The Getaway (Diary of a Wimpy Kid Book 12)

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The Getaway (Diary of a Wimpy Kid Book 12) Page 3

by Jeff Kinney


  exhausted, and we hadn’t even taken OFF yet.

  But a few seconds later, the plane started rolling

  down the tarmac, and the next thing I knew, we

  were in the AIR.

  I’m not gonna lie—I had my eyes shut during

  the whole takeoff. And I didn’t even realize I

  was holding my breath until I almost passed out.

  Once we leveled off, the couple sitting in my row

  started feeding their baby.

  48

  I was ALREADY nauseous from the takeoff, and

  the smell of mushy peas didn’t help things.

  I thought I might actually throw up, but I

  didn’t know what to DO. Then I noticed this

  white paper bag in the seat pocket in front of me,

  and I figured out that’s exactly what it’s FOR.

  49

  The flight attendant already seemed annoyed with

  me, though, so I knew he wouldn’t be too happy

  if I handed him a bag of vomit.

  Somehow I managed to get through the feeding

  without throwing up. But I wish I could say the

  same thing for the BABY.

  After the lady cleaned it up, she reached into

  her bag and gave the baby a couple of toys to

  play with.

  50

  One of the toys was a plastic hammer. And as

  soon as the baby got that thing in its hand, it

  started pounding on the WINDOW.

  I’ve heard that if a window on a plane breaks,

  everything inside gets sucked OUTSIDE. And

  that didn’t really seem like a good way to go.

  So when the lady’s head was turned, I swiped the

  hammer from the baby and tucked it under my seat.

  51

  Unfortunately, that set the baby off.

  It turns out nobody likes a crying baby on a

  plane, and everyone started shooting us dirty

  looks. Luckily, the lady had a bottle in her bag,

  and that quieted the kid down for a while.

  I was getting kind of hungry myself, so I

  pressed the button for the flight attendant and

  asked when we could expect to get FED. But he

  said meals were only for first-class passengers,

  and he gave me a bag of peanuts to hold me over.

  52

  That’s when I remembered the snacks I’d bought

  before we got on the plane. But THEN I

  remembered that they were in my carry-on bag,

  which was stowed down below.

  I guess Mom must’ve been thinking about food,

  too. Because as soon as the pilot said we had

  reached our “cruising altitude” and we were free to

  move about the cabin, Mom unbuckled her seatbelt

  and went up to first class with Manny, just in

  time for dinner.

  I felt something cold and clammy touch my left

  elbow, and then something ELSE touched my

  RIGHT one. The guy behind me had taken off

  his shoes and socks and slid his feet through

  the spaces between the seats.

  53

  So I guess this guy decided it was OK to use my

  ARMRESTS as his FOOTRESTS.

  I was starting to feel boxed in, and then the

  person in the seat in front of me tilted his seat

  all the way back, so it was just a few inches from

  my face.

  I tried to tilt MY seat back, but I couldn’t find

  the button to do it.

  54

  So I called the flight attendant and asked him

  where the button was. But he told me the seats

  in our row didn’t tilt back because they’d block the

  emergency row.

  Now I was starting to SWEAT. I thought

  I’d read a magazine to take my mind off feeling

  trapped, but the only thing in the seat pocket

  was a catalog for all this stuff no one needs.

  55

  The people on either side of me were watching a

  movie, so I figured I’d turn my screen on and

  check it out. The movie looked like a comedy, but

  my headphones were in my bag, and it was hard

  to understand what was going on without them.

  I changed the channel to see what ELSE there

  was to watch. One channel had a show for little

  kids, and the baby next to me got interested in

  what was on my screen. And when I changed it

  to something else, the kid started BAWLING.

  56

  When I changed the channel BACK, the baby

  stopped crying.

  I guess I would’ve been OK with letting the kid

  watch the show, but the screen was WAY too

  close to my face. And the colors on the show were

  so bright that even when I put on the eye mask

  that was in the seat pocket, I could STILL

  see everything that was happening.

  When the show finally ended, the baby started

  crying again. But there was no WAY I was

  gonna keep watching the show on repeat for the

  rest of the night.

  So I decided it was the perfect time to take my

  shift up in first class.

  57

  But Rodrick noticed I was trying to make a

  move, and he got out of his seat before I had a

  chance to. And once he was up in first class, I

  knew I’d have to wait a while before I could swap

  places with him.

  When Mom and Manny came back to their seats,

  I saw the door to the cockpit open behind them,

  and the pilot stepped out.

  I thought there might be some kind of an

  EMERGENCY, so I pressed the button and

  asked the flight attendant what was going on.

  He said the pilot just needed to stretch his legs

  and use the bathroom, and the co-pilot had

  everything under control.

  58

  I didn’t like the fact that we were down to one

  pilot, even if it was just for a few minutes.

  Personally, I don’t think two pilots is ENOUGH,

  even when they’re BOTH in the cockpit. I guess

  the idea is that if one of them has a heart attack,

  then the other one is supposed to fly the plane.

  But I asked the flight attendant what happens

  if the OTHER pilot freaks out and has a heart

  attack, too.

