The Drifting

by L. Filloon

  I wipe at my eyes angrily, there will be no pity party here. I won’t cry, not for him. He doesn’t deserve it. I won’t cry, I won’t cry, I won’t cry. I bury my face into my pillow and force myself to sleep. To my surprise, instead of crying my eyes out as I thought I would, I find I’m mad. I mean…I’m really, really mad. I hope he and his warrior goddess live happily ever after…jackass.

  ~ * ~

  Chapter Nineteen

  ~ Lily ~

  For the past week, Ziri and Alorn have been relentless on my training. They took me out the day after I witnessed Tharin with Kalis. I suspected that they knew, of course they did…they were there, but I’m not sure if they knew that I knew. They didn’t say a word to me about it and I didn’t bring it up. I decided that next morning that I was done and over it. I knew of Kalis and I still let him get close to me…never again. What Tharin does with Kalis is his business, not mine. I gave him my word and I’ll stick to my end of the deal, as long as he sticks to his. I just hope he was actually there when I made the pact.

  The first part of my training was learning how to run. When I told them I use to run track in school, Alorn and Ziri stood and looked as me as if I was speaking a foreign language. I finally gave up trying to explain myself. I would just do it and show them that running was one lesson I really didn’t need. I was wrong.

  I was to do ten miles and I thought, Okay, this is doable – running is my thing. What I didn’t know was that after every mile they used the trees to set up stairs, about a quarter mile up and back. Going up was tough, of course, but at least the steps were wide enough. Coming down was another story. The steps somehow shrunk coming down and my momentum had me speeding downward to a face in the dirt.

  Alorn and Ziri were at the bottom, so I thought they would catch me. By the time I reached the last few steps – I’m flying. My arms flaying, I reach out to them as they stand, arms folded and shaking their heads at my uncoordinated feet. Did they try to catch me? No. They let me go on my merry way until I finally trip over my own feet and go headfirst into the mud. Oh yeah, these elves don’t care what the weather is like – training is training. Needless to say, on my first day I didn’t even make it past the three-mile mark. The stairs became steeper with each mile, and by the third stairs, I walked down, grabbing anything I could hold onto, much to the dismay of my trainers. I don’t think Alorn or Ziri cares it’s the first day. I also found out that unless I lose a limb, am knocked unconscious or keel over, there is no sympathy.

  My second day was back up on the net with Kulzo. He was no better than the other two in thinking he would go easy on me. What was I thinking? His job was to catch and pin me. My job was not to get caught or pinned. It was difficult to move on the net and I noticed that there were no vines for me to hang on to. I look over at Ziri and he gives me a smug grin.

  Before we started, Alorn stated there would be no weapons allowed for now, which meant Kulzo couldn’t use his knife, and I couldn’t use my voice to blow out his eardrums. We started off at opposite corners, and if I could make it to his corner without being pinned, I would be ready to move to the next level with Kulzo. My first three attempts were worthless as the tree dwarf caught me, lifted me up easily and slammed me hard onto the net, followed by a death grip as he pinned me…easily. The first two times he pinned me, I couldn’t breathe and it felt as if my ribs were broken. And each time Kulzo got up he would say, “C’mon girly, get up, or I’ll throw you off the net.”

  I wouldn’t put it past him, so I would crawl back to my corner and prepare for the next try. On my third try, I rolled off after the body slam when he leapt into the air to pin me. My brief escape was just that…brief. He still caught me at the waist as I tried to roll away. He pulled me back to him and pinned me. Once he pinned me, there was nothing I could do. The dwarf weighed a ton.

  “All right, Kulzo, let her up,” ordered Ziri as he approached us. I felt the net move again and looked up to see Alorn standing opposite of him. They stood staring down at me shaking their heads.

  “This is really sad,” said Ziri sighing.

  “Maybe we should bulk her up,” offered Alorn.

