by Kim Cano
“Let me go get Dad,” Toby said. “He was just resting after his medication.”
“I’m up,” a slurred voice said from behind them.
Everyone turned to look at Jeremy. He’d started walking more and more but still had troubles with his arm, his hand, and the side of his face.
Kristen’s heart stopped beating, and she froze. She was rooted in place. Jeremy walked up to her slowly and said, “Hi.”
“Hi,” she replied.
There was an awkward silence, and he added, “Your hair looks nice.”
Olivia seemed to swell with the pride of her own genius.
Kristen blushed and said, “Thank you.”
There was a moment where she didn’t know what to do next. Should she hug him? Wait for him to hug her? She was filled with confusion and anxiety.
“Who’s hungry?” Olivia asked. “I was gonna order pizza.”
A flood of “I am’s” filled the air, and Kristen relaxed her shoulder muscles a fraction of an inch. She was still so nervous.
“Mom. Let me show you your room,” Toby said.
Kristen had assumed she’d be sleeping on the sofa. She hadn’t expected her own room. When Toby opened the door, a few tears managed to escape. They’d taken some of her old things and decorated the room so it looked like her bedroom from before. They’d painted the walls a warm tone and hung her framed prints throughout. Her favorite Pier 1 lamp sat on a nightstand. The bedspread looked new, yet it coordinated perfectly. Kristen had a gut feeling this might be Olivia’s doing.
“You like it?” Toby asked.
“Do I like it?” Kristen sighed. “I love it. I’m so happy. You have no idea.”
“Cool,” Toby said as he looked around the room. “Aunt Olivia did this a few days ago.”
Kristen smiled. “I had a feeling.”
The doorbell rang and a teenage boy with droopy jeans stood there holding three pizza boxes. Olivia paid him and shortly afterward, everyone was seated around the table, munching contentedly. Kristen felt like she’d died and gone to heaven. The spicy flavor of pepperoni danced on her tongue.
“I imagine that’s tasting pretty good right now,” Jeremy said, eyeing Kristen.
She nodded. “Like the best pizza I’ve ever eaten.”
Jeremy smiled and took a sip of his Coke.
The rest of the evening, Kristen caught up on family news. She listened intently, preferring not to share much of her own story unless asked. Olivia sat with Jeremy on the sofa, and eventually Melissa warmed up to her grandma.
As the night drew to a close, Olivia announced her flight would be leaving soon. Ryan and Valerie had offered to take her to the airport.
Olivia pulled Kristen aside. “How are you doing? You okay?”
“I think so.”
Olivia grinned. “Well, you look fabulous while trying to seem calm.”
“You think they can tell?”
“Nah. They don’t have a clue.”
“I’ve rehearsed this one a few times.”
Olivia smiled. “Call me. Text me or email me. Toby will show you all the latest gadgetry.”
“I wish you didn’t have to go,” Kristen said.
Olivia pouted. “I know, but I have to. I’ll be back at Christmas. Besides, my work here is done.”
Kristen hugged her goodbye. “You’re the best sister-in-law ever.”
“I know,” she joked.
Kristen thought Olivia looked a little teary-eyed too, but she didn’t let on that she noticed. If she wanted to appear cool, Kristen thought it best to let her leave that way.
“Later, chica. Love ya.”
“Love you too,” Kristen said.
*****
Months passed and Kristen learned to settle into her new life. She’d taken a load off Toby, and he was thrilled. He hadn’t said it as he wasn’t the complaining type, but she could see how happy he was. He’d found a new girlfriend and practiced his guitar more while going to college and working. His plate was full now, but not overflowing.
Two days per week, Kristen babysat Melissa. One day so Ryan and Valerie could have time alone, and one day so Valerie could work. Kristen had also applied for a part time job at a health club teaching a fitness class and was waiting to hear back. She continued sleeping in her own room while helping Jeremy. She hadn’t gone into the situation expecting anything more, so she wasn’t disappointed. She’d gotten into a routine: cooking, cleaning, babysitting, helping her husband. It was quite a bit more domestic than her old routine, she thought, remembering her scandalous past.
It felt nice.
The holidays were approaching, and Kristen bustled about setting up the tree. She strung lights and added ornaments in just the right pattern to create balance. She lit an evergreen candle on the kitchen table to add to the holiday mood.
As she scurried back and forth like an elf, she felt Jeremy’s eyes watching her. She ignored him and continued with her work.
“It looks nice,” he said, his voice still slurred but improving.
Kristen stopped what she was doing and looked up. “You like it? I wasn’t sure if I’ve done too many of the oblong ornaments. I was thinking of moving some.”
Jeremy smiled. “Come here,” he said.
Kristen walked over to him.
He looked at her, and she felt her skin prickle.
“It looks perfect. Just like before. You always knew how to do the holidays right.”
The compliment made Kristen beam. She was about to say thank you, but he chimed in before she could.
“I’ve been meaning to tell you something,” he said, looking serious.
Kristen waited. There was a pause that felt like eternity.
Jeremy’s eyes got glassy, and he continued. “I’ve been meaning to tell you I never stopped loving you all this time. I was just angry. Do you understand?”
