“Maybe it’s out of gas.”
Jessie looked up at the woman’s voice coming from across the yard. She frowned until she found the smiling, welcome face of the stranger who leaned on the fence that separated their yards. Jessie scowled. “I just filled the tank.”
The other woman shrugged, “Perhaps oil?”
Jessie stood up straight. “Well, I don’t know about that.”
The woman finally bit her lip and laughed. “That’s as much as I can guess, too. Why don’t you leave it and I’ll have my husband take a look at it when he gets home? I’m Bella.”
Jessie finally stepped closer to the fence, and said, “Jessie.”
Bella smiled. She was close to Jessie’s age, or maybe a few years older. “Do you want to come over and have a drink? You look pretty hot.”
“It’s the stupid machine’s fault.”
“Come on, then.”
Jessie cast a final glance of regret at the “garden.” She wanted to finish it today because she had to work tomorrow. Her strategy lately was to set daily goals to get done. This help to ensure she got up out of bed, even when she didn’t want to. She always did better when she accomplished her daily goals. She got up every day and made of list of what she intended to get done. If nothing took priority, she made up new goals. Today’s goal was to roto-till the new garden spot. Oh, well, Jessie thought, interacting with another human was probably a bit more important.
She slipped her dirty tennis shoes off at the door and followed the pretty, dark-haired Bella into her house. It was a two-story, and quite small, but tidy. Bella waved for her to sit at the small kitchen table.
“Pop? Or lemonade?”
“Lemonade, if you don’t mind.”
Bella quickly made the iced drinks, which were far prettier than Jessie would have. “So where are you from?”
Jessie wasn’t very good at girl talk. No new girls had entered her life for many years; and small talk wasn’t something she excelled at. “Uh, everywhere. Military family.”
“Oh. You run into a lot of that around here, huh? With the base so close. It must have been exciting.”
“It sucked, actually. I hated it. I still hate it.”
“Still? Oh, because of your husband then? The big muscular guy? I haven’t seen him in awhile, now that you mention it,” she said before slapping her hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean that I was checking him out or anything. I just noticed... or I mean, didn’t notice…”
Bella’s cheeks were so pink, she could have been a tomato, but she finally made Jessie smile. “It’s okay. He is freakishly built. He can’t help how pretty he is. Trust me, I know it. He doesn’t, though.”
“He’s career military then?”
“Yes. Army. Special Forces.”
“Wow. That’s exciting and impressive. My husband drives a freight truck for a national grocery outlet. Not exactly the most heroic job.”
“I would trade his job for my husband’s in a heartbeat.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“How long have you been married?”
“Eight months.”
“That’s not long. Was he deployed?”
“Yes.”
“My husband and I have been together three years. I work down at the golf course, and I’ve been meaning to come over and introduce myself. I heard you cursing the roto-tiller in a way that would make a truck driver blush, so I thought, well, hell, she just might be my kinda girl!” Bella gave a shrug and smile. “That’s when I decided to finally come meet you. And that old roto-tiller? Leave it for my husband. He can whip it into shape in twenty minutes.”
“It’s nice to meet you. But I doubt your husband wants to do my chores.”
“I’m sure he won’t mind. He travels too. Nothing as impressive as the Special Forces. He’s just gone, making deliveries. But he drives across the country, so he can be gone for a week at a time, and I have to rely on my family.”
“I have a sister in the area, that’s all.”
Bella took a sip and set her glass down. “Well, now you have neighbors!” She sighed wearily, “My husband is gone more than I’d like too. I mean, I don’t have the added worry of danger. I’m really not comparing it, and I have no right to complain…”
“It sucks, doesn’t it?”
She grinned with appreciation, “So totally sucks.”
A ripple of both interest and apprehension filled Jessie. She didn’t have friends, but she needed some. She needed something that didn’t involve her history, or the military. But she also didn’t know how to make new friends. How much should she mention about her history? How about if and when they discovered the terrible things she’d done in her short life? There were plenty of bad and distasteful things about her that could be easily found on the internet. Still… she needed something more. She noticed in Bella’s eyes an eager spark of interest to talk.
