Lose Control (Firebacks Book 3)

by Linda Verji

  “When did you find out?”

  “Does it really matter?” She cut her eyes at him. “Why don’t you just cut to the chase and get to the part of the conversation where you tell me that this is not what you’re looking for and you’d like for me to get rid of the baby.”

  A few days ago, he might’ve said that. It wasn’t true anymore. He said, “That’s not what I was going to say.”

  “What were you going to say?” she scoffed as she leaned in her seat, crossing one leg over the other. “That you’ve suddenly decided to handle your shit like a man just because I am pregnant?”

  When she put it that way it made him seem even more of a dick. “I’m sorry about how I handled finding out.”

  “You don’t need to be sorry about how you feel, Eli,” she dismissed with a mocking smile. “You’re entitled to your feelings just like I’m entitled to mine. And I feel like you should go jump off a fucking bridge.”

  “You don’t know the whole story,” Eli said.

  “I don’t need to.” Anger flared in her eyes. “All I know is that you learnt I had bipolar and jumped ship, but the moment you heard I was pregnant, you were suddenly all up under me. What? You think you have a chance of getting the baby you couldn’t get from Renée out of me?”

  The barb sliced through him like a knife laced with poison. If it was just a baby he was looking for he wouldn’t be here. He could get a baby with any woman – any less complicated woman. He understood she was hurt, but there was no need to go there.

  He was silent for a moment before sighing deeply, “How did we get here?”

  “Don’t ask me,” she snapped. “Ask the rubber company.”

  “Rubber company?”

  “How the hell do you explain the fact that I’m pregnant? We used protection every damn time.”

  It took a while for the words to sink in, but when they did he was temporarily suspended in shock. She didn’t know that they’d sex that night.

  She cut into his thoughts with a snappy, “And if you fucking asking me if it’s yours, I’ll-”

  “I know it’s mine,” he interrupted still in shock, but quickly getting his feet back on the ground. He considered telling her how it’d happened – very briefly considered – but changed his mind. If he told her right now how her pregnancy had happened, she would only shut him out more. He needed to first get in her good books again then tell her. He said, “I can’t tell you what to do about our baby, but-”

  “You’re damn right you can’t.” She stood up. “I’m going to decide what I’m going to do about my baby. And you? You can go fuck yourself.”

  She tried to leave, but he grabbed her wrist as he also stood. This was their baby and any decisions to be made were going to be their decisions. Now was not the time to let her know that, but she’d learn. He asked, “Did you change your medication?”

  “What? Now you’re worried about my medication?” She laughed caustically, jerking her wrist from his grip. He didn’t let go of until she answered, “Yes Doctor. I got my medication changed. Your baby is okay. For now.”

  Ignoring the ‘for now’, he said, “You need to have someone watching you to make sure that they are not counter-reactive. I could check up on you and-”

  “Don’t even!” She managed to tag her wrist from his hand. “And I’ve been taking care of myself for all these years. I don’t need you telling me what I need or should do.”

  “Chryssa, please just let me take care of you.”

  “Fuck you!” Matching towards the door, she threw over her shoulder, “And if I see you anywhere near my house again, the only thing you’ll be taking care of is a bullet wound.”

  CHAPTER 26

  Two days later Chryssa was still seething.

  Now, it wasn’t because of the conversation at her office, but because Eli kept bugging her. Her office smelt like the America’s Next Flower Shop and her dustbin was full of his apology notes. Did the man not understand the sentence ‘Get lost’? She wanted to wack him upside the head with the stems of those damn roses!

  “You’ve got to talk to him,” Zain insisted.

  “I’m not saying shit to him.” Chryssa held the phone to her ear in one hand while with the other she held a shopping bag as she took the stairs up one by one. Breathless from her exertions, she added, “I don’t even know why you’re defending Eli when he’s not even speaking to you.”

  “Because I understand where he’s coming from.”

