In any event, my confusion grew. I simply could not categorize this woman; she was truly Madam X. Her taste in clothes and makeup, her table manners and social graces seemed faultless. And, of course, her physical beauty was nonpareil. I think perhaps what I found most inexplicable was her tattoo. It was like finding a hickey on the neck of the Mona Lisa.
"Where did you and Chauncey dine?" I asked as we sped westward.
"Cafe L'Europe."
"Excellent. I hope you had the veal."
"I did," she said. "Archy, I think you and I enjoy the same things. Don't you agree?"
"Oh yes!" I said. "Yes, yes, yes!" And she laughed.
Jolly Pandemonium was the leitmotiv of the Pelican Club that night. It was at its noisiest and smokiest. Dart players were darting, table-hoppers were hopping, and everyone was guzzling happily and laughing up a typhoon.
"Uh-huh," Theo said, glancing around, "I belong here. Is Chauncey a member?"
" 'Fraid not."
"Didn't think so," she said with a wry-crisp smile. "Not his scene. He's such a fuddy-duddy. I mean he still reads newspapers. Can you believe it?"
I made no comment but led her into the dining area. Lights were dimmed, dinner was no longer being served, but there were a few couples lingering, holding hands across tables and looking into each other's eyes for promise. I claimed my favorite corner spot, and we were no sooner seated than Priscilla came sauntering over.
"You know the reputation of this man?" she asked Theo.
Madam X actually giggled. "I can imagine," she said.
"No, you can't," Pris said. "Whenever there's a full moon he gets long hair on the backs of his hands."
"Love it," Theo said, tilted her head back and bayed a long "Wooooo!" at the ceiling.
"Just what I need," Priscilla said. "A couple of loonies."
"Enough of your sass," I said. "We may be loonies but we're thirsty loonies. Theo?"
"Wine," she said promptly.
"Pinot Grigio?"
"Just right."
"A bottle, please," I said to Pris. "And try not to crumble the cork."
"Keep it up, buster," she said, "and I'll crumble your cork."
She strolled into the bar area, and Theo laughed. "You've known her a long time, Archy?"
"Years. Her family runs the place. Brother Leroy is our chef. Daddy Simon is bartender-manager. And her mom Jasmine is our housekeeper and den-mother. The Pettibones made the Pelican Club a winner. We were going down the drain before they took over."
"I hope you'll ask me here again."
I didn't quite know how to reply to that, but I was saved by Priscilla serving our wine. Chilled just right and with a slight flowery aroma.
Theo sipped. "Loverly," she said. "Thank you for coming to my rescue. I was in the doldrums."
"I've visited the doldrums," I said. "Miserable place. It's near the pits, isn't it?"
"Too near," she said, not smiling.
We drank our wine slowly, comfortable with each other. What a selfish delight it was to be in the company of such a beautiful woman. I tried not to stare at her but it was difficult to resist. "Feasting your eyes" is the cliche, and mine were famished.
"I know so little about you," I mentioned casually, trying not to sound like a Nosy Parker. "Tell me."
"Not a lot to tell," she said just as casually. "Besides, I hate to look back, don't you? The past is such a drag. The future is much more exciting."
She had neatly finessed me, and I feared that if I asked specific questions she'd think me a goof.
"All right," I said, "let's talk about your future. Have you decided to become Chauncey's one-and-only?"
She gave me a mocking half-smile. "Let's talk about it later," she said. "Right now I'm with you."
"For which I give thanks to Aphrodite," I said. "A.k.a. Venus. The goddess of love and beauty."
"It's skin-deep," she said.
"Beauty?" I asked. "Or love?"
"Both."
That seemed to me a rather harsh judgment, but I had no desire to argue.
"And what about your lady?" she asked me.
"We have an open relationship. Tonight she's at a dinner-dance with another chap."
"And you're jealous?"
"Of course not."
"Liar, liar, pants on fire!" she said with a boomy laugh. "Tell me, Archy, what do you do when you're not real-estating."
