by Sam Burns
With relief, Jon found that the conversation was calming his nerves. “Why have dating rules if you’re not going to follow them?”
“You know that’s a totally arbitrary rule, right? There’s no reason for it?”
“A lot of rules seem arbitrary. That doesn’t mean there’s no reason for them to exist.” A door opened a few floors below Jon, and footsteps pounded down. Jon sighed at the reminder that he was stuck at the office. “I should get back to work.”
“You’re not gonna ask how my meeting went?” Keegan asked.
“Nope,” Jon said. “Don’t need to.”
Keegan did laugh at that, and as they said their goodbyes and hung up, Jon realized that he’d never had a connection like theirs with anyone outside his family. Unspoken communication was hard for him—he liked everything completely clear and spelled out in obvious terms. With Keegan, though, even the unspoken seemed simple.
#
He slid into the booth next to Keegan at ten minutes after six, and got a raised eyebrow in response. Jon sighed and hung his head. “I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be late.”
Keegan leaned toward him and bumped their shoulders together. “Yeah, it’s an unforgivable crime. No cake for you tonight.”
Jon gave Keegan his best puppy eyes and batted his lashes.
“Okay, okay,” Keegan sighed. “If you’re gonna give me that look, I guess you can have some cake. I’m such a sucker.”
Taking a drink of the water someone had already placed on the table for him, Jon winked at Keegan. He set the glass down and slid even closer to the other man, until their thighs were pressed together. “I’m okay with you being a sucker, as long as it’s only for me.”
Keegan smirked. “And not for, oh, ex-boyfriends?” he asked, his tone more amused than annoyed.
Jon’s face flushed, and he looked down at the table. “At least we already established that I’m not subtle in any way.”
“You’re plenty subtle. You only called me twice today, and you didn’t even ask anything about how serious Phil and I were, or whether I’d take him back if he asked.” Keegan’s hand slid over onto Jon’s thigh and gave it a slow squeeze. He obviously meant to be comforting, not sexy, but his touch managed to be both.
Jon had been celibate for too long if such a simple gesture could distract him so easily.
“You okay?” Keegan asked. “‘Cause I wouldn’t mind if you asked stuff like that. I never had anybody care much about my exes before.”
Jon had a hard time believing that. “Phil was never jealous when you spent time with people you used to date?”
Keegan shrugged and shook his head. “I didn’t used to date guys who stuck around after. Hell, Phil didn’t stick around. I don’t know where he moved, but I know he left Chicago. He said he’s here to see a friend.”
While he was sure that Keegan believed that story, Jon didn’t buy it for a second. Maybe it was Max’s recitation of the man’s arrest record, but Jon was pretty sure Phil was up to no good, coming back into Chicago unexpectedly and approaching Keegan like he had. Working in the FBI might make a man paranoid, but just because you were paranoid didn’t mean you were wrong.
“I get it,” Keegan said. He sounded dejected. “I mean, why would you think any ex of mine was a decent person? And it’s not like he made a great impression, what with the skulking. I don’t think Brigit’s ever gonna forgive him.”
Jon fully expected Keegan to follow that up with a “but,” or any kind of explanation on why he didn’t agree with the assessment, but he didn’t. “I don’t assume any ex of yours is a bad person,” he protested. “I don’t like Phil specifically. But that’s rude, so I’m gonna drop it. As long as you’re okay, and you’re happy with all this, it’s none of my business.”
Despite his dramatic eye roll, Keegan look charmed and bumped their shoulders together again. “I think it is your business. If one of your exes came back into town and wanted to hang out with you, I’d think it was my business. We’re dating. That—that’s exclusive, right?”
Jon blinked, shocked at the miscommunication that allowed Keegan to even suspect otherwise. “Yes!” he blurted out. “I don’t want to date anyone else. I definitely don’t want you to date anyone else either. Is that crazy?”
“No,” Keegan said with a shy smile that he tried to hide. “I don’t want you dating anybody else either. But that means that you’re allowed to not like Phil wanting to hang around me. I’m not sure what I think of it.”