Kristen’s eyes filled with tears as she nodded her head yes.
Jeremy leaned in to kiss her, and when their lips met, it was like old times. Kristen felt like she was floating.
Later that evening, with the family room bathed in colorful blinking Christmas lights and the house smelling like a pine forest, Kristen climbed up on a step stool and added the gold star on top of the tree. As she climbed down, she had a satisfying thought:
There was a difference between hoping for a second chance at life and actually getting one. And that tiny distinction made all the difference in the world.
Chapter 41
Lakeisha got situated at her desk to start the day. She was pregnant again, and this time it just happened without even trying. She had all her Christmas shopping done and wrapped a month prior. With prison mail growing by the day, it took all the energy she had just to complete her job.
After opening a few letters, scanning for contraband and resealing each with a single piece of tape, she saw something odd. A card addressed to her.
It was from Kristen.
Curious, Lakeisha opened it. It was a Christmas card with a note inside.
Lakeisha,
I’ve been thinking about you lately, how all those years you read the mail. I never got a chance to say goodbye.
Just wanted to say things are going great for me. I’ve reunited with my husband and have been spending my days with my family. I hope your holidays are wonderful too.
Kristen
Lakeisha set the letter down, and a satisfied smile crossed her face.
There was nothing she liked more than when one of her stories had a happy ending.
<<<<>>>>
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Excerpt of A Widow Redefined
by Kim Cano
Copyright © 2013 by Kim Cano. All Rights Reserved.
Chapter 1
Standing in the snow in front of my husband’s grave, I came to an unexpected real
ization. What used to be a romantic tribute had become something disconcerting.
As I kneeled down to lay a pink rose at the base of Justin’s headstone, I noticed a bouquet of yellow daffodils in the spot where I planned to place my flower. Daffodils? From whom? I tried to wrap my mind around why they were there, to solve a mystery I hadn’t anticipated.
Then a strong gust of Chicago wind slapped across my face. And with it came a new level of comprehension. Today was Valentine’s Day. These flowers were fresh.
Confused, I began to look around. I scanned the cemetery for others and saw a lone groundskeeper cleaning near the entrance. I dropped my rose and began running in his direction.
Arriving short of breath, I asked, “Have you been here long? Have you seen anyone else here recently?”
“No,” he said, eyeing me with caution. “I just come from break.”
Out of frustration I grasped for anything. “Okay, well, is there a log of some kind? Of the people who come and go each day?”
My visitations had never been recorded. I knew this.
The man could see its importance to me, so he gave it some thought before responding.
“No,” he said. “No records.”
Disappointed, I stood there, staring at him. He gazed back at me, with a polite smile on his face. And after an awkwardly long pause, the groundskeeper’s look changed from pleasant to irritated. He mumbled something about being busy and walked away.
My mind began racing and I felt the pulse of a headache starting in the back of my skull. When I left work earlier, I’d been happy to find it wasn’t cold and gray. Driving into the cemetery, I had been captured by the particularly brilliant sunset; the sky blazed with pink and purple streaks.
Now, as I stood alone, the sky was dark.
Suddenly, I couldn’t leave fast enough. I began running toward my car, somehow managing to not trip or fall, then hopped in and slammed the door shut. A little flustered, I dropped my keys as I went to start the engine. I felt around and finally discovered them jammed between the front seat and center console. I pulled them free, started the car, and peeled out of the parking spot like a teenage drag racer.
As I turned left onto the main road to head home, I considered the possibilities. Maybe Justin’s parents were in town and had gone to the cemetery. They popped in from time to time, not always stopping by to say hello. The rare trip to see their grandson was the only reason they ever seemed to bother with me.
I knew it wasn’t my mom. After the funeral she never went back, although she was respectful of my visits, which were many over the last two years. Since the funeral, my routine—coming on holidays and his birthday—had always been the same. Only the seasons changed. But today my world tipped slightly off its axis, and I couldn’t help but recall what my older co-worker Barb had once told me, that the only constant in life is change.
Something in the pit of my stomach didn’t like it.
As I got closer to home, I tried to forget the flowers. I wanted to seem normal to my son, Tyler, and my mom. He’s only seven and believed I was out visiting a friend. Mom, on the other hand, is quite perceptive. Nothing gets past her. Stressed out and feeling a migraine coming on, I turned right onto the street where I live.
“Hey, honey. I’ve got your plate in the microwave,” Mom called out, after she heard me come in.
I set my keys and purse on the sofa, took off my coat and hung it up, and walked into the kitchen.
“Amy,” Mom said, “You look terrible. Are you okay? You have sweat beads on your forehead.”
I wiped my face with the back of my hand. “Oh,” I replied, “I’m fine, just a little cold.”
She gave me a funny look and put my food on the table. I sat down to eat right away, hoping she wouldn’t ask more questions. Then Tyler ran in.
“Mom. Grandma and I went to the library. I got a DVD on bugs of the desert southwest. You wanna watch it with me?”
