"I have this thing called a budget. Alex said he would pay for my ticket, but I'd insist on paying him back as soon as I can. There's still the issue of spending money, and-"
"This all sounds like excuses," Grace interrupted. "Someone like you must have an emergency fund set aside. You can always put it back later. Two weekends away is just what the doctor ordered. I'm afraid I insist."
"You insist, huh?" Denise laughed. "I have to go because a stranger told me to. I see how that makes sense."
"Everything doesn't have to make sense in life."
"I know, but-"
"No buts. You know I'm right, or you would've kicked me out of the store by now."
"I don't know if you are. Have you ever loved someone with your whole heart and then lost them? Because I did, Grace. He took a part of me with him, whether he meant to or not. If I go on this trip with Alex, it might be the start of something. If I care about someone again, I risk losing someone again. I don't have any more of myself to lose, don't you see that? I'm a shell of who I used to be." Her hand flew to her mouth, but she didn't cry. That was a step forward where she was concerned, even if she had confessed deep secrets to a perfect stranger.
"You have every right to your fears," Grace said soberly. "Nevertheless, you only have one life to live, and it'll go by rather quickly. You'll lose people along the way, that's how your world works. Even I know what it is to lose someone. The truth is, you're not living, you're hiding. He wouldn't have wanted that for you, you know it. You can't make progress, then retreat. Break your patterns and break into your emergency fund. Live again. It's time."
"You're right," Denise said, slumping in her chair, feeling ten pounds lighter somehow. "I know it's time. I need to stop being so afraid. Thank you. I don't know who you are, but you're amazing. I hope you have someone special in your life who knows that." She was surprised to see Grace's quick look of disappointment before she smiled.
"Thank you for saying so, Denise. I have so many wonderful people in my life. I'm excessively lucky for my family."
"I'm glad. You know, I think I will text Alex and tell him I want to go."
"This is so amazing! I'll leave you now. Just remember, fight your fears. Don't let them have power over you. It's important to live a full and happy life."
"I'll try my best," Denise said, smiling.
"I have a question for you. When you lost your loved one, did you ever feel angry about it?"
"Of course," Denise said, surprised by the question. "I was mad that it happened and how it happened. I've spent countless hours kicking myself for things I never said or things we didn't get to try. Why do you ask?"
"I was just curious," Grace answered, seemingly flustered for a second. "Have a fun and safe trip, Denise. Don't second guess yourself."
"I won't," Denise promised.
"I will hold you to that," Grace said, smiling as she breezed out the door. There was something remarkable about Grace. She sure knew how to put someone in a good mood, despite the intensity of some of her questions. Denise hoped she would see her again. She pulled her purse out from under the counter, pulling out Alex's business card along with her phone. She felt like she could manage anything when Grace was with her, and she wanted to hold onto that feeling. She could do this. It was just a text.
Hey, it's Denise. I'm in.
Sent. Short and simple. She felt exhilarated, which she knew was silly but she didn't care. She was proud of herself. She hadn't taken a risk since moving to Rockford and buying a house, but that had mostly been because she was running away from something. Her phone lit up.
Awesome! Come over tonight, I'll cook dinner for you and my mom. Six?
Oh! She hadn't been expecting that, but she found herself excited for it. Most nights, she ate alone. She let him know she would make it, and his response came quickly.
Can't wait to see you! Hope you like seafood, btw
Denise smiled. She called Shelly, who was overjoyed by the news. She was just as excited by the dinner as she was for the Chicago weekend getaway, if slightly bummed Ms. Evans would be there. Denise didn't have the heart to tell her she wouldn't have decided to go if not for his mother's presence.
Chapter Eighteen
The dinner was wonderful, not even a little awkward like Denise had suspected it would be. Alex made broiled salmon with a honey mustard glaze, which was to die for. Ms. Evans, who insisted on being called Rosie, was full of lively chatter that kept Denise and Alex laughing. Denise missed having dinner and conversations with people, she didn't do it enough. As often as she ate dinner with Shelly and Kyle over the years, she had turned down just as many invitations. She vowed to not do that anymore.
"You two ought to take a walk," Rosie said after they were done eating, getting up to clear the table.
"I can help." Denise stood up, picking up some dishes.
"Don't worry about this," Rosie insisted, taking the plates out of her hands. "Tell her I love to clean, Alexander."
"She really does," Alex said, smiling at Denise. "I cook, she cleans. It's what we do."
"I should help since I didn't cook anything."
"You brought the wine, that's good enough. Alexander can show you a lovely little watering hole a few streets over. Tell her about it."
"You won't win here," Alex said, putting his hand on the small of Denise's back to push her away from the table. He took a cup from her hand since she was still trying to help. "I'll show you the place I used to go with my friends from the neighborhood."
"He's still friends with some of those boys," Rosie said proudly, taking dinnerware to the sink. "When the two of you get back, this will be cleaned up and Alexander can make the dessert he promised."
"Dessert? I like the sound of that," Denise said, smiling, even as Alex pushed her out of the room.
"Be back in a while, Mom," Alex said before they walked out the front door.