  “Please! Enlighten me!” Chryssa said sarcastically. Zain went silent on her end which she usually did when she knew the answer to something but didn’t feel it was her place to say anything. “Okay, you can keep your little secrets. He’s still not gon talk to you though Miss Goody Two Shoes.”

  “He will eventually.” Zain’s tone was all confidence. “You need to stop being so hard on him especially if you’re keeping the baby. You’ll need him.”

  “I told you I haven’t decided yet if I’m keeping it,” Chryssa said. She was still back and forth about the whole thing. Eli’s little dash and run had taught her that if she was going to do this she needed to be sure she could do it alone.

  “Please.” Zain kissed her teeth. “We both know you’re going to keep that baby. I saw the way you were looking at my twins yesterday.”

  “Bitch, I wasn’t looking at your little rug-rats any type of way.” Chryssa denied.

  “I heard you.” Mimicking baby talk, Zain teased, “Googoo gaagaa. Aunty Chrys wuvs you.”

  “Bitch, bye.” Chryssa ended the phone call.

  Still smiling, she heaved the shopping bag higher up her arms as she got to the top landing. The only noise in the place was some loud rap music coming from one of the apartments.

  When she got to C8, she rapped at the door. She heard shuffling of feet inside the house before there was a snapping sound and then he opened the door.

  “Chryssa?” There was obvious shock in Carter’s expression but he quickly covered it with a smile. “I didn’t know you were coming here.”

  “Hi…um…Mickey told me you were living here now. So I was just stopping by to check up on you…” Chryssa still felt guilty for how she’d kicked him out, but hadn’t had the courage to come and apologize. “…to make sure you’re alright. I passed by Wal-Mart but I didn’t know what you needed from there…”

  She couldn’t stop rambling. Finally her father cut her off by taking the bag from her hand. “Come in.”

  “Thanks,” Chryssa said.

  While Carter took the shopping bag to the kitchen, Chryssa sat in the living room. Old re-runs of the Simpsons played on the TV drawing an instinctive smile from her.

  “You still like ‘em?” Carter asked from behind her. She hadn’t even noticed him coming into the room.

  “No,” she answered simply. He didn’t need to know that every Saturday morning for five weeks straight after his arrest she’d sat in front of the TV with the remote in hand, waiting for him to walk back into the house so they could watch it together. Waiting for someone to tell her that it was all just a bad dream and her dad was just on another business trip. Nobody ever did. Eventually she’d stopped waiting and watching.

  The couch dipped as Carter settled beside her. For some time they sat in uncomfortable silence both pretending concentration on the TV show.

  It was Carter who broke the silence, “I didn’t plan on leaving.”

  Talk about confronting the elephant in the room!

  Two weeks ago Chryssa would’ve lashed out at him that it was his choice to be a bank robber. Today she just said, “That isn’t why I am angry at you. You could’ve taken the deal and gotten out early, but you chose to run away from mum.”

  “It wasn’t about Betty,” Carter said rubbing the back of his neck.

  “What else?” Chryssa shrugged. “You were tired of dealing with her so you walked. I get it.”

  “If I wanted to walk, I would have walked when your mama got pregnant in high school.” He repeated, �
�This wasn’t about her.”

  Her brow furrowed in confusion she asked, “Then what was it about?”

  Carter explained, “The kind of niggas I was running with wouldn’t have taken kindly to snitching. I had to leave or get the three of you killed.”

  “But the rest of your crew were in prison too.”

  “Not all of them,” Carter said. “Cops didn’t know nothing about Jackson.”

  “Mr. Jackson was one of you guys?” Chryssa’s eyes widened with shock.

  “I swore I wouldn’t snitch on his ass if he took care of you.”

  No wonder Mr. Jackson had always been so good to them. He’d helped them out with food, the rent and given Chryssa her first job. There she was feeling grateful to Mr. Jackson when in truth he was the man holding a gun to their heads.

  “You could’ve told us that.” There was a hint of contrition in her voice. “We could’ve ran or something.”

