by Jamie Beck
“Hank, stop. I told you, I’m not looking to date.”
That kiss only made him more determined to have her, even if that meant resorting to a fling.
“I’ll tell you what.” He crossed his arms across his chest. “I’ll seriously consider your business proposal on two conditions.”
She gripped the counter behind her. “Which are?”
“First, do more homework while I’m busy working on your closets. I have to reduce the risk to my mom and Jenny in order to move forward now.”
“Done.” She nodded.
“Second, give this,” he said, gesturing between them, “some kind of shot.”
Her shoulders sagged. “Why won’t you believe me when I tell you I don’t want a relationship?”
“A casual fling works for me.” Hank shrugged, calling her bluff. “It’s not like I’ve got time for a serious commitment, Cat. You’ve seen all the demands in my life, which will only get worse if we actually start Mitchell/St. James.”
Her eyes widened and she hesitated. “Wouldn’t it be a bad idea to be in business and bed together?”
“A second ago you told me to quit focusing on the risks. Did you mean it, or were you just trying to get your way?”
She glanced out the small kitchen window, hands on her hips. “Let me think about it. Right now I need to catch up with Vivi.”
“You got it.” Hank strode across the kitchen. “I’ll be in your bedroom if you need me.”
Mom,
I need your advice, because I don’t know what to do. Last night I dreamed about Hank dressed in the suit he wore at the wedding. He was standing on the Spring House lawn, near the sea, his hands on his hips, the wind tousling his hair. He glanced over his shoulder and saw me—really saw me—but then I woke up in a cold sweat.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Cat waved at Vivi, who waited beneath the burgundy awning of Candle 79. “Am I late?”
If so, she blamed Hank for putting her in a stupor with his enticing suggestion and that wicked-hot kiss. She needed to get a hold of herself before her preoccupation with him ruined the pleasant get-together she’d planned with Vivi.
“Nope.” Vivi opened the restaurant door. “I’m early.”
A waiter seated them at a two-top table in front of the wall of wood-framed glass doors that offered a street view. When Vivi scanned the menu, the creases in her forehead became more pronounced with each available selection.
“All vegetarian?” She peered over the top of her menu. “The portions better be huge, or I’m going to need to stop for pizza on my way home.”
“The food is awesome, V. I promise you won’t leave hungry.” Then again, Vivi’s bottomless pit of a stomach did prefer quantity to quality.
“You eat salad without dressing. Sorry, but I don’t give your opinion about food much weight.” Vivi stared at the menu another minute before setting it down. She rested her chin atop her clasped hands and tossed Cat a sly smile. “So, how’s your armoire project coming along?”
“Hank started construction today.” A brief flashback of their kiss shot another blast of heat to Cat’s cheeks.
“Ah ha!” Vivi’s eyes widened with excitement. “Something happened. Tell me!”
Much as Cat could fool most people with a pretense of indifference, she’d rarely managed to fool Vivi. No use trying to do so today.
“I don’t suppose you’d take no for an answer.” Cat feigned boredom, enjoying building Vivi’s anticipation to the point of explosion.
Vivi leaned across the table. “Oh, this must be good. And you’re right, I won’t stop asking until you spill it.”
“I propositioned Hank,” Cat began, only to be interrupted by Vivi’s gasp and excited clapping. “Not a sexual proposition, a business one.”
Vivi’s smile collapsed into a confused frown. “That was not the goal of my grand plan, Cat.”
Cat coyly swirled her wineglass in the air. “I keep warning you not to play matchmaker.”
Vivi’s disheartened sigh practically blew out the candle on the table. “So what’s this business proposal?”
After Cat explained her general idea, she waited to be peppered with well-intentioned questions designed to point out all its flaws.
“Actually, that’s an awesome idea.” Vivi smiled while picking at the edamame. “He’s gifted, you’re savvy and sophisticated. A perfect union of talents. In fact, I’ll be your first customer. I’d love a custom dining table.”
Cat chuckled, realizing she should’ve expected the unexpected from Vivi. Her friend’s enthusiasm temporarily buoyed her own until she remember Hank’s less-than-committed outlook.