“I take it he wants to meet again?” Jon asked, trying to hide his annoyance.
Keegan nodded, but didn’t open his mouth.
“You don’t seem too thrilled about that,” Jon added. He hoped it would get Keegan to explain, but from the frown that crossed his face, it seemed to bother him more. “You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, Keegan.”
Nodding again, Keegan sighed and glanced up at Jon. “I don’t know how to explain it. It’s not like he’s ever done anything to put me off. Under other circumstances, I think I would’ve been happy to see him again.”
“Circumstances under which you didn’t have a new boyfriend who disliked him?” Jon asked.
That, finally, broke some of the tension. Keegan chuckled. “That doesn’t help his case. It’s crappy timing, right? I get a new boyfriend, and suddenly there he is? If my dad had liked him better, I’d think he had a hand in it.”
“I imagine your dad liked him better than me, but I can think of better ways for him to get rid of me if he’s really deter—” Jon broke off mid-word and thought about what he was saying.
Did he actually think Brendan Quinn would have him killed to keep him away from Keegan? No, that was ridiculous. He sighed and rubbed his face. When he let his hands drop, he found himself looking into Keegan’s mischievously sparkling eyes.
“You really think my dad would have you killed because he doesn’t want us dating?” Keegan asked.
“It would be a stupid thing for a man as smart as your father to do, but smart people do stupid things to protect their kids,” Jon reasoned. Keegan nodded, apparently willing to go along with that much. “But no. I don’t think your dad would have me killed. I think if he wants to break us up, he’s smart enough to know that the best way to do it is to put pressure on you.”
Keegan snorted. “If that’s the best he can do, he might as well give up. I’m a stubborn guy when I’ve decided what I want. A chip off the old block. This is just the first time he’s had to deal with it.”
“You usually give him what he wants?” Jon asked.
“Yeah. I never even thought about arguing with him back in the day.” Keegan was rubbing his thumb against Jon’s outer thigh, but it seemed more like an absentminded motion than a sexual one. “I don’t know. There’s a lot going on, you know?”
Jon thought Keegan’s expression meant that there was more going on than he wanted to discuss, and that was okay. Keegan wasn’t required to share everything with him. Even Jon’s happily married parents didn’t share everything, and it seemed to work for them.
Instead of focusing on the things that were bothering them, Jon thought maybe they were due a change of subject. He wanted to have a happier night than afternoon, and he was the only person who could make sure that happened.
“So”—he reached down and squeezed the warm hand on his thigh—“what’s for dinner?”
“I don’t know. Maybe something light?”
#
Keegan’s place was beautiful. Well, Jon assumed it was beautiful. The building was lovely, and the elevator was fast. Right then, that was all Jon cared about. He’d only caught fleeting, shadowy glances of Keegan’s actual apartment. When they arrived at the right floor and stumbled off the elevator, through the hall, and into the entryway, neither of them had bothered to turn the lights on. They hadn’t even gotten past the front room before he grabbed Keegan and kissed him breathless.
The trip from Wilde’s to Keegan’s place had fel
t like it’d taken forever, so Jon could forgive himself for forgetting to turn the lights on, or even not getting past the front room before stopping to make out like a couple of teenagers. After Keegan’s suggestion for dinner, it was a wonder they’d made it through the meal at all. They never had gotten that cake.
After a minute, maybe longer, he pulled away to breathe, and Keegan’s head fell back against the wall.
“Hell,” Keegan whispered hoarsely, “I should have invited you to come home with me the day we met, rules be damned.”
Jon grinned at him, panting to catch his breath. “I like this better. I don’t have to go to work for almost twelve hours.”
Keegan laughed at that. “Sounds like you’ve got quite the opinion of your staying power. I hope you don’t disappoint yourself.”
“That makes two of us,” Jon agreed. He hadn’t had sex that involved a second person in quite a while, but he knew from experience that there were a few things he excelled at in the bedroom, and he intended to use that excellence in his favor. Still, there were protocols to be followed. “Bedroom?”
