by Jeff Kinney
might’ve actually DROWNED if the captain
hadn’t pulled me up into the boat.
174
Once I was on board, I coughed up a lot of
water but no sea horses.
Mom climbed aboard to find out what was wrong.
She could see I wasn’t looking so good, and she
told the captain we should go back to the resort
so I could get checked out by a doctor. After
everybody else climbed in, we headed back.
The ride was really choppy, and if I hadn’t
ALREADY been sick, that would’ve done it.
We made good time, and the captain dropped us
off at the dock.
175
He had already called ahead to the resort’s
doctor, who was waiting for us. When I told him
what had happened, I thought for SURE he
was gonna send me to the nearest hospital to get
my stomach X-rayed.
But he checked me out and said I seemed OK.
Then he told me it wasn’t very likely I swallowed a
sea horse and I’d be perfectly fine.
I really didn’t like how casual this guy was being
about the whole thing. In fact, he seemed a lot
more concerned with Mom and Dad than he did
with ME.
176
The doctor took a look at them and said it
looked like they were seasick. Then he gave them
each a pill and said they’d feel better after they
got a little rest.
All I can say is, if anything happens to me later
on, I hope this doctor knows he had a chance to
DO something about it, but DIDN’T.
Mom and Dad found a few empty lounge chairs by
the pool, and we sat down to rest.
But then the Director of Fun came through with
a conga line, and he tried to get us to join.
He couldn’t take a hint, though, and kept circling
our area. But he stopped cold when he noticed
something in Manny’s pail.
178
It looked to ME like a clear plastic bag floating
in the water. But the Director of Fun lifted the
pail to take a closer look.
It turned out it wasn’t a plastic bag at ALL. It
was a JELLYFISH. And not just ANY
jellyfish, either. It was a BOX jellyfish.
The Director of Fun ran to the nearest lifeguard,
who started blowing her whistle. Then all the
other lifeguards started blowing THEIRS. And
you have never seen so many people get out of a
pool so FAST.
179
My family decided it might be a good idea for us
to get out of there, too.
On our way back to the room, we noticed that
Rodrick wasn’t with us. Mom thought he probably
snuck off to hang out with that girl, but when
we went to the Teen Zone, he wasn’t there.
That’s when we realized nobody had seen Rodrick
in a WHILE. In fact, I didn’t remember him
being on the boat ride back from the reef. And
neither did Mom or Dad.
180
That meant he was still OUT there.
So we ran back to the dock as fast as we could.
Our boat was already out on another trip, but
Mom talked to the guy who operated the banana
boat and told him what happened. We climbed on
board the speedboat, and he took us to the reef.
Sure enough, we found Rodrick exactly where we
left him. He was ALIVE, but he was as red as
a LOBSTER.
When we got back to the resort, the doctor
said Rodrick had sun poisoning and needed to
drink lots of water and get some rest. Then he
gave Mom a bottle of aloe to help Rodrick with
his burn.
But the aloe didn’t really seem to help Rodrick.
Mom sent Dad to the store to find something that
would, and we spent the rest of the night taking
turns rubbing popsicles on Rodrick’s back.
182
Friday
The next morning, Dad went out to get another
box of popsicles, and he came back with some
news. He said they had drained the whole pool to
find the jellyfish, and they were just starting to
refill it. But it would be three DAYS before it
was ready to use.
I thought it would be smart for us to hide out in
the suite for the rest of the trip, because people
would be looking for the family who ruined everybody
else’s vacation. But Mom said we weren’t gonna
spend the rest of our time indoors.
183
She told Dad he should take Manny to the Pirate
Playplace, and she told me to see what activities
were planned in the Tween Zone.
I didn’t really want to go back out there, but I
guess it was better than risking another run-in
with the spider.
I went down to the Tween Zone, hoping the
activity might be a video game competition or
something like that. But the counselor was
rounding everyone up to play TENNIS.
At first I thought about turning around, because
I wasn’t in the mood to get all sweaty.
184
Then I remembered that Rowley plays tennis at
his country club, and I thought it might be fun
for me to learn so the two of us could hit some balls
around over the summer.
The counselor who was organizing the game was
named Rodrigo, and he took us over to the
tennis courts.
185
I thought Rodrigo was going to stay and teach
us how to play. But the second we were all through
the gate at the tennis court, he LOCKED it.
That’s when I realized these “activities” were
just a way to get kids out of their parents’ hair
for a few hours.
The tennis court was a giant CAGE, and we were
basically in prison for the next hour and a half.
And we couldn’t even play tennis anyway, because
Rodrigo didn’t leave us with any RACKETS.
186
He did leave us with BALLS, though. There must
have been three hundred of them in a basket in
the middle of the court. At first, kids started
playing catch, but it didn’t take long for it to
turn into a giant free-for-all.
