“May I at least stay here, in this house, until Emma Grace is born?”
“Yes.”
With those words, the baby kicked so hard that I lost my breath. I winced. Henry flew into panic mode, throwing his arm around my back and scooting closer to me.
“What is it? What’s the matter?”
“Nothing. She’s kicking. Emma Grace always finds that one spot in my upper ribs to pound me. Here…let me have your hand,” I said sweetly trying to change the tone of our conversation.
Pulling up my pajama top and exposing my big fat belly took some bravery. I was huge. No matter how much cream I slathered on my abdomen night after night, I was still developing unsightly stretch marks. I grabbed Henry’s hand and placed it on my side. His touch was so warm and loving. I’d forgotten how much I missed our closeness.
“Wait. Be patient. She never stops with one wallop.”
He smiled and we sat with his hand on my belly waiting for her to answer her daddy’s voice. He finally moved to the floor and knelt down in front of me to take it all in. There was a lot of me to take in.
“Wow. Did you feel that?” he asked. “That was amazing.”
“Yeah. I felt that,” I replied laughing.
Unexpectedly, he leaned into my belly and kissed the very place she had kicked. His lips sent chills up my spine, but I didn’t let on. He watched as she performed all her tricks; crawling from one side of my belly with her hands, to the other. I finally realized how selfish my choice had been to keep him from all of this. My scorn had left me with regrets.
“Is Kate coming?” I asked interrupting his baby watching.
“She’s afraid to see Gabe,” he said nonchalantly.
“She should be.”
“What happened with that?” he responded, never breaking eye contact with Emma’s tricks.
“She didn’t tell you?” I asked surprised.
“No,” he replied.
“She was embarrassed of Mattie. When you called and demanded that she join you in New York, I suggested that she invite Gabe and Mattie to accompany her.”
“I never asked her to come to New York, Jewels.”
“What?” I said perplexed.
“She got spooked. Not everyone can handle trying times with the same grace as you,” he said jokingly, pulling himself back up to the bed.
“I know. I’m one of a kind.”
“You are.”
He put one hand on my cheek and the other on Emma Grace as he leaned in, placing his forehead to mine. I could feel his lips in front of mine, his breath blowing gently over my face. My heart began to race. I finally got up the courage to speak.
“Good night,” I said, breaking our intimacy.
He opened his eyes and retreated back, as his hand fell from my cheek to his leg.
“Can I sleep in your recliner?” he requested.
“Do you promise not to stare at me all night?”
He shook his head in agreement and collapsed back into the chair. Taking a comforter off my bed, I handed him a pillow and covered him. He smiled as if he knew we would be all right. I wasn’t so sure.
19
Mattie pounced on my bed early. The sun’s rays were barely breaking through the windows. A big lick demanded my attention. The smell of puppy breath in my nose alerted my eyes to search out the source. There in front of me was a beautiful black lab puppy with a large blue bow around its neck. Mattie grinned and his expression was recorded in my mind.
“Mattie. Dog, dog, dog. Black. Bark.”
Pulling myself up in bed, I gave him a very tight Merry Christmas squeeze. He put his dog on the floor and they were gone in the blink of an eye. Gabe walked over and sat on the bed.
“Merry Christmas, Santa,” he said laughing.
“Santa? Seriously…another weight crack on Christmas, of all days? Shame on you, Gabe Martin. You might get coal in your stocking this year?”
“Now, I wouldn’t be so harsh as to make jokes about your weight on Christmas. I was referring to the ridiculously generous gift you gave us last night, or have you already forgotten?”
“Forgotten. I don’t keep an account of things like that. I wish you wouldn’t either. We have to remain on equal footing so you can tell me when I’m being an ass.”
“No problem there. Merry Christmas.”
Gabe gave me a soft hug and told me to get downstairs so Mattie could tear into the over abundance of gifts I had purchased for him. I wanted to have time for a shower, but I knew that the rest of the family was waiting on me. Henry’s presence made me want to achieve some form of beauty. I hadn’t felt that way in a long time.
