I smiled down at her, my chest aching so badly it was hard to get out words. “I think that might be the best compliment I’ve ever gotten.”
She was smiling too, but I caught the moment when it turned a little sad. “I should probably figure out how to feel like myself when I’m by myself though, huh?”
It was a rhetorical question and we both knew it. I kissed the top of her head in answer. Personally, I didn’t think she was really lost at all, but the last thing she needed was another guy telling her what to think.
She needed to figure it out on her own. A selfish part of me wanted to deny it. I got the girl. I had her here and in my arms. I couldn’t let her go now.
But this was Ellie, and she was my friend, first and foremost. What she needed now wasn’t another guy, making demands and complicating her life. She needed to be on her own.
I started to pull away. Being selfless sucked, for the record.
But I knew the longer we drew this out, the harder it would be to let her go. My body was already starting to demand that I kiss her again, and if I did that…well, there was no way I could walk away. Not for a long while, at least.
“I should let you get some sleep,” I said.
She nodded, toying with the edge of her sleeves as she shuffled backwards in the sand toward her motel. “Will I see you tomorrow? I mean, are you working or—”
“I work at the garage in the morning,” I said. Was it a good idea to see her again before she left? Probably not. But there was selfless and then there was masochistic.
I’d never claimed to be a saint.
“I’ll be free by three.”
She nodded decisively. “Okay then, I’ll pick you up at three.”
I grinned. “Okay then.”
She started backing away again and I watched her go. I’d keep watching until she made it to her room and shut the door behind her.
“Goodnight, Deacon.”
“Goodnight, Ellie.”
She flashed me one last smile and turned around to walk away. Again.
But this time? Well, this time everything was different.
Chapter Eight
Eleanor
The next morning I woke up feeling exhausted, but oddly invigorated. Exhausted because I’d barely slept at all—who could sleep after a kiss like that? My brain was going a mile a minute as it replayed every touch, every embrace.
I’d had my fair share of kisses in this lifetime, but nothing had prepared me for that. It was the kind of kiss that could keep a girl up all night just so she could relive it, over and over and over.
So yeah, I was tired after staying up half the night swooning over kisses.
But I also felt better than I could remember feeling in quite some time. My mind was at peace, even if my body was tired. And my heart?
Well, my heart was happy.
After throwing on another sundress, I went outside and soaked up the sun. It had been a long, cold winter and today felt like the official start of a new season. Not to be too hokey, but it felt like the dawn of a new era.
I missed Deacon—which was stupid to say because I’d gone three years without him, but there it was. After the way we’d left things last night, I couldn’t wait to see him again.
I couldn’t wait to kiss him again, either.
But I could wait. Kisses could wait. I had a lot of thinking to do, and there was no better time than now, no better place than the beach, and no better way to clear my head than by being alone.
After texting Blake to let her know I was fine and that there was no need to come and save me, I got to work thinking. Here was what I discovered—self-analysis wasn’t all that easy. I mean, you’d think it would be, but when you’ve been as muddled as I’d been this past year, it was like trying to unknot yarn. As an avid knitter, trust me when I tell you that it can be maddeningly difficult to untangle a skein once it’s a mess. The harder you start to tug at one end, the more likely you are to create some crazy unwanted knot in the middle.
After a solid hour of sunbathing and thinking, I called it quits. Instead, I decided to pick up where Deacon and I had left off the day before, revisiting all my favorite spots in Sterling Beach.
By that I mean, I ate. Like…a lot.
Chicken fingers at Star Diner? Check. A slice of pie at Aunt Mary’s? You bet. Don’t even get me started on all the greasy fried food I inhaled at the boardwalk. By the time I was done, I felt thoroughly disgusting, but oh so satisfied.
The food might not have helped me come to any major self-realizations, but during all that alone time I became incredibly aware just how rarely I’d been on my own these past few years. I’d always had a boyfriend at my side. I realized that this alone time was exactly what I needed, even if I didn’t particularly want it. I mean, what I wanted was to be with Deacon. There was no doubt in my mind that he was the guy for me. Maybe he always had been. But right now, I didn’t need a new relationship, I needed to be on my own.
I was a little afraid to tell him this new insight, but not even that wariness could dampen my excitement as three o’clock rolled around and I headed over to the garage to pick him up.
Butterflies took flight in my belly as I watched Deacon wave goodbye to his work buddies. He paused on his way out to strip off a greasy T-shirt and replace it with a clean one. He spotted me then and grinned.
I just hoped that grin was because he was so happy to see me, and not because he’d caught me wiping away the drool. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to the hottie that Deacon had become…but I wouldn’t mind trying.
“Hey,” he said as he drew near. I opened my mouth to say hello, but he didn’t slow his pace. He kept walking right into my personal space, wrapped an arm around my waist to pull me near, and planted a kiss on my lips that I just knew would be keeping me awake for weeks to come.
The sound of his friends’ catcalls and laughter behind us had him pulling back and ducking his head in a rare show of sheepishness. “Sorry,” he muttered, casting a faux threatening look toward his friends who were still laughing in the garage.