"It's chilly," Denise said, thankful he grabbed her sweater before they left the house. At least it was one Shelly would've approved of, she thought to herself. Alex wrapped his arm around her, warming her instantly.
"That better?" he asked, flashing a flirtatious smile.
"Yes," she said, nervous now that they were alone. She tried to remember the mantra she told herself all day, something about being less reserved and living in the moment. But, when she was with Alex and his sparkling eyes were looking into hers, her mantra didn't do her any favors. Nerves took over, vibrating inside her.
"You okay?" he asked when they rounded the corner at the end of his street. She stopped walking, and he looked into her eyes searchingly.
"I'm five-seven, but I would have to wear heels for us to look eye to eye," she said, giggling nervously.
"I would ask if you had a buzz, but you didn't drink any of the wine."
"I have to drive later," she said and pressed her lips to his briefly. She reached for his hand and they walked ahead. "I wanted to do that since you opened the door for me tonight."
"I've been wanting to do it since I got your text today," he said, pulling her closer to him as they walked. "Scratch that. Since I woke up this morning, or just anytime at all."
She smiled. "Does that mean you're not having doubts about me going this weekend?"
"Are you kidding? It's the only thing making it bearable. I'm going to miss it here. I spent my whole life trying to get out of this town to make something of myself for my mom's sake. She's been flying out to visit me for years but being back made me remember how much I love this town. It's not as bad as I made it out to be in my head."
"Maybe you convinced yourself it was boring here so it would be easier to live your life in Chicago."
"I've suspected the same thing. It was important for me to make a good enough income to allow my mom to have an easier life. I was lucky to love my job and my life while I set her up. Unfortunately, I stayed so busy I couldn't see my best friend falling for my girlfriend."
"I'm sorry that happened, Alex," she sa
id, stopping to wrap her arms around his waist. He kissed the top of her head, and she relaxed as he played with her hair. She doubted she would notice if cars were passing them by.
"Let's go," he said after a moment, and they walked quietly together. They came to a trail at the end of the sidewalk, leading to the woods and a small watering hole. "It's not much, but I could spend whole days here in the summer. My friends and I packed sandwiches and juice boxes and we fished."
"This is great! I'm so jealous of your childhood now," she said, and he smiled.
"We had a rope there," he said, pointing to a large oak tree. "We would jump in the water, over and over. Some nights we would camp out here."
"You weren't scared?" she asked, shuddering. There were no lights other than the moon, and she would've been scared now if not for Alex being there.
"Sometimes," he said, chuckling. "We told ghost stories and scared ourselves on purpose. It was fun."
"You had this place and Lake Somerset. Somehow, you convinced yourself there's nothing to do here."
"I can't believe it myself," he said, nodding towards a picnic table. They walked over and took a seat on the tabletop. "I hope the kids these days still have fun here."
"Me too. Did you bring any high school girlfriends out here? Or was it no longer so cool when you were older?"
"I had my first kiss under that oak tree," he said, pointing ahead. "Tiffany Walters. And this place was always cool."
"Still is," she said, smiling at him. "Should we head back?"
"I see how it is! I pour my heart out to you, and you want to go scampering off." He laughed, bumping his shoulder against hers.
"You know I need to see if you make a good dessert," she teased.
"Use me for my food, then bounce. I'm starting to understand you now."
"Darn, you realized seafood is my kryptonite and dessert my Achilles heel. I was hoping to remain a mystery," she said, laughing.
"That's all it takes? That leaves one question unanswered."
"What's that?"
"Are you ticklish?" he asked, poking her in the ribs.
"Alex, no!" she laughed.
"You're not?" His fingers prodded up and down her ribs, but she put up a fight when he tried to tickle her armpits.
"Stop it," she laughed, breathless. "I can't... I can't take it."
"You want me to stop?" he asked teasingly, wrapping his arms around her. "Is that what you want?"
"No," she said deliberately. He let her go, but his eyes never left hers.
"I can't handle your beauty." His voice was soft but serious.
"That's not true," she said, inching closer to him. "I know what I want now."
"You look determined," he said, inching away.
"Are you running from me?" she asked, teasing.
"Kind of."
"You're scared of me now?"
"I think I am. I always have been, since the second I saw you."
"You camped in these woods when you were a kid, but I scare you?" she asked, breathless.
"The woods couldn't hurt me." His words struck a chord with her, but she felt brave. She inched closer still, and he moved away.
"You're trying to get over someone else, Alex. It's important not to forget that. I'm not the one who can hurt you."
"What are you saying?" he asked, jumping off the table altogether. She smiled. She never knew she had the power to make someone so nervous, least of all a guy like Alex.
"I thought about this all day. We've been distractions from our pain since the day we met, but we can help each other out."
"What are you getting at?"
"Come to my house tonight," she blurted. "After your mom goes to sleep. I don't want her to think anything negative about me, especially since we're doing the trip this weekend."
"Denise-" he said, obviously baffled.