"Eat, drink, smoke, swim in the ocean, play tennis, golf, and poker, watch polo, read trash, listen to pop singers, occasionally attend the theatre, opera, ballet, charity bashes, and private shindigs, buy clothes and trinkets, write to old friends, party with new friends, and sleep. I think that about covers it."
"Not quite," she said. "You didn't mention sex."
"I didn't want to offend your sensibilities."
"What makes you think I have any?" And before I could come up with a saucy rejoinder, she said, "You know what I'd like to do after we finish this bottle of wine?"
"Have another?"
"No," she said, "take a walk on the beach. Could we do that?"
"Of course," I said. "Sorry I can't provide a full moon to prove my hands don't grow hair. There's just a sliver."
"It'll be enough. Can I take off my sandals, roll up my pants, and wade in the surf?"
"Whatever turns you on."
She looked at me with a crooked smile. "I asked Chauncey the same thing earlier this evening. He said the water might be too cold, I might cut my bare feet on shells, and the Beach Patrol might pick us up for loitering."
"Well, yes," I said. "All those things could happen."
"But you don't care, do you, Archy?"
"Not much."
She reached across the table to clasp my hand. "I told you how alike we are," she said. "I wish you were the marrying kind."
"What kind is that?"
"Chauncey," she said, almost bitterly. "Let's finish this divine wine and go."
And so we did. When I signed the tab, Priscilla looked about to make sure Theo was out of earshot and then whispered, "You're asking for trouble, son."
"What do you mean by that?" I demanded.
"I just know," she said and moved swiftly away.
I drove back to the shore and parked the Buick in the McNally driveway. Hand in hand, Theo and I trotted across Ocean Boulevard and stepped down the rickety wooden stairway to the sea. That splinter of moon was obscured by clouds, and an easterly breeze was warm and clammy. We didn't care. It was the wine, I suppose, and the joy of being alone on the beach at midnight.
Theo kicked off her sandals, rolled the cuffs of her pantaloons above her knees, and strode into the milky surf, kicking her way through. I stood on dry land, bemused, and watched her cavort. She seemed suddenly released, laughing, bending to scrub her face with cupped handfuls of saltwater. I wouldn't have been a bit surprised if she stripped starkers and plunged in. But she didn't.
I walked back to the wall, sat on the sand, lighted a cigarette. I had finished it before she came gamboling out, flicking glittery droplets from her fingertips and caroling, "Super, super, super!" She plumped down beside me and asked for my handkerchief to dry sodden strands of her chestnut hair. There wasn't much moonglow, but I could see her face was shining.
"Was that what you wanted?" I asked.
"It was what I needed," she said, and then gestured toward the dark, rolling sea. "What's out there, Archy?"
"Water. Lots of it."
"No, I mean eventually."
"Eventually? Africa. Around Morocco, I'd guess."
"Let's go."
"Tonight?"
"Whenever."
Her voice was light but I felt she was serious. Certainly half-serious.
She turned, took my face between her cool palms, kissed me, drew away. She leaned forward, hugged her knees. "Do I scare you?" she said.
"Of course not," I lied valiantly, because to tell you the truth she did. A little. There was a wildness in her, a willfulness that was daunting.
"Do you think I'm pretty?" she asked suddenly.
"More than pretty," I said. "Lovely. Beautiful."
"Yes," she said, nodding, "I know. And I thought it would bring me happiness but it hasn't. Like an actress who knows, just knows she has a special talent. But she can't get an acting job so it doesn't do her a damned bit of good. Just goes to waste. Do you understand what I'm saying, Archy?"
"Yes."
"I've got the looks and the body," she went on. "It's not conceit; I just know. But things didn't work out the way I thought they would. Bad luck, I guess."
"Your father spoke to me about luck," I told her. "He said, in effect, that when you need it desperately, it doesn't appear. But when you don't give a damn you have all the luck in the world."
"Did daddy say that? Well, he should know. Take off your clothes."
"What?"
"Take off your clothes," she repeated, unbuttoning her jacket.
"All right," I said.
I must inform you that anyone who attempts to make love on a sandy beach soon learns the meaning of true grit. But we managed, and we were so enthusiastic, so joyously vocal that I suspect both of us were tempted to wonder "Was it as good for me as it was for you?"