“I’m not,” I said.
I was rewarded with a heart-stopping smile. “I figured I only have about twelve hours left, right? I’d better get in all the kisses I can.”
I found myself grinning like an idiot even though my cheeks felt like they were on fire. “I am so on board with that plan.”
He dipped his head to look at my face as we headed toward the beach by some unspoken consensus. “Are you blushing?”
I nodded. “I totally am.”
“Why?” he asked, turning to walk backwards for a few steps so he could watch me.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I’m still getting used to…this.” I gestured between us.
“Is it weird?” he asked. “I mean, the way I see it, we’re just adding kissing to the many fun-filled activities we like to enjoy.”
I pretended to be serious. “I see. So in your mind, kissing is sort of like skee-ball.”
He tilted his head back with a laugh, and the sight of it made my heart skip a beat. It was moments like these that I wanted to remember forever. Moments when the big, bad motorcycle-riding bouncer was carefree and happy.
Speaking of… “Did you ride your motorcycle to work today?”
He nodded as I looked back over my shoulder to the garage which was about to disappear from view when we turned the corner. “Don’t you want to take it?”
He arched his brows. He’d gone back to walking face forward like a normal person but his gaze was still fixed on me. “Would you want to ride on the back?”
I screwed up my face in disdain. “No. No way.”
He laughed under his breath. “And so, we walk.”
I linked my arm through his and for a little while we walked in silence. It wasn’t until we reached the beach and kicked off our shoes so we could walk along the water’s edge that I brought up the topic I’d been avoiding.
“Deacon?” I cleared my throa
t, mainly because I was nervous, but it got his attention and I suddenly felt like I was about to make some big announcement. Not exactly the casual chat I was hoping for.
“Yes?” he prompted. Amusement had his lips curving upward and I almost forgot what I was going to say altogether. I tore my gaze away, stared straight ahead, and just said it. “I like you.”
He stopped walking and turned toward me. His arms lightly wrapped around my waist and nudged me until I was facing him. When I looked up his smile made my chest ache with joy, and love, and a million other emotions.
“I like you too,” he said. He leaned down to drop a kiss on the end of my nose, but he didn’t try anything more. He arched a brow when he leaned back to look at me. “Was that all you wanted to say?”
I shook my head.
He waited patiently.
“I like you but…I can’t date you.”
His smile never faded, but his eyes softened with tenderness.
I rushed to explain. “It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I can’t.”
He nodded. “I know.”
“You do?”
His smile turned rueful. “I get it, Ellie. I was going to tell you the same thing.”
I pursed my lips as I considered that. “You were going to tell me that you like me but you can’t date me?”
He let out a soft laugh as he nodded. “Something like that.”
I studied him for a bit. “You have to figure things out on your own.”
It wasn’t a question but he nodded slowly before leaning down to rest his forehead against mine, our breath mingling along with the steady ocean breeze. “And so do you,” he said softly.
Tears made my throat tighten. He was right, and I was right. We were both right, but that didn’t make it suck any less.
He tilted his head slightly so he could drop soft kisses on my cheeks, the corner of my lips, my nose, my temples…
I let out a long sigh because it felt like heaven. When I opened my eyes I saw that he was watching me with a sweet little smile. I let out a huff of exasperation at that smile. “How come you’re not sadder about this?” I demanded. “I’m trying not to cry over here and you’re all smiles.”
He laughed and pulled me tight against him so my head was resting against his heart.
“I’m happy,” he said. “I am really, truly happy, and I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I’ve felt that way.”
I grinned as I listened to the strong beat of his heart. “I’m glad you’re happy,” I said. “But I’m still sad.” I leaned back to look up at him. “I feel like I just got you back in my life. I just figure out how I feel about you…and now I have to walk away.”
His gaze studied me. “That’s one way of looking at it. I prefer to think that after three long years, you found your way back to me. To me, that’s proof. If you and I are meant to be then we’ll find our way back together again, when we’re ready.”
I nodded, my heart aching with happiness and sadness at the same time. “That’s a nice way of looking at it.”
“Isn’t it though?”
I gave him a mischievous smile. “It’s also pretty darn romantic.”
He lowered his head and dropped his voice to a whisper. “Don’t tell anyone. I have a reputation to protect.”
I laughed and tightened my arms around his neck so I could draw him down even closer. “It’s our secret.” With that I kissed him.
“What was that for?” he murmured when we finally parted for air.
“Kissing is the newer, more grownup way of pinky swearing,” I informed him.
He laughed. “In that case, I hereby propose that we make a whole lot of promises today. And tonight. And maybe tomorrow morning, too.”
“It’s a deal.”
And then, you guessed it… We sealed it with a kiss.
Epilogue
One year later
Deacon
Ellie and I never did exchange numbers.
Crazy, right?
