‘Please do. I need all the help I can get.’
‘James has told me you are both in this situation because your father has insisted Lester attend the academy. Trust your brother. I understand he is highly thought of. He is intelligent and showing good leadership qualities. Everyone is convinced he will make a fine officer.’
She shook her head, not willing to accept that for her twin, and Ruth caught hold of her arm. ‘No. Don’t dismiss it so easily. Think, Lillia. You know your brother better than anyone. Would he throw away the life you have always wanted? Why is he doing this?’
There was silence as the question ran through her mind and she began to glimpse the truth. ‘No, he wouldn’t throw away our longed-for careers, but we need to mature enough to strike out on our own, to become independent … and he’s protecting our mother,’ she whispered softly. ‘That is what we both want, but I didn’t realise what he was prepared to sacrifice to do that. We’ve always been so close and able to read each other’s thoughts at times. When we were young we even used to finish each other’s sentences.’
‘You are older now and perhaps that rapport you shared as a child isn’t quite so strong. Not only do you have different talents, but you are male and female, and that means, of necessity, you will walk on different paths in life.’
‘We will always be in tune with each other, but what you are saying is that I must let him go.’ She pressed her hands against her heart, trying to ease the pain that realisation caused. ‘How can I do that? He is a part of me.’
‘You’ll do it because you must. Your brother will make his own decisions, and you will do what is right for you. But remember, whatever you both do in life, that bond between you will always be there. Don’t think you are losing him, because I don’t believe that will ever happen.’
Lillia’s sigh was ragged. ‘That is going to be so hard, but I know you are right. I will try and be sensible. Thank you for talking this over with me. It has helped to clear my mind.’
The next morning everyone was preparing to leave. Lester was staying with the Andersons and going back to the academy with James the next day. Brigadier Stansfield was escorting Joshua, Sara and Lillia to their homes.
After thanking their hosts for a lovely holiday, Lillia headed for her brother. He was the hardest to say goodbye to, but she was determined not to cry and worry him. The talk she had had with Ruth made a lot of sense and she had spent a sleepless night running everything through her head. Decisions had been made and that was a relief. She had mapped out a path to take. It might not be the right one; only time would tell, but at least she would be doing something.
‘You be sure you practice as much as you can when you aren’t playing soldier.’
He held her away from him, laughing. ‘The professor has already given me a pile of musical scores to master. Keep on with the singing. Your voice is maturing beautifully.’
‘I’ll do what I can between studying to become a nurse.’
‘You’ve really decided to do that?’ he asked in astonishment.
She nodded. ‘I’ve had a long talk with Ruth and thought I would give it a try. It will keep me busy while you are at the academy, and do you know, I really feel as if it is something I would like to do.’
‘That’s excellent!’ He guided her to some chairs and when they were seated he reached out and took hold of her hands, serious now. ‘We need to get through the next couple of years, and then we will be old enough to make our own decisions, especially if we are both earning money of our own. This isn’t the end of our dreams; we are merely travelling on a small detour until we can make our own way in life.’
‘I understand, and it will be sensible for us to both have another profession to support us while we try to establish ourselves as musicians.’
‘Exactly. It could take some time and we will need to be exceptional to be successful.’
‘We are already exceptional,’ she teased, making him chuckle.
‘Such confidence, and I think the professor would disagree with you.’
‘Well, we have to believe in ourselves or else we might as well give up now. Just you remember that.’
‘I’m sure you will not allow me to forget.’
‘You can be certain of that,’ she told him sternly. ‘The brigadier seems to be an understanding man, but if he doesn’t allow you enough time to practice you are to come straight home.’
‘I can’t do that, as you well know.’
She nodded. ‘It’s so sad, and I don’t understand why Father is so against us pursuing a musical career, or why he appears to dislike us.’
‘It’s a mystery, I agree, but I am certain Mother knows why and she is giving in to him to protect us.’
‘But what from?’
Lester shrugged. ‘One day we shall find out, but for now we must navigate the road we have been forced to take. We will get through this together.’
‘Of course we will.’ She hugged him, holding on tight for a long moment, and then stepping back. ‘I must go.’
He stood outside with the Andersons and watched them leave. Once they were out of sight James asked, ‘Are you all right, my friend? It is hard to say goodbye, isn’t it? I have seen how close you are to your delightful sister.’
‘It is tough being separated, but we have accepted this is the way it must be.’ Lester grinned at James. ‘Come on, we had better pack our kit ready to return to the academy tomorrow.’
The festive season with the Andersons had been the most enjoyable time Sara had ever had, but as they had toasted in 1911 the worry for her children came back. Lester appeared to be happy at the academy, and knowing he would be there for some three years or more, Lillia had decided to become a nurse. With these decisions, the pursuit of their musical careers had been set aside. It was a source of great concern to her, but they were adults now and she must respect their wishes, however much it troubled her. She was proud of the way they had taken charge of their lives, and from now on she would support and encourage them in any way she could.
