“Even better than when I showed up in Washington? Or the day Fuck-face died? Come on, those were pretty good.”
“Good. But not great; because you were always leaving. And we were barely, really together. Now, you’re home to be with me for good.”
“Okay, you got me there. You really do. My favorite moment was actually, when we got married. But this is pretty fucking close.”
She rubbed a hand over his mouth. “You know what I missed?” He raised his eyebrows in question. “I missed having sex. With you. Go figure.”
He let out a breath and smiled as goofily as she did. “I can fix that too.”
“No map needed?”
“No. No map needed. Do you remember I told you there was something I’d like to do to you?”
“Vaguely.”
“I think it’s time I showed you what that was.” He picked her up and carried her to their bedroom to finally celebrate coming home for what felt like the first time in his entire nomadic, isolated, lonely life.
****
Home for Will this time seemed a lot more natural than after their reunion and honeymoon. Jessie didn’t act quite so perfect, and he didn’t feel like he was walking on eggshells while worrying what might set her off. Instead, they acted more real with each other than he could ever remember them being together. She could relax a lot more being in this house. His heart felt a twinge knowing it wasn’t him that did that for her. He was gone as usual. But the house, the garden she tended, the job she worked, and the pets she was fast accumulating did a lot to ease her into pursuing a real, functioning life.
She was, in fact, doing far better in his absence than when he was with her. It was undeniable, but it unsettled him a little to realize that. She cut herself while he was with her, not when he wasn’t. He wasn’t sure what it meant, if anything. He was thrilled of course, to find her functioning again. She was building a life here. He just wished sometimes, he wasn’t what seemed to bring up half her issues. She loved him. He knew that as well as he knew his own name. But it always lodged in his chest, and was not lost on him, that his presence in her life was a detriment to her overall well-being. He was the face of her rescuer from hell, but he was also the face of the witness.
“Will?”
He turned when her voice called him. She was coming out of the bathroom and sat down on the bed beside him. He leaned his hands behind his head and raised an eyebrow in response. She sighed and scooted forward to lean her head into his chest.
“I hate to leave.”
He crossed his arms over her. “It’s okay. I’m tired. I’ll hang out here.”
“I’d take time off, but I’m so new…”
He remembered a time when she didn’t know the meaning of the words “responsible” or “accountable.” It still surprised him when she was. “Hey, you wait for my job all the time. It’s time I waited for yours. Besides, I promised Clint I’d show up for his kid’s birthday.”
He didn’t ask her to come. His team was close, and they all included their wives and families for many shindigs. But not him. He always showed up alone. It simply was too much for Jessie. She could not get better enough to join him. It reminded her too much of the kinds of things her father insisted she attend all her life. They made her feel like the general’s trapped daughter again. She could no more participate in military life as an Army wife than she could be a soldier. Will knew his friends’ families judged him for it. And she was judged also, but he didn’t give damn. He’d never again make excuses for Jessie. He’d never again try to explain her failure to accompany him. They simply didn’t need to know. She was how she had to be; and that was a thousand times better than he ever dreamed she could be. He didn’t need her doing PR work for him; he simply needed her to function.
She was still being judged. There was no denying it. She made a sex tape. She refused to bury her father’s ashes, a general in the Army. She attempted to cheat on Will when others thought they were married for real. Some of the things she did could not be forgotten or undone. And defending her would only bring up things she could not bear to discuss.
But here, in the little suburban neighborhood they found, life was pretty close to what could be called “normal.”
Bella and Finn invited them over to dinner, and Will liked the innocuous man who was married to a very nice, sweet woman. They were good to Jessie. That was all he needed for reference. But he was thrilled at seeing Jessie act funny and silly with someone else besides him. He even felt like he wanted Finn to fix stuff in his house when he was gone. He seemed a decent enough guy. He did not look too long at Jessie. Nor did he seem very interested in her. Just as Will treated Bella. He felt a hopeful lift in his gut. Jesus, maybe they could actually have some friends.
Will’s only personal associations involved his military life. But she couldn’t handle military contacts or gossip or even army wives in her life. God knows, Jessie of old had pushed away anyone and everyone who could have been her friend. So it was just them. It was very isolating and solitary, and not good for her. When he left her nearly all alone to go on deployment, he knew it was time for them to include more people in their lives.
They needed friends. They needed family. They needed a damn normal life. With each other, and with other people. Finally, that might be possible.
They got together for dinner with the neighbors several more times. The more often Will spent time with them, the more he enjoyed their company and blowing off steam. Finn and he even enjoyed drinking a beer every evening after work, discussing sports and other crap.
Will was fine until he was introduced to Bella’s brother, Logan. He remembered the name. They were at a Labor Day barbeque, and Will was enjoying the company, the food, the beer, and the warm sun. He did not, however, enjoy meeting the man who cornered and humiliated his wife.
Will approached him when no one else was around. Stepping in front of him, he blocked Logan in the corner of the deck. Easily, in a casual tone, he said, “So, I understand you had some choice words to say to my wife.”
