by Jessica Wood
I wasn’t sure why but this place not only reminded me of my parents, but it reminded me of Damian.
I wish he was here. The thought resonated inside me and I realized how much I missed him.
“Excuse me, pretty lady, but you’re on my bench,” came a familiar, husky voice.
I spun around and saw my face to face with Damian. I opened my mouth but no words came out.
“Hi baby.” He sat down on the bench next to me. “Is it too late to apologize?” His voice came out in a whisper as he slowly took my hands into his.
I shook my head to answer him as tears welled in my eyes. “You’re here,” I choked out.
“I know I’m late, but I’m here.”
I frowned in confusion.
“It’s been a long, windy journey for me, but I’m finally here. I finally know what I want from life, and I’m staring right at her.”
The tears streamed down my face at his words.
“Why did you leave me?” My question blurted out.
“I don’t know, Alex. I shouldn’t have.” He bowed his head and his face twisted in pain.
“You left me when I need you the most—when we needed you the most.” My hands instinctively circled the large bump of my stomach.
“Alex, baby, I’m so sorry for not being strong enough to stay and fight for us when we started arguing the other day.” I saw the pained expression on his face as he relived that moment. “I was an asshole for bailing. I was weak. Can you try to forgive me?”
“Are you going to stay?” I heard the desperation in my voice.
“Yes.” His eyes were full of emotion as he looked at me. “Alex, I know don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve all this happiness you are capable of providing me by just a smile from your lips. But earlier today, it finally clicked for me. I know exactly what would make me feel happy and complete.” He placed my hands against his chest and smiled widely at me. “And it’s you.”
I fought back the emotions that build up inside. I place the palm of my hand against his chest and felt the rapid beating of his heart. “I know you love me, Damian. But real love isn’t conditional on circumstances. It’s there no matter what the obstacle is. And sometimes, the love we need is more than just simply loving someone. ” Our eyes met and I wished desperately that he could understand this, not just for me, but for our unborn child. What if at some point I’m not around for our child because of the cancer? I need her father to be there for her. To be there to braid her hair. To be there for her for her first heartbreak. To be there to see her go to the prom. To be there to see her graduate from college. To see her get married.
“What are you trying to say?” I saw his body tense as his eyes were full of worry.
“Well after I recover from this surgery, I’m going to be starting chemo for the rest of my second and the first part of my third trimester. Life is going to get hard, and I know it’ll be an uphill climb. And I’ll need you to be there for me. I’ll need you to be there to fight every breath of this battle with me, every painful moment, and still tell me that I’m beautiful and everything will be okay.”
Tears streamed down my face as I thought about the obstacles that will be before me in the upcoming months.
“Can you be there for me like that? I need to know that now. I’m not sure my heart can take it if you couldn’t do it. But at the same time, I understand I’m asking a lot from you. We haven’t been going out for very long and it’s unfair to you that you have to stay in this difficult relationship.”
“Alex,” he whispered as he placed his index finger to my lips. “Who said that life was ever fair? I know very well how unfair life can be, especially to those who don’t deserve that misfortunes that come their way.” He squeezed my hand. I knew he was talking about me, but I immediately thought about the pain his mother had put his through years ago. “Baby, I know it’s going to be an uphill climb. But sometimes the most rewarding things in life are also those uphill climbs, because the easier route—the route of least resistance—is downhills, and they don’t lead to anything worth going fighting for.”
I was speechless. The love that filled his words overwhelmed me and I found it hard to breath.
He leaned toward me and kissed my lips. “Alex, you’re worth fighting for. And I’m going to make every effort to prove that to you.”
Just then, I felt Isabella give a kick. I gasped and looked up at Damian with wide eyes.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” His concerned face searched mine for answers.
“Izzy just kicked.” I laughed in delight. “I just felt her move!”
“Is this the first time?” Excitement filled his eyes as he watched me intently.
I nodded and beamed up at him. I grabbed his hand and placed it against the area of my stomach I had felt the first kick.
Within seconds, Isabella kicked for a second time.
“Shit!” Damian said breathlessly as looked at me with a bewildered expression. “That’s my baby girl.”
“Yes, our baby girl.” I beamed at him. I wasn’t sure how I knew, but I could sense something had changed with us. Something had changed in Damian.
We sat there in silence as we looked at each other with our hands on my stomach.
Finally Damian broke the silence. “Uh. So where’s Chris?”
I smiled. “Who told you?”
“Beth. She saw you guys leaving the apartment.”
I nodded in understanding.
“Chris went back to Iowa.”
I saw the instant relief spread across his face.
“Was he back for another business trip?”
“No.” I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to tell him.
“Was he here for you?” He searched my face for an answer.
I looked away from him. “Yes, he was.”
“Did he want you back?”
I nodded but didn’t say a word.
He shuffled his feet as he waited for me to elaborate.
“What did you tell him?”
I turned away from him and whispered, “I told him I’d move back to Iowa with him.”
I heard Damian’s quick inhale of breath behind me, and I smiled. I turned around to see the downcast expression on his face and knew I couldn’t torture him any longer.
