Crashing Into You

by Juliana Stevens

  "I'm glad to hear that," he said, smiling. He wanted to beg her to stay another few days, but he knew it was too much to hope for. She had a life to get back to, and she didn't seem interested in having him help fix her broken heart.

  "Can I hug you?" she asked, and he patted a spot beside him on the bed. He held her for as long as she let him, grazing his fingers over her soft neck despite the chain that held her wedding ring with another man. He would give anything to take her pain away, but he would let her go. That's what she wanted.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Sunday came too soon for Denise. She woke up with a heavy heart at the thought of leaving Alex, and she had to fake-smile through Rosie's animated conversation during the pancake breakfast he made for them. They maneuvered around each other in his small kitchen but never looked eye to eye. She took a long shower, hoping Rosie would be ready to go to the airport early to catch their noon flight, her heart in her throat the whole time. She couldn't think of, refused to think of his words the night before. He looked so genuine and hopeful when he told her he loved her, but there was no way... none. It was too soon for him to feel that, and she'd closed shop on her heart for good reason, with no plans of that changing.

  She shook her head to clear her thoughts as she glanced around Alex's room, making sure nothing fell out of her bags and onto the floor. She was peeking under his bed for good measure when she heard him clearing his throat from the doorway.

  "I'm not being nosy," she said hastily, closing her suitcase. "I was making sure I wasn't leaving anything behind."

  "It's okay," he said with an easy smile that threatened to shatter her heart. "I'm here to let you know it's time to go."

  "Yes." A feeling of devastation crept up on her. Why had she allowed herself to feel this way again?

  "I'll get this," he said, taking the suitcase from her.

  "I should upgrade that," she babbled apologetically as they met with his mom in the living room. "I don't travel much, and I was surprised to find it in the back of my closet."

  "Our ride will be here soon, let's head down," he said to them both.

  "Okay," Denise said, giving the room a final glance before leaving. The ride to the airport was anything but quiet, with Rosie going on about how much she would miss her son and not seeming to mind his one-word responses. Denise looked out the window even though everything was a blur.

  "This is where you leave us," Rosie said to Alex as they got out of the car in front of the airport. "No sense walking us in and me becoming a blubbering mess." She smiled, patting Denise on the back. "I have been known to do that, you see."

  "She's not lying," Alex said, laughing. "I'm glad you came, Denise," he added, and she felt a lump in her throat. She was scared to talk and thank goodness for Rosie, who prattled on again about how much she would miss him and to insist he called and so on and so forth. It was all Denise could do not to cry and she focused solely on fighting that, avoiding his gaze when he set her suitcase beside her.

  "I'll give you two a chance to say goodbye," Rosie said, hugging Alex tight and kissing his cheek. "I'll meet you inside, Denise." She had no choice but to look into Alex's eyes.

  "I would say I'm sorry for her, but you know how she is by now," he said, smiling sadly. "I'll miss you."

  "Bye, Alex," she said, smiling back at him. She grabbed the handle of her suitcase and walked away, feeling like she was leaving a piece of her heart behind. To hell with it, she thought, turning back to see him still standing there and watching her. She let go of the suitcase and ran in his arms, tempted to stay there forever. She kissed him urgently, forgetting everything and everyone around them. When they pulled away, she had to wipe away her tears. "I'm going to miss you!"

  "How can I let you go?" he asked, pulling her in for a hug. She buried her face in his neck, soaking him in.

  "I wish things could be different, Alex." She was sad, but at least she'd been able to tell him goodbye. She couldn't love him, but she cared for him and she would miss him. She blew him a kiss before walking inside the airport, feeling an ache throbbing in her heart.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Somehow Denise had gotten it in her head she would never hear from Alex again, that their angst-ridden goodbye at the airport was it for them. Instead, he called and texted every day and night, making her jump eagerly every time her phone buzzed. He made her feel... giddy, she couldn't believe it. They talked about everything good and bad, silly and mundane. She took selfies for him, for goodness' sake! Along with video chatting every night before bed. The conversation the night before went deeper than they'd ever gone. She told him about Benny, about the family they were trying for and about the night he died. Alex teared up when she told him, and she felt more bonded to him than ever. She wished he was there so she could hold him, but she stopped herself from saying so. His life was about to go on without her. He started his new job and already she hadn't heard from him. She told herself it was because he was busy and not because she poured her heart out to him the night before.