  “More chicken pasta?” asked Ziri, giving Alorn a serious look. All three of us have had enough of Sema’s chicken pasta, but none of us have the heart to tell her otherwise. I groaned at the threat and reached up for them to help me stand, but they both gave me raised brows while shaking their heads again. They left me to get up on my own with Ziri calling, “Get up on your feet, Lily. We’ll keep doing it again and again until you can escape Kulzo completely.”

  At the end of day two, I knew what a pretzel felt like. I ached all over and felt bruised…everywhere. I never did escape from Kulzo that day, but I knew he started to lighten up on his attacks toward the end. He had accidentally elbowed my left eye, and even though they stopped to make sure I was okay, Ziri threw me back in.

  Today is day three. This morning I refused to get out of bed, but I only jump out when Alorn threatened to come in and dress me for the day’s workout. I’ve learned to take their threats to heart. These guys are serious about their training. I dressed quickly, ate a bowl of chicken pasta and then dragged myself to the branch that would take me down.

  The second I hit the ground an arrow flashes past my face. I instantly hit the mud, memories of the night Tharin knocked me down rush back at me. “Lily, get up,” calls Ziri from a distance.

  I look about me but don’t see him. I looked down at myself – I’m covered in mud before the day has even started. Call it cranky, but I get up as another arrow flashes by me. I give a hard look at the direction where Ziri called out from. I walk over toward an opening in the trees where the rain pours unimpeded. When another arrow flashes by me, again I ignore it and keep walking, refusing to play his game. When an arrow hits the ground before me, I step over it. Once I’m out in the open, I tilt my head up to let the rain wash over me. I’ve been taking baths since I got here, and even though the rain is cold, the feeling of being showered feels good.

  I take my time in the rain – making them wait for once. When I’m done, I turn to head back but run right into Alorn’s chest. He stands before me, a hard look on his face.

  “Are you done?” he asks quietly.

  “Yes, yes, I am.” With one hand, he stops me from stepping around him and pushes me back before him.

  “Is this what you want, Lily? Do you want to depend on others to keep you safe, to fight your battles? What if you were in danger and we weren’t there to help? Or if you were with Julia and she was hurt and you needed to defend her? Or anyone of us?”

  Crap. I stare up at him feeling small. I glance behind him to see Ziri waiting among the kavi, his face unreadable with a bow in hand, quiver at his back. Feeling a little ashamed of myself, I looked back at Alorn contritely. “I’m sorry.”

  He stares at me for a moment before giving me a nod. Without a word, he turns and walks back toward Ziri. I follow behind slowly, feeling as if I’ve let them down.

  The day didn’t get any better. There was a quick lesson on how to aim and shoot, three shots at a target, and that’s it. The rest I had to do while running. I must have tripped a dozen times just trying to nock the damn arrow and when I finally did, it slipped out of my wet hands. And that was just the first half-mile.

  What Alorn said earlier got to me, so no matter how many times I fell, no matter how much it hurt my arms from pulling back the bowstring, I wouldn’t give up. The worst were the steps going down. There hasn’t been a time yet that I haven’t fallen, even when I’m walking down them. By the end of the lesson, I have more bruises than I started with. I also have a large gash on my left forearm from where the bowstring hit it several times. One time when the arrow slipped, it made a deep cut from the bend of my arm to my wrist. Because of the rain and the constant soreness, I didn’t realize there was a gash until the end.

  The training went as such through the week. I did sit-ups, push-ups, pull-ups; I did squats and foo
twork. I learned how to use a knife, but when I cut myself for the third time, Ziri took it away from me and replaced it with a stick. I learned to leap, jump, swing from the trees, crawl in the mud and the underbrush. I learned to breathe and breathe and breathe with every step I took, and every move I made. At the end of the week, Alorn worked with me on the basics of fighting, mostly footwork. He tied my hands behind me and had me defend myself by avoiding his strikes. Yeah, another black eye and fat lip later and my footwork still needed work.