Bella’s husband came home as they chatted about the neighborhood. Bella had lived there for three years so she knew a lot more than Jessie. He was a nice looking guy, with brown eyes and hair. His name was Finn. He gave her a faint, small smile of greeting as he hung up his coat when Bella introduced them. Jessie nearly swooned with relief when he had no idea who she was. Every time she met a new man around there, she wondered if he would recognize her. It was mostly military men who “knew” her. But once in a while, the locals who followed the news recognized her. She really preferred that this nice, seemingly typical young couple did not know about her sex tape or the ensuing gossip that could easily be read about her.
“Finn, Jessie can’t get that monstrous looking gizmo in her yard running. Can you take a look at it?”
Jessie ducked her head, feeling embarrassed. “Really, you don’t need to bother.”
Finn shrugged. “It’s no problem. Sure; just let me change my clothes.”
Jessie and Bella followed him over to her yard, where Finn not only got the machine going, but also finished up the garden prep for her. She felt so strange. She wasn’t used to receiving nice, neighborly gestures from other people. It felt wonderful, and a little weird. But even better, Bella didn’t seem to mind. Chatting now on Jessie’s deck, when Jessie offered them dinner in exchange, they both agreed happily. They sat outside well into the twilight, talking about nothing more than general topics. It was not something Jessie had much experience in.
She relaxed after the first hour and finally starting acting more natural, surprised when the couple seemed to like her, and find her pleasant enough that they enjoyed her company. She chewed her lip when they left, wondering if she actually managed to act a little more normal, and little less “so much” with people. Maybe so, since Bella asked her to come over the following weekend for dinner.
****
Jessie didn’t intend for it to happen, but she accidentally found another dog that she simply had to bring home. It was abused when it came into the shelter, desperately in need not only of veterinary care, but also human companionship and love. The little mongrel was white and black, and so pathetic and afraid of anyone, he cowered in his cage. Jessie left him there for a day before bringing him home. It was impossible to watch him wither away, his scared, little, shaking body convulsing in fear whenever Jessie approached him.
Jessie understood him. Instead of acting mean to others the little dog cowered in fear. Her heart went out to the sad, little dog that was a cowering, shivering mess. Jessie knew what it felt like. And why she had such an affinity for pets. It was because they were helplessly reliant on their owners who had complete control of them. If they had bad owners, their lives were simply hell. A metaphor for her own life.
She named the new dog Bullet, and the poor thing took a lot more time to train than Soldier. He cowered at everything and everyone, so even getting him outside to go potty was a fifteen-minute challenge. The weird part was: as a woman who was usually abrasive for most of her life, Jessie had infinite patience with pets. She didn’t
mind waiting for anything they needed, and no work with them was too much for her to do. Bullet finally allowed Soldier to approach him; and in only a week, Bullet followed the big dog everywhere, as if they were a single unit.
Time passed. It wasn’t good, but not nearly as bad as Jessie feared it would be. She was busy this time, whereas for years before, she could only sit in the horrible, sad, desolate apartment, staring at the walls like a mental patient. Now, she worked forty hours a week. It wasn’t a difficult or fulfilling job, but it passed the time. She spent several evenings during the week helping out at the animal shelter, and her weekends too.
After planting her small garden, she nearly blared off trumpets when, in early June, she spotted a few sprouts. Every few days, she watered and weeded the small garden plot. She researched the various vegetables she put in, and maintained all the different particulars for each kind of plant.
Her work. The pets. The counseling. The garden, even. All of them helped her.