I took cover by the fence with some other kids
who didn’t wanna get hit in the face with a tennis
ball. But all that did was make us TARGETS.
So we started fighting BACK. Somebody figured
out how to turn on the ball machine, and we used
it to defend ourselves.
187
I’m never on the winning side of this kind of thing,
and I gotta say, it was actually a lot of FUN.
But then everything came to a screeching halt.
One of the kids who was in the conga line the day
before recognized me and told everyone it was MY
family’s fault they had to drain the pool.
188
I explained to everyone that it was all a big
accident and that my little brother just wanted a
jellyfish as a pet. But I guess these guys were
mad about the pool situation, and they were
happy to have someone to blame.
I had to get OUT of there, but the gate was
locked. So the only way to go over it was to
CLIMB.
In phys ed at school, I can’t even get up the
rock wall they have in the gym. But now that my
life was on the line, I scaled that fence like I
was
SPIDER-MAN.
189
After I cleared the fence, I ran to the
counselors’ building to get help. But Rodrigo was
totally USELESS.
I didn’t feel safe outdoors anymore, so I ran
back to our building.
190
Everybody in my family was in the suite when I
got there.
We were kind of in a bad spot. I didn’t wanna
leave the room, and Rodrick couldn’t be out in the
sun anyway.
Mom said maybe we should call off the trip and
head back home a day early. But Dad said we paid
a lot of money for this trip and he refused to leave
the resort until we had at least ONE decent meal.
None of us wanted to eat at an outdoor
restaurant because of the stupid birds. And we
couldn’t eat at the golf clubhouse, because we
didn’t have the clothes for it.
191
Just then, there was a loud crash on the other
side of the room.
The big suitcase that belonged to somebody else
was split open on the floor. And there were
clothes EVERYWHERE.
Whoever this suitcase belonged to must’ve been a
family just like us, because there were clothes in all
different sizes.
But they weren’t just beach clothes. There were
also the kind of clothes you’d wear to church or a
nice restaurant.
192
I looked at Dad, and I could tell he was
thinking what I was thinking: These clothes were
our ticket to getting into the golf clubhouse.
Mom said she didn’t feel right about wearing
someone else’s clothes. But Dad said that after we
were done using them, we’d pack everything back
up and make sure the suitcase got to the family it
belonged to.
I think that made Mom feel better, so we
started trying things on. The only person who
couldn’t find clothes that fit was RODRICK.
But Mom said he needed to stay covered up from
the sun anyway, so she gave him a robe and a shirt
to put on over it.
193
I gotta say, when we stepped out of our
building, we looked pretty SHARP. Rodrick’s
outfit even worked in its own way.
We walked toward the clubhouse, and I kept my
eye out for any tweens who might recognize me. But
we made it to the restaurant without any run-ins.
194
THIS time, they let us in. And I had the best
meal I’ve eaten in my whole life.
After we finished dessert, none of us really
wanted to head back to the room. So we had a
little fun on the putting green first.
195
The truth is, my family NEVER has a good time
together. So for a second there I could kind of see
how this family vacation thing is supposed to work.
But what I’ve learned is that nothing good
ever LASTS. A security guard drove up to the
putting green in a golf cart, got out, and said we
needed to come with him.
When Dad asked him WHY, the security guard
said that another family at the restaurant had
reported us for wearing their CLOTHES.
196
For a second, we didn’t know what to do. Then I
remembered what I learned back at the airport—
when Heffleys get in trouble, Heffleys RUN.
I got in the driver’s seat of the security guy’s
golf cart, my family piled in, and we took off,
leaving the security guard in our dust.
But it turns out that a golf cart makes a lousy
getaway car, especially if you’re climbing a HILL.
The security guard caught up with us less than
a minute later, and I don’t think he even
broke a sweat.
197
He made us go back to our room and hand the
suitcase over to the family it belonged to. We also
had to return the clothes we were wearing, and I
gotta say, it wasn’t our proudest moment.
198
Personally, I think the embarrassment should’ve
been punishment ENOUGH. But the security
guard said that theft isn’t tolerated at the
resort and we had to pack our bags and leave the
grounds immediately.
Dad tried to explain what REALLY happened,
but this guy wasn’t in a listening mood. And once
we had all our stuff packed, he drove us to the
airport HIMSELF.
When we got to the airport, Dad went to our
airline’s customer service desk and told them we
needed to fly home a day early.
199
But the customer service lady said that all the
flights for the day were sold out, and we were
just gonna have to wait until the NEXT evening
to fly home.
That was a problem, because we didn’t have
anywhere to STAY for the night.
Dad called the airport hotel, and they said there
was only one room available. So we spent the last