Groaning, Keegan grabbed him by the arm and dragged him further into the condo. From what Jon could make out in the near darkness, his assumptions about it had been right. When he almost tripped over the couch trying to follow Keegan, he was grateful to find it quite plush.
Maybe they could watch movies together sometime. The couch seemed perfect for snuggling, and he wanted to know what kind of movies Keegan liked.
Keegan’s bedroom was darker than the rest of the place—it seemed to have blackout curtains that cut out the light from the surrounding city. That made sense, given Keegan’s usual late working hours.
“Do we need lights?” he asked, concerned that one of them was going to trip and break a bone. That was not the way he wanted the evening to end.
Suddenly Keegan’s lips were at his ear. “Why? You wanna watch?”
The sound that came out of Jon’s mouth was incomprehensible. Fortunately, his brain rebooted quickly, and he followed it up with real words. “Yes. Heck, yes. Lights.”
Laughing again, Keegan pulled away for long enough to pull out his phone. He pressed a few buttons, and a dim, golden light flipped on in the corner opposite where they stood.
Jon grinned at him. “Fancy. You’re gonna get along well with my brother.”
“Great,” Keegan said, sincerity in his voice. He tossed the phone on the nearby bureau, and started shedding his layers of clothing. “Just not right now, right?”
“Definitely not right now,” Jon agreed.
He’d had plenty of sex in his life. Okay, not plenty, but enough that he knew what he was doing. The next part was always a struggle for him when he didn’t bring it up before arriving in the bedroom. It was another facet of being the guy everyone knew was gay—they also all assumed he was a bottom.
Jon had bottomed before, but it hadn’t made him want to try again. His reticence to do so was always a point of contention with the men he had dated. For the most part, Jon would rather skip penetrative sex altogether than bottom.
He’d spent some time considering how it would go with Keegan. The man was tall, broad shouldered, and everything a top was supposed to be. In fact, Keegan was the first man Jon had ever dated who was taller than he was. He had decided that if Keegan wanted to top him, he’d give it another try.
“Why are you still wearing all those clothes?” Keegan asked, working on unbuttoning his shirt. He’d already stripped off his coat, jacket, tie, and shoes. Jon was impressed. Maybe Keegan was going for some kind of stripping-speed record.
“I’m a little slow, I guess,” he said with a smile. He stripped off his own clothes, one piece at a time, folding each and setting them on a nearby chair.
When he got down to slacks and socks, he turned to find Keegan sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing nothing but a pair of black boxers, watching him. His breath caught in his throat. The man could have been an underwear model. Despite the fact that he was stunningly beautiful, Keegan looked uncomfortable.
Jon unbuckled his belt and drew it free from its loops, and Keegan shivered.
“Cold?”
Keegan shook his head. “Not even a little.”
Jon smiled wickedly as he lay his belt across the top of the chair. “Enjoying yourself?”
“Fuck yes,” Keegan agreed.
Tucking his socks into his shoes and then sliding them under the chair, Jon looked back up to meet Keegan’s eyes. “I feel like I should be offering a better show.”
“Show’s just fine by me,” Keegan answered.
While he didn’t usually put on anything resembling a striptease, Jon wasn’t all that self-conscious. He was in good shape, if not bulky, and he was proud of the effort he put into his body. For Keegan’s benefit, he slowed down, made his movements a little more exaggerated and dramatic. Slowly, he flicked open the button on his slacks and slid the zipper down.
A grin spread across Keegan’s face, and he looked up to meet Jon’s eyes. “Blue briefs,” he said, waving to the chair where Jon’s other clothes were laid out. “To match your tie?”
Jon grinned back. “What, you don’t like my color coordination?”
“Nah, I love it,” Keegan answered immediately, smile not fading at all. “I just knew you’d do it.”
Jon stepped out of his trousers and lay them across the back of the chair as well. “Good to know I didn’t disappoint.”
When he turned back, Keegan was biting his lip, and the way he ducked his eyes reminded Jon of that shy smile that had caught his attention to begin with.
He wasn’t looking at Jon when he spoke again. “So, we haven’t talked about how this is gonna go.”
