by Jeff Kinney
The Third Wheel
Hard Luck
The Long Haul
Old School
Double Down
The Getaway
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The Wimpy Kid Do-It-Yourself Book
The Wimpy Kid Movie Diary
The Wimpy Kid Movie Diary: The Next Chapter
THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID SERIES
MORE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID BOOKS
Diary of a Wimpy Kid
Rodrick Rules
The Last Straw
Dog Days
The Ugly Truth
Cabin Fever
by Jeff Kinney
AMULET BOOKS
New York
DIARY
PUBLISHER’S NOTE: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Cataloging-in-Publication Data has been applied for and may
be obtained from the Library of Congress.
ISBN: 978-1-4197-2545-6
eISBN: 978-1-68335-111-5
Wimpy Kid text and illustrations copyright © 2017 Wimpy Kid, Inc.
DIARY OF A WIMPY KID®, WIMPY KID™, and the Greg Heffley design™
are trademarks of Wimpy Kid, Inc. All rights reserved.
Book design by Jeff Kinney
Cover design by Chad W. Beckerman and Jeff Kinney
Published in 2017 by Amulet Books, an imprint of ABRAMS.
All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher. Amulet Books and Amulet Paperbacks are registered trademarks of Harry N. Abrams, Inc.
Amulet Books are available at special discounts when purchased in quantity for premiums and promotions as well as fundraising or educational use. Special editions can also be created to specification. For details, contact [email protected] or the address below.
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to ANNIE
DECEMBER
Sunday
The worst part of having someone tell you about
their vacation is trying to pretend you’re HAPPY
for them. Because no one wants to hear about all
the fun they
DIDN’T have.
The only vacations I want to hear about are the
ones where things went WRONG. That way, I
don’t feel bad for missing out.
2
Well, my family just got back from vacation,
and believe me, if I could’ve stayed home, I
WOULD’VE. But I didn’t have a choice.
A few weeks ago, this vacation wasn’t even
supposed to HAPPEN. We were just having
a normal December, and I was really looking
forward to Christmas.
But Mom and Dad were getting all stressed out
about everything we had to do to get ready for
the holidays. We were WAY behind on decorating
the house, and nothing was going the way it was
supposed to.
3
I’m sure we could’ve gotten our act together in time
for Christmas. But one night an ad came on TV
that TOTALLY turned our holidays upside down.
The commercial was for this place called Isla de
Corales, which is where Mom and Dad went for
their honeymoon. And the reason I know that is
because every time an ad for that place comes on
TV, the two of them get all kissy-faced.
4
It makes me uncomfortable thinking about Mom
and Dad before they had us kids. And I wouldn’t
HAVE to if Mom didn’t break out their honeymoon
album every year on their anniversary.
The night after that ad came on, Mom and Dad
made an announcement. They said that THIS
year, we were gonna SKIP Christmas and all go
to Isla de Corales instead.
When I asked how we were gonna get our gifts
to the resort, Mom said the trip WAS our gift.
5
I thought that sounded like a TERRIBLE idea,
and I was surprised Dad was on board with it. He
usually doesn’t like to spend a lot of money, and I
was sure this resort was gonna cost a FORTUNE.
But he said he was sick of the cold weather, and he
wanted to escape to someplace warm.
Personally, I don’t have a problem with cold
weather. In fact, generally speaking, the worse
it is outside, the happier I am.
6
I figured Manny and Rodrick would help me talk
some sense into Mom and Dad, and we’d put a
stop to this idea. But those guys weren’t any help
at ALL.
So I had to accept that we weren’t gonna have a
normal Christmas at home. But what I REALLY
didn’t like was that we had to FLY to this place.
I’d never been on a PLANE before, and I
wasn’t crazy about the idea of locking myself in a
metal tube.
7
Nobody ELSE seemed worried, though, and two
weeks later, on a night when we should’ve been
hanging up our stockings and sitting around the
fire watching Christmas specials, we were packing
our suitcases for this island getaway.
Monday
We left the house around 8:00 on the morning of
Christmas Eve. Dad was pretty uptight because
he wanted to leave an hour EARLIER, but Mom
said he was being ridiculous and we’d get to the
airport in plenty of time.
It was only about twenty degrees outside, but
Rodrick was already dressed for vacation.
8
It turned out Dad was right, we should’ve left
earlier. Apparently, Christmas Eve is one of
the busiest travel days of the year, so the roads
were CHOKED with families driving to see their
relatives. And nobody really seemed to be in the
Christmas spirit, either.
What made things a lot worse was when it started
to SNOW. After that, things slowed to a crawl.
Mom and Dad started arguing over what time we
should’ve left, and Dad almost missed the exit for
the airport. He had to cut across three lanes of
traffic, which didn’t look easy.