I shall not fully describe the scene-dying moon, scudding clouds, sultry wind-because I've always felt love scenes are best played on bare stages. There may be scenery artfully arranged but it becomes invisible when the butterfly flutters-as it did that night.
And then, triumphant, we both laughed. At our own madness, I imagine. It was a sweet moment, but brief. Because as we nakedly embraced, Theo murmured, "Tonight at dinner I told Chauncey I'd marry him. That's why he hurried home, to tell mommy the news."
"Oh," I said, which I admit was not a very cogent reaction. But I was stunned.
"Do you blame me?" she asked softly.
"Blame?" I said. "Of course not. What right do I have to blame you? It's your life and you must live it in whatever fashion you decide. Believe me, darling, I wish you all the happiness in the world."
She made no reply but rolled away from me and slowly began to dress. I did the same, and we made ourselves presentable in silence. Finally I stood shakily and helped her to her feet. We hugged tightly a moment. I was affected, thinking it a final farewell.
"Thank you for tonight," I said huskily. "The only word for it is memorable. I know we shan't be seeing much of each other from now on."
She drew away far enough to tap my cheek lightly with her fingertips. "Silly boy," she said.
I don't believe we exchanged a dozen words during the drive back to her condo. When we arrived I saw a white Lincoln Town Car parked outside, next to a gunmetal Cadillac De Ville.
"Daddy's home," Theo announced. "The Lincoln is ours. The Caddie belongs to a friend."
"Oh?" I said. "He's got Michigan plates. Down for a visit?"
"No, he moved here recently. Just hasn't switched to a Florida license yet."
I didn't push it.
She gave me a parting kiss. "Thank you, Archy," she said. "Fabulous night." She whisked out of the car. I waited until she was safely inside, then I headed homeward. I was not as fatigued as you might expect. I wasn't eager to dance a polka, but I was more replete than exhausted.
It was too late to shower since the gurgling of the drain would disturb my parents. I did my best with a washcloth to capture the vagrant grains of sand that remained on my carcass. Then I brushed the old choppers and donned a pair of silk pajama shorts emblazoned with multicolored crowns and scepters. Fitting, for I felt like royalty that night. Don't ask me why.
I waited patiently for sleep to come, knowing it would not take long. Meanwhile I did some heavy brooding on The Case of Madam X. I was not so concerned with the murders of Silas Hawkin and Shirley Feebling as I was with the unaccountable personality of the lady herself. I simply could not solve her.
Did I know any more about her than I did when our evening began? Yes, I did, but what I had learned was disquieting. Her character seemed so complex, with nooks and crannies I had not yet glimpsed, let alone explored.
Surely you've seen matryoska. (I think that's the correct spelling.) They're Russian nesting dolls. Remove the top half of the largest wooden doll and within is a smaller. Remove the top of that one and an even smaller doll is within. This continues for five or six dolls. You finally come to the last, which is solid wood and no larger than an unshelled peanut.
That's how I thought of Theodosia Johnson. She was a series of nesting women, and I had hardly begun to get down to the solid core. I was slowly unlayering her, and the awful thought occurred to me that when I finally uncovered the penultimate woman, there might be nothing within.
I could not forget her final comment on the beach after I had suggested our just completed coupling would be the last. "Silly boy," she said, an obvious implication that her affiancing to Chauncey Wilson Smythe-Hersforth, or even her marriage to that bubblehead, need not bring our fun and games to a screeching halt. A very amoral attitude, and it disturbed me.
I mean I am not a holier-than-thou johnny. Far from it. But her insouciance was startling. I have always been a hopeful romantic, but it was still something of an epiphany to learn that a woman of ethereal beauty could have earthy desires.
Or if not earthy, at least sandy. As well I knew.
11
I awoke on Tuesday morning in time to breakfast with my parents in the dining room. Ursi served paper-thin latkes with little pork sausages and apple sauce, and a big wedge of casaba with a crisp winy flavor.