Chapter Ten
April 1914
‘Have you had a good day, darling?’ Sara asked her daughter when she arrived home from the hospital.
‘Busy, as always, but those years of study have been worth it. It’s good to feel useful.’ She removed her cape and gave her mother a worried look. ‘Have you heard the news?’
‘So much has happened. What news are you talking about? Is it to do with the miners’ strike?’
‘No. The suffragettes have bombed Yarmouth Pier and destroyed it. Did you know they were going to do that?’
‘I certainly did not.’ Sara was clearly shocked.
‘I know they are fighting to win the vote for women, and I agree with that, but I am uneasy about some of the things they are doing. The authorities are arresting them, and I don’t want you to end up in prison.’
‘That won’t happen unless I chain myself to some railings,’ she joked.
‘Mother, this isn’t something to be taken lightly.’ She raised her voice. ‘The last years have been hard for me and Lester, but we have done what Father wanted and made different lives for ourselves. And it has done some good. Father has become more agreeable and his business appears to be prospering. Items are no longer disappearing from the house, and he has even allowed Lester to come home when on leave. You are the steadying influence in this house, but have you considered what would happen if you were not here? Father could do whatever he wanted to.’
‘Don’t raise your voice like that. You are not in a concert hall.’
‘And I’m never likely to be. I love nursing and I am very pleased Ruth talked me in to the profession, but it isn’t what I planned to do with my life. Lester is happy in the army …’ Her voice faltered, ‘but he has a huge talent going to waste. He told me this would only be a detour, but how are we to get back on the right road after all this time?’
Sara gathered her troubled daughter into her arms. ‘Don’t give up, da
rling.’
‘I thought we would be back together again by now. Please don’t get arrested and put in prison. We need you.’
‘I promise to stay out of any militant action. In fact, I will tell them I cannot help for a while. Will that ease your concern?’
‘Yes, it would. Thank you.’
‘Good. Now we shall go for a walk in the spring sunshine.’
They went to Hyde Park and walked in silence, enjoying the warmth of the sun. Sara’s thoughts drifted over the last few years. Her daughter was quite correct. The atmosphere at home had improved. She had no idea what Gilbert was doing, but they saw little of him now. He did appear to be more affluent and that had improved his disposition, but she still kept a close watch on him. Nevertheless, even the improvement in their home life had not calmed Sara’s fears. The plight of her talented children was a constant worry. It had seemed so simple when they were youngsters – a musical career for both of them was their destiny. Then overnight that had changed and now her son was a lieutenant in the army and her daughter a nurse. Careers neither of them had really wanted, and deep in her heart she had never believed they would have to walk this road. And all because of one domineering man who insisted on having his own way. The question was always there – could she have done more to protect them from Gilbert? She had tried and succeeded while they were growing up, but as Lester matured, Gilbert’s hostility towards him had become more apparent. However, he was her husband and in this case she had given way knowing she would not win and would probably cause more trouble for her children. She had watched the twins struggle with their new lives and was proud of them. Lester, always the strong one, had adapted well, and Alex had helped at the academy by allowing her son to play the piano as much as possible. He was a fine man. For her sensitive daughter, however, it had been more difficult, but she had settled into nursing now with a certain amount of pleasure.
Lillia’s laugh cut through her thoughts.
‘Look at those squirrels chasing each other,’ she pointed out. ‘They move so fast.’
They watched their antics for a few moments and then continued their walk. No matter how many times she told herself the children were doing well, she was still deeply concerned for them. Both were committed to their new careers, but she knew their hearts still longed to pursue their dream. They needed to change course, and soon. But how? She had no answer to that problem. Lillia had always relied on her brother to make the decisions, and she knew they had both been waiting for him to find a solution. She sighed deeply and resolved to talk to him very soon. She had to know what he intended to do. If he was set on remaining in the army, then she must help her daughter launch her career without her brother at her side. That would be hard for her, but it might have to be that way. And as much as she agreed with the suffragettes’ aims, it was time to distance herself from them and concentrate on her children. Oh, my lovely boy, she cried inwardly, what are you doing? Why have you left it so long, and what do you intend to do? You must talk to me. I have to know.
It had taken two weeks to arrange a visit to her son, and Sara asked him to find a quiet place where they could talk in private.
‘Will this do?’ he asked, casting his mother a concerned look.
She nodded. The small garden area at the back of the officers’ quarters was suitable and she sat on a wooden bench. ‘Sit down, Lester. We need to talk.’
He listened while she explained how upset and confused his sister was. ‘We assumed that when your studies at the academy were over, you would return to continue with your music studies. We did not expect you to immediately go in to the army. How long have you signed up for?’
‘Three years.’
She faced her son, astonished. ‘Why didn’t you tell us?’
‘I did tell you I was going in to the army,’ he protested.
‘But not for so long. Is this the end of your dreams of a musical career?’ If her husband had made her son turn away from music and waste his huge talent, then she would not remain silent any longer. ‘Is the army to be your life from now on? Tell me truthfully, because if that is so then I must do all I can to help Lillia achieve her ambition.’