  "Hello, darling!" Grace said, suddenly before her in the bookstore, flowy and beautiful. Denise hadn't heard the chiming from the door but she sat up straight in her seat behind the counter, her worries suddenly dwindling.

  "Grace, hi."

  "Tell me everything since I saw you last," Grace said, smiling wide.

  "You will regret saying that," she laughed.

  "Not at all, it's why I'm here." So, Denise told her everything, leaving nothing out about the trip or any of the emotions haunting her since. "Do you mind if I give my opinion?" Grace asked when she finished.

  "Please do." It took Grace a while to answer. She strolled through the bookstore as if in deep thought, while Denise waited patiently for her thoughts.

  "I'm glad you took the trip," Grace said finally. "That shows a courage I knew you had buried in there somewhere, although you pushed him away after."

  "I had no choice," Denise said defensively. "It was time for me to come home and he started his new job today. We had to let each other go sometime. I wouldn't know how to do long distance."

  "It sounds like you've been doing just that."

  "How long can it last? He will meet someone new soon enough, and I'll be fine eventually. I'm better off alone, anyway."

  "Are we better off alone?" Grace asked, and suddenly Denise felt a deep sadness wash over her. "Oh, dear! I'm so sorry, Denise."

  "What?" she asked, feeling puzzled by her overwhelming sadness and Grace's backing away speedily.

  "I am projecting, I'm afraid. I'm going through something myself, Denise. Sometimes I feel I can relate to you more than I first thought possible."

  "Really?" Denise asked, marveling at what she could have in common with the otherworldly woman. "I can't imagine."

  "I hesitate to say too much," Grace said, looking around and stopping at a science fiction bookshelf. She ran her fingers along the spines before facing Denise. "You believe he's in love with his ex, correct?"

  "Yes," Denise said, moving closer to her, still feeling the sadness surrounding them both. She felt foolish for the thought, but it was true. "I don't see how he could love me after a few weeks, and I don't want to be a rebound. I thought once I could be a fling, but I don't think I would know how. I feel fragile when I want to be strong."

  "He could be over her by now," Grace said, coming toward her but stopping a few feet away.

  "Even you sound unsure."

  "I question how long it takes to get over someone, but it's different for everyone," Grace said thoughtfully before clearing her throat. "I understand your hesitation to let someone in again after everything. Love can feel like a curse sometimes, no one knows that more than me."

  "Do you love someone?" Denise asked, interested in knowing more about her.

  "Very much," Grace said without hesitation before her mood seemed to change. "I love everyone, it's who I am. Now, how did we get so off track? This is about you, let's not forget. You should stop being
so disbelieving of someone telling you they love you. I have seen your Alex before, I know he has a good heart and wouldn't steer you wrong."

  "You think that based on seeing him one time?" Denise asked, smiling. "I almost forgot, you said you're empathetic."

  "Very. So, I know you need to see him again."

  "He lives too far away, it's time to let him go. I'm going to Dallas tomorrow after work, I'm excited for it. Alex will be living his life, it's time for me to live mine. I can be happy being single."

  "I have no doubt," Grace said with a compelling smile. "But if you're in love with someone, you might want to be with that person. It's not a dreadful thing."

  "I'm not in love with anyone," Denise said stubbornly, walking back to her counter. "It's time for me to close up soon."

  "I'll get out of your hair, but you should hear my words. If you want to live in this world alone, there's nothing wrong with that. But, if you're pushing away a person you love, how is it good for either of you? Even if he lives a thousand miles away," Grace added before Denise could. "Also, you should never think you are fragile or weak. You've been through a great deal in your short lifetime. You're inspiring. Don't forget that."