  The flight attendant told me not to worry,

  because these planes are so high-tech they can

  practically fly THEMSELVES.

  59

  Well, I’ve heard pilots make a lot of money,

  so if what the flight attendant was saying is

  TRUE, then this could be the career for ME.

  Once the pilot got out of the bathroom, I

  figured it would be a good idea for me to go, too.

  The only problem was, the man to my right was

  asleep, and I couldn’t get over the guy without

  waking him up. So I went UNDER him, and

  believe me, that wasn’t a lot of fun.

  60

  I walked toward the front of the plane, but

  before I even got to the first-class section, the

  flight attendant told me that economy passengers

  have to use the restroom in the BACK.

  The bathroom in the economy section was really

  small, but being in there was a HUNDRED times

  better than being stuck in my seat. It was sort

  of like a tiny little apartment I had all to myself.

  61


  In science class, we learned that when human

  waste gets dropped out of an airplane toilet, it

  freezes solid. Some guy in my town once found a

  chunk of waste that fell from a plane, and he

  thought it was a METEORITE.

  I think the guy was hoping to sell it for a lot of

  money, but once the thing thawed he found out

  what he had was totally worthless.

  62

  Once I was settled into the bathroom, I figured

  there was no reason to go back to my seat. So

  whenever someone ELSE came along to use it, I

  just made bathroom noises until they went away.

  One person must’ve really needed to go, because

  they shook the door handle so hard that I

  thought it might actually break OFF. Then they

  went away. But a few minutes later, the whole

  BATHROOM shook.

  63

  Whoever this was needed to use the bathroom a

  lot more than I did, so I opened the door. But

  there was no one THERE. That’s when I realized

  it wasn’t just the bathroom shaking, it was the

  whole PLANE.

  I thought we must’ve landed in the water or lost

  an engine or something. But then the pilot came

  over the intercom.

  64

  That didn’t sound right to ME. I figured what

  REALLY happened was that the pilot fell asleep

  in his seat and kicked the steering wheel or

  something, and then he came up with this “bumpy

  air” excuse. Because that’s EXACTLY what I’d

  do if I were in the same situation.

  I guess the flight attendant could see that I

  was pretty rattled. He said we were just going

  through a little “turbulence,” which was perfectly

  normal for a flight like this.

  65

  Well, if this kind of thing is NORMAL, then

  there’s no chance I’m ever becoming a pilot.

  Because if I were flying the plane, I’d be out of

  there at the first sign of trouble.

  The flight attendant told me I needed to return

  to my seat and buckle up. But when I got back

  there, it was already occupied.

  I didn’t want to move the baby, because I knew it

  would just wake up and start crying again.

  66

  So I went up to the front of the plane to kick

  Rodrick out of first class and let HIM deal with

  the baby. But I couldn’t GET to him. One of the

  wheels on the beverage cart had broken because of

  the turbulence, and it was blocking my way.

  I was out of options, so I went back to my seat.

  Don’t ask me how, but I was actually able to get

  an hour or two of sleep. And I was so tired, I

  didn’t even wake up when we landed.

  67

  Tuesday

  I was so worried about getting through the

  flight that I never thought about where we were

  actually GOING. But when I stepped off the

  plane, it was like walking into a whole new world.

  I’ve gotta admit, as soon as I felt that tropical

  air hit my skin, I could understand why Dad was

  so eager to escape the cold back home.

  68

  We got our luggage off the conveyor belt in

  baggage claim, then followed the signs to where a

  big shuttle bus was waiting.

  Even though the air outside felt GREAT, the

  air-conditioning on the bus felt even BETTER.

  And the seats in this thing were nicer than the

  ones in first class.

  69

  Once all the passengers boarded the bus, we headed

  to the resort. A video played on the overhead

  monitors, and it was about a MILLION times

  more fun than the one on the plane.

  The video showed all the cool activities at the

  resort, and I wanted to do them ALL.

  One of the activities was swimming with dolphins,

  and that’s something I’ve ALWAYS wanted to do.

  But there was a bunch of OTHER stuff that

  looked cool, too. I was hoping they might let us

  COMBINE activities so I could do everything

  before we had to go back home.

  I felt kind of bad for being so negative about

  this trip up until then, and I turned around to

  tell Mom and Dad I was sorry. But I wish I

  had just kept watching the video instead.

  71

  When we stepped off the bus at the resort,

  the staff greeted us and handed Mom and Dad

  frozen drinks.

  We gave our bags to these guys wearing white

  gloves, and they said they’d take them directly to

  our room. And I gotta say, I was IMPRESSED.

  We went to the front desk, and the lady there

  explained how everything worked. She said the

  resort was “all-inclusive,” so we didn’t need to use

  cash or credit cards.

  72

  The way we paid for stuff was with these plastic

  cards that doubled as our room keys.

  Mom and Dad told the receptionist they wanted

  to stay in the same building they’d stayed in for

  their honeymoon, but the lady said the resort had

  CHANGED since then. She said that now, the

  resort was split into two halves, the “Wild Side”

  and the “Mild Side.”

  The place Mom and Dad had stayed was on the

 

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