"I want this," she interrupted. "You might be worried about taking advantage since you're going back home, but that's the reason I want to do this. I'm not ready to get my heart involved with anyone and I don't think you are, either. I've only been with one person my entire life and he's gone. I want this, Alex. If you do."
"I didn't expect this," he said, backing away. "You continue to amaze me."
"We can go back and have dessert with your mom, forget I ever said anything."
"You could do that?" he asked, surprised.
"If that's what you want, yes. I'm looking forward to this weekend and I don't want anything to jeopardize that."
"You think we can sleep together tonight and enjoy the weekend with no awkwardness? Same thing if I say no? It's just forgotten about?"
"Yes," she said honestly, standing up to face him. She couldn't completely read his expression, but she thought there was a hint of sadness in his eyes. She wondered why. "It's a suggestion, not the end all, be all."
"No one is that healthy," he chuckled. "Not even you."
"I'm far from it," she said, walking back toward his house. "I can honestly say I'm fine either way. I can handle a little rejection, don't worry."
"I'm not used to this sort of thing," he said, following her. "If you recall, I said my last girlfriend was moody."
"We can all be moody sometimes, Alex."
"True. But she was more often than not."
"Couldn't have been too bad if you thought about marriage," she said, then stopped, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
"I'm not that sensitive," he chuckled. "I thought I wanted to marry her once, but the longer I'm away from the relationship, the more relieved I am that it never happened."
"You mean that?"
"I do mean it," he said, chuckling. "I can't say I didn't have a crazy couple of weeks after the breakup, a lot of bar hopping with some friends."
"Understandable."
"If I'm being honest, as much as I miss her sometimes, she was exhausting."
"Hmm," she murmured, wondering if it was lies he told himself or if he meant the words. He did say he missed her, after all.
"What?" he questioned.
"Nothing," she said, shrugging.
"Something."
"I was wondering about your dessert," she said, keeping her tone light.
"Back to this again?" he asked, and she laughed. "How does grilled peaches with feta cheese sound?"
"Mouthwatering," she admitted.
"Good. I would hate to displease you." They spent the rest of the walk laughing and joking. The dessert and company were pleasant, and Denise didn't think about his rejection of her offer until she settled in bed that night. She would stand by her word and not agonize over it. She took a risk by asking him to spend the night with her and she was satisfied with that.
Chapter Nineteen
The workday flew by on Wednesday and before she knew it, Denise was locking up the bookstore for the night. She walked to the art gallery next door, which stayed open until six. As much as she loved peeking inside, it was time to walk in for once. She usually avoided the place since it reminded her of a lifetime ago, when she struggled to become an artist herself. She used to sell some of her work and the passion remained inside her. She didn't have it in her to paint after Benny died since he was always a big part of her inspiration. It had been easier to lock that part of herself away than continue on the path without him.
She walked the different rooms inside the store, each about the size of a spacious walk-in closet, seeing a wide variety of art in each section. Not every artist was in their booth, but the ones who were greeted her cheerfully while she looked around. She wondered if she could set up her own area. The store displayed such a broad range of works, she didn't see why her scenic landscapes couldn't have a room. None of the other sections had anything like her works, so she wouldn't be stepping on any toes. There were several signs stating they had two booths available, so she had time to think about it. She would look at some of her paintings when she visited Dallas and see if she should do anything with them.
She was lo
st in thought when she walked out of the gallery and was startled to see Alex leaning against her car. Her stomach did a flop at the sight of him, tall and gorgeous. He held a single red rose in his hand, and he smiled when he saw her.
"I'm making a couple risky moves here."
"Yeah?" she asked, smiling, and she had to remind herself she shouldn't fall into his arms and kiss him in such a public place.
"Yeah. Because you could've been picked up by someone after the shop closed, and I would've been here for hours waiting for you to get back."
"You would've waited that long, huh?" He pulled her in a hug when she reached him, throwing what little game she had off. The only desire she had anymore was to bury her face in his neck and breathe him in for the next five minutes.
"You smell good," he said, kissing the top of her head. When she pulled away from him, she felt lightheaded. "I still have to tell you about the other risky move I'm making."
"That's right," she said, smiling.
"I want to take you to an early dinner since my flight is at six in the morning."
"How early a dinner?" she asked, crushed at the thought of him being gone. She had the weekend with him, but what about after? She didn't want to think about it.
"Now, kind of," he was saying.
"I see," she said, chuckling, looking down at her jeans and green t-shirt. "This is what I'm wearing, I just got off work."
"You look great," he said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. His blue eyes stared into hers, and she pulled away from him. She felt stupid suddenly for liking him as much as she did. Why had she been keeping everyone at arm's length for so long if she was going to fall for the first guy to pay her any attention? Even if he was dreamy and nice and loved his mom. She didn't like her turbulent feelings when she was around him.
"Thanks for the offer, but I'm tired," she said, moving past him. He grabbed her arm, but she shook it off.
"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice gentle.
"I'm tired, and I put a pot roast in my crockpot this morning. Have a safe flight, Alex. I'll see you Friday when we land," she said, half wondering if she should've taken the day off to go. She was beginning to feel regretful of the whole thing.
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