  “You were ten. Mickey wasn’t even out of his diapers. And Betty? I couldn’t have her telling someone or going after Jackson or someone else in the crew when she wasn’t all there.”

  “I didn’t know.” For so many years she’d judged her father as selfish when all this while he was actually just protecting them. He’d let them take twenty years of his life so that his family could be safe.

  “Everybody’s got a story.” He shrugged. “You just gotta keep quiet and listen.”

  Later in the evening, his words still played in her mind. Along with Zain’s admonitions to forgive him, they began to wear down on her shield. Maybe she was being too hard on Eli. Maybe she needed to give him a chance to prove that he wasn’t the runner she thought.

  As soon as she got into the house, she dialed his number. It didn’t even complete a ring before he picked it up, “Chryssa.”

  “You said I needed someone to take care of me,” she said. “Bad news. You’re it.”

  “Are you serious?”

  Without answering she ended the call. Letting him back in did not equal waving the white flag. She just wanted to see if there was metal under there. If he thought taking care of her was going to be a party, he was in for a rude shock.

  ***

  She was deliberately making his life a living hell.

  All her responses to his attempts to start a conversation were snappy replies and walking off. He didn’t run. She made him sleep on the couch because she was reserving her guest room for more important guests. He didn’t run. He still spent all the nights or days when he wasn’t on call on her couch. She wouldn’t cook for him; wouldn’t even ride in the same car with him when going for morning gym or work. He still didn’t run.

  It was only when she flirted with one of the men in the gym that she saw an ounce of temper in him. He didn’t say anything when she stroked the arm of one of the regulars. But she could see Eli working his jaw and the angry spark in his eyes as he watched them from his perch by the Smith machine. It only made her want to irritate him more so she giggled at the man’s corny joke.

  Next thing she knew she was being carried caveman style out of the gym and shoved into his car. She was secretly tickled by the possessiveness, but because she couldn’t let him get away with moves like those and she was supposed to be angry at him, she made him pay when they got home. She yelled at him for making her leave her car at the gym, even punched his chest when he returned calmly that she shouldn’t play around with him then. He still hadn’t run.

  Everything she’d thrown, he’d caught.

  This morning she was feeling especially nice towards him because she’d found a box of grapes on her bedside when she woke up. Who could stay angry after that? Breakfast was the least she could make for him.

  Wrapping a towel around herself she headed to the kitchen. She’d just finished preparing the oatmeal, made some juice and was just starting work on the sandwiches when she heard the guest room door open.

  Keeping an ear on his footsteps, she arranged bits of cucumber on the slices of bread waiting for firing up on the sandwich maker. She didn’t turn her head when she heard him stop at the door of the kitchen, only saying, “Just give me a minute to finish making breakfast then we can eat.”

  “You’re making breakfast?” There was surprise in his voice.

  “No, genius. I’m building a house,” Chryssa scoffed as she arranged slices of boiled egg atop the cucumber.

  “For me too?” He asked again. All these questions.

  Irritated she stopped doing what she was doing and turned to face him. “Do I look like I can eat all this myself?”

  Though he was already dressed up for the day in black suit pants and a light purple shirt, he was barefoot. How the hell could a man make going barefoot look sexy? His eyes took a slow tour down her body wrapped in the towel then he opened his mouth.

  She knew that look. He was just about to make a smart remark about her being fat or something so she cut him off in advance, waving her knife at him, “Don’t even say what you’re about to say cause you know I’mma smack you.”

  “I wasn’t going to say anything.” He lifted his hands as if in surrender, but she could see his lips quirk a bit at the side as if he was trying to keep himself from smiling.

  “Mm hmm.” She turned back to her sandwiches. One word and he’d be back in the dog-house. She’d just put the top slices of bread on each sandwich when she felt warmth on her back, then arms wrapping around her waist. She stiffened, “What are you doing?”