Logan turned, looking startled when he found Will looming over him, who was purposely trying to appear bigger and more menacing than he really was. The other man swallowed and his eyes widened. Will knew he was being an ass. He didn’t often use his sheer bulk to intimidate anyone beyond the duties of his job. But he could not stand having Jessie feel bad again. Not anymore. For so long, he did nothing to help her. Now, he couldn’t stand to let it pass. He had to make sure the dumbass didn’t bring it up again, or say anything rude to Jessie about it.
“Uh, no. It was a misunderstanding. Bella’s since explained it to me and we’re all good. Jessie didn’t tell you?”
“Oh, she told me. But still, I don’t like having my wife humiliated. I don’t like having her upset. Do you understand me?”
The man nodded, and his face turned pale.
Hearing movement behind and shuffling around, he glanced over his shoulder to see Jessie storming up to him. Her short legs were trying to stomp over the deck. “Will Hendricks, stop it!” Her voice was loud and sharp and her face was red. She glanced past him at Logan. “What are you doing?” The horror in her voice was evident.
He turned to her and grinned, crossing his arms over his chest. She was scowling at him. “Defending your honor.”
“Defending my… oh my God! You are not.”
“I am. I was doing a good job of it too. You should be swooning with gratitude.”
“You’re embarrassing yourself.”
“He started it. He shouldn’t have tried to upset you.”
“That was months ago. And they thought I was a porn star, not some tragic, abuse victim. So stop it.”
Logan’s head bobbed between them. He looked seriously nervous, and unsure if Will intended to merely talk to him or not. Will grinned even wider. He liked being able, for once, to defend Jessie.
Jessie stepped towards Logan. “I’m so sorry, Logan. Please forgive Will. He’s just had a few t
oo many days in combat. He suffers from some kind of mental disorder. Maybe PTSD.”
His mouth dropped open as she spoke in a low conspiratorial tone with Logan. Logan nodded as if in agreement and understanding. “You little…”
She turned and smiled so Logan couldn’t see her expression.
“I suffer from nothing except an ungrateful wife.”
Logan shifted his feet, and Jessie finally rolled her eyes. “Apologize, Will.”
He grumbled, but nodded at Logan. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t like what you did and how you did it.”
Logan nodded his head up and down. “I know. I was wrong. Sheryl, that’s my wife, laid into me about it too.”
He shot Logan a sympathetic nod. “You have an ungrateful wife too, huh?”
“Completely.”
With that, Logan passed by them. Will turned towards his ungrateful wife to teach her a lesson about appreciation for his chivalry. He opened his arms and grabbed her waist before lifting her into his arms. She struggled. “Oh my God! Put me down, you overgrown brute!”
He shook his head. “Once, I could not help you feel better. Now I can, and I will.”
“You’re acting like a muscle-bound jerk on steroids. Backing him into the corner. I mean, really! You never acted like this.”
“I didn’t back him in. I blocked him in. You have to understand something. No one can hurt you again. Or I will have to hurt them.”
She finally sighed and rolled her eyes. “Put me down. No one really meant to hurt me. You were kinda right, and not all people judged me how I thought they did. These people are all like that. They’re nice, Will. Even Logan.”
“That’s good. I’d hate to hurt him.”
She finally sighed. “You’re acting like a jealous idiot.”
He grinned again before letting her go. “It’s nice to be that way with you. Now, wait until we see Noah again.”
Her eyes grew larger. “You will do nothing to him. He’s already afraid of you.”
“Wonderful,” he said with a wag of his eyebrows. She finally smiled.
“You used to encourage me to date others.”
He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I used to do a lot things that I shouldn’t have.”
“I like these people. Don’t ruin it.”
“I didn’t. I made sure things were simply understood.”
“They understand. The thing is, Will, they actually do. Nice people do exist. I didn’t know that before. But they do.”
“Okay, I’ll go apologize again and tell him I won’t bother him. It’s just that, knowing you were hurting and I couldn’t stop it just about drove me insane. You get that?”
She finally smiled softly. “Yes, I totally get that.”
He turned, prepared to eat crow for some whiny, little shit that hurt Jessie. She called his name, and he turned back to her. She smiled as if he were some kind of angel standing before her as she said, “Thank you.”
He flashed a grin. “You’re welcome, wife. And didn’t I tell you there was a normal place for us somewhere?”
She nodded after rolling her eyes. Then her face grew serious as she said, “I think we’ve finally found it.”
He held her gaze for a long, poignant moment that only they could understand. Softly he said with a half grin, “Me too, Jess. Me too.”
Chapter Eleven
~Year Two~
Will watched her, but she didn’t know what to make of it. He was acting weird of late, and appeared way more intense than normal. She often glanced up from doing the most generic of chores, or chattering about stupid nothings, and found him studying her intently, with a strange look on his face. She asked him several times if anything was up. He always replied in the negative. Nope. No. Nothing. Nothing is going on, Jessie. Only he denied it a bit too much and too vigorously. She sensed something was up.
She was simply stacking dishes from the dishwasher to the cabinet while he sat sprawled on a kitchen chair. He was so bulky, he made it look like a toy. He suddenly rose up, stepped behind her and crushed her to him, completely unexpectedly. She laughed and patted his hands around her. “That grateful for clean dishes?”