Most surprising of all was Bella’s continued friendship. She sought Jessie out often, just to hang out and chat over the fence, or come over, or vice versa. Finn helped Jessie out a few more times. He routinely poured her heavy dog food bags into the plastic containers she bought. He also started grabbing her garbage cans when he brought back their own from the sidewalk. He quickly fixed her garage door opener when it broke and quit lifting the door up. The landlord was supposed to fix it, but after a week with no appearance from him, Finn simply did it for her. He also never stared or ogled her, and never indulged in more than a short chat as a friendly acquaintance. He stayed back when she and Bella were together. In other words, he acted completely appropriately around her, which was a shocking, but wonderful experience for Jessie.
****
Lindsey came to Jessie a month later and tearfully told her they were moving to Virginia. A weird, convoluted story of Elliot’s family and the new business he was starting were the reasons she gave, and they “needed to be there.” Lindsey also casually mentioned she’d just been released from active duty.
Jessie’s mouth dropped open. She swiveled around on the bar stool she was sitting on. “What do you mean, you’re not on active duty anymore? What the hell, Lindsey? You love the Army.”
She shook her head, staring at her fingers. “I did. But things have changed. I love Elliot more. He wants out, and I want out. He was discharged a few months before me. Now we can move and start living our real life.”
Jessie shook her head. “I had no idea you didn’t want the military life. I thought being a soldier was what you two had in common.”
“Yes, well, now we want to do something else that’s different. It’s a good thing, Jessie, really.”
“I just thought… well, I guess I was wrong. I thought you preferred that kind of life.”
Lindsey shrugged. “You’re right about it being hard on marriages. I didn’t realize how much. I’d like it not to be so hard, and I think this move will do that. Be happy for me, Jess. Just as I will be for you when Will’s out.”
Jessie nodded, getting that about her sister. “Yeah. I guess, that’s true. It’s just, I always thought it’s what you wanted.”
“Please, don’t argue with me about it.”
Jessie let out a breath. “Okay. So five hours away, huh?”
“Just over three hundred miles. It’s not so far.”
“No, but it won’t be easy to just see each other whenever we want. I’ll miss this. Just being together spontaneously.”
Lindsey’s blue eyes filled with tears. “I know. I’ll miss you too. You can’t even imagine how much.”
When Lindsey got up to leave, Jessie felt a hollow ache filling her stomach. Somehow, she felt like tonight marked a critical, invisible shift in her relationship with her sister. She felt like maybe they would never be the same as they were for the last few years. She shut the front door behind Lindsey. When the sadness grew too heavy on her chest, she called Bella and asked if she and Finn minded her coming over. Bella never declined, and sometimes, the endless chatter and fun Bella provided just the right cure for Jessie’s dark and dismal thoughts.
Will called that night. “Lindsey told me she’s moving.”
Jessie gripped her phone. “She called you just to make sure you talked me off the ledge, if I went bat-shit crazy, didn’t she?”
Will sighed over the line, and his tone sounded frustrated. “Yeah. She did. We’ve been there before, now haven’t we, Jessie? So you’re goddamned right your sister called me.”
“I don’t like when you two conspire. You talk about me like I’m some kind of fragile mental patient you have to figure out how to deal with. Just be honest with me. Talk to me. Treat me like the adult I am.”
“Okay, well, I can’t help if she contacted me, sounding worried.” Will lowered his voice, “She was there too, you know.”
Jessie sat down, now utterly deflated. She pictured his face across the miles and closed her eyes. “I know. I just wish you didn’t need to check up on me like I’m a toddler.”
“I would check on you because the sister you care about, the only family you have left, is moving away from you while I’m on deployment. It’s really not always about Mexico. It’s just from my concern you’ll miss your sister. And you tend to not contact me when you really need me.”
Chagrinned, she stared out the window. “I’m sorry. I just miss you. I’ll miss her.”
“And that’s why she called me.”
“I have a new friend.” She hadn’t yet mentioned Bella to Will. She had to make sure she didn’t totally screw it up before she told him.
She could hear him shuffling around, talking to someone, before he came back. “Oh yeah? Who’s that?”
