She wiggled around on him, trying to shift away from the steering wheel. He groaned at the movement over him. She felt him getting warm under her bottom.
“This is not why I stopped,” he said, lifting his mouth off hers long enough to smile.
“It’s not, but it is now.”
“We can’t do this here… not on the side of a highway.”
She wiggled again. “We can, and we are. I don’t want to wait. Please, Will.”
He hesitated and frowned even though his eyes glazed over when she again rocked her hips. “Jess, this isn’t the place to do this.”
She pulled her head back. “When did I ever beg you to have sex with me?”
His eyebrows scrunched up his face. “I guess never.”
“So, I’m begging you now. Do you think you should be arguing with me?”
“We don’t even fit.”
She lifted her shirt off. “We fit well enough.”
His eyes narrowed in on her. If she’d known earlier that he was alive and would have been driving her home from Fort Bragg, and not her sister, she might have worn something a little sexier than the white cotton, lace-edged bra. But Will’s glazed eyes convinced her he really didn’t care. She tugged his head toward her. He lifted his hands to the cups of her bra and dropped them down so her breasts poofed up over them. He stared at her in the odd, kind of distant light being cast from one of the street lamps. His hand touched one of the white, rounded sides. He finally sighed happily, and buried his face against her skin, seeming to breathe her in. She giggled as she clutched his silky hair, and ran her hands through it. She quit giggling when his head turned to the side and his mouth caught her nipple. His teeth just barely nipped her as his tongue came out and bathed her in his wet warmth.
He reached down and the seat started sliding so her back was no longer pressed against the steering wheel. She almost started cheering. Yes! He was going against his usually cautious, do-the-right-thing self. Though she normally loved that about him, because she was so not that… every once in awhile, she liked seeing him react to her as she did to him: uncontrollably. God, they were really doing this! After all the time apart, and all the grief she lived with… Will was in her arms. Alive. Healthy. Well, almost healthy.
Feeling stronger the last two days he’d been in and out of briefings. He was told about General Bains’s fate just about the same time Jessie and Lindsey were told, only hours before it hit the media. Already the local media was buzzing around the base and the scandal that was General Bains. Will told her his first thought was he had to get to her. Now. Forever. It was one of Bains’s former underlings who informed him Jessie was on base receiving the news. Until that moment he had no idea she was even in North Carolina. He’d been biding his time to get well enough to fly back to Ellensburg to get her.
She kissed his head, which was still at her breast. “Are you sure you’re feeling well enough?”
He paused and nuzzled her nipple. “I’m sure.”
She put her hands to his chest and sighed happily. It was warm. Alive. She could feel his heart beating and his stomach contracting as he moved. She slid her shaking fingers down to his pants and struggled to undo them. It was hard to concentrate when his mouth was doing those things to her and her body was happily enjoying it, and not just tolerating it. She had sparks starting in her stomach and traveling through her toes.
He touched her bare knee and ran his hands up the skirt she wore. She put it on this morning, in preparation for the warm temperatures to come, and without the knowledge that her father was dead and Will was alive. It felt like years separated “that Jessie” from this one. Laying his hand flat on her knee, he slowly caressed his fingers on her kneecap and started to drift higher up. “Just say.”
The only time they ever had sex was during the four weeks they spent together in Washington state, between Will’s departures. He often said to her that if she didn’t like something or whatever, all she had to do was say and he’d stop. He admitted, long ago, he was no good with victims. What he didn’t seem to comprehend was he was just about perfect with her. For she was a victim, or a survivor, whatever you wanted to call it; and rape was something that used to be her total definition of sex. Sometimes, even with him, she couldn’t do it.
But not this time.
She shimmied up, so her knees were resting on the seat and on either side of his lap. She leaned down and got his pants undone with a sigh of satisfaction. He remained still, as if wondering what she would do next. She wasn’t very graceful. His face was right there. There was no way to shimmy out of her underwear gracefully, but she managed it. She smiled when she held it up by its side strap on her finger. He smiled back.
“Your turn.”
He smiled. “You want me to do that?”
“I want you to… yes. Do that.” A blush rushed into her face. It was hard to explain how, when she was still in her teens and early twenties, her sexual behavior could only be described as slutty, shameful, forward and pornographic. But with Will, she became like a scared, shy virgin.
He suddenly grabbed her by the waist and brought her to him again. It was like he couldn’t get enough of her. It was so weird, and so disconcerting. His face rested at her neck, above her exposed breasts that were still proudly supported by her bra. No man felt like Will did about her; and no man but Will ever even liked her.
He kissed her collarbone as he said, “Do you have any idea what you look like just now?”
“Stupid?”
“No. Hot. Young. Beautiful. My wife, wanting to have sex with me. It’s not something I ever pictured.”
“I’m not your wife.”
He tilted his head up. “You’re going to rub that one in for awhile, aren’t you?”
She laughed out loud. He also made her laugh a lot. “I so am. You kinda deserve it. ‘Oh Jessie, go date. Find another man.’ Ring a bell? So, yes, I am.”