“I’m just kidding. I’m too in love with you to leave SF.”
His eyes lit up as hope returned to his face. Then he laughed as he pulled me into his embrace and kissed me. Our lips met like they were made for one another as they explored each other in perfect unison.
As we finally pulled away from on another, he smiled at me—it was that breathtakingly, warm smile that always sent my heart racing. It was a smile he only gave me, a rare smile that was rich with promises of eternal love, a future, and reassurance that I’d be okay—that we’d be okay.
“Damian, I can’t live without you in my life,” I whispered.
“Alex, you won’t ever have to.”
I sighed and rested my head against his shoulder, and we sat there in a peaceful silence and watched the sun finally disappear into the horizon.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Damian
Four Months Later
“I have a surprise for you.” I smiled at Alexis.
“Oh no, should I be scared?” There was a worried look on her face that caused me to throw my head back in laughter.
“I think you’ll like this one.” I winked at her when she flashed me a doubtful stare.
“That’s what you said last time, and we ended up watching Fatal Erection and When Harry Ate Sally.”
I laughed again. “But honey, I seriously thought I got Fatal Attraction and When Harry Met Sally, but I guess the video store didn’t have the non X-rated versions in stock.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s usually the case when you’re at a porn video shop.”
“Touche.” I snickered. “Damn, can’t get anything pass you, can I?”
She glared at me and pouted her lips. I k
new she was just playing around.
“Come on. I promise you, you’ll like this surprise,” I insisted, “—at least more so than that movie night surprise.” I broke into a fit of laughter.
“I’m warning you.” She pointed her finger at me and made a serious face. “No funny business this time! You know you shouldn’t mess with a pregnant woman, and certainty not one who beat cancer!”
“Okay. Okay. I know that. Why else do you think I wear this t-shirt all the time?” I motioned to my “Don’t Mess With My Girlfriend. She Kicked Cancer’s Ass!” t-shirt. “It’s not a reminder to others. I wear it to remind myself!” I smirked, unable to keep a straight face.
“You asshole!” She smacked me against the chest in retaliation.
“Ouch! See, this is what I’m talking about. I have the most violent girlfriend. Even when she’s about to pop out a baby, she’s still unrelenting.” I swung my arm around her shoulder and kissed her cheek.
She pouted and glared at me again.
“Come on, silly. Let me show you this surprise. I’ve worked really hard on it, so be nice to your Mr. Wonderful.” I chuckled as I lead her down the staircase from her apartment.
“Where are we going?” she asked tentatively as she slowly move down the two flights of stairs.
“You need any help?” I reached out my hand from be a few steps below her on the stairscase.
“No, I’m okay. I just feel like a cow right now.”
“You look beautiful, babe. You’ve got that pregnancy glow on you.” I turned up at her and beamed.
“Whatever,” she sounded unconvinced. “I feel miserable. My back aches, every part of my body is swollen, and the worse thing is, I’m fucking waddling. I can’t believe I’m waddling down these steps like some duck.”
“I love ducks. They’re really cute.” I kept a straight face as I stifled a chuckled. Alexis was nine months pregnant and was going to have our baby any day now. I knew that she was more than ready to have this baby. We had an appointment next week to induce her labor if the baby didn’t arrive by then, and I had a feeling she was counting the hours until that appointment. For the last few weeks, I’d stayed by her side constantly, ready at a minute’s notice to take her to the hospital with her hospital bag of her essentials.
“You know, I’m probably not going up to your apartment any time soon.”
“Oh, why’s that?”
“You’re on the sixth floor! I’m not too sure I can make it up there anymore.”
I gave her a sympathetic look and smiled. I couldn’t wait to see the look on her face when she saw my surprise.
When we got down to the lobby, I took her out the front door.
“You still haven’t told me where we’re going?”
“Just outside.” I smiled over at her. “We’re here.”
I watched her eyes dart to her left and then to her right. “And what exactly am I suppose to be looking at?”
I laughed and leaned up against a parked blue SUV. “You’re suppose to be looking at me.” I paused for dramatic effect. “And more precisely, me leaning against our brand new car.”
It took her a second to register what I had said, but the when realized I had bought us a car, she squealed in delight and smiled widely. “You got us a new car?”
I nodded excitedly as I saw the dumbfounded look on her face.
Then she frowned. “What happened to your Mustang?”
“I traded it in.” I wrapped my arms around her and leaned down for a kiss. “I didn’t need it anymore.”
“Are you sure? I thought you loved that car?”
I nodded. “Very sure. Now let me show you all the cool features of our new car, including this extra thing I added to the backseat.” I opened the backseat to reveal a car seat I got for Isabella.
Alexis covered her mouth with her hands as she squealed in excitement. Tears rolled down her face as she beamed at me.
“How do you like the surprise so far?” I grinned and winked at her.
“So far?” Her eyes grew wide. “There’s more?”
I nodded excitedly. “I told you you’re going to love it.”
“Yes, so far, I’m surprised,” she teased.