‘Don’t be so upset.’ He grasped his mother’s hand. ‘I didn’t take this decision without a lot of heart searching, but in the end I decided that this was the way for me to go. Father is still hostile towards me, although he has tolerated me when I have been on leave, but I know that would change if I returned home permanently. Things could have become nasty again, and I was not going to be the cause of more unhappiness for you.’
‘Oh, my boy …’ Tears filled her eyes. ‘The last thing I want you to do is sacrifice your life’s ambition for me. I’ll do anything, endure anything, to see you and Lillia happy.’
‘We know that, but how can we be happy knowing life is difficult for you because of us? We are still young, and we are both supporting ourselves now. By the time my enlistment is over we will be mature enough to make our way in life without depending upon anyone.’
‘Does that mean you haven’t abandoned your career as a pianist?’
‘Of course I haven’t. Do you really think I could do that?’ he asked. ‘Music has been our whole life and I could never walk away from it.’ He smiled at his mother. ‘I like army life; it is helping me to grow, but this is only temporary. Explain that to Lillia and tell her to continue with her studies, and if she gets a chance to turn professional she must take it. I’ll catch up with her later.’
‘I’m so relieved we’ve had this talk.’ Sara grasped her son’s hand and smiled. ‘You have put my mind at ease, and even though I don’t agree with your reasoning, I can understand why you are doing this. You have always been the clearest thinker in the family, but I do wish you had told me this before you joined the army for three years. We have all been worrying that you were going to give up your music career.’
‘Never.’
Sara sighed with relief at his emphatic response. ‘If you had decided to make the army your career then I would have accepted your choice. You know that, don’t you, darling? You are both exceptionally talented, but if at any time you told me you were no longer passionate about music, that would be all right with me. All I’ve ever wanted is for you both to be happy.’
‘We know that.’
‘Good morning, Sara. What a pleasant surprise to see you here.’
At the sound of the familiar voice Lester hastily rose and came to attention. ‘Sir.’
‘My apologies for intruding upon you and your son, but I could not leave without greeting you.’ Alex smiled at Sara. ‘I trust you are keeping well?’
‘I am, indeed. Are you stationed here now?’
‘No, I had to attend a meeting.’
Lester glanced anxiously at the large clock over the door of the officers’ quarters. Brigadier Stansfield didn’t appear to be in any hurry. ‘Mother, I am on duty in thirty minutes. That will just give me time to walk you to the station.’
‘Perhaps you will allow me to escort you, Sara? It will give us a chance to catch up on what has been happening since we last met. My business here is finished and we must not keep the lieutenant from his duties.’
‘That is kind of you, Alex.’ She turned to her son and kissed his cheek. ‘You take care of yourself, my dear.’
‘Make sure you do the same, and tell Lillia and the professor that everything will be all right in the end.’
He saluted the brigadier and watched them walk away, already deep in conversation. How much happier they would be if someone as kind as the brigadier was their father. He turned sharply and marched back to the barracks. There was no point in wishing for the impossible; they had to deal with the situation they were faced with. As young children they had not been aware of their father’s dislike, but the older they became, the more his hostility increased – not only towards them but their mother as well. That could not be tolerated, and he was dealing with it in the best way he could. He desperately hoped he wa
s doing the right thing by holding back the musical career. His sister’s last letter had indicated that the atmosphere at home was more agreeable, and that gave him some peace – for the moment.
As he marched along, his mind and hands longed for a piano, but he had made his choice, for good or bad, and he now had duties to carry out. They were already gaining independence from their father, and that, hopefully, was making life easier for their mother. Even if their mother and the professor were convinced of their talent, the road ahead wasn’t going to be easy. But they would make it when the time was right.
‘Ah, good, you’re back. Did you have a successful day?’
Alex tossed his hat on the desk and sat down. ‘The meeting was a waste of time, but the rest of the day was fine.’
‘Did you see any of your ex-pupils?’
‘Yes, and they are doing well. Sara Holdsworth was there talking to her son. He was about to return to duty so I took his mother to lunch and then drove her home.’
Bob sat up straight and asked eagerly, ‘Did she invite you in?’
‘She did, and I had the chance to look round. It is a fine house that has been in Sara’s family for several generations. The music room has the most beautiful piano I have ever seen and the tone is exquisite. No wonder the son was unhappy when he arrived here. It must have been a wrench to leave that behind, and it is a testament to his strong character that he settled in so quickly.’
‘I’m glad he did because he could have a good career in the army.’
‘I don’t think that is his intention,’ Alex said. ‘James believes his service will be short. For some reason he is biding his time until he can launch a musical career. That doesn’t make sense, though, because in my view he is good enough now.’
‘We will have to wait and see what he does. Did you get a chance to meet General Holdsworth while you were there?’
‘Unfortunately not. It was puzzling. There were pictures everywhere of the twins and their mother, but not one of her husband. I wish we had been able to find his army records.’
When the Music Stopped Page 8