  When the training with Ziri and Alorn was over, I worked on my abilities to control energy through my will with Sema. I had an hour to clean up and rest before she took me up to our platform to begin my lessons. With Sema I learned to thank the Mother Earth for her gifts, the trees, plants and every living creature that she provides and cares for. Next, Sema would have me learn to breathe and breathe and breathe. It’s like I’ve never breathed in my entire life before coming here. There was also meditation, which she would cut short because I would end up falling asleep. I couldn’t help it – I was always exhausted after training with the guys. I had asked if we could do her lessons first, but she told me that the physical part helped clear my mind and body. And because I was physically cleansed, it left my body and senses open to the energies around me.

  It was during one of our lessons about using energy to heal that I mentioned the trees at the small clearing with Tharin. I explained how the thela that Tharin was in had been under attack and he needed my help to get back. I told her about transferring some of my own energy to give him strength in order to continue on. I then told her about how even though I was in the drifting state, I felt the call of the trees being attacked. I tried my best to explain to her about how I fed the trees some of my own energy by touching the ground. She listened carefully, never interrupting me.

  Sema was quiet for a long while, to the point where I was about to nod off again. I jerked awake when she finally said, “There is only one other who was able to do what you did with the trees.”

  I stifle a yawn and ask, “Who?”

  “Your mother.”

  Instantly awake, I ask, “My mother?”

  Sema then turns to me explaining, “Senestra was Sidhe, but her heritage on her mother’s side is still unclear. One of your ancestors, Tileanith, was the most beautiful Sidhe who ever walked all the realms. Warriors fought for her hand, women hid their faces in shame in her presence. Even King Kalinest, in a moment of weakness, fell for her beauty and kindness. But she was in love with another, someone she kept to herself. She had gone through the Binding with this mysterious Sidhe, and fortunately for them, they were madly in love. When she gave birth to their child, the father disappeared and to this day he and where he came from remain a mystery. It is the father who allows the child and all the healers of their line after her to have a deeper connection to Mother Earth, to the energy that’s all around us, some even say, to all that is our universe. He’s known as the Unnamed Sidhe because no one knew his name. It remains a secret; and the only one who knew was Tileanith. She kept it to herself until her death.”

  “Do you think he was some kind of god or something?”

  Sema looks over at me smiling, “No, child, we’re only mortals like the humans. We just have a longer lifespan than they do.”

  I answer, “That’s what Tolan told us – Julia and me. I mean, about living longer than us.”

  She shakes her head at me, “You are Sidhe…that is who you are now.” I keep quiet not sure how to take that. After all, I’ve been human all my life. To be told all of a sudden that I’m no longer human but part of a completely different species is a little jarring.

  “You would have liked her, Lily,” smiles Sema wistfully.

  “Who, Tileanith?”

  “No, your mother. You are very much like her; brave and beautiful.”

  I look away. The whole mother thing with Senestra is still new to me and as hard as I’ve tried, I just can’t seem to want to know anything about her…to connect with her.

  By the time dinner came around, I would be too tired to eat, but Ziri wouldn’t let me go to bed until I did. He said I needed to build my strength because “tomorrow you’re going to need it.” He would tell me that every night. He and Alorn would sit and wait for me to eat before leaving to go do whatever it is men elves do after dinner. I didn’t care…I was just too tired to give a damn.

  And yet, every night when I lay down to sleep, my eyes stayed wide open. The vision of heartbreak tormented me once again. Each time the vision would be more vivid, more dramatic with Tharin taking Kalis in his arms and kissing her passionately. The others would stand around, including Julia, all smiling and nodding with approval. Sometimes I would be included in the vision where I’m telling Tharin off and shouting at him that he’s a nobody and I could do better. Other times I’m just there standing, sad and alone while they cuddle each other laughing at my stupidity. Each vision became more elaborate than the first until I would beat my pillow with frustration and fall into a deep exhausted sleep.

  I didn’t feel the need to drift anymore. What was the point? Tharin was with Kalis, the last thing I need is to drift into an awkward situation that might embarrass both Tharin and me. Well, maybe just me. The arrogant son-of-a-biscuit-eater would probably love to have two women in an awkward situation. Creep. What did I ever see in him?