Everyone was gathered around the tree awaiting my arrival. Mattie’s new puppy was tearing at the bows that adorned the packages. His eagerness mirrored my own excitement on this beautiful morning. My entire family surrounded me. I never imagined a scenario that included my father in my home during the holidays. With my brother keeping watch and trying to navigate the healing waters, the Spencer clan had come full circle. Together, we were a fearsome sight to behold. The Walker family should shake in their boots- even if I still liked Ms. Emma, his mum.
John motioned for me to sit next to him on the couch. Henry was in my crazy chair in the corner- the one I always gravitated to when I felt the least bit unstable. When I finally made contact with the seat cushion, Henry disappeared into the kitchen, returning with a plate full of food for me. He obviously hadn’t received the memo regarding the starve Jewels campaign. I was thankful. I could feel four sets of eyes scrutinizing my every bite. As quickly as he had placed the food in front of me, he retreated back to the chair, far away from my father.
Not to be outdone, Gabe brought me a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. He knew that no real competition existed between him and Henry- at least in my mind- but I suspected he wanted Henry’s gesture to be diminished as ordinary and common. In this house, I suffered from round the clock caregivers- like it or not. Gabe wanted to send the message that no brownie points were scored for such typical behaviors. The message was received. Henry shot him a dirty look and Gabe smiled back. He had gotten the better of the upper crust Brit.
Mattie’s joyful affect made the tree seem even more spectacular than before. The lights were brighter and the ornaments took me back to early holidays with my mom. Angels I had made her and old dough ornaments still hung from the feathery branches. The smell of the tree and Ms. Martin’s apple cider could make even the crankiest Grinch jovial.
Mattie opened gift after gift until the giving tree was exhausted. As typical with all children, he latched on to one gift- the least expensive- and was satisfied. He only had eyes for the marble maze I’d purchased for the collection he inherited from Tommy. The bike with training wheels, indoor basketball hoop, art easel, and Lionel train set couldn’t hold a candle to watching the marbles roll down the ramps and around the curves to the bottom. No matter how hard Gabe and I tried to get him to look at his other presents, he was completely disinterested. Finally realizing that he was in his time of bliss, we grew content. This had been the best morning ever.
Tommy and Ms. Martin took on the daunting task of cleaning up all the torn wrapping paper and returning some of the gifts to the cottage. John and Gabe moved to the keeping room, off the kitchen, to try and put together the basketball hoop. Mattie was still mesmerized by his marble maze and the puppy was slap worn out from the excitement of Christmas morning. She lay quietly next to her little master as he played. Henry and I were left in the drawing room, side by side, on the couch, listening to carols in front of the tree.
“Where’s my big gift?” he inquired. “The one you promised me today.”
John’s cancer and impending departure from Spencer Industries made me rethink the gravity of the gift I’d drawn up for Henry. His own resignation from the company meant that he was finally free. He had clear waters ahead to charter the course that would suit himself and his daughter. My gift would only muddy the waters and pull
him under. Though he professed to be a changed man, Henry was Henry. The lust for power was still just beneath the surface. I did have faith that, over time, his need for power would decrease, as his daughter filled his life with experiences that business couldn’t manufacture, but change demands continual good decision making opportunities. Henry needed time to become that man before I levied such a burden on him.
I grabbed my belly. “Here’s your big gift. Isn’t this enough?”
“-Of course. There could be no better gift,” he said, embarrassed for asking.
“What are your plans?” I inquired, trying to change the subject.
“I’ll go to New York and clear out my office for the replacement your father has hired. I need to get some things from my apartment.”
“Are you going to sell it?”
“No. Kate is living in it. She’s welcome to live there for as long as she wants while she’s job hunting.”
“Oh,” I said surprised. “I figured she was back in London.”
“I told her about the baby, this morning. Maybe I should have let you, but she’s my sister and I’m excited.”
“No. It’s fine. How is she? I hate that she’s alone on Christmas.”
“Me too. She can’t bear you being disappointed in her. I invited her, but she wouldn’t come down for the holidays.”