Dropping the striptease pretense, Jon walked over to stand in front of Keegan. He trailed one hand down Keegan’s cheek, and the stubble there tickled his palm. Gently, he tipped Keegan’s chin so their eyes met. “This is not something you need to worry about. The worst thing that could happen is we decide not to have sex. Could you live with that?”
Keegan nodded, but his eyes were worried.
Jon sighed and knelt down in front of Keegan. “Hey”—he cupped Keegan’s cheek in his hand—“we don’t have to do this at all.”
Keegan frowned at that. “What, you wanna snuggle?”
“There are worse ways to spend a night,” Jon hedged, but then he shrugged to himself and decided to show his hand first. “Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather pin you to this bed and fuck you till you can’t walk straight, but I’m okay with whatever you’re willing to give me.”
Keegan’s eyes went round. “That was . . . vivid.”
“Too much?” Jon asked, concerned that the departure from his usual proper language had broken the mood.
Keegan shook his head. He swooped forward and pushed his lips against Jon’s. When Jon responded to the kiss, Keegan immediately let him take over.
And there it was. The light bulb clicked on in Jon’s brain. Keegan wanted him to take over. Jon pushed him back onto the bed, following with his own body. He barely managed to keep their lips pressed together, but the position allowed him to take complete control of both the kiss and the moment, so he did.
He felt like he was staking a claim—like if he kissed Keegan thoroughly enough, he could wipe away even the memory of any other man. Okay, maybe only the one man.
Keegan opened himself to Jon completely. He let himself be pushed against the bed, his hands falling to his sides, palms up. He didn’t grab for Jon. There was no pushing or pulling. He simply gave.
Jon groaned into the kiss, reaching down to twine his fingers with Keegan’s, and then he used the contact to pull their hands over their heads and pin them there. Keegan arched up into him.
Finally, Jon pulled away from the kiss. Keegan tried to follow, but then let himself rest back onto the bed. “Condoms?” Jon asked, breathless. Keegan tossed his head, looking toward a nightstand next to the head of the bed. Jon nodded, then let go o
f Keegan’s hands. At the tiny noise of protest Keegan let out, he smiled. “Want you up next to the headboard.”
“On my back?” Keegan asked, scooting back without breaking eye contact.
Jon watched him move for a moment, not wanting to look away. He reached up and slipped his fingers beneath the band of Keegan’s boxers, sliding the silky material over his hips and all the way down and off. On a whim, he tossed them over his shoulder instead of folding them or putting them somewhere sensible.
“On your back,” Jon finally confirmed. “I want to look at you. I don’t think you could be any more beautiful.”
Keegan nudged Jon with one knee, averting his eyes and looking embarrassed and more than a little self-conscious. He rubbed his left shoulder with his right hand, and Jon’s eyes strayed to the point of contact. There was a scar—Jon presumed Keegan’s injury from the shooting. It looked tiny and inconsequential, like any random scar. Hard to imagine that it had changed someone’s life so dramatically. Someday, maybe he’d ask about it. Someday, when he wouldn’t completely ruin the mood.
Jon shook his head to clear it of the distraction, and leaned over to reach into the nightstand. He retrieved condoms and lube, both new and unopened.
When he returned, Keegan was staring at him. “You don’t mind?”
“Mind?” Jon asked, unwrapping the lube and cracking it open.
“That you’re the one doing the work? That I didn’t throw you down and have my way with you?” Keegan prompted.
Jon cocked his head. “You think this is work?” The look Keegan gave him was answer enough. Someone, at some point, had minded. He lubed his fingers liberally, positioned himself between Keegan’s thighs, and leaned down to look him in the eye as he worked him open with his fingers.
Keegan gasped at the first intrusion, but didn’t break eye contact. His breaths shortened, and his mouth worked, but no sound came out. When he tried to bite his lip, Jon reached up with his unoccupied hand and tugged it free.
“Why the hell would I want anything but this?” Jon murmured into Keegan’s parted lips. “Why would I be disappointed that I get to have you, when this is exactly what I’ve been wanting since the day we met?”