“Well buckle up your seat belt then. You’ll love this next one.”
I lead her back through the front door to the apartment complex.
“I hate these stairs,” Alexis moaned as she looked up at the steep, narrow staircase.
I followed her gaze and made a face. “I know. Isn’t it awful?” I paused and grinned. “Lucky for you, we’re not going up those steps right now.”
She turned toward me and scrunched her nose. “Where are we going then?”
“Let me show you.”
I grabbed her hand and lead her past the line of mailboxes in the lobby and toward the back of the building.
“Why are we going this way? Aren’t these just the apartment units on the ground floor?”
I smiled. “Yeah, I just wanted to show you one of the units.”
Her eyes lit up and she looked at me tentatively. “Is there an apartment unit down here that just opened up?”
I nodded and winked at him. “Yeah, just last month, and it’s a two bedroom. The old tenants have moved out, so Roger said we can go in and see it.”
“Oh my God, that would be amazing if we can get it, babe! We’d have a room for the baby and it’d be on the first floor and would be more convenient.”
“That’s what I thought too. So let’s take a look and I’ll let you decided if we should get it.”
She turned to me and looked at me in amusement. “Are you asking me to move in with you Mr. Wonderful?”
I laughed. “About time you called me that! And yes, that’s exactly what I’m asking. Do you want that?”
She nodded and squealed, “I do!”
“Okay, let’s take a look then.”
We walked into the apartment building and I saw the excitement in her eyes as she looked looked at everything.
“Hey, come look at this bedroom,” I called out to her.
She looked up from the dining room area and rolled her eyes. “Don’t get any ideas just because it’s a bedroom.”
I laughed. “You know you’d enjoy it if I jumped you right here.”
She shook her head and laughed, but I could tell she was interested.
When she walked over to me and looked into the bedroom, she gasped and looked up at me with tears in her eyes.
“You did all this?!”
I beamed at her and nodded.
The room had already been decorated into a nursery for a baby girl. The walls had been painted pink, and in gold paint, the phrase “You are the butter to our bread, the breathe to our lives” stencil on the wall above the crib.
“Oh my God, I love you so much!” She threw her arms around me and sob uncontrollably against my shoulder.
When she finally pulled away, she looked at me in amazement. “How? When did you have time to do all this?”
I laughed. “I had asked Roger a few months ago if there were any units available on the ground floor. And it just so happened that the tenants in this unit just bought a house in the East Bay and was moving out. So I signed a lease to this place last month—”
“You did?” She stared at me in shock.
I nodded and chuckled in amusement. “Yeah. I knew you’d love it, and I wanted it to be a big surprise.”
“Well I’m definitely surprised.”
“Also I didn’t want to take all the fun away from you, so I had the walls painted pink but figured we could put up the artwork together if you wanted to do a mural of some kind.”
Tears of joy streamed down her face as she beamed up at me. “You thought of everything, even one of my favorite quotes from Julie & Julia.”
“We watched it together during one of our first dates, and I had remembered that you really liked that quote. At the time, I didn’t really understand the meaning behind that quote. But now, after e
verything you’ve given me, I know exactly what that quote means and it’s how I feel about you and Izzy.”
“I’m speechless, Damian. I can’t believe you thought of all this.”
“Oh but wait! There’s more!” I exclaimed, mimicking the common phrase used by the TV infomercials.
She laughed and I saw the excitement in her eyes. “How could there possibly be more? This is already too much for me to handle.”
I picked up a box from the crib and handed it to her.
“What is it?”
“Just open it and you’ll see.” I grinned at her.
She lifted the lid to the box and giggled.
“I couldn’t decide on which one, so I got both made.”
Inside the box were two customized onesies. One said, “I’m cute. Mommy’s hot. Daddy’s lucky,” and the other one said, “I’m the product of a Damian Style shot.”
Alexis shook her head and laughed. “These are too cute.”
“I figure she can wear one of them on her first day. I’ll let you decide which one.”
She smiled up at me. “I think this one is perfect for Izzy’s first day.” She picked up the “I’m the product of a Damian Style shot” onesie.
“Awesome, that’s the one I was rooting for,” I chuckled.
“But was Izzy really the product of a Damian Style shot? I don’t recall that happening.” She frowned as she try to think back.
“Well we shared our first kiss as a result of a Damian Style shot.” I winked at her and flashed her my signature devious smile. “And I’m pretty sure after that kiss, you started to salivate over me.”
She laughed and rolled her eyes. “Even after all this time, you’re still so full of yourself.”
I laughed. “Isn’t that the reason you love me? For my charm and good looks?”
She pretended to think about it for a minute. “Hmm. You’re right. You don’t have much else to offer, and I wanted a hot baby and a lifetime of free Damian Style shots.”
“Hey! Be nice! This egomaniac would still like to keep his ego in tact.”
She giggled and wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled my mouth down onto hers. When our lips parted, she beamed up at me. “You’re an incredible man, Damian. The most incredible man. I’ll stroke your ego any day.”