“Gabe’s past it, you know. He’s moved on. I think he’s sweet on Dr. Brandon’s nurse.”
“And you? Are you past it?”
“She’s a sister to me, Tru. She’s my best friend. We both made mistakes. I was probably too harsh in my criticisms, but I meant what I said. Friends have to tell each other the truth- even when it’s hard…like you telling me that you slept with Tricia. That couldn’t have been easy.”
“I don’t want to talk about that again.”
“Why? Nothing ever gets solved by just pretending and living in a false reality. The Walkers’ should learn to face things head on and deal with the consequences.”
“-Like you Spencers’…”
“You were right when you accused me of being the reason Connor died.”
“No…”
“Yes. I was running from my problems with Jackson. Regardless of the evilness of Hector Costelano, if I had stayed in New York, and dealt with that cheating loser head on, I would never have been at that clinic. Connor would be having his first Christmas in my mom’s house. One poor choice made me lose my everything. That’s on me. I see that now. You were right. I was wrong. But I also know that I can’t change the past. I’ve discovered, with Gabe’s help, that losing Connor wasn’t a punishment for being a coward. That’s what I was- a coward. I’m not that person anymore. I’m done running.”
“I can see that.”
“Your sister should have told Gabe about her feelings- about being scared of Mattie’s struggles. He could have helped her through them. She didn’t give him the chance to be the voice of reason. Don’t you think Gabe has had moments of being embarrassed or worn out to the point of giving up? Do you know how hard it is to love someone that can’t show you love back? Gabe’s no saint. He’s human. The damaging part is that Kate did exactly the same thing to him as Mattie’s mother. She broke his heart when she ran off to New York. If she had shared her concerns, and showed a little trust, Gabe would have gotten past it.”
“She is sorry.”
“Then she should tell him so. She should make it right- even if the apology doesn’t lead to reconciliation. Besides, Kate’s place is here. Her niece will be born soon. Surely, she won’t miss that due to pride?”
“I’ll talk to her. I’m leaving tonight.”
“So soon?”
“Your father is not one to keep waiting. I need to conclude our business arrangement so I can start looking for another job. Your baby’s father is unemployed, remember?”
“You’ll find something.”
“I have some ideas.”
“Care to share?” I asked.
“Not yet. Let’s get that baby born healthy, first.”
“Agreed.”
“Tommy said that Costelano was killed by the police.”
“Yes. I wish I felt sorry, but I don’t. I’m not that forgiving. The police said that they were sending back my belongings from the investigation. I hope my mom’s locket is among the things sent. I must have lost it that night in the clinic during the struggle. I feel naked without it.”
“Let’s not talk about that night. I’m just thankful that you and Emma are okay. When is the next ultrasound scan? I want to be there.”
“Three weeks. I’ll be thirty-two weeks on January 22.”
“I can’t wait to see her,” he said happy.
“She’s going to be a handful. I can already tell.”
“Just like her mother,” he replied, laughing.
“Hilarious. Go pack. I wouldn’t want you to miss your flight. And send my love to Kate. Tell her that I said to get over herself and come back home.”
He shook his head, but it was restrained, like he dreaded the upcoming conversation with his sister. Before leaving, he kissed me on the forehead, rubbed my belly and went upstairs to gather his things. His fact finding mission had turned out to take longer than expected. He had yet to discover the real reason behind John’s visit. I was anxious for him to return to New York so that Tommy and I could sort out John’s surgery at Emory.
20
With Henry gone, a family meeting was called to discuss John’s cancer. One by one, we filed into the kitchen, leaving Mattie and Dog watching television in the family room. As we took our seats, Ms. Martin set out coffee service, cake, and a bowl of sliced fruit on the table. Though I longed for the cake, I knew that she meant for me alone to have the fruit.
