by Lesley Crewe
“Mercy, it is warm in here. Sit dear, and I’ll get you a good brew.” She turned to the large kettle on the stove and started to make the tea.
Lexie loved Joshua’s grandmother already.
She placed a cup and saucer in front of Lexie along with a big plate of goodies from the morning’s baking. She poured their tea and sat down on the other side of the table. “There now, nothing like a good cuppa. So my dear,” she said, after a big gulp from her teacup, “who might you be?”
“I’m Lexie Ivy, I’m a friend of Joss’s.”
She laughed. “Lord love a duck, that boy has more girls than hens in a henhouse. Well, it’s very nice to meet you Lexie. You’re just about the sweetest thing I’ve seen in a long time. God Almighty, I wish I had a daughter.”
She leaned close to Lexie. “I had six sons. One bigger than the other. It’s a wonder I lived to tell about it.” She slapped her hand on the table and grinned with that wonderful grin Lexie loved so much, the one Joshua gave her every morning in his crib. Lexie just beamed at her because she couldn’t do anything else.
She held out her hand. “Well, my dear, I should introduce myself. I’m Helen.”
Lexie shook her warm, floury hand. “It’s nice to meet you Mrs. MacGregor.”
“Oh, heavens, don’t call me Mrs. MacGregor. That was my mother-in-law’s name. It makes me feel old.”
“Gosh, you’re not old. You look wonderful.”
“Wonderful, you say?” she smiled. “Yes, indeed, I should’ve had daughters. My boys wouldn’t notice if I grew a turnip on my head.”
They both started to laugh. Lexie wanted to stay in this kitchen forever.
“Instead,” she confided, “all my boys have wives who drive me foolish. Those girls pester me day and night for my recipes, because my spoiled brats won’t eat anything that doesn’t taste like Ma’s.”
“So Joss is the only one not married?”
“Well, it’s not for lack of trying on the part of every woman from here to Yarmouth. But that baby boy of mine is a hard one to catch.”
“He’s the youngest?”
“That’s right. He was supposed to be my girl, and he was the biggest of the lot.”
Lexie looked around the room and thought it must have been a wonderful kitchen to grow up in. How lucky Joss and his brothers were.
Helen watched her. “You wouldn’t have anything to do with why my Joss has been moonin’ around here for the last while?”
Lexie kept her head down. “Has he?”
She put her hands together in front of her. “Yes, indeed he has. Are you the reason?”
“Yes. We had a fight.”
“And you’re here to kiss and make up?”
“I’d like that very much,” Lexie said softly.
“Well, it’s none of my business of course. But the sooner you two make up the better. He’s had a face like a dog’s dinner for quite awhile now.” Helen looked at the clock. “It doesn’t look like he’s coming back any time soon, so best you go down to the wharf.”
Lexie looked at Joss’s mother. “I’m so glad I met you. I hope I see you again.”
“Well, I sure hope so too. Usually I never get to meet the girls Joss goes out with, so this was a real treat. It was very nice having you here.”
They both rose from the table. Helen walked her to the door. They stood together on the porch and Helen pointed to the wharf, a little farther down the road.
“Good bye dear. Good luck,” Helen smiled.
“Thank you. And thank you for the tea.”
The fat dog accompanied Lexie to the van. She made sure she gave him a fond farewell. Mrs. MacGregor watched her go and waved as Lexie went down the driveway.
Lexie pulled up to the wharf and sat behind the wheel for a few minutes. She had to gather her wits. She thought Joss would be at the house. That’s how she’d rehearsed the scenario in her head. The dock was the last place she wanted to be. It was smelly and slippery, full of bait containers and old dirty buckets. Not to mention the rough and tough fishermen. She stuck out like a sore thumb.
But there was nothing for it. She hadn’t come all this way to back out now.
Lexie got out of the van and looked first one way, then the other. She’d have to walk around an old wooden storage shed to get to the wharf. As she passed the dark cavernous opening, she saw two men inside. They were looking at some equipment and having a conversation, so she decided against interrupting them.
She walked further and soon came to the wharf itself. There were four boats tied to their moorings. A man came out of his wheelhouse and gave her a wolf whistle. “Hello, darlin’. Looking for me?”
As if.
She kept going. As she approached the last boat, she saw him. He saw her at the same time. He was coiling rope. He had on a thick red flannel jacket and big billy boots, so he could slosh around in the cold dirty water that gathered by the bilge pumps on the boat. He dropped the rope, jumped up from the boat and onto the wharf. She waited for him to come to her. He went the other way.