  "Thank you, Grace," Denise said, flattered but skeptical anyone could see her as inspirational. And, when it came to Alex, the thousand miles away part was crucial. How could it not be? Besides, he hadn't said he loved her since her last night in Chicago. Surely by now he realized he never did. Denise was only ever a distraction to help him get over someone else. It was important she didn't forget that.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Denise and Shelly were enjoying the weekend in Dallas visiting Denise's dad. They met up for lunch with a few of her old girlfriends on Saturday afternoon, and it felt great to catch up and reminisce. Shelly enjoyed all the old stories about Denise as a shy artist married to Ben Campbell, a hotshot real estate agent. Denise spent the entire lunch wishing she'd done it a long time ago. It would've made her grief a lot easier to bear, having friends who knew him to help her through.

  Sunday morning Denise woke up first and she took her coffee to the garage. It didn't take her long to find all the old boxes in the back she stored years before. She braced herself for the pain she knew would come but, while it hurt, it was gentler than she always imagined. The nostalgia was strong, seeing framed pictures of her and Benny, and she smiled wistfully at their wedding album. But the constant ache that lived in her heart was duller now, easier to handle. Talking about him with her old friends and Shelly the day before, she remembered the funny and sweet times they shared. It wasn't only about the way he died anymore or agonizing over the why of it all.

  "Here you are!" Shelly said, walking into the garage, her strawberry blonde hair thrown up in a high ponytail. "I've been looking everywhere."

  "Sorry," Denise said, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. "Look here."

  "Finally, I get to see a picture of you guys!" Shelly said, smiling as she flipped through the photo album. "Wasn't he a looker!"

  "Told you," Denise chuckled.

  "I see what all the fuss was about," Shelly teased, digging around in the box for more pictures. "You look so different!"

  "That's always a terrible thing to hear!"

  "Sorry," Shelly said, holding a framed picture of Denise and Benny at a party. "You're still drop dead gorgeous but wow. I've never seen you so... happy."

  "Happy," Denise repeated. "I guess I forgot what that felt like these last few years. I'll never be this young and free twenty-five-year-old again, but I'm determined to be happy again, don't worry."

  "It will be about time," Shelly said, nosing around the garage. "What's under this tarp?"

  "Whoa," Denise said, seeing some of her old painted canvases Shelly uncovered.

  "These are yours?" Shelly asked approvingly, and Denise set some on an empty table so she could sort through them.

  "I completely forgot about some of these!"

  "You have talent!" Shelly exclaimed, and Denise smiled. "Why did you stop?"

  "I don't know," she muttered, looking at a beach scene that was always a favorite of Benny's. "I left this all behind when I lost him to start fresh. Benny was always such a supportive fan of my work, and it hurt too much after... I couldn't find my passion for it again."

  "Sweetie, I'm sorry," Shelly said, pulling her in for a quick hug.

  "Do you really like them?" Denise asked, looking back at her works.

  "Yes! Especially this one," Shelly said, holding up a painting of snowy mountains surrounding a lake. "You should sell these."

  "Yeah? I've been thinking of setting a booth up at the gallery next door to Sandra's."

  "I love that idea! I'll help set you up online, too. You have plenty to get you started. Do you think you'll want to paint again?" Shelly asked cautiously.

  "I've thought about it. I miss painting, and it would be interesting to see how well they do."

  "They'll do great. I feel like you wasted money when we shopped for your house that day. You should've put these on your wall!"

  "I guess so. You can have that mountain one if you want."

  "Seriously?" Shelly asked, pulling Denise in a hug again.

  "Okay, okay," she said, laughing. "It's the least I can do for you. You really are the best."

  Shelly smiled. "I hate to push my luck, but I need to ask you something I've been avoiding."

  "Sounds serious."