The boss wanted to know if I required a lift to the office, his not-so-subtle way of telling me it would be nice if I got to work on time for a change. I explained I had to return the Buick and pick up my rejuvenated Miata. He accepted that without comment and took off alone in his black Lexus 400.
I drove over to West Palm Beach and reclaimed my little beauty, sparkling after a bath and wax job. Then I returned to the McNally Building around ten-thirty to find on my desk two telephone messages, both asking me to call. The name Hector Johnson was familiar, of course, but I stared at the other, Luther Grabow, and at first it meant nothing.
Then a lightbulb flashed above my head just as it does in comic strips. Luther Grabow. Ah-ha. The owner of the store where Silas Hawkin bought his art supplies. Intrigued, I phoned immediately and identified myself.
"Oh yeah," he said. "Listen, your firm is settling Si Hawkin's estate-am I right?"
"That's correct, Mr. Grabow." The experienced liar always remembers his falsehoods.
"And you told me one painting is gone. Is it still missing?"
"It is. It's listed in his ledger as 'Untitled,' but we haven't been able to locate it."
"The paintings you did find-were they on canvas?"
"All of them."
"So the chances are good that the missing work is the one he did on that wood panel I told you about. You agree with me?"
"Completely," I said. "There were no paintings on woods in Mr. Hawkin's inventory."
Long pause. Then he sighed. "I've been thinking about it," he said, "and I decided there's no reason I shouldn't tell you. The reason I didn't before was that I thought it might make the widow unhappy. You know? But when you sell off his stuff, she's going to get all the proceeds-am I right?"
"Oh yes," I said, padding my deception. "Mrs. Hawkin is the sole beneficiary."
"Then I might as well tell you. When Hawkin ordered the oak panel and said he was going to try acrylics, I asked him what he had in mind and he said he was planning to do a nude."
I may have gulped. "A nude?"
"That's what he said. He told me he had done some nudes when he was young, but then he found out there was more money to be made doing portraits."
"Did he tell you who the model would be?"
"Nah. He just said it was going to be a nude."
"Thank you very much for your cooperation, Mr. Grabow," I said. "I appreciate it and will make certain you are adequ
ately recompensed for your professional assistance."
"That would be nice," he said.
I hung up, lighted a cigarette, and stared at the ceiling. A nude? I wondered if Silas Hawkin had met Pinky Schatz. Ridiculous. Or was it?
My second call, to Hector Johnson, was just as puzzling.
"Hiya, Arch," he said breezily. "How're you doing?"
I don't object to the diminutive Archy for Archibald, but I have an intense aversion to being called Arch. Too much like an adjective.
"Fine," I said. "And you?"
"Couldn't be better. I want to buy you lunch today. How about it?"
"Sounds great," I said.
It didn't. To be candid, Hector Johnson and men like him dismay me. They know all about professional football, they understand baccarat, and they can cure an arthritic septic tank. I mean they're so practical. I know little about such things. But then, on the other hand, if you're seeking an apt quotation from Publius Vergilius Maro, I'm your man.
"Do you like tongue?" Hector asked. I could think of a dozen snappy retorts to that query, some of them printable, but he plunged ahead before I could reply. "Nothing like a tongue sandwich on rye with hot mustard and a cold beer. You know Toojay's Deli on U.S. One, up near Jupiter?"
"Yes, I know it," I said, wondering why he was picking such a distant spot. Tongue sandwiches were available closer to home. His home, for instance.
"Meet you at twelve-thirty," he said briskly. "Okay?"
"I'll be there."
"My treat," he said, and hung up.
Toojay's is an excellent deli, no doubt about it, but hardly the place for a quiet, intimate luncheon even in midsummer when the tourists are absent. I could only conclude that Hector didn't want to be seen conferring with me in more familiar Palm Beach haunts. But what his reasons might be I could not fathom.
I arrived at Toojay's fashionably late, and it was as crowded and clamorous as I expected. I looked around for Hector and spotted him sitting at a table for four. With him was a gent with a profile like a cleaver and the body of a very tall jockey. I had absolutely no doubt that he drove a gunmetal Cadillac De Ville and his name was Reuben Hagler.
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