“Joss! Wait!” He didn’t stop. She ran after him. She thought maybe he hadn’t heard her.
“Joss, please wait.”
He turned around and stood still until she was closer.
“What do you want?”
“I wanted to find you,” she shouted against the wind, “to tell you I do love you.”
“You love someone else, remember? You told me that quite clearly.” He walked away again.
“Joss, listen to me,” she begged, “There’s a reason for all that. Something happened to me, and I was in the middle of this huge mess but I couldn’t tell you about it. Not then. Please let me explain.”
He turned back and pointed his finger at her. “You and I talked in that kitchen and I told you I loved you. You took me upstairs and you sure as hell loved me back and not once, not once, did you mention the fact that you were the mother of my child.”
He turned away and kept going.
“I know, Joss.” She ran after him. “That was unfair. I should’ve told you right away, but you frightened me. I was so shocked to see you after so long.”
“I don’t care anymore,” he shouted.
She stopped. She was out of breath. Damn it.
“Fine,” she yelled, “Fine! Whatever. Just walk away from me like you walked away before, you stupid man.” She picked up a piece of gravel and threw it.
She was so mad she was stamped her foot. “What gives you the right to come back and get mad at me? You left me you idiot! Was I supposed to fall at your feet when I saw you? Did you think you were so wonderful, I’d do it again?”
He looked over his shoulder. “That’s just what you did. Or do you do that for everyone?”
She threw another rock at him and this time it winged his shoulder.
“You are the biggest jerk alive! I hate you. I hate you so much that you better not ever come near me again.”
She started to run back to Betsy.
“Fine lady!” he hollered back. “I have my pick. You’re one in a long line of women I can choose from. I don’t need you.”
She turned her head, “And I don’t need you either!”
She ran all the way to Betsy and yanked open the door. She jumped in and started her up.
Lexie roared down the highway and drove away as fast as she could. She saw him in the mirror. He stopped and watched her go.
“I hate you!” she yelled and then started to cry. “I love you, you big jerk.”
Naturally, when she got home she went to bed and cried her eyes out. She had put more clean sheets on her bed in the last week than she had in her entire life.
Lexie didn’t tell Mom she was home. It was night time. She‘d tell them about her hideous disaster tomorrow, when she didn’t spit every time she mentioned his name.
After she emptied virtually every drop of liquid in her body, she got in the shower and stayed there until the hot water tank emptied. Over the course of the l
ast few years, it seemed as though she had cried enough tears to fill the ocean. She went to bed and resolved that no man would ever hurt her again. She’d focus on the real love of her life—her son.
Helen washed the dishes. She watched Joss out in the garage, through the kitchen window. He sat and pretended to mend his net. It was near twilight and it would soon be dark. He hadn’t come in for his supper. Even his father wondered what was up. Helen told Danny he was fine, to leave him be.
She finally put on her sweater and went out the back door. Skipper came towards her, wagging his tail, looking for a treat. She reached into her pocket, gave him a dog biscuit, and patted his head before crunching over the gravel to the open garage door. Joss didn’t look up.
“Are you alright, Joss?”
“Yep.”
“Did that girl, Lexie, come to see you down on the wharf?”
“You sent her there, did you?”
“Well, she wanted to see you, so yes I did. Was that a mistake?”
Joss didn’t say anything.
“Joss. You know me. I stay out of my sons’ love lives. Thank God, or I’d never sleep a wink. I’ve never ever given you any advice. True?”
He nodded his head, but still looked at the net in his lap.
“That girl loves you.”
He said nothing.
She watched him. “Your dinner’s in the oven.”
She walked back to the house with Skipper.
In the morning, Lexie called Susie and told her the whole mess.
“It’s all my fault,” Susie snivelled. “If I hadn’t said anything, you’d still be with Adrian. I’m so sorry Lexie.”
“Even if I’m a very old maid, I’m still glad I let Adrian go. You should’ve heard Gabby’s voice on the phone. I did the right thing.”
Her friend wept. “You’re too generous for your own good. Everyone takes advantage of you. You have to stick up for yourself.”
“Believe me. I sure did when I pelted rocks at him.”
“You threw rocks?”
“You’re darn right I did. I hit him once too.”