“Well, I didn’t say Hank agreed.” She absently pressed her fingers to her lips, remembering their kiss.
Vivi’s bright smile inverted to another deep scowl. “What’s the problem?”
“Where to start? His financial obligations to his family, loyalty to Jackson, our lack of business experience and industry knowledge . . .” As she recited the long list of obstacles, she wrinkled her nose. Maybe he had a tiny point.
Cat could see the wheels turning inside Vivi’s head before her friend set her elbows on the table and narrowed her eyes in determination. “Surely there are solutions. So the real question is how will you change his mind?”
Vivi could always make Cat laugh, even when she didn’t mean to. “Well, he’s entertaining the idea, but he’s also asked me to consider a more personal relationship.”
Vivi’s tiny body shook as she drummed her feet on the floor in exultation. “I knew it! I knew you two had unfinished business. This is exactly the push you need. See? I’m glad I sent him to your apartment that day.” She made a show of patting herself on the back. “You can thank me with chocolate or cheesecake.”
“Don’t go getting your hopes up. If I agree, the most I’d consider would be a very casual, no-strings kind of thing. I know you don’t believe me, V, but I’m not looking for love.”
The waiter interrupted them to take their lunch order. After he left, Vivi began her inquisition. “Are you attracted to Hank?”
“Who isn’t attracted to Hank?”
“Don’t dodge. What I’m asking is, are you interested in a personal relationship with him?”
“It’s crossed my mind.” A hundred times or more, but that confession could be omitted.
“For how long?” Vivi thrust her pointer finger toward Cat. “Be honest!”
“I suppose since your wedding, when he saved me from making a big mistake—which I don’t wish to discuss.” Cat’s quelling glance caused Vivi to fall still. “I’ve gotten to know him better—his history, his family, his strength. He makes me feel like maybe he wouldn’t be disappointed that I’m nothing like the sex symbol splashed all over the magazines. Like maybe being myself would be good enough.”
“Being myself is exactly how I’ve always been with David. He appreciates me and all my quirks.” Vivi’s eyes sparkled with happy tears. “So, then, why limit yourself to a casual fling?”
“I doubt any fling is a good idea if we go into business together. It will only add complications. My life doesn’t need more complications.” She debated telling Vivi about her condition. Finally speaking about it with someone would be one step toward better accepting reality. She shifted in her chair, twitchy from her secret.
“Lots of couples run businesses together, so that excuse doesn’t fly.” Vivi huffed before sipping her iced tea. “Has Justin completely soured you on relationships?”
“No. It’s not about Justin.” Cat swallowed a gulp of wine to settle her nerves. She set the glass on the table and tapped her fingers in emphasis. “This is about me being realistic. Trust me, my future’s better served if I focus on work.”
Vivi clasped Cat’s hand. “Five years from now, which will be more meaningful, your career or a life and family with a man you love?”
“Not everyone can be like you and David. And who says I could love Hank, or he could love me
?” She withdrew her hand from Vivi’s grasp, her mind replaying the family element of Vivi’s question. “But if I could love him, it would be kinder to turn him down.”
“You’re not making any sense.” Vivi pulled a lemon face.
Cat hesitated. Revealing her news in public was a gamble, but it would ensure the conversation didn’t drag on endlessly. Do it. “I want to tell you something, but I don’t want your pity.”
“When have I ever pitied you?” Vivi asked. “And why do you sound so ominous? Does David know whatever this is you’re about to tell me?”
“No. No one knows. I’m not even sure I should tell you, actually, and I know I’m not ready to tell my family.”
“More secrets?” She sat forward, eyes alert. “Did you get more of those darn letters?”
“It’s got nothing to do with that.” Cat frowned at the reminder of that troublesome topic. It had been a few weeks since the last letter, which meant it was only a few weeks longer until Justin’s restraining order expired. Coincidence? Cat stifled a shiver and returned to the subject at hand. “Promise you won’t make a scene or tell David?”