In response, his fingers started tickling her armpit. She was helpless when he did so. He knew it. He tortured her with it whenever she mocked him. He could be so serious and somber, sometimes, she had to.
Lifting his hips high enough to slip off his pants, he pulled himself free. She looked down. She didn’t always look either. There were many things she didn’t participate in. But this time, it all felt so different to her. She touched him and his gaze jerked up to hers. After a moment, she blushed and dropped her eyes. It was like the tongue thing. She didn’t love men’s penises. One too many had hurt her. But his? Will’s was an extension of him, and the entire body, heart and soul of the man who took her broken, destroyed spirit and said ‘you’re worth saving,’ before doing so.
His breath caught. She felt him clamping his fingers tighter around her waist. She pulled her hand up and then down, touching him softly, the heat of him filling her hand. She did it again, and again, this time harder and faster as his mouth came forward and grabbed her nipple in it. His teeth nipped on her, harder than before. The startling cry that came from her lips was a surprise to her too. She liked it.
She shifted forward on her knees, removing her hand until the tip of him touched her. She moved back and forth over him, letting her body react, as moisture started to make her wet in all the right spots. Something that didn’t always happen either. Seemed like a lot of her parts didn’t work right for her. But this time, perhaps the most important of her life, it seemed to all happen right.
“Oh God, Jessie…” he whispered her name with almost reverent worship. He kissed her face, her cheeks and her mouth. “I love you.”
His words, more than his body parts, released her body and allowed it to fully expand and react normally, as most women responded. She sunk onto him, letting all of him fill her up. She felt him jerk in surprise before groaning with total appreciation.
Long ago, after she first gave birth, she started using birth control. There was no way she could go through another unplanned or unwanted pregnancy. Not by rape. Not by Will. There was just no way. But
they could talk about that later. For now, it was enough for her just to have pleasurable sex with Will.
He watched her. She could feel his eyes on her as she moved up and down on him, riding him in ways that she didn’t usually. She let him gaze at her bouncing breasts until she leaned her hands over the headrest to gain leverage. His hands suddenly clamped on her waist and held her still as he shoved into her hard. It was strong enough that she felt her head might have pushed up through the roof if he hadn’t been holding her still. The orgasm that ripped through him and erupted in a groan from his mouth was nearly violent. She wrapped her arms around his neck as his head came to rest against her. She kissed the top of his head as his breathing starting to calm. She could feel his heart rate returning to normal.
“Didn’t work, did it?”
She blinked at his voice. Their mingled breathing filled the cab with a strange silence. He knew she sometimes didn’t come during sex. It wasn’t new. Or a big deal. Or a reflection on him. Luckily, he was confident enough not to get his feelings hurt.
“It’s okay. It was wonderful. I like feeling you.”
He lifted her off him and redid his pants. She held herself above him by grasping the seat behind him. She forgot how strong he was and how easily he could manhandle her. How fun it was to be manhandled by Will, but only Will.
Grabbing her, he flipped her around and held her against his chest. He grabbed her breast and put his hand on her at the same moment. His fingers touched and caressed her as he played with her nipple. She closed her eyes and her mind emptied. Meantime, his hands, oh, his magical hands made her body respond like nothing else could.
It seemed to take her way too long. What if he grew bored… or annoyed, or lost interest? But he just kept touching her, rubbing her and kissing the side of her face, until finally, she relaxed in his arms. Her body started to hum pleasantly, then warmly, until she was coming around his hand as he did exactly the right thing she liked.
After a few moments, she mumbled, “I’m sorry. I just can’t seem to…”
He laughed softly. “Why? It’s not a problem for me to touch my wife.”
She curled into him. “You do realize how inappropriate this was for our reunion.”
He kissed the end of her nose. “I think you were right; it was perfect.”
“Lindsey’s going to think we crashed.”
“Lindsey can most likely figure out what might be taking us awhile. It has been an extraordinary day.”
Silence stretched for a few moments. Finally, she whispered, “Will?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think it could be the start of a more ordinary life for us? I’m tired of being extraordinary.”
He squeezed her next to him. “I think it will be the most ordinary, dull, normal, typical life you could ever imagine.”
She laughed softly and snuggled to his chest. “It’s all I want, Will. I dream of it at night, when I’m all alone; even though I was supposed to be moving on, and even worse, when I thought you were dead, I thought of all the ordinariness I would love to have with you.”
“That’s it? That’s all you want from me?”
“Yes. I want to experience a full, normal life. With you.”
“You got it. You get everything I have to give from now on,” he whispered gently. “Do you think that’s enough to start our ordinary life?”
She straightened up. “Let’s go get my stuff. I want to go home. I don’t want to wait. And I want to do this again, in a bed. Our bed.”
“We’ve never done it in our bed.”
“We’ve never done most things. It’s time we started.”
Chapter Two
Will grabbed her hand as they stood in front of the apartment. She hadn’t been inside since the day Lindsey took her out and put her into treatment for cutting, rape and abuse. That was the day Will first left her here. And the day after the most colossal breakdown of her life. The day Will saved her. And the day he left her.