  "Are you going to tell me why you've been avoiding the delectable Alex's calls all weekend? That's right, I noticed!"

  "Shelly," Denise said, waving her away. "We have a long drive back, let's go see if my dad is awake."

  "Answer me first," Shelly pressed.

  "I don't know!" Denise said, exasperated, then sighed. "I looked him up. As much as he can come across as cocky, he's humble where his job is concerned apparently. He's good at what he does. I should've known since he's cooked for me a couple times now, but I didn't expect so many articles about him. People seek him out to have his dishes, Shelly, from all over! It's a little scary that he's somewhat famous in certain circles."

  "That's cool, Denise! He's smart, too, since he sees something in you. He said he would give it all up for you," Shelly added, dreamy-eyed. "With you not even realizing the extent of what he was talking about!"

  "I can't ask him to uproot his whole life to move back home, especially now! He has it made there, while I'm a work in progress. I'm just learning to be myself again; should I really be trying to date?"

  "Yes! I would say I'd set you up with someone else, but Alex is the guy for you!"

  "Don't say that!" Denise said, stung by how much she wanted it to be true. "He can't be, our time together was too short-lived. I don't want to talk about this again."

  "Whatever you say," Shelly said reluctantly. "Let's go check on your dad."

  "Thanks, I'm right behind you." Shelly went back inside the house looking defeated, and Denise felt a pang of guilt. She looked around at the boxes of things that held so many memories from a lifetime ago. She knew Benny would've wanted her to move on by now, and maybe one day she would. Seeing all the things she stored away made her remember all the misery she felt for a long time. If she considered letting someone in, she risked losing herself again when it inevitably ended. That fear gripped her tight no matter how many times she pushed it away. It would only drive Alex crazy after a while, and she never wanted him to resent her. She would rather leave him in her memories as the man who made her feel like a woman again, once upon a time.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Denise procured a booth at the art gallery next door and she spent her lunch breaks organizing her sectioned area. She talked to Alex on the phone a few nights before and ended things with him. Every day she tried convincing herself to feel a little better about it. It had been hard letting him down and, even though he took it in stride, the gloominess she heard in his voice kept her awake at night. It hurt her too, but the distance made it hard for them to make
a real go of it. Someone had to make that call. He texted her the night before saying simply that he missed her, and those words were swimming around in her mind all day.

  She and Shelly had plans that night to go out and have a few drinks, but she wasn't exactly looking forward to it. She didn't feel like dressing up and socializing but since Shelly was excited, Denise was trying to be. Her mood lifted momentarily when she received a text letting her know one of her paintings sold, but it only made her think of Alex and how much she wished she could tell him.

  She attempted to be in better spirits about going out while getting ready that evening but was unable to stifle a groan when the doorbell rang earlier than she expected. "You're too early, Shelly!" she cried, putting her earrings in as she ran down the hallway, still barefoot.

  Before she reached the living room, she almost fell backward as a huge rush of feelings overpowered her. She felt the way she did when Grace was near her, only more intensely, as if love was literally forcing its way inside her heart. Before she could laugh at the thought, she closed her eyes and Alex came to her mind quickly and profoundly. She remembered his smell and his laugh and the way she felt when he held her. She opened her eyes, gasping out loud and laughing to herself. She breathed a sigh of relief and she knew. She loved Alex, she could no longer deny it.

  The doorbell rang again and she shook herself, rushing to open the door. "Hi," Alex said, smiling nervously. Denise stood there a fraction of a second, her mouth agape, before she flung herself in his arms.

  "What are you doing here?" she asked, stunned by his presence.

  "I hoped I would see this dress again." His voice was husky as his eyes swept over her.

  "Shelly insisted I wear it," she said, looking down at the black dress from the night they first saw each other.

  "Shelly's awesome," he said, and they laughed.

  "I almost changed several times." When she looked at him, she wondered how she ever could've rejected him. He stood tall before her, his eyes heated as they gazed into hers. "What are you doing here?" she asked again, feeling breathless.