“I’m sure I’ll regret this, but yes, I promise.” Vivi chewed her lip. “But this is my last secret from David. I love you, but he’s my husband. Things are different now.”
“Fair enough.” She’d known Vivi’s love for David would eventually eclipse their friendship, as it should. Cat drew a long breath and exhaled slowly. “Remember how I’d been complaining about skipping all those periods after I went off the pill, but I still felt all PMS-y?”
“Because of the stress surrounding the fallout of Justin’s criminal case.”
“I wish it were something that minor.” She mindlessly refolded the napkin on her lap, buying time. “Unfortunately, it’s not, and there’s no cure.”
“No cure? Are you sick?” Vivi’s eyes immediately filled with tears. “Is it serious . . . is it cancer?”
“No, I don’t have cancer.” Cat smiled wryly. “I’ll be hounding you for years to come.”
“Oh, thank God.” Vivi pressed her fingers to her temples. “What, then?”
“Basically, it’s early menopause.” Cat took another breath, feeling surprisingly calm despite sharing her secret. “Given my family history with breast cancer, I was a little leery of the hormone replacement therapy, but at the specialist’s urging, I decided to take it and vitamin D, and will have to watch out for heart disease and put up with hot flashes and skin changes and all that stuff about twenty-five years ahead of schedule. The kicker, of course, is my chances of getting pregnant are pretty much zero.”
Vivi closed her eyes and inhaled slowly. Tears threatened to form behind Cat’s eyes, but she blinked them into submission.
Vivi opened her eyes, placed her hands in her lap, and looked solemnly at Cat. “But not entirely zero? Could you freeze eggs and do IVF later?”
“The recommended course would be to use a donor egg. It’s complicated and overwhelming to think about. Pointless, really, considering I’m not even in love and planning a family.”
“Premature, maybe, but not pointless,” Vivi began cautiously. “This diagnosis doesn’t mean you can’t have kids, Cat. There are plenty of ways to build a family. And science is always making advances. Why not preserve all your options?”
“No, V. I’ve had time to think about it from every angle. I might feel differently if I were in a serious relationship. But I’m alone, and I don’t want to chase pipe dreams. That’s a recipe for ongoing heartbreak. It hurts less to simply accept this future.”
“You’ve known for a while?” Vivi cried. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I wanted to celebrate your wedding without you feeling sorry for me or feeling guilty about being happy.” Vivi’s helpless expression triggered another wave of tears. Cat dabbed at her eyes. “Please, Vivi. Not everyone needs marriage and kids to be happy. But now you see why someone as family oriented as Hank isn’t the guy for me.”
“Hank doesn’t strike me as a guy who’d leave a woman he loved because she couldn’t have children.”
“Well, we’ll never find out. After the lifetime he’s spent sacrificing for others, I’m sure not going to be the one to ask him to give up something so fundamental.” Cat toyed with her fork. “Honestly, I can’t imagine asking any man to do that. I’d feel like I robbed him of something sacred, and I’d always wonder if he regretted it.”
“I don’t know what to say to that, except I disagree. A man who loves you will feel blessed to be with you, not robbed of anything. Many, many women face this situation, and most of them find good men and have happy families. Don’t be a martyr or avoid the chance of love out of fear.” Vivi reached both hands across the table and grabbed Cat’s.
“I bet most other women in my shoes were probably in serious relationships before they discovered they couldn’t have kids. That’s different from knowing in advance. Now I’ll have to decide when to spring the news on a new boyfriend—right away, after the first ‘I love yous,’ when a ring is offered?” Cat sighed, weary from riding the tides of emotion. “A no-strings policy suits my St. James nature. It gives me all the benefits of a relationship while avoiding any awkwardness and disappointment.”
Cat withdrew, intending her tone to shut down the discussion in the hopes her churning stomach would settle. It had been difficult enough to share her diagnosis, let alone having to defend her feelings or, God forbid, consider sharing them with others. This was her pain. Regardless of what other people said or thought, Cat sure as hell had the right to her own feelings about her situation. About her loss. She alone would fashion a life around it.
Vivi, however, ignored the warning and issued one of her own.