“We have neighbors. Imagine that! Neighborly neighbors. The husband, Finn, helped me roto-till my new garden spot. Well, actually, he did most of it. He also fixed the garage door when it broke. And Bella, his wife, is really nice and seems to like me.”
“Where do I start? First, your garden? Second, you tried to roto-till it? And third, you have another man fixing stuff in my house? And, of course, Bella, the wife, likes you.”
She relaxed finally and his teasing made her smile. Even across the ocean, his voice could make her smile and lift her heart right up into her tonsils. “Yes. To all of it. And it’s kinda amazing anyone likes me.”
“No, it’s not. What about the man in my house?”
She rolled her eyes at the zing of pleasure she felt over his mock jealousy. It was nice. Fun. Flirting. “Oh, baby, he fixed the hell out of that garage door opener.”
He grumbled. “Make sure that’s all he does. I should be there fixing my own damn stuff.”
She squeezed the phone in her hand, wanting that more than everything else. “I can’t wait for that.”
The teasing left his tone and he quieted before saying, “Me too. One year, two months and six days. Courage, Jessie-girl; it’s going to happen.”
She leaned her forehead into the wall next to her. “Sometimes, courage is the hardest thing to find.”
“Are you marking off the days?”
“Religiously. Every night, before I go to bed.”
“Me too. It makes me feel like I’m getting closer to you.”
“Well, sure, it’s a list you get to check off. Nothing better than that, is there, soldier?”
He growled into the receiver, “If I were there, I’d…”
“You’d what, soldier? What would you do to me?”
He laughed. “I can’t tell you that right now. I’m actually not completely alone. But when I get home… I will so show you…”
Her smile dimmed and her voice became almost desperate as she said softly, sounding nearly defeated, “When, Will? When will you be home?”
“Someday I’ll be home forever. For now, just a few more weeks,” he lowered his voice. “I love you.”
She squeezed her eyes shut to hold the tears in. Softly, she answered, “I love you too
. Be careful. Okay? Just be so careful. You have a lot riding on your return. My entire life is hinging on it.”
“I know. I don’t forget that for a second.”
Bella walked in right as Jessie hung up the phone. She took one look at Jessie’s face and came over to hug her. “Husband?”
Jessie took in a shuddering breath; shocked to have someone there for her. “Yes. My sister asked him to call me. She’s moving with her husband to Virginia.”
“So you’re alone here now?”
“Essentially.”
“No, you’re not. You have Finn and me now.”
“I don’t often make friends.”
“I don’t believe that. You’re awesome! You’re so funny and fun! And I’m so glad you moved in here.”
Jessie grinned like a silly, little girl, pleased by her new friend’s words. “I am too.”
“Come on; let’s go eat some ice cream or something. You can’t sit here all alone after a day like this.”
Strangely, she didn’t have to sit there alone with a hole in her chest, longing for Will and Lindsey. She ate ice cream with Bella instead of dinner, and they talked until midnight. Finally, Finn shuffled out and asked them to quiet down. Bella walked her home, but they were giggling so hard by then, the neighbors across the street turned their porch lights on. When they opened the door to glare at them, peals of laughter from the new friends grew all the louder.
She watched Bella stumble back home as she locked the door behind her. She was smiling. Then she stopped dead. She was all alone in her house. Her sister said she was leaving her. Essentially, leaving Jessie all alone in North Carolina, at Fort Bragg, and Will was gone; and yet, she was okay. She dealt with it, and was okay. She threw her shoes off. Progress. Other girls had high school or college years for memories with their girlfriends. This was the first time Jessie even had a girlfriend. When Soldier and Bullet came bounding up to greet her, she leaned down and wrapped her arms around them, letting them lick her crazy. She chuckled and stood up. The worst news she had in months, and she was giggling tonight. Yeah, maybe she was okay now.
The Years Between (Sister Series, 1.5) Page 11