  After the first two nights, I started having Cessa stay with me, not only to keep me company, but to comfort me. Yeah, that didn’t work either, but I liked having her. Sometime in the morning she would disappear again, gone back to her own realm. Her purring actually lulls me to sleep, even when the visions came. Every now and then, in the middle of the night something would catch her attention, the purring would stop and I would wake startled. She would nuzzle at me until I would lie back down, closing my eyes. She’s like my guardian angel, keeping me safe from the evil heartbreak visions.

  I just have to learn how to put Tharin from my mind and forget about him. At least until I have to see him again on the Day of the Seating.

  Today is day seven of my training. The soreness and aches are just shadows of their former selves, and the bruising is becoming a part of my physical appearance. I’m actually out of bed and dressed when Alorn comes for me. He knocks on the door and is surprised to find me opening it for him immediately, fully dressed and ready to go.

  He gives me a half-smile and I can’t help but wonder if all Sidhe look like him and his cousins. Then I mentally “duh” myself when I remembered that I’m Sidhe, at least part, anyway. And there’s Harlu, he’s full Sidhe and he doesn’t look like Alorn, at least not his coloring. I’m almost sure, though, that they’re all physically fit. Maybe my soon-to-be cousins are more so than others because they train so damn hard – like every fricking day.

  Alorn surprises me when he says, “Today, there’s no training. You need to let your body rest.” I’m so happy I give him a big smile, but flinch when the pain from both my eyes reminds me my face also needs a break.

  Alorn gives me a crooked smile and takes my hand, leading me out to the dining area. He pulls out my chair before pulling out his own and sits next to me. Sema is at her pot dishing plates of chicken pasta. Ziri is nowhere in sight.

  Sema makes her way to me with the steaming plate and sets it before me. She gives me a smile saying, “Eat.”

  I glance over at Alorn sitting back in his chair giving me a grimace then shaking his shoulders as if he had the chills. I roll my eyes at him and turn to Sema asking, “Sema is it possible to have something other than chicken pasta?”

  Sema is already at the pot dishing up a plate for Alorn. She stops and for a moment I thought I offended her when she tosses the large wooden spoon back in the pot. “Thank the Mother, yes! Of course you can. I’m so tired of making chicken pasta over and over again. If I see another one of these curly devils I’m going to level the entire realm.”

  I give her a surprised look, not that she would level the entire re
alm, which I wouldn’t put past her, but the fact that she hated making the dish. “Wait, you don’t like cooking chicken pasta?” I ask.

  “Well, it’s not that. It’s just that you eat it all the time, there’s no variety, no change in your diet. I was beginning to think at any minute now you’d turn into a chicken.”

  “She’d be a skinny chicken,” remarks Alorn.

  I look at him insulted. “Hey, I’m not skinny. See,” I roll up my jersey sleeve past my biceps and make a muscle. “Do you have tickets to the gun show?” I ask in my best deep masculine voice, planting a kiss on my small muscle.

  Alorn chuckles but Sema comes over quickly taking my arm. I wince when she twists it from side to side, “Tsk…look at these bruises. It’s bad enough they’ve blackened your eyes and bruised your lip, but your arm is completely covered with bruises. C’mon, let’s see the other.” I give her my left arm as I roll up the sleeve. “You should have shown me this sooner.”

  Sema turns and heads back into the kitchen. I look at Alorn and he gives me a shrug, smiling. Sema returns with a bottle that looks like one of the bottles I found in the top drawer my first night here. The oil she pours into her hand is green and I can see specks of darker green squiggly things moving within it. I make a face and try not to flinch when she reaches for my right arm first. Instantly, the ointment dries on contact with a cool soothing effect. It feels as if the gash, the bruising around it and the dull ache was never there. It had the same effect as the Tiger Balm that Mr. Li used on my ankle when I twisted it during a set of kicks.