His mouth was on her skin, nuzzling her neck. “No. Just grateful for having you.”
She stilled, enjoying the feel of his lips on her neck. She sighed in contentment, and turned as she took his hands and unclasped them from her to hold in her own hands. “What is it you’re so grateful for? What’s going on? I mean, I know why we’re grateful to be together, but you’ve been acting weird, Will, even for us. So what is it?”
His eyelids half fell over his eyeballs. He turned his head. “Nothing. Really. I just, love you, you know? I love seeing you seem so happy.”
She stared down at their feet and touched her toe to his. “What is it?”
He sighed and finally turned and sat back down. “Sit down.”
Her stomach knotted. She followed him and sat across from him. “Okay, I’m sitting. So tell me why you’ve been avoiding my gaze; while other times, you’re watching me like I’m a time bomb about to go off right before you. I’m not, you know. I mean, sometimes, I guess I have tendencies, but I don’t think you have to watch me like I’m an unpinned grenade rolling toward you.”
He chuckled and took her fingers in his. He toyed with them, staring hard at their intertwined hands. “I don’t want to tell you. I’m worried you’ll freak out. Or, I don’t know exactly what. Just worried.”
“You’re the one who said we had to quit acting like a bad day here or there could ruin us.”
He nodded. “I know. That’s why you’re going to get mad at me. And it might devastate you. It might…”
“Send me straight to the razor blades? Okay, you have my attention now. What is it?”
“Lindsey took care of Fuck-face’s things. She contacted me about some stuff.”
Jessie froze. This was about the general? No wonder Will was so freaked out and afraid to tell her. She breathed in deeply, and held it. Then she let it out. Not crazy. She was not crazy. She could handle this. She licked her lips. “When? When did she contact you?”
“The week he died.”
She jerked back. “What? How could you not tell me? That was over a year ago.”
“That’s why I didn’t tell you. Just let me finish. You’re not going to like the rest of it, either. So, he had some money, and he left it all to Lindsey. Almost a million dollars after taxes and his estate, and everything was paid for. She gave it to me. She said Elliot is crazy rich and she doesn’t need it. She wanted me to have it. She wasn’t sure you should know, considering the stigma attached to it and how it could make you feel.”
“Oh, considering! Holy shit! You sat on that all this time? All those comments about us not being broke. I don’t need to work. All of it was for this? Stemming from the money the man who orchestrated my rape, gave you? What, Will? Payment for services rendered?”
He nodded, his expression turning grim. “I knew that’s what you’d think. It wasn’t that. It was what he owed you. He owed you everything. He ruined your life. So I took it because I intend to use it to fix your life. To make whatever dreams you have come true. I intend to give you the life he never could. The thing is, it would take me years, if ever, to amass this kind of money. This could allow us to do things, Jessie. Real things. And fuck where it comes from! Who cares if it was from him? He owed you. Me. Us. He is dead. Good fucking riddance. But his money is just there, an inanimate object that we can use to make our lives better. So I took it. Lindsey handled the legalities and deposited it into a bank account for me… for us.”
Jessie lowered her head onto the table. “Oh my God,” she whispered, totally shocked Will would do such a thing and then hide it from her. She sat there for a long, silent while. Finally, she raised her head, hot tears streaming silently over her face. Her voice was low and hoarse when she said, “You’re a liar. You lied to me. You said we were in this together. No more secrets. We’d be o
pen and honest. And yet, you sat on this. Just like you sat on knowing that he was not my father. And sat on what he wanted to do to me. You don’t trust me. You never did. And you still don’t. Well, then, congrats Will Hendricks, because I, now, no longer trust you.”
She got up, her back rigid, and quietly, and with dignity, retreated down the hall before gently shutting their bedroom door.
****
Well, he deserved that, didn’t he? She didn’t slam the door. She shut it with a clear message of her controlled anger. He was really in the shitter for this. He sighed and wandered back to the deck. Soldier came up with a ball in his mouth. He patted the lumbering dog and threw his ball. Jessie was right, Soldier did grow on you, the longer you knew him. He was so goofy, it was impossible not to want to protect him. Like the weak nerd of a schoolyard, whom you didn’t want bullies to get their hands on.
He stared at his interlaced fingertips. Well, what the hell was he supposed to do now? A week after her father’s death, he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t find her curled up in a ball in their shower stall. How could he even have brought this up then? Yeah, he sheltered her sometimes. But in his experience with her, which was vast, he had to at times. He had to use his best judgment. And his judgment at the time was: she could not handle it. Nor did he see what else they could do with the money. Lindsey refused to take it. She felt Jessie deserved it for everything the general did to her, and for not leaving anything to her.
And yes, it was about trust. Didn’t she understand the things she did? The things he watched her do to herself?
There were things between them that he had to make the final decisions about. He could not stand for her to be hurt. Not anymore than she already was. And though she was much better, he knew more than anyone, it was not all gone. It was simply being channeled more healthily.
So no, he shouldn’t have told her sooner. He was protecting her; and he’d do it again until he felt she was emotionally strong enough to hear it.
The Years Between (Sister Series, 1.5) Page 14