They were relieved and thrilled that there appeared to be no media staking out their apartment. If any of them knew Will’s exact location they’d probably be front and center at the apartment. For once luck was with them.
“You okay?” He held her gaze.
She nodded. “I’m okay.”
He unlocked the door, opened it, flipped the light on and set down the suitcase of the stuff she packed from Lindsey’s. The apartment looked exactly the same. The same dull couch, and recliner, white, blank walls and basket of magazines, and the small kitchen table and barren kitchen.
Images swarmed through her mind. She could picture herself standing there in her stupid, blood-stained wedding dress, after Will and hers farce of a marriage. She could picture the stinging of her legs. Along with her heart. She envisioned Will stiff and unyielding, disdainful and confused, and very unhappy she was there. She shook her head. This time, Will’s hand was on her lower back. He grabbed her free hand. She glanced at him with a smile. “I’m not going to turn crazy just because I’m walking in here.”
“That’s good. I’m also hoping you won’t remember what a dick I was then and turn around and leave. Maybe I’m holding onto you to keep you from leaving me, this time.”
She smiled and stepped past him and her luggage before glancing around. “My God! It’s like a time warp. Nothing is different.”
He fidgeted. “I guess not. I wasn’t here much. After you left, I stayed here as little as possible. I hated being here without you.”
She tilted her head. “I never knew that. You never said that before.”
“I never said a lot of things. I loved you then, you know. I just didn’t have a clue what to do with it, or about it.”
“Gretchen told me. I didn’t know if I should have believed her.”
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “We have a lot to talk about.”
“Yes, we do. But not right now. I’ve had enough to last me for a few days.”
He glanced around. “Maybe we should move.”
She looked around too. “We should definitely move. But we can’t tonight, so for now, it’s home.”
“What about your stuff?”
“I’ll call Noah; he’ll send me whatever I ask for and store the rest.”
“Noah.” Will’s tone was annoyed. She tilted her head. Will never once acted jealous of other men around her, and spent a lot of time pushing her away. It was odd to comprehend he just might have said “Noah” in a jealous tone.
“Uh, Will? Are you disturbed by Noah and me?”
“Well, didn’t you date him?”
“You told me to!”
“Okay, I did. Well, not him specifically.”
“He’s who you had in mind. Why do you think I asked him to take me out? I always did what you told me. I thought you were always right about me, and us.”
He hung his head and sighed. “I know; but I did think he would be good for you. He was nice to you, stable, polite… and had nothing to do with the cause of your pain. I really thought being with me would make it more painful for you. I just… I can’t stand to live without you. It took me by surprise. It was easier to think I wanted you to do that, than to really let you do it.”
She could have let his imagination suffer a little while, but instead, she shook her head. “You have to know more than anyone, I didn’t sleep with him. We made out a few times. He tried to touch my—well, that doesn’t matter, but I freaked out and left. You know better than anyone.”
“I know,” he said finally, his face stricken. “Was it… painful?”
She pursed her lips. “What?”
“Whatever you couldn’t do?”
She was silent for a long moment. “Yes,” she finally said in a near whisper. “It was hard to realize I could not even begin to do that with anyone, but you. I went home and cried because I didn’t know how to deal with that. You were the only one who made me feel safe; and you didn’t want me.”
“I wanted you.” His tone
was low and his fists were clenched at his sides.
“You weren’t willing to have me, then. So, yes, it was very painful. You leaving me was painful. Being separated from you was painful, but thinking you were dead was the most painful of all.”
He shut his eyes. “I didn’t think I was good for you.”
“I know. Like you, I know everything. It doesn’t always make it easy. I didn’t even pack my stuff to come here. Noah did. I was… catatonic. Lindsey called and told me the general said you were missing. Noah got me here. You owe him a debt of gratitude, not jealousy. Besides, he knew you always had me.”
He crossed the room and wrapped her in his arms. “Talk to Noah. I’ll pay for whatever you want sent. Someday, you’re going to have to admit how angry you really are with me.”
She glanced up and he looked down at her, still holding her tightly. “I’m not angry at you! My God! Will, I’m on my knees, I’m so grateful you’re alive.”
He smiled. “Yes, I know that. But someday, when we finally find that mythical ‘ordinary’ you were talking about, it will be time to let yourself be as angry as you should have been with me.”
She rose up on her tiptoes and had to reach to put her arms around him. “Okay. Someday, maybe I’ll be a little mad at you pushing me away. But for now, can we please just be happy to be here, together?”
He breathed in deeply and leaned down before lifting her up and carrying her towards the bathroom. She squealed and laughed as her heart felt like it bounced up to the ceiling. “Will! Quit it!”
He grinned wickedly as he set her on the bed. Glancing around, the room looked just as she imagined new recruits were required to keep their bunks. The covers on the bed were so tightly wound around the mattress, it was like he used Spanx. She used to trash the room just to piss him off. Her heart clenched, thinking of the months she spent huddled in there, alternately cutting herself in the bedroom, or hiding on the bed.
“We just…”
The Years Between (Sister Series, 1.5) Page 2