When we reached the airport, the main parking
lot was full. That meant we had to park in the
economy lot, which was pretty far away. Dad said
he’d drop the rest of us off at the curb with all
the luggage and then come meet us after he parked.
When we got to the passenger drop-off area, it
was COMPLETE chaos. We tried to unload our
bags, but the cops weren’t letting anyone stop
for more tha
n thirty seconds. And that just
stressed everyone out and made things worse.
10
I had to get back in the van so I could help Dad
with the rest of the bags. Ordinarily, that kind of
thing would’ve been Rodrick’s job, but since he was
dressed for eighty-degree weather, he got out of it.
He was lucky he DID, too. When we got to the
gate for the economy lot, Dad couldn’t reach the
ticket from his window. So he made me get out of
the car to grab it.
Unfortunately, I didn’t notice that there was a
giant slush puddle on my side of the car until it
was too late.
After we parked, we rolled our bags to the
nearest shuttle stop, which wasn’t a lot of fun.
11
The sign said the shuttle bus to the main terminal
came every ten minutes. But there was no room for
us in the bus shelter, so we had to wait outside in
the freezing cold.
Twenty minutes went by without a bus, and Dad
started getting really anxious about the time. He
said we were just gonna have to WALK to the
terminal, which was about a mile away.
12
I would’ve tried to convince Dad to wait a little
longer, but my sock was starting to turn to ice,
and I didn’t wanna get frostbite.
Sure enough, once we got about a hundred feet
from the shelter, the shuttle bus pulled into the
parking lot. We tried to get the driver to stop,
but he just blew right by us.
So we RAN to the shuttle stop, but we didn’t
make it back in time.
Now Dad was really worried about missing our
flight. I told him maybe missing the flight
wouldn’t be the WORST thing to happen, but he
didn’t seem to be in the mood to hear what I had
to say.
By the time we got to the terminal, we were
both soaking wet and miserable. So when a pickup
truck almost hit us in the crosswalk, it made Dad
REALLY mad, and he let the driver know.
That just made the DRIVER mad, and he pulled
his truck over and stepped out of his vehicle.
15
We didn’t stick around long enough to talk
things over with this guy. We ran in the
opposite direction and blended in with some people
standing on the sidewalk until the coast was clear.
Dad told me I could learn a lesson from this, which
was to never lose your temper and do something
stupid. But I took away a DIFFERENT lesson—
when Heffleys get in trouble, Heffleys RUN.
The rest of the family was waiting inside the
entrance to the terminal. Mom wanted to know
what took us so long, and Dad wanted to know
why she hadn’t gotten in line with Manny and
Rodrick and held a place for us.
16
It took twenty minutes for us to get through
the check-in line. But when Dad put our big
suitcase on the scale, the person at the counter
said it was too heavy, and it was gonna cost extra
money to check it.
But Dad said the airline was ripping us off and
we weren’t gonna give them an extra NICKEL.
So we took some clothes out of the suitcase and
stuffed them into our carry-on bags.
By the time we got everything sorted out, we
had a half hour to get to our gate before our
flight started boarding. And when we got to the
security area, it was a total ZOO.
There were two lines—one for families and one for
business travelers.
I guess Dad usually gets to go through the
business lane when he travels for work, so he
didn’t seem to be too happy about being stuck
with the rest of us in the family lane.
18
Anytime you add the word “family” to something,
you know things are gonna be bad. And trust
me, I’ve been to enough family restaurants to
know what I’m talking about.
We waited in the security line a long time, and we
finally made it to the front. But then some kid a
few rows behind us started pressing the buttons
on the poles that hold the barriers together.
All of a sudden, there was nothing keeping the
lines separated, and for a second, no one moved.
But then things COMPLETELY fell apart.
20
By the time the security agents got all the zip
barriers reconnected, we ended up at the BACK
of the line. And the family with the kid who caused
all the trouble was at the FRONT.
Now Mom and Dad were REALLY stressed,
because our flight was supposed to leave at any
minute. Dad begged one of the security agents
to let us go to the front, but he didn’t seem
too sympathetic.
I thought we were going to miss our flight, so I
didn’t really see the point of going through security.
But Dad said sometimes they leave the gate open
until the last second, and we might still make it.
21
We finally got to the front of the line, and we put
our bags on a conveyor belt. Then we took off our
coats and shoes and put them into some plastic bins.
Manny saw what the rest of us were doing, and
he started taking off HIS clothes, too. Luckily,
Mom noticed in time and stopped him before he
could go any further.
22
Manny wasn’t finished causing problems, though.
Apparently, he thought the conveyor belt was
some kind of RIDE, and he was really upset when
he found out that it WASN’T.