“Good!” She heard Susie blow her nose. “Because if I ever see that poop again, I’ll hit him with a rock too.”
It was time to get Josh. She went to Mom’s and he ran to her. “Mama, Mama.” He put his arms around her neck and hugged her until she could hardly breathe.
“Oh boy, did Mommy ever miss you.” She held him in her arms for a long time. He was content to let her.
“So?” Mom said.
Lexie didn’t get the chance to tell her anything before Beth’s van pulled up and her gang descended on the peaceful house. The girls gave her hugs. Josh wanted to get down to be with his cousins, and the five of them ran into the sunroom to play. Lexie and her mom and sister sat at the table and Lexie told them what happened, from the very beginning.
“I’ll be fine,” she smiled. “I have my son, my health and my home. I’m a lucky woman. I had Adrian’s love, when I needed it. Gabby has the man she waited for her entire life. It does my heart good to know they are together.”
“I’m sure Joss will come back for you,” Beth said.
“Whether he does or doesn’t, I’m still glad I went. And I got to meet his mother. Joshua has two wonderful grandmothers.” She turned to her mom. “But no one will ever be able to replace you, you dear old thing.”
“Who are you calling old?
It was a long weekend, so the next day she and Josh played together. They built cities out of blocks and Lexie read him stories as he sat in her lap in their big comfy chair. “You’re going to love this one, Josh. It’s the story of a little bat who gets lost and his mommy has to find him.”
Josh looked at her with big eyes. “Po bat.”
“Don’t worry, sweetie. His mommy finds him in the end.” Josh nodded and put his thumb in his mouth.
Mom came over in the afternoon and Lexie invited her for dinner. She had a new recipe she wanted to try.
“As long as it doesn’t have walnuts and saffron rice in it, I’ll be happy,” Mom informed her.
Joshua sat looking out the window. Lexie went over and picked him up. “Wanna go for a walk, mister man?”
“Wak.”
Lexie put on his jacket. “I’m going to take Josh for a walk, Mom. Want to come?”
“Not today, dear. I think I’m getting a sniffle. You two go and I’ll watch the casserole.”
So Lexie took Josh to the beach. The sky was cloudless. There wasn’t any wind, which made it very pleasant. They roamed the shore. Josh ran after tiny sandpipers.
The water was a deep blue. It twinkled with sunlight and the waves came to talk to her. She loved her island, this piece of rock surrounded by water. Water protected her from the outside world. She would never leave this place.
Josh ran ahead of her. She saw him stop and point.
She looked. There was Joss. He stood at the edge of the bank.
Suddenly the only world she knew was the space that existed between them, the circle they made. She broke into a run. Joss slid down the bank as he tried to get to her. She laughed and cried at the same time. She picked up Joshua and kept going.
“Who dat, Mama?”
“That’s your Daddy, sweetheart. That’s Daddy.”
Joss ran to her, picked them up in his big arms and twirled them around. He let her go, reached for his baby and held him up in the air. Josh gave him a grin. His Daddy gave him one back.
“I love you little boy. And I love your Mommy.”
He put Josh down, took a step closer and put his arm around her waist. She had a hard time trying not to faint from pure delight.
“There, that’s better,” he smiled.
She gazed at his beautiful face.
“So Lexie, are you here by yourself?”
She nodded.
“Were you waiting for me?”
She nodded again, as tears ran down her cheeks. He remembered.
He took his hand and lifted her chin.
“I always say, this is the best part.”
And then he lowered his head and he kissed her. She knew that kiss. It was hers alone. She couldn’t think. She just was. He lifted his head and put his hand up through her hair pulling it away from her ear. He whispered against it.
“Marry me.”
Lesley Crewe was born in Montreal. She grew up and “played in the streets with kids who could curse in five languages, but spent every summer banging the screen door at a bungalow in Cape Breton.” She met her husband on that island, even though he lived just eleven miles from her home in Montreal. She’s been married for almost twenty-nine years and has three children: Paul (23), Sarah (18) and Joshua, who died of SIDS in 1985.
Lesley became a columnist and features writer with The Cape Bretoner magazine, but she says she knew she was a writer the day she got into a screaming match with her heroine on the way to Wal-Mart: “She refused to marry the guy I wanted her to marry and I told her she was a creep, because now I had to rewrite the whole damn book. She said, ‘tough.’ I re-wrote it, and she was right.” Lesley has been writing ever since.
www.lesleycrewe.com