think I love you less than Mother does?"
"Neela and Aura will be warriors soon," I said. "They will also need companions."
"Perhaps," said Rora, "and if you do not want my daughter, they would be good choices as well. However, I prefer you, and I believe Narsana would if asked. But if you want someone else, there is no obligation. Aura and Neela are very kind, and I would trust my daughter with either of them."
I looked between all of them.
"Let me ask this," Maya said. "Why are you hesitating?"
"I'm afraid you're doing this because you're trying to help me, not because it's the best choice for Narsana."
At that, Nori grinned. "Beria you are by far the best choice for the girl, but only if you want her."
"When Nori invited me to stay," Rora said, "we discussed this possibility. My only fear was that you would need someone too soon. I am glad you were not in a hurry to become a warrior. I want her to remain in Queen's Town. I do not want to send her to another village. Do you intend to leave?"
"No!" I said. "My sister is here," I added more gently. "Besides, the fishing is good." I turned to Rora. "Are you sure you wish to offer this? It's a year early."
"I am sure," she said.
"Then I would love to take Narsana as my companion, if she is willing. I would not force her." I turned to Maya. "But perhaps this is not finalized."
She smiled. "We did not invite you here with a false offer."
"When do we do this?" I asked.
"Now," Malora said.
"I'll go get her. She is with Serra and Ping." Rora climbed to her feet, caressing my cheek, then bent over to kiss Nori. She brushed past Malora on her way past.
Nori chuckled. "Maya, you've set a high standard for companions. She watches you and feels clumsy."
"I have had ten years of practice," Maya said, "and a great many warriors in need." She smiled. "And personal needs the rest of you fulfilled me with."
Nori smiled. "You have become rich in deer skins."
She sighed. "All my fawning supplicants have their own companions now." She turned to me. "I once sat under the lover's tree with Malora on one side, Nori on the other, Ralla holding one hand, and my feet in Balorie's lap."
"The entire leadership council of the Amazons." I grinned. "No wonder you have them all wrapped around your finger now."
We talked quietly for a few minutes, and then Rora reentered the hut, her hands on her daughter's shoulders. The rest of us stood. The girl stepped forward then stopped, looking at all of us looking at her.
"Am I in trouble?" she asked. "Are you going to dye my hair pink now, too?"
"Did you do something that is making you feel guilty?" Malora asked.
"Nooooo," the girl said slowly. "I don't think so."
"Then you aren't in trouble," Malora added. "I must ask you some questions, however."
"All right, Queen Malora."
"When you arrived here a year and a half ago, you clearly stated your intention to become a full Amazon warrior. Is that still your intention, Narsana?"
"Yes, Queen Malora. I have been training very hard, and I do all the duties that Maya assigns to me."
"Do you understand that to become a warrior, you must serve as companion to a warrior?"
"Yes," she said. "Mama is Nori's companion, although she is not training to be a warrior. She only trains to fight bandits. Nori told me fighting bandits is much easier than fighting demons."
Malora smiled at her. "Do you know what a companion does?"
She nodded. "I know about the voices," she said. "I know Mama hugs Nori and it makes the voices go away."
"Do you know the other duties?" Malora asked.
Again the girl nodded. "Companions serve their warriors their meals, tend to their horse, do their laundry and mending." She looked down. "I don't know how to sew."
"Your warrior would have to teach you," Malora said.
"My warrior didn't," Maya muttered.
"Hush, you," Malora said.
"She understands, Queen Malora," Rora said. "She probably understands better than any recruit you've ever had."
"And a lot better than I did," Maya muttered again.
"Hush, you," Malora repeated, smiling at her. "Narsana, we normally do not take new girls to become companions until the year they turn fourteen, but we have taken them as young as the year they turn twelve."
"And I'm almost thirteen," she said. She looked around the room, and her eyes settled on me. "Beria needs a companion."
"She does," Malora said. "But if you wanted to wait-"
"No, I don't want to wait."
"Do not interrupt the queen," Rora said.
"I'm sorry," she said immediately.
"If you want to wait," Malora repeated, "Either Aura or Neela could become a warrior this year or next, and maybe Careen."
She looked at the adults, and you could practically see her figuring everything out. I was already proud of her.
"Queen Malora," she said, "I do not want to wait."
Malora turned to me and nodded. I glanced at Rora, and she nodded. So I stepped forward. "Narsana-"
"Yes," she said.
"You're supposed to wait for me to ask."
"I'm sorry, Beria," she said. She didn't look sorry.
"Narsana, would you be my companion?"
"Yes!" She jumped around the room for a minute, saying, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" Then she realized what she was doing, all of us looking at her with amusement. "Um. I mean. When do I start?"
"You understand you will need to obey me."
"Yes, Beria."
"You understand I will make you work very, very hard so that you may become the best warrior you can."
She nodded. "I know. I won't always like it, but I know it's good for me. Like peas."
From behind me, Nori chuckled.
But Narsana was grinning, and I knew she liked peas.
"Then I will take you as my companion, Narsana. From this moment forth, I am your warrior."
"Right now?" she asked.
I nodded. "Do you know what to do?"
"Uh huh," she said. "Mama taught me." She took two steps forward and wrapped me in a hug, and
then her hands moved to the back of my neck. She buried her face into my neck, and I laid my cheek against her forehead, sliding my hands to her neck. "Like this?" she asked.
"Just like this," I said. "Just like this."
The four of them clapped, and then Malora asked, "Beria, we can have a ceremony tomorrow night."
I rotated so I could face her, still hugging Narsana. "Queen Malora, I would like to experience a proper ritual, the same that Omie and I once shared. I will take Narsana as my companion immediately, but I want the ritual in the spring along with the other new companions. Is that all right?"
"I think it's a lovely plan," Malora said.
And then I whispered to my new companion, "Thank you, Narsana. Thank you."
Part Three
Warrior
"Good," I said. "Again."
Narsana tapped my blade with hers. Then again, then I thought there would be a third time; she had developed a habit. But she lunged suddenly. I parried easily, but a bandit would not have. Her sword slipped past me, but when I reached for her with mine, she withdrew quickly. It was a hasty parry, but successful.
Back and forth we flowed, and I was proud of her.
It was summer. She was fifteen, and I would soon be twenty-five. I saw her as a little sister. I knew we wouldn't become lovers, but we would be lifelong friends.
I thought that would be easier.
I normally trained with the warriors, but I wanted to evaluate Narsana's progress. I was pleased with what I saw.
"Hold," Omie said, and we both froze, then stepped away from each other. "Well done, Narsana. I liked how you established a pattern, hoping to lull your warrior, then broke the pattern. You almost got her."
The girl grinned.
"You are still a little wild recovering from a lunge. It is almost as if you are lunging too deeply, but I think perhaps you are just consistently surprised when you miss that you hesitate."
"Yes, Omie," she said. "It always works on the other companions."
I chuckled. I had no doubt it did.
"Your warrior was kind, or it would have been a fatal mistake. Try it with Nori and she'll leave you with bruises."
"Yes, Omie," she replied.
"All right. I want you to practice lunge and recover, on your own. I will give you today to remove the hesitation. After that, I will arrange for Nori to remove it for you."