“It isn’t a woman. I don’t have anyone over,” I said, going after her.
“Fine. It’s fine Adam. I believe you. I’ll just see you on Thursday,” she said. I stood looking down at her. Her face was completely still. Scary still. I leaned down to kiss her, but she turned her head a little, so it landed on her cheek—sort of the corner of her mouth rather than square on her lips.
“Have a good night,” she said.
And then she was gone.
14
Dana
If Los Angeles had no traffic, everyone in the city would have to come up with more creative excuses for their lateness. Was it the traffic that made Los Angelinos late or was it the fact that they didn’t bother trying to be on time because they just believed they would be late anyway?
I drove my rental car through the familiar blocked streets to Hollywood. My life should have been far more charmed than it ended up being, but at the point when we had moved here after Mom remarried and we could live the high-life, I was much too angry and resentful to take advantage of it.
The house was big. Much too big now, especially since Jaden and I had moved out. Frank had bought it when it was cheaper, but its value now was near a million, if not more. He had told Jaden and me when we were living there that the real money in Hollywood is in production. Sure, actors got paid well, but that was just the super-famous ones. Everyone in Hollywood wanted to be an actor. Not everyone wanted to be behind the scenes, but according to Frank, that was the place to be.
I had spent the months before moving to San Diego in that house and because of that, it had become comfortable. I liked it. After I had moved in, there had been this one night when the guy had shown up. Mom had pounced on him like a wild mountain lion and security had been beefed up tenfold. There were cameras now. Nobody had keys besides Mom and Frank—not even me. I had to ring the doorbell.
The housekeeper—because they had one now—let me in and helped me with my bag. It would be just a matter of time before…
“Dana! Darling.”
… before Mom spotted me from whatever window she had been waiting at and pretended to show up as if she was surprised to see me. I smiled at her.
“Hi, Mom.” She hugged me tightly. She would do this thing where she would run her hands over your back; like really run them over your back, like she was searching you for weapons, TSA-style. My theory was she was checking to see whether I had put weight on. She held me at arm’s length and looked me over. A frown creased her brow.
“Dana honey, why don’t you have any makeup on?”
“It’s nice to see you too, Mother,” I said, walking past her into the house.
Upstairs, I flopped onto the bed in my old room. Unlike at Dad’s house, our old rooms hadn’t been completely preserved. Mom had redone the entire house, and now my room had floral decals on the walls, and a new bed, but a lot of the furniture still remained. Most important was the bed. I needed something comfortable and sturdy on which to do my moping.
Was there a word for the things that I was feeling?
Oh, my god.
I’d sold my soul for a night with Adam Holloway between my thighs, and I was having the worst morning after regret I could ever have anticipated. The actual morning after having sex with him wasn’t that bad; it was the night after that that was terrible.
I had gone to his house, and he had…
God, I couldn’t even bear to think about it.
He had said there was nobody in the house. Well, he had said that there were no women in the house. There was someone in there though. Who the fuck was it? What was he up to? I had been trying to pluck up the nerve to go over there all day. I had even taken an Uber and told them to leave because I had thought that I would be spending the night.
Spending the night. Ha. Yeah. With him and his mystery guest. I had gotten ahead of myself. I had banked on a promise he hadn’t made to me. I sighed and planted my face in the bedding. There was no way I was going to try and be sexy and spontaneous ever again.
My financials were in flux, my family was out of control, my professional life was on hold until the bookstore opened; this was one part of my life that I could actually control. I had gone to him. Both times I had made the first move. The first time was a roaring success, but this second time I didn’t stick it. I wanted to believe that there was nothing wrong with me but when you were as low as I was feeling, what better than self-flagellation to make the sting really last?
At least I knew one thing for sure now. I was not the kind of girl who could fuck guys without some sort of commitment. I had to make that a requirement. If a guy wanted to have sex with me, we at the very least had to be Facebook official.
He had seemed to want to say yes, but the fact was that he hadn’t. I could give him the benefit of the doubt, or I could count my losses and keep it moving. He wasn’t the guy that I was going to be introducing as my boyfriend to anybody, but I knew that. I knew that and wasn’t going to make him be anything more than the guy I tried to rebuild my injured confidence with.
My phone rang and stopped as soon as I picked it up. I checked the number; someone in San Diego. The horrifying thought that it might be Adam crossed my mind, and I all but chucked the phone across the room. I silenced the ring and returned to the important business of moping. I had been doing so much of that lately.
Strange.
The entry of Adam Holloway into my life coincided with the sudden increase in stress and unease I had been feeling lately. It was like he had a negative effect on my health and wellness. Like he wasn’t good for me. What were all those fantastic things that Mimi had called him? A thug. A troublemaker. Etcetera.
God. Miriam James. Not once during the whole ordeal had she told me that she had told me so. She could have on many occasions and dammit she should have, but she didn’t. When I got back, I’d tell her she was right. She was always right. Next time, I’d let her set me up. Didn’t Anthony have a brother?