John was looking more tired than usual. The whites of his eyes had become a pale yellow color like lemon curd. He had barely touched his Christmas dinner and I knew that the disease was waging a nasty war inside of him. Knowing that he wouldn’t be able to stomach the coffee, I quietly retrieved a glass of cold milk from the refrigerator along with a bottle of water for myself. He grabbed my hand as I placed the milk before him. He thanked me for looking after him. Acknowledging his kind words by stroking his arm, I waddled back to my own chair. Once seated, Tommy took the floor.
“Dad and I are leaving tomorrow to fly to Atlanta. The surgeon at Emory is expecting us in the afternoon to go over his surgery.”
“Someone needs to explain this Whipple procedure to me,” I demanded.
John responded before Tommy could speak for him again. He didn’t like the role of the sick person. My brother would have to tread carefully.
“The surgeon will remove the head of the pancreas, the distal stomach, gallbladder, common bile duct, duodenum, jejunum, and some surrounding lymph nodes,” my dad spoke calmly and efficiently.
“Well, you lost me after stomach,” I said smiling, trying to lighten the mood.
“Will you have to undergo chemotherapy?” asked Ms. Martin.
“I’m not certain of anything yet. The doctors in New York told me that there was no evidence that the tumor had metastasized, but that was two months ago. The doctors at Emory will do a PET scan the day after tomorrow to determine if that still holds true.”
“How long do you have to stay at Emory after the procedure?” I wondered.
“Patients usually stay about two weeks. I suppose it will depend on how things go in surgery and the results of the PET scan.”
“I’ll pack a bag tonight and come with you. I can rest there just as easily as I can here.”
“Julia, the hospital is no place for you, considering your condition. I appreciate the gesture, but you need to protect my grandbaby.”
“Don’t worry, Jewels, I’ve taken a leave of absence to be with Dad. He won’t be alone. I’ll keep you updated twice a day, okay?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Not really,” Gabe interjected.
“I want you and your brother to under
stand something, very clearly. My lawyer has drawn up a living will. I expect the both of you to honor it to the letter. Do you understand?”
“That will depend on what it says,” I said skeptically.
“I do not want any heroic measures to be taken on my behalf. If things go badly, I do not want to be placed on life support…”
“This meeting is adjourned. I’m not going to entertain any thought that has a bad outcome. You’ll have the procedure and you’ll be fine. That’s it. I’ve had enough loss this year. Do you understand?”
“Julia, you have to be prepared for all possible outcomes- not just the one you want. For me, you must promise to adhere to my wishes. Please.”
“Let me see the papers. You know, I’m a lawyer. I could have prepared them for you.”
“This isn’t the type of thing that a daughter completes for her ailing father. Tommy, do I have your word?”
“Yes. I’ll respect your wishes,” my brother replied.
“Julia?”
“I’ll think about it…and that’s all I care to hear tonight. Mattie and I are taking Dog upstairs to watch the History Channel. He’ll be up all night and I’ll be asleep in five minutes. Anyone care to join us?”
“Will there be popcorn?” Gabe asked.
“No. I’m a fatty, remember? All I can offer you is boring television,” I replied, laughing as I made my way into the family room. Turning back to my father, I said, “I love you, John. Wake me before you leave.”
My father nodded in agreement and walked out onto the veranda with Tommy. I was trying to stay positive, but the living will dialogue threw me for a loop. The very discussion made me feel like he was giving up- that he was resigned to death. Life was going to be the theme in this upcoming year. I wasn’t going to prepare for any other outcome. He better fight the good fight.
Mattie ran up ahead of me and Gabe, with Dog following closely at his heels. She was a beautiful girl, all furry and lanky. Her legs were the biggest thing about her and she had the sweetest disposition. Gabe had done well when picking her from the litter. Mattie didn’t even seem to mind when she tried to gnaw on his fingers. He’d simply shove a toy in her mouth and turn her body in the opposite direction as punishment. She’d met her match in every way. Mattie loved repetition. Where the rest of us would give up correcting her, he could go on for a good fifteen minutes until he proved his point. He was a born animal trainer. We all piled on the bed. Gabe was talking to Mattie as I drifted off to sleep.
The Battered Heiress Blues Page 20