“I doubt you can avoid heartache by isolating yourself.” She shot Cat an arch look. “And by the way, your plan leaves out the most important benefit of any relationship—love.”
Cat welcomed the interruption of the delivery of their lunches. Vivi scrutinized her quinoa concoction with a skeptical eye while Cat stabbed at her vegetables.
Love. Ha! Can’t miss something I never had. On the other hand, she might as well engage in a fun fling with Hank. It was risky, but that kiss was pretty convincing. Surely if they set ground rules, sex wouldn’t hurt their business relationship. As for all the rest of it, there’d be plenty of time to worry about that later.
Reassured by her own conclusion, she looked at Vivi and changed the subject. “Speaking of love, what’s up with you and my dear brother?”
Hank walked into the Caine’s entry at seven in the morning, chugging the rest of the coffee in his thermos.
“You need to recut that, Doug.” Hank pointed at the two sections of crown molding. “They aren’t perfectly aligned.”
“No one but you would notice.” With a huff, Doug crossed his arms. “The home owners aren’t going to climb up on ladders or pull out measuring tapes over a millimeter.”
Hank shook his head. Doug, who looked to be in his early twenties, was a bit too lazy for Hank’s taste. Jackson had impulsively hired two extra crewmen, then stuck Hank with honing Doug’s work to meet his standards.
“Look, your job is to make it damned near perfect. They might not know why something doesn’t look quite right, but if you get a little sloppy here and there, the overall effect will be visible. Besides, Jackson will inspect and notice. If you want to keep this job and build a reliable reputation, take more pride in your work product.”
“Shit, Hank. You sound like my dad.” Doug shook his head in disgust and picked up the moldings. “Why are you here, anyway? I thought you were working on some ‘special project’ for Jackson’s sister. How’d you pull that lucky gig? Bet there are some fringe benefits to working at her place.”
“How ’bout you concentrate on your job instead of worrying about mine. I don’t have time to deal with bullshit rumors.” Hank continued his inspection of the woodwork in the entry. “I also don’t have time to micromanag
e you.”
“Who asked you to?” Doug spat. “I’m good at my job.”
“You’ve got promise, but consider losing the attitude.” Hank rested his hands on his hips. “Jackson’s fair and can be a hell of a generous employer, but he’s exacting. Besides, this crew is a team, so don’t screw over your teammates by trying to cut corners. In the end, everyone will lose.”
“Fine.” Doug rolled his eyes before lowering his safety glasses and turning his back on Hank. “I’ll refit the damned moldings.”
“Good.” Hank turned and walked out the front door.
The summer sun pounded on his shoulders as he crossed the lawn to the driveway. Before he reached his truck, Jackson pulled up. His sunglasses couldn’t hide the deep lines carved around his eyes and mouth, which revealed a high level of exhaustion, and probably a hangover to boot.
“Hey, Jackson. Didn’t expect to see you here this early.”
“Doug and Ray need a big push. We’ve got to finish this job and move forward at the Hudson’s house,” Jackson said as he slammed his door shut. “With you rotating out of the team for a few weeks, it’s going to be a little rough.”
Hank shrugged. How many times could he say “I warned you” without sounding like an ass? “I’ll finish Cat’s work as quickly as possible.”
“Oh, I doubt that.” Jackson flashed a teasing smile. “I haven’t forgotten about your crush on my baby sister. I’m a guy, too, you know, so it’s a safe bet all the ‘distractions’ will make you less efficient than normal. Don’t pretend you’ll be dying to race back here to Doug and me.”
Jackson chuckled at his own joke.
Eager to change the subject before Jackson discovered exactly how much Hank hoped to be distracted by Cat, he glanced back toward the house. “Speaking of Doug, I already talked with him about the entry, so don’t go in there with guns blazing. He won’t respond well to your ‘shout first, ask questions later’ method. It’s going to take a few go-rounds, but I’ll up his game.”
Jackson nodded thoughtfully. “How about Ray? Is he almost finished rewiring the overhead lighting in the kitchen? He’s behind by at least two days. I don’t know what the hell is going on.”