Maybe. After twelve solid hours of talking and kissing and hugging and sharing, we finally said our goodbye. Not for forever, we decided, but for a while. Ellie needed to stand on her own two feet. She needed to remember how to listen to herself and focus on her own wants and needs, without having to worry about a boyfriend.
Boyfriend. The word had me grinning like a moron as I rode my motorcycle from the house I still shared with Jason toward the boardwalk. It was exactly one year to the day that we’d said goodbye, which meant that today was do or die. She’d either be there waiting for me…or she wouldn’t.
I felt a pang of nerves, but they faded quickly as I reminded myself of the pact we’d made before she left. If she wasn’t there today, it just meant she wasn’t ready this year. There was always the chance she’d show next year, right?
I’d meant what I’d said to Ellie that last day together. I had to believe that we’d find our way back to each other if this was the real deal. Was it romantic? Maybe. Was it cheesy? Absolutely. If any of my friends heard me talk like that I’d never hear the end of it.
Luckily, my secret was safe with Ellie. We had kissed on it, after all. Basically, a solemn vow if there ever was one.
I spotted the ocean in the distance as I parked my bike near the beach access.
She would be there. She had to be.
The nerves came back with a vengeance as I drew closer. I could wait for Ellie as long as she needed me to, but my heart ached with wanting, and having to wait for another year without any guarantee of a happy ending with my girl…well, it would be a crushing disappointment.
It was moments like this that I second guessed our decision not to exchange numbers. I mean, it would be far less heartbreaking to discover she wasn’t showing up with a text than by sitting there and waiting at our old meeting spot until the sun went down.
I slowed my pace as I reached the sand, simultaneously eager and terrified to go any farther.
You might be asking why on earth we’d decided on this whole backwoods method of reuniting—or not reuniting, as the case may very well be—when there’s a little something called cellphones to avoid situations exactly like this.
But on that last morning, after we’d stayed up all night together in what was hands-down the best night of my life—we’d both realized that if we had the temptation of a phone number, we would never keep our distance. It would have been way too easy to cave when one of us was lonely. A phone call, a text…all seemingly harmless except that the one thing we were certain of was that we both needed time and space. Ellie so she could stand on her own two feet and decide what she wants out of life, and me so I could come up with a plan for the kind of future my mom had always expected of me. One that was filled with freedom and opportunities rather than dead-ends and compromises.
So, no phone numbers meant no temptation. Ha! As if it was ever that simple. I thought about this girl every day for the last year, and each passing second only made me that much more certain that she and I belonged together.
I peered ahead at the shadowy area beneath the boardwalk, but I saw nothing thanks to the glare of the sun.
I walked closer.
This time there were no volleyball dudes on the beach, but it was just as sunny as last year at this time. The sand was just as hot. Everything was exactly the same…but so different. Just like me and Ellie.
A lot had changed for me, and I had no doubt for her too. I just had to hope that her changes brought her to the same conclusions as mine had—that we belonged together.
I reached the edge of the shadowy sand beneath the boardwalk and looked around, my heart in my throat.
“You’re late.” Her voice behind me had me spinning around as joy crashed through my veins and my heart pounding in my ears.
I caught sight of her brilliant smile before I pulled her into my arms and crushed her to me.
This time, I was never letting go.
A flicker of doubt had me pulling back, just far enoug
h that I could read her eyes and her expression. After all, Ellie was nothing if not kind—there was always the chance that she’d come to let me down in person.
Relief washed over me because I saw the same joy in her eyes…I saw the same overwhelming love.
“How was your year?” I asked, making us both laugh with the sheer inanity of it. So much to say, but where to start?
She nodded quickly. “Really good. You?”
I kissed her. I couldn’t not kiss her, not when she was standing there looking so beautiful.
“So, good then?” she said breathlessly when I pulled back so we could both catch our breath.
“Mmm.” It was more of a growl than a response, because she was already leaning in for another kiss, her lips parting beneath mine as though this was what we were always meant for. My hands moved over her back, her hips. It was countless minutes before we surfaced for air again, but we didn’t move far apart. Her body was still pressed to mine, and if there were passersby on the beach who noticed the young couple making out as if their lives depended on it under the boardwalk…well, we didn’t care in the least.
“You first,” I said as I nipped at her earlobe, making her sigh. “How was life as a single lady?”
“Awesome.” I could hear the grin in her voice. “Except that I missed you horribly.”
I groaned. “Oh Ellie, you have no idea how much I missed you.”
“I think I do,” she said, her brows arching in a look of challenge.
I laughed. “Fair enough. Let’s agree that we were equally miserable for missing each other.”
She gave a decisive nod. “Agreed.”
“So, you’ve sorted yourself out then?” I asked, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear as I studied her, noting every little difference and rediscovering her all over again.
She shrugged, but she was still smiling and the light in her eyes was undeniable. “I think I’ve figured things out as much as the next high school graduate,” she said. “I don’t feel lost anymore, and I know what I want…for the foreseeable future, at least.”
Beach Town Bad Boy: A Briarwood High Novella Page 8