  “You’ve forgiven me.” It wasn’t a question. He was making a very confident statement. Even without turning to look at him, she could hear the smile in his voice and the very hard evidence of his pleasure pressing against her ass.

  “No.” She shook her head hard trying not to roll her hips against him. She, however, didn’t resist when one of his hands started to lift her towel up till it was bunched up at her waist and she could feel the fabric of his pants slide over the back of her thighs.

  As a result of sexual exile she was sensitized to every thing about him; his smell, his voice, his touch. Her nostrils flared as she took in the scent of his cologne. She arched her back a bit pressing the blades of her shoulders into his chest as his fingers glanced at the skin of her upper thighs, awakening her nerves. He licked the shell of her ear as he asked, “Even just a little bit?”

  “Nnn….ohhh.” The word ended on a moan when he cupped her over her panties.

  The cold air around them breathed against her naked flesh as he pulled the fabric to one side of her pussy. He asked, “Are you sure?”

  “Ye…sssssss,” she hissed when he dipped his finger into the already moistening valley between. It was almost as if her body had just been waiting for her mind to accept what it already knew. She wanted him. Within moments he already had her moaning his name, “Eli. Eli. Eli.”

  “Shh! I’m going to take care of you,” he whispered as he continued to strum at her nub. She widened her stance for his pleasuring, her fingers digging onto the arm that was still around her waist.

  “Don’t stop,” she whimpered as she turned her head to the side to look at him. His eyes were intense with hunger and a look she couldn’t quite identify.

  “I won’t.” He met her in a kiss designed to skew her senses. Ooh he felt so good! He knew her body so well. He knew just which nerve endings to touch to get her grinding her ass against his fast hardening dick. He knew just how to push his finger in and out of her, and how to curl them into her g-spot.

  She’d missed this. She had missed him. With his lips he brought her lower, with his hand he lifted her higher. His tongue wound a spell around hers in tune to the pluck of his fingers on her lower body. His mouth absorbed all her needy moans turning them into cries of pleasure. Her vision burst into brilliant lights as she came with a scream on his hand.

  He didn’t even give her time to breathe before he ripped the towel completely off of her body dropping it onto the kitchen floor. When he turned then lifted her into his arms, she protested, “Eli we�
�re going to be late for work.”

  “Not by much.” He urged her to wrap her legs around him before he started walking.

  “I think I’m a bad influence on you.” She laughed as she held on to his neck for her dear life.

  “You have no idea.”

  As soon as they got to her room he set her on her feet. Reverently he stripped her of her underwear before just stepping back to look at her. Her body had only changed subtly, but by the way Eli licked his lips then abruptly pulled her to him, she was sure he didn’t mind the changes in the least bit. Lowering his head till she could feel his breath whisper against her lips, he said, “I missed you.”

  “Show me how much.”

  Laying her on bed, he kissed his way down her body. There was always something about being completely naked while he had all his clothes that turned Chryssa on. The heat only worsened when his mouth latched onto her nipple, lapping, sucking and suctioning before he gave the other breast the same treatment.

  Her breasts were sensitive and every lick felt like heat scorching a trail of awareness through her body. By the time he was kissing his way down her belly, she was writhing on the bed, head tossing and turning in need.

  “Shiiiiiiiit.” She jerked off the bed when he finally kissed where she wanted him to. Her legs locked and unlocked around his head as he started to work on her pussy. Flicking, lapping, nipping, sucking; he was working her so good, she found herself turning onto her stomach and so he could get into all those nooks and crannies.

  “Oh shit, Eli,” she whimpered, raising herself slightly on her knees as he flicked at her clit with one finger while his tongue lapped at her juices in flicks. She had already come just a few minutes ago, but her body had no problems getting right on that edge again. “Don’t stop. Don’t stop.”

  He stopped.

  “Eliii,” Chryssa protested when she felt his mouth replaced with a sudden burst of cold air. Damn it! I was just about to cum. Irritated, she turned her head only to find him seated on his hunches on the bed unbuttoning his shirt in quick flicks.