Family dinner at the Weinstein house was always an event. Mom didn’t usually cook but she would whenever the whole family was together, at least once a week. Not like the ‘slaving over a hot stove’ kind of cooking, but very glamorously hitting knobs and turning dials on various gadgets that transformed raw food into something edible. It was always good, but we mostly just ate it because she had prepared it. Tonight it was lasagna with baked vegetables and grilled chicken.
“Dana, tell us about San Diego. What’s it like that close to the border?” Frank asked.
“San Diego’s great. I really like it down there,” I said honestly.
“You’re living with another woman,” my mother said in a way that was less a statement and more an accusation for which I was supposed to defend myself.
“Yeah. My roommate Miriam James. We’ve known each other since we were teens. Since we started going to San Diego for summers.”
“Have you told her about what happened?” Mom asked.
Shit, she wasn’t playing. We were getting right into the meat of my personal life that night.
“Yes. I tell Mimi everything; she’s my best friend.”
“Are you sure that’s wise Dana?” Frank asked.
“I can trust her. She knows everything about me. She’s been an amazing source of support. There’s no way I could have kept it from her.”
“Are you going to tell every new friend you meet in that city what happened to you?”
“No, Mom. It’s not like I broadcast it to every stranger I meet walking down the street.”
“Why are you walking, I thought you had a car?”
“God, stop it, Mom,” I whined.
“Tell us about the bookshop you and Mimi are starting Dane,” Jaden said, throwing me a bone. Chloe had ended up not coming because Jaden had wanted to spare her from what was happening now. It wasn’t like she didn’t know; Mom counted getting the guy who had stalked and assaulted me thrown in jail a victory of hers, and she liked to share it like this little secret the p
rivileged around her got to know. Chloe knew; it was just the squabbling that tended to happen when we were discussing the topic sometimes got ugly.
“Yes, Dana. Tell us about this place that you will be walking to and from in the early morning and late night.”
“Eva, please,” Frank whispered to his wife.
“Mom, drop it,” I said.
“Drop it?”
That had done it. There was no stopping her now.
“Drop it? You want me to drop it? You live a hundred miles away Dana. Do you know how much we worry about you? How much I worry about you?”
“The man is in jail Mom; he literally can’t get to me.”
“He won’t be in jail forever! One day he’s going to get released and what do you think he’ll do then? Hm?”
“I don’t know, get a job? Further his education? Get on with his life? Why does it matter?”
“These cases are rarely over once the guy goes to jail Dana.”
“You’ve been watching too many crime dramas, Mom. Leave it alone. All I wanted was to have a nice visit with you guys, and now it’s turned into this!”
“We worry about you, Dana. What your mother is trying to say is she wishes you had spent a little more time here rather than moving away,” Frank said gently. I softened. I knew he was likely as scared as Mom, but he was much better at keeping it to himself.
“Isn’t moving what you are supposed to do?”
“Not when it’s moving into isolation, in a city where you don’t know anybody,” Mom said.
“Mom stop it. Dad lives there, two miles away. I don’t live alone; I have a roommate. I’m not isolated; I’m just not here. How much longer do you want this shit to put my life on hold?”
“This shit is your life, Dana. That man assaulted you.”
“And he’s behind bars because of it. I can’t be coming to visit you guys if this is the only thing you ever want to talk about.”
I stood.
“I’m trying to move on and get my life back. I wish you guys would let me.”
The sulky stomp up the stairs to my room had been a callback to teenage Dana who was angry at the world and had cut all her hair off.
Why was my family so fucking manic?
Why wouldn’t they let it lay?
Why wouldn’t they just let me try and restore my life to something where I had independence and autonomy again? I had already had that shit taken from me once by a stalker; I didn’t need them to do it to me again.
I went to Jaden and Chloe’s the next day, wondering why I had thought LA was a good idea. I’d get the books and head back early the following day. I should have gone somewhere else to hide out like a fugitive before I felt like I could face Adam again. Or made the decision never to see him again.
I had to keep reminding myself that that was an option. He didn’t have to be part of my life if I didn’t want him to. I could keep him at arm’s length where he couldn’t hurt me. Where I couldn’t embarrass myself in front of him again.
Would I wish that I had stayed around for at least the sex? I sighed, remembering the night at the shop. I felt like one of those women you heard about who was beautiful and employed and ambitious, but her boyfriend was a bum who sat on her couch and played Xbox all day and the reason she would let him was because he was so good in bed. Apparently, good dick was a powerful influence when it came to women’s decision-making. It sure was when it came to mine.
Chloe and Jaden had done me the favor of having put a lot of my books in boxes so I could get them into the car easily. I had been a book collector since I was a child, so my personal library looked like a map of my life, everything that had influenced me and become part of who I was. I was glad that when I had to leave the house, Jaden moved in.
The guy… my stalker, his name was Henry… it still is Henry, I suppose. But he went by Hack. Not ‘Hank’ like a normal guy; ‘Hack.’ I don’t know why he would; it sounded like a motorcycle club alias, or like a nickname little boys named Henry were given during Great Depression times. That was how he introduced himself, however, and that was how I remembered him. I knew he wasn’t above property damage if it meant he could fuck with me. I could imagine my beloved library submerged in the bathtub or set on fire, and it made me sick.
I was afraid when Jaden had moved in that Hack would be there. I wasn’t worried as far as who would win in a fight; I was just upset that Jaden might be subjected to what I was because he was attached to me. They knew each other personally. Hack and I had been in a relationship before it all happened. The same nervousness bubbled up again because Chloe was going to be living there now too.
Jaden had wanted to bring the books to Mom and Frank’s so I wouldn’t have to return to the house where it all went down. When I crossed the threshold, I didn’t get chills. It looked completely different. Jaden had probably done it on purpose because of me, but whatever the reason was, I silently thanked him for it. Nothing was in the place that I had left it, and the bed that I had used was gone and in its place a totally new one.
I understand why he would want to get rid of the mattress, but I was surprised he’d ditch the frame too. It was a really nice frame.
Chloe was helping me stack the last of the books in piles while Jaden put them into boxes.
“Did we get enough boxes?” he asked. “You have a lot more of these than I thought.” Some books would probably just have to be piled in the passenger seat, but that was okay. As long as they all went home with me.
“They probably won’t fit, but this is great. Thank you guys.”
“Sorry about Mom last night,” Jaden said.
“It’s not your fault.”
“She worries. We all do.”
“I know. But there’s nothing to worry about. He’s gone.”
“He has the option to fight his charges in court, Dane. He could have his sentence reduced or be let out on probation.”
I shook my head.
“I can’t let that stop me from living my life, Jay.”
“At least be careful,” Chloe said. “Do you carry anything with you? Mace? Alarm button?”
“Nope.”
“What about at your house?”
“If I tell you I’m getting a guard dog will you leave it alone?”
“We’re just looking out for you,” my brother said.
They were. Everyone was. Giving me money. Harassing me about security. Disapproving of my life choices. It wasn’t meant to be malicious. It was just getting to be a bit too much. The next day I left, deciding to spend the last night I had planned to have in LA at my dad’s house back in San Diego instead. He still didn’t know what had happened in LA with Hack.
When we were together, I could pretend that I didn’t either…
15
Adam
The cost of replacing the two steering column wire harnesses came to just under $500. It was a marvel of twentieth-century American engineering that the Riviera had survived for so long under Dana’s dutiful, though ignorant negligence. I had said that I would get it done by Thursday and I had. She was as good as new—at least as far as her insides went. The outside looked exactly the same. I had wanted to get a fresh coat of paint on there for her—restore that bright sky blue the car probably used to be once upon a time—but I had said Thursday.
I didn’t want to disappoint her. Again.
The night she had come over…
… well, I couldn’t let her in to see Lawson looking like a pile of ground beef on my couch. She would have had questions, and I wouldn’t have been able to lie to her. Yeah, Doll, this is my pal Lawson. He and I are involved in illegal fight clubs. Yeah, I have a criminal record as long as you are tall. Yeah, most of these tats I got in prison.
She didn’t need to see that… hear that… know that about me.
She’d hit the ground running. I wouldn’t even be able to blame her when she did. It was selfish that I wanted to have her, but the alternative was not having her, and that was out
of the question. I felt a little bad driving the Riviera to her house because that meant she couldn’t make any more visits to the shop under the pretense of seeing how repairs were going.
It was a little time after I had knocked before the wrong blonde opened the door. The frown on her face told me I wasn’t the person she had wanted to see either. I cleared my throat. I had been taken by surprise by Mimi twice before. Not this time. This time, I was ready.
“Mimi. Hi. I came to drop Dana’s car off. Is she here?” I said in the cordial voice I used to reserve for job interviews.
“Adam. Thanks. I’ll tell her that you brought it back,” she started to close the door.
“Wait, she isn’t here?”
“Nope.”
“Is she not here like the last time I came round wanting to see her?”
Her eyes narrowed.
“Listen, buddy. I understand that you may not like me, and that is fair. I don’t like you either, but we have Dana in common. It can’t be a fight every time we see each other.”
“Alright… okay, just tell me where she is.”
“She went to Los Angeles to visit her family,” she said simply. My stomach felt like a hole had just opened in the bottom of it.
“She’s gone?”
“She’ll be back by the weekend most likely; we have some stuff to do before the shop’s grand opening.”
There was a man’s voice from inside the house. Anthony appeared, kissing her on the lips and wrapping his arm around her before he looked at me. If Lawson cut his hair off the two of them would be nearly indistinguishable. It was a little trippy talking to him sometimes because their voices were the same too, but their personalities were light-years apart.
“Adam,” he said. “I thought that sounded like you.”
I looked between the two of them. No way. No fucking way. Mimi? Mandy? She had no idea. And this fucking guy. He was just looking at me, like a sociopath. Calm. Like I hadn’t heard him on the phone, in bed with a woman who was not called Mimi like his apparent girlfriend standing in front of me.
ADAM: A Bad Boy Romance (The ALPHAbet Collection Book 1) Page 11