“Sure, honey.” I somehow managed to eat dinner and hold a coherent conversation, but the whole time I felt like I was sinking in quicksand. Luckily, no one seemed to notice. Afterward, Mom returned to her novel, and Tyler and I watched the bug program; at least it appeared like I did. Mostly I just stared at the TV while thinking about the daffodils.
“Scorpions are so cool. Don’t you think?” Tyler asked, interrupting my thoughts.
I despised bugs, but I didn’t want to disappoint my son. “Yeah, I guess they’re pretty neat,” I agreed. “You know, it’s almost time for bed soon. I’m going to take a bath, and then I’ll come and tuck you in.”
Tyler frowned but didn’t put up a fight. He was well-behaved that way. He put the disc back in its case while I left to go to the bathroom. Once inside, I dimmed the lights and locked the door. I turned the tub faucet on to as hot as I could stand it, added some aromatherapy salts, undressed and climbed in. As the water level grew, I sunk deeper into its protective womb. I closed my eyes and let the warmth slowly relax me. As so often happened when I relaxed, an old memory surfaced—one I try not to remember—of the day my dad moved away, leaving my mom and me for another woman. I was just a kid.
Tears began flowing down my cheeks and into the water. It was a silent sobbing so as not to disturb anyone else. My mind began to race again. Daffodils! Soon my head throbbed with unbearable pain. I couldn’t allow myself to think about any of it a moment longer, so I released the drain, grabbed a towel and climbed out.
I must have lost track of time, because when I went to tuck Tyler in, he was already in bed, asleep. I leaned over and kissed him on top of his head, then gently closed his door. When I got to my room, I noticed a bottle of Excedrin lying on the dresser, so I took two, without water, and collapsed into bed.
While lying in the dark, I decided to think of something happy. A good memory. A previous Valentine’s Day. Justin always took me to Francesca’s, our favorite Italian restaurant. I could almost see us sitting at a candlelit table, drinking wine and eating pasta.
Justin raised his glass. “Someday I’m going to take my kitten to Paris.”
I flushed. Even after years together, he still had that effect on me.
“We’ll eat at the Eiffel Tower restaurant for your birthday, and we’ll go on one of those Seine river cruises. What do you think?”
“Say the word and I’m packed,” I said.
We spent the night talking, sharing tiramisu. Justin glowed with health and his blue eyes sparkled as he described plans to expand his carpentry business. Soon we’d be financially set. We’d be able to afford to travel the world together, like we always talked about. I don’t think I’d ever seen him more excited about anything as he was about this.
People shouldn’t die of cancer at thirty.
Every good memory eventually ended up there… in reality. There was no escaping it, no matter how hard I tried. And now there was the mystery of the daffodils. I didn’t know what to think, but I desperately needed rest if I wanted to make it to work in the morning, so I shut my eyes and willed my mind to stop racing.
I dreamt of Justin. We floated peacefully together on a lake in a rowboat. The sky was clear and the sun shone bright. He said something funny that made me laugh, causing me to lean over and clutch my belly. When I regained composure and tossed my head back up, still smiling, clouds had filled the sky. They had an ominous look about them, angry. Lightning sparked followed by loud claps of thunder. I looked at Justin, wondering what we should do, but his expression was blank. The waves grew choppy, and all at once, swells the size of skyscrapers surrounded us. One moment we were in their trough, the next we ascended their foamy crest. Terrified, I looked over at Justin, seeking some kind of help. He remained blank-faced and unresponsive. Then, as we began descending back into the dark cavern of the wave, the boat tipped over, and I woke up, choking.
Chapter 2
The next morning, I woke up late. Disoriented, I jumped out of bed and scrambled to check on Tyler before getting ready for work. I found him i
n the kitchen, eating a bowl of cereal.
“There you are,” I said, relieved. “Thank God you’re up and ready to go.”
“Did you oversleep?”
“Yeah. But I’ll be ready in ten minutes, and then I’ll take you to school.”
I rushed through my morning routine quicker than I ever had, and on the drive to school, remembered promising my son I would take him shopping for colored pencils and paper. Drawing was one of his favorite things.
“We’ll stop after dinner to get you those art supplies,” I told him, smiling.
He smiled back, and I kissed him goodbye before he got out of the car. I felt so happy, seeing him excited about a hobby and enjoying life again. It had taken a long time—too long, I’d thought, but he was almost back to himself.
I managed to make it to the office, clock in and be at my desk just before my boss, Dave, walked past. He had some new clients scheduled today, so it was important we looked organized. It was a busy time of year for tax accountants, and even though we did well, Dave never stopped drumming up new business. He was a real hustler.
Luckily, Dave never gave me any trouble. He told me once that I accomplished the work of two people. Although I appreciated the compliment, what I really needed was a raise. Things had become pretty tight with only one income.
Fatima walked up to my desk and stood silently for a moment, the way she did when she was about to ask a question. “Did you happen to see Dancing with the Stars last night?”
“No,” I said. “I went to the cemetery.”
The words were out before I could stop them. I had over-shared. Again.
Fatima opened her mouth as if to say something, and then closed it. She shifted her weight—all ninety pounds of it—and finally said, “It was a pretty good episode,” and continued on to her seat behind me